It's been a weird couple of days

Nothing has happened, which really isn't at all unusual, I do have a boring job. But. I haven't written about nothing happening, and that is a little unusual. Because I write just to hear myself talk most times. So why the lapse?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Everybody can take a break from time to time, right? Even if it's unintentional, right? I didn't mean to take two days off, but I did, and that should count as a break either way....right?

Whatever. Who cares? (That was rhetorical.) Not me. (I answered it anyway.)

So now I'm working at my boring job, doing even more boring things than I used to do, the discernable difference being that these boring things I'm doing now are much more important than the boring things I was doing before. That is, if I screw these up I'll probably get fired. But you know? Meh. Except for the car payment/student loans/food and clothing thing, I don't really need the money. After all, I have you, right? And blogger is free!

So if I do get fired (and I know there are some of you out there rooting for me) you'll have many many many posts to look forward to; whiny posts about how bored I am without a job.

-t
recommended download:
Our Lady Peace, Clumsy

Book Update!

Ok, so you all may not care a bit about what I'm reading. Tough.

I finished A Storm of Swords, the third in George R. R. Martin's series "A Song of Fire and Ice" and it was amazing and I'm pissed the fourth book won't be in paperback for another two years nevermind the fifth book which probably hasn't even been written yet, because dammit I want to finish the story.

I finished Heretics of Dune, which follows the most boring book of the Dune Chronicles: God Emperor of Dune. Heretics was superb, accelerated pacing, concise storytelling, reinvigorating the series. Now, I'm reading the next (and last) book, Chapterhouse: Dune. So far it's living up to my expectations.

[aside: I'm not going to review these books, it's really more of a list to help sort things out in my own mind...on the other hand, I wouldn't say no to a review, if it were desired...but that's up to you all]

I have not finished Asimov's Foundation novels. Because they are quite dull compared to the stuff I've been reading recently. They aren't bad, cornerstone of science fiction and all that, and I have no doubt the end of the series (two and a half books away) will be interesting, so I can look forward to that whenever it is I find myself without more interesting options.

I also read a detective novel by Lawrence Block (of the "Burglar" series of books) and it was phenomenal. Eight Million Ways To Die is a detective novel in the American tradition whose main character is a recovering alcoholic. This narration adds dimension and humanity to the story, providing a new look at this genre. Kudos to Block.

Next on the list is either more of the Foundation series or possibly book one in the Wheel of Time series. Unless I stumble upon something else before that.

happy reading,
-tgme

recommended downloads:
Bowling For Soup, Self-Centered
Finch, Letters To You
Everclear, Amphetamine

Overslept

I was supposed to sleep in Saturday. That was my big plan. It was going to be great.
My brother Joe, down at the beach this past week, was going to come home Sunday, pack, and move back to school.
Instead, Joe, me, and the rest of the gang were hoodwinked into building a patio in our backyard.

They woke me up. Early. "Tom, we need you to move your truck." A simple request. What they didn't tell me was they needed me to move my truck from the driveway to Home Depot and pick up thirty bags of crushed stone.

It took all day, dig a big hole, measure, measure again, cut the frame, level the dirt, level the crushed stone, place the bricks, dump and sweep the stone dust. Ugh.

On the other hand, I really do feel like we accomplished something. Hooray for us.

Then the new dog started freaking out. She went nuts, like she was flea-infested, which we don't think is the case becase the old dog hasn't had a hint of fleas. She's biting and scratching and whimpering for hours, so we don't know what's going on there, but we're hoping the vet will. That was pretty much the weekend. Woo weekend.

More updates later.
-t

recommended download:
Green Day, Jesus Of Suburbia

Awww...

Awww...
Originally uploaded by a20261.

Ok, ok, ok...what do you guys think of the name Oreo?

-t

Adorable

Adorable
Originally uploaded by a20261.

Here's a photo, as promised. Now we need a name for her!

Don't even bother suggesting people names (Donny) because I'll veto those outright. But come on, look how cute she is!

Preliminarily we were thinking Cassidy (because she's replacing Butch) or maybe Sundance and call her Sunny. But Sunny doesn't seem right.

Also out there are Lady, Buttons, Missy (Mischeif), and Sophie (which, techinically is a people name)

Check out those paws...it's like she's been splashing in a puddle of ink. Everybody say it with me "Awwww..."

-t

Poppies

We got a new puppy! She's adorable. A cocker spaniel, springer mix, mostly black, with black and white paws. A-dorable.

But we don't have a name for her yet...

So, quick with the suggestions, and I'll throw some pictures up later!
-t

Typical Situation

I’m in a tenuous situation. The new guy, that took over for the pretty girl?, is starting to ask me questions. He seems to think I know how things work, that I’m friendly enough and knowledgeable enough to help.  

But really, I’m not. I am not friendly, and, with most people here, I go out of my way to be cold and unfeeling, to discourage friendliness. I am certainly not helpful, because I don’t know what the hell is going on, there is no way I could answer his questions accurately. Do I stay quiet? Do I give him incorrect info which will only end up making everyone’s job harder? Mostly I’ve been trying to avoid him. Because then he can’t ask…plus, he’s starting to creep me out.

The best thing to do is to tell him to shut the hell up, I’m not your  manager, I’m not here to hold your hand, and stop asking me your stupid moron questions I’ve got my own work to do, this isn’t my job!

I haven’t said that, and it probably has something to do with actually being a nice guy in real life. I’ve gotta find a way around that.

-tgme


recommended downloads:
The Beatles, For No One
The Flaming Lips, Fight Test

Getting Started

Getting started.

The Rolling Stones are in town, or were the last two nights, and I’ve been singing Start Me Up in my head all week (not the Folksmen cover from the Mighty Wind soundtrack).

Things are moving slowly here today. Hypermanager is out interviewing prospects, Shayna is out today so I’m covering the giant fund she normally does, and my duties as senior are slowly making more sense to me; by sometime next week I should have a regular workflow all worked out.

The newbies are all struggling to log in to the system after yesterday’s software update. IT really is earning their money lately.

Ok, I’ve got nothing, I’m just killing time. Enjoy the day.

Travis, Pipe Dreams
Counting Crows, Hanginaround
Incubus, Priceless

Sliders

I just watched Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle, and now I really want to go too.

Also, in relation to the title of this post, remember that show Sliders? It was about some parallel universe jumping time travellers and may or may not have starred Jason Bateman, who is also in Arrested Development, an episode of which was directed by Danny Leiner, the same guy who directed episodes of Felicity, Sports Night, Gilmore Girls, and you guessed it, Harold and Kumar

-t

Shine on

Read the countrymen links. Or don’t, because today’s blog entries, suck.
Because it’s Tuesday? Maybe. Or, because everybody has a bad day once-in-a-while? Probably. But, and this is important, it’s not everyday that everybody has a bad day.

I’ve just skimmed through those linked blogs, and let me tell you: Boring.

Hey, I sympathize. Lord knows I’m not Chaucer over here, gold dripping from my fingers, your eyes lapping it up over the world wide web. I’ve had stretches of weeks at a time when posts seemed so mundane, so devoid of spark and energy I had to resort to Gilmore Girls to breathe life back into this thing.

But what I’m saying now? Is that you have to pick your spots. This is how you get a following. This is why people who don’t deserve renown get it. A good eye, and patience.

For you bloggers: Find people who write well. Keep up with their posts. Notice that every so often one of those authors will have missed something. Their post will lack. Then notice that the others, the three or four or eight or twenty-two you follow haven’t missed anything, and write as well as ever. So you forgive the boring guy, and read the rest.

Then there comes a day when all twenty-two flop. It happens. Slumps overlap, people get distracted, that sucking sound you hear is the talent draining from the talent pool.

Now is your time to shine.

Get out there, post post post. Make it creative, make it silvery, make it funny and witty and thoughtful. And who cares if your best post can’t compete with any other post on a mediocre day? This isn’t some mediocre day! This is a boring day! Post that sucker and just sit back and wait.

Soon, much sooner than you’d think possible, others will come. They will read blogs and be bored, they will check other blogs, and remain bored. Tedium will set in. The readers fear this. Blogging is the only thing that keeps them alive at work. The only distraction. What if everyone’s posts are boring today?! WHAT. OF. DONUTS?!

Then, lo: your blog. They read the first paragraph. Not boring. They read the second. Not boring. Hope begins to build within them. They run their eyes down the page, smiles tug at the corner of their lips. Salvation!

And oh, how the comments do grow.

And as easy as that, you’ve earned yourself a bookmark. Or maybe a link. You’ve got people reading, people who know they can count on you when all else fails. You may not be the best of the best, but a walk’s as good as a hit sometimes.

Welcome, blogger, to the public eye. Isn’t it grand?

-t

Luffing

My boss just sent out an email to gauge interest in a harbor cruise for the floor. I’m having a real hard time thinking up reasons this would be a good idea.

Reasons an Office Harbor Cruise is a Bad Idea:

1. People from work will be there.


2. There is no way off the boat.


3. I might need to get drunk to have a good time (or to block it out).


4. Drinks will be very very expensive.


5. I don’t do well drinking at office parties.


6. I do not want to see seasick coworkers.


7. cute girl won’t be there.


8. Pretty girl probably still has a boyfriend.


9. People from work will be there.


10. There’s no way off the boat.

On the other hand, I guess I wont’ be doing anything else on a Thursday night in September, so why not?

-t


recommended download:
Pearl Jam, In Hiding

Somebody save me

I hate the new guy. All of them. Well, ok, I only hate three of the four new guys, but majority rules.

They’re so stupid.

I can’t stand it. It’s not like this is a difficult job. I’ve said it before, and I maintain, that trained monkeys could do this job. I know I wasn’t this bad when I started. I asked questions. They do not. They sit, blissfully unaware in their ignorance, and it’s driving me nuts. (like the steering wheel sticking out of the pirate’s pants – ha!)

The stupider the new guys are the more I want to quit. I don’t ever want to be in a position where I will be responsible for training these morons. (that’s twice in one day I’ve used that word…that’s a word I almost never use). I have this deep-seated fear that their stupidity is going to suck the intelligence out of me. Like a black hole.

I’m lining the walls of my cubicle with aluminum foil right now.

They better smarten up soon. If I’m subjected to this sort of environment every day for an extended period of time things could get real bad. Real bad. I bet you’d even see it in my posts; rambling, incoherent diatribes stringing meaningless relations between nonsensical and sparsely related subjects. The pacing would probably increase too; multiple posts in a day, distracted musings, posts railing against coworkers…posts talking about lack of windows…
paranoia…

about people leaving me…

oh no.

It’s already started.
-t


recommended downloads:
Ani Difranco, Superhero
Sugarcult, Insane, and Bouncing Off The Walls Again

Superficial

New guys, new guys, everywhere. Another new hire. That’s four in six weeks. The new FA’s outnumber the veterans 4:3, unless you count me and the other senior, Betty, because we really just started and aren’t much more than FA’s with new titles. Then it’s 5:4 in favor of the old guys.

Too much change, I tell you. The group behind us lost a manager and cute girl within a week. The Opi&Anthony fan is taking over, and the stupid guy is taking cute girl’s cube. The pretty girl is switching jobs and will be on the other end of the floor from now on, so I won’t be working with her day-to-day anymore, and the new guy taking over her job is a moron. I’m not kidding, he talks to his plants. No, he doesn’t talk to them, he converses with them. He carries on conversations with his plants. Out loud. Weirdo.

This is insane. I’m sure it’s not a big deal. Just my brain slowly getting back into work mode. Just gotta deal with it I guess. After all, I can’t quit, then I’d never be able to afford a Big Drive to Milwaukee.

-t


Blues Traveler, Hook, and Run Around
Sugarcult, Champagne
Phantom Planet, Always On My Mind

Picasso

Today, while I was “working,” I found a website with instructions. Origami instructions.

I made an origami frog.

They pay me twice a month, for what I don’t know.

-t


recommended download:
Counting Crows, Angels Of The Silences

The End of an Era

So I may have mentioned the high turnover rate. Nobody lasts for ever, and it increasingly seems that nobody lasts at all. I bring it up now because it relates to the blog: I started this web log to chronicle my adventures at work, and my relationship with cute girl. (You may recall the first few months when cute girl didn’t know my name, or the next few months when I’d critique her ugly blue coat.) Y’all (this really feels like a “y’all” moment),

Cute girl is leaving.

I’m beside myself, much like my cube is beside her cube (well, actually diagonally across an aisle) – I am diagonally across an aisle from myself. An end of an era. Cute girl. Gone. Does this mean an end to the blog as well? Is there nothing worth carrying on? What of donuts!? WHAT. OF. DONUTS?!

She announced yesterday. This may be the last time I see her, ever. There won’t even be a goodbye sendoff, because that’s not how her group operates. (Their manager takes them out for a group lunch, that’s it, no drinking, no embarrassing drunken confessions at the bar.) I’ll miss that opportunity to express my true feelings for her (that she’s cute), and how I really feel about her engagement (disappointed).

Y’all, cute girl is leaving.

And stupid Stupid Guy is going to take her cube. Her cube.
I’ll be honest here, I’m sort of falling apart a little.
This came as quite a shock.
I don’t know how to conduct myself around her (not that I did before). I don’t want to wish her good luck with her new job, because if she has bad luck and hates it, wouldn’t that mean she’d come back here? Right? I am weeping openly at my desk. No, no, don’t worry, I’ve got my head turned so she won’t see me cry. We have to stay strong. I have to stay strong, dammit. It’s not the end of the world.

Just the end of an era. A really cute era.

-tgme


recommended downloads:
Ani Difranco, Face Up And Sing
Our Lady Peace, Neon Crossing
The Dropkick Murphys, The Fields Of Athenry
and
Lucky Boys Confusion, 50 Of My Closest Friends And A Keg Of Killians (Do You Miss Me)          

Why, tell me why

Interesting note. I got home from work and we threw on the Muppet Show season one dvds (which I recently purchased) and guess what one of the very first musical numbers was?

Ghosts, singing I'm Looking Through You. It was hilarious, and timely, and supercoincidental. No kidding.


-t

I thought I knew you

Well, they finally picked up over at the Help Desk. They didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. So I tried to explain (very slowly) that I needed a password for the new web-based review system. It’s pretty simple, it’s like “MyReview.com”

At first they explained my manager would need to submit a request to have my ID added to the system, wait one business day, then call back (and wait on hold for forty minutes) to get my password (which would then need to be changed).

But that’s not right, because all I need now is the password.

So they figured out what I needed. Gave me a string of upper- and lower-case letters and some numbers, told me that was my password, and wait ten minutes before logging in.

But no. They gave me a password for the wrong system. A system I don’t even use, and will not ever use.

So I’m calling back and maybe this time we can work through this.

I sort of wish they had some fun music playing in the background instead of this dead silence.

-tom


recommended downloads:
The Muppet Show, Rowlf, Eight Little Notes, and I Never Harmed An Onion (So Why Do They Make Me Cry?)

Looking through you

I’m on hold with the help desk. It could be a while.

It seems they never pick up the phone for password support. Blown passwords, setting up new IDs, and login help are tough to come by.

On the other hand, if you’re calling for hardware support, like a printer that’s gone down, they’re all over it. They’ll pick up the call after ten seconds on hold, and have a guy down here in ten minutes to fix the printer, or to replace an old hard drive, anything. And at any time of the day. Call them at noon, they’re not out at lunch, call them at five-thirty, they’re on the job almost at once, making sure no one misses a deadline.

But a new ID for the UNIX system? Well, it’s been about ten minutes now. Pre-recorded “all of our representatives are still busy…” and two minutes of silence; repeat; repeat; ad infinitum.

It’s all fine though, I don’t have anything else to do while I wait. Because THEY TOOK ALL OF MY FUNDS!

That’s right, I’ve now moved into full-blown, all-out, senior-in-training mode. No more funds, now it’s just learning all the end-of-the-night stuff that keeps managers here until six-thirty or seven every night. Nothing to do for long stretches in the day except troubleshoot the newbies’ funds, and then very important stuff to do at the end of the day. So, while my time commitment has dropped considerably since last week (when, you may recall, I was super busy; so busy, in fact, that I only had time to post things like “I CANT BELIEVE HOW BUSY I AM ALL THE DAMN TIME” and that was it).

But, as my time commitment has decreased, my responsibility has increased, and increased dramatically. If I screwed up before there was a senior or a manger that would catch it, fix it, and then give me a hard time about it the next day. Now, if I screw up, the transfer agent, and the client are the ones who’ll see it, there’s no umbrella. It’ll all fall on me.

Which I’m totally ok with. Because I’m good at this. (That’s not to say I understand it, but I’m good at it.) And, if it turns out I screw up irreparably and get fired, well then, I’ll have tons of free time to drive places and see people, right? It’s win-win.

Ok, I’m still on hold, but my shoulder’s getting tired from holding the phone up to my ear while I type…I’m going to take a break.

BAM!
-tom


recommended downloads:
The Beatles, I’m Looking Through You
Fountains of Wayne, Leave The Biker, and Maureen
and Rhett Miller, Hover

Downhill

Commenting has dropped off of late. Here and everywhere else it seems. Take Amazo’s shaving post. Ample fodder there for chiming in, and yet, nothing. So I’ve decided to step up my own commenting on other blogs, because hey, getting comments is like getting a postcard in the mail. Very exciting, even if it’s not very informative and the picture on the front is crappy and out of focus so you can tell it was one of those cheap twenty for a dollar postcard deals and not a fancy $2.59 postcard from a posh gift shop.

Comments is comments.

-t
recommended downloads:
Sarah Harmer, Open Window (that’s a female artist who hasn’t sold out kate…though she sings about weddings and stuff, so maybe it’s not really your thing…best thing to do is give it a listen! bam!)

The Tomorrow People

The Chicago Blackhawks will be in Calgary when I am in Chicago. I will save approximately $40 on tickets.

But, maybe the Bucks will be in town when I reach Milwaukee...not that I particularly look forward to watching a basketball game, especially a pro basketball game, especially a pro basketball game featuring the Milwaukee Bucks, but it would be nice to attend some sporting event maybe. Or, maybe I can use the time to fit in extra brewery tours.

Speaking of the Tomorrow People, have any of you seen that miniseries? It ran on Nickelodeon and followed a group of teens who had the ability to teleport. I remember thinking it might be a cool series and wanting to sit down and watch it, but I never did. So I don't know if it was any good.

Speaking of Nickelodeon and good things on it, I learned last weekend that Danger Mouse, season one is available on dvd. I'm pumped. I won't be going out to buy it right away because I'm saving money for the Big Drive (that's what I'm calling it for now), but later, when I decide I can spend money again? Totally getting Danger Mouse. Because he's the greatest, he's the ace, he's the strongest he's the quickest he's the best. How can you beat a secret agent mouse with an eyepatch and his helpful friend Penfold fighting to save the world from Baron Greenback (von Greenback? it's been a while).

Plus, plus, the Danger Mouse cartoon is responsible for introducing Count Duckula who earned himself a spin-off series that was incredibly funny. A vegetarian vampire duck, his castle could fly around the world, and every episode he, his butler, and his gigantic maid would find themselves in a new place where wacky new adventures would happen. Man I loved that show.

Shoutout to everybody who remembers and loves childhood cartoons.
-t
recommended download:
The Danger Mouse Theme

Thank goodness I work with financial types

I just realized I've been carring three pens in my shirt pocket for probably an hour and a half. No doubt these finance geeks are smirking behind my back thinking "what a loser." If these were normal people I'd be embarassed.

To be considered a loser by this crowd is pretty low, but is it how I'm carrying the pens or are they smirking because I'm not using a pocket protector?

-t

Da Bears

Ok, so, I'm really going to drive to the middle of the country. I can't believe how excited I am. It's like "woo, I get to sit in my car for fifteen hours!" That's just a rough estimate, I haven't planned out exactly what route to take yet. I know I will be leaving from Boston, swinging up through Chicago, and ending up in Milwaukee. It'll be in November so there won't be any Brewers games, but it would be really sweet to see the Blackhawks.

Which brings me to another point. I have no idea how much this is going to cost me. Figure 2400 miles, round trip, getting about 17 mpg. Which works out to (you see, it that math degree really is useful) 141 gallons of gas, going for the national average of... well, I don't know what the national average is, let's call it $2.50 for easy numbers: $352.94

Ok, so budget wise. $400.00 for gas, $150.00 for food, $40.00 for a hockey ticket. What else? I'll be in Milwaukee, so I'll probably be drinking...$100? I'll factor in a hotel stay along the route in case I get sidetracked, lost, delayed, or too tired to drive, but how much will that be? $25 bucks at a sleazy motel? $200 a night at a sweet place in a big city like Chicago? No idea.

So, call it a thousand dollar trip. I should start saving now.
-t

recommended downloads:
Midtown, Help Me Sleep
The Promise Ring, Happiness Is All The Rage
and
Bob Schneider, Lonely Land

Odds on

There are some strange people out there, and there are a lot of strange people in here. Specifically the strange financial professionals who work in this office.

I can give you odds. If you meet a random coworker of mine the odds are 3-1 in favor of them being socially awkward.

Hey, I'm not here to judge. A lot of these folks are financial professionals because they're better with numbers than with people. And that's fine, if you have to work with them, odds are real good they know what they're talking about and can get stuff right the first time.

It's not so fine when they try and make small talk waiting for the printer, at the water cooler, OR WHILE USING THE RESTROOM.

Honestly! I don't even let cool people talk to me in the bathroom (Ray). NO CONVERSATIONS IN THE BATHROOM. I just want to wash my hands and get back to my desk. Don't talk to me while you're using the urinals, don't talk to me while you're in a stall, don't TALK TO ME AT ALL WHILE YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM.

eugh.

-t

Black days

Well I began the day in a black mood.

And I made it through most of the day in a black mood.

It was in this mood that I thought to throw on the headphones and listen to some music from the iPod, to further isolate myself from the people around me. And it killed my black mood.

This is why I love the shuffle feature. At first I just wanted to listen to The Who. But after You Better You Bet I decided to shuffle, and got, in order, Marcy Playground Cloaking Robe of Elven Kind, the theme to Mysteries Cities of Gold (which you all may remember from Nickelodeon in the old days), followed by AC/DC Hells Bells, then capped with CCR's Looking Out My Back Door. That was it. Black mood gone. How can you feel down with Creedence Clearwater Revivial playing? I don't know.

I love it when it rains. I'm walking home tonight. I hope it pours.

-t
recommended download (obvisouly):
Creedence Clearwater Revival, Looking Out My Back Door
Simple Plan, I'd Do Anything
The Who, Magic Bus

I miss norm macdonald

So I just took this quiz

American Cities That Best Fit You:

65% Philadelphia

60% Boston

60% Chicago

60% San Francisco

55% New York City

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

First, I don't know where Philadelphia is coming from. I'm sure it's a nice city, cheesesteaks, liberty bell, will smith and the sixers, but I wouldn't really get by in a town that roots for the eagles and the phillies (though I do love that philly phanatic).

But, I think it's pretty interesting that this anonymous internet quiz ranks Boston, Chicago, and San Francisco even. It's interesting because I know I love living in Boston, and whenever I've thought about another city I might be ok with living in, it was either Chicago or San Fran.

And, I'm too tired to really be working any harder than I have to this morning. Either because I'm tired (maybe) or because I'm sinking into a shallow depression (maybe), or maybe it's all this rain.

-t
recommended downloads:
Social Distortion, Angels' Wings
Sugarcult, Hate Every Beautiful Day
and
Brian Webb, Martha

I'm sitting here with nothing to say...

I'm the only one on my side of the group today. Felix, who sits next to me, is out this week. Humphrey, who sits behind me, left friday for two weeks off and a job with a new company.

So this week the new guys outnumber the verterans three to two. That means a lot more work is going to be shuffled my way.

I wouldn't have to be here if I won the lottery.
-t

recommended download
Green Day, Minority

Ah, just as I suspected...

Hello, readers. Happy friday. How have you been? I must admit, I was a little dissapointed by the lackluster response to the muppet post. I was actually quite surprised; judging solely by the number of comments it would appear you all love Gilmore Girls more than The Muppets. I, personally, feel this is a tradgedy, as the Muppets should rank at least as high, on almost any scale, as the Gilmore Girls.

But I'm not here to criticize your likes and dislikes, nor chastise you in a manner suggesting your childhood was poor and terrible because you clearly were not exposed to enough muppetry or encouraged to love the whimsical worlds created by Jim Henson. No, rather, I am here to talk about something else entirely...

So, people like me. [This is our first premise.] How do I know this? Inference. People do not (usually) run away when the see me coming. Often, people actually seek me out. Therefore, I am not unliked.
People like doing things. [No illustration here, we live in a world where people do things, and I firmly believe that many of these things would not get done if people didn't like to do them. Like juggling. Nobody does that if they don't like it.]

The question, then, is this: Why does it seem, sometimes, that if people like to do things, and people like me, people do not like to do things with me?

Case in point: Julie - college friend, invited to umpteen (umpteen, really...I kept track) outings with yours truly. Attended a grand total of none of said outings. Which is ridiculous.

Case in point (2): Pretty Girl At Work - When asked do dinner, by me, she said "ok, when?" and then did not ever have dinner with me.

Case in point (3): L-dog - invited to movies (again, with me), and the postponed. Actually, postponing is not quite the same thing, and L-dog (I firmly believe) is not thinking about avoiding me, she is just busy, so this example really doesn't count at all, but I thought an argument with only two cases seemed a bit weak so I threw an irrelevant case three in here.

Conclusion: Something is clearly wrong with people who do not wish to spend time with me doing things.

I blame the media. (and the parents, for not instilling the appropriate amount of love and apprecaition for the muppets)(and also violent vido games, like GTA) (oh, and also the violence inherent in the system...help help I'm bein' repressed!)

Cascadingly,
Tom

recommended downloads:
Cake, Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps and Satan Is My Motor
and Marcy Playground, Bye-Bye

Learn well, Grasshopper

Today my training begins in earnest. No longer am I burdened by the giant fund as I have been the last three weeks. Now I begin to focus on the real actual aspects of my new job. At long last, new job, new responsibilities.

First up, expenses. Right now we've got a program that runs expenses for us, so I'll be learning which buttons to press and in which order.

Then, comes yields, real end-of-the-night stuff (which is the most important kind of stuff). Yield worksheets, and yield monitor (which, as you may guess, monitors the yields from the yield worksheets).

That's it for today, except for some interest rate problems I had to deal with before I finished the budget (that was due monday) and tied out the one tax-free fund remaining to me.

All-in-all, a good morning. Time-consuming, but good.

-t
recommended downloads:
Coheed & Cambria, Bye-bye Beautiful
Good Charlotte, Riot Girl
Midtown, Empty Like The Ocean
and
Rufio, Just A Memory

Electric Mayhem

Dr. Teeth and his Electric Mayhem (Floyd, Janice, Animal, Zoot, and that trumpet player with the shaggy yellow hair whose name I don't know) are being excluded from this discussion, because, well, they already have a musical niche to fill: The crazy-muppet-rockers-who'll-paint-your-car-to-help-you-escape-the-bad-guy-and-know-when-to-read-ahead-in-the-script-to-save-the-movie niche.

But, everybody else is fair game, so here we go
Muppets and Music: Suggested Genres for Our Childhood Favorites

Kermit the Frog: Kermit, the leader of our gang and part-time field reporter, is an avid banjo player, even going so far as to record an unplugged version of Wild Thing, thus placing himself squarely in the Bluegrass family. I'd name a specific artist, but I'm not that familiar with bluegrass...maybe a counterpart to an Alison Krause type.

Miss Piggy: The diva of the Muppet Show cast, or any other production she finds herself in, Miss Piggy is undoubtedly a musical diva as well. She is big name, big fame, and big show - Cher, Madonna, Aretha Franklin. Everybody knows when she walks into a room (or falls down a set of stage stairs)

Rolf: Rolf is awesome. He's a piano playing dog. It doesn't get much better than that. Ragtime, classical pieces, or folk ditties, he's always ready. He has been known to cut loose from time to time, but is more driven by entertaining his audience than by an internal artistic drive. Rolf is a cross between Jerry Lee Lewis, and Victor Borge.
update: Rolf is Ray Charles. [Thanks Kate]

Hoot the Owl: Hoot is a saxaphone playing owl. He is the muppet equivalent of Coltrane. Don't think his influence is lost on the other muppets either... Ernie plays a mean trumpet, and Big Bird has dabbled as a jazz singer.

Rosie: The spanish speaking muppet. She is Shakira, a crossover who is spunky, but (no doubt due to the culture gap) still a little misunderstood.

Grover: He's blue, he's a superhero, a waiter, he's near and far, he's got a real emo feel to him. A skinny, dorky kind of monster with a soft heart. Grover could be Dashboard Confessionals

Elmo: Popular with the underage crowd, way too bubbly for his own good, not intelligent enough to have a conversation in the first person. He's a pop star. N'SYNC, Hilary Duff, toge+her, etc.

Scooter: Clearly, clearly, Rivers Cuomo from Weezer.

Gonzo: Gonzo is the muppet equivalent of Marylin Manson.
update: Gonzo is Alice Cooper. [Thanks John]

Camilla the Chicken: Camilla is a punk rock chick(en). She's a Good Charlotte fan, Bowling for Soup, New Found Glory. Studded bracelets, pink feathers.

The Count: Remember when he rapped with Kid and Play? I do. Count's the next Flava Flav

more to follow, I'm taking suggestions and criticisms:

-t
recommended downloads: Jude, Oh Boy, and Rock Star
and The Old 97's, Won't Be Home

If heaven was an hour, it would be twilight

I hate this job (again).

I went for a while there not hating it. But it didn't last. So, instead of sitting here and thinking hateful thoughts, I've been sitting here thinking about lyrics to country songs. Also a little bit of acoustic rock. It's a very mellow time here at Tom's Desk.

I tend to drift toward other musica styles when under the influence of different emotions...punk rock when I'm in a romantic mood, soft rock when I'm happy, heavy metal when I'm indifferent, kid stuff when I'm feeling goofy.

And, every so often I'll catch myself whistling showtunes. Because who doesn't love showtunes?
Nobody. That's who.

-tom
recommended downloads:
Andy Griggs, If Heaven
and
Bowling For Soup, On And On (About You)

A long way to get, before I get back home

An Annual Dan Goldin Day celebration will be taking place again this year (you know, becuase it's annual).

This year Dan Goldin Day (November 17th) falls on a Thursday, so we will be observing it Friday, November 18th to encourage use of the long weekend. Recently, however, I have been toying with the idea of taking the Thursday, Friday, and possibly the next Monday too (in recognition of Dan Goldin's monumental contribution to my education, of course), and driving to a faraway place. Like Milwaukee, or possibly Chicago, or, maybe both, because they're close by (relatively speaking).

Why Milwaukee you ask? Why, because Donny's out there. (by the way, Donny, I might be driving out to Milwaukee the weekend of November 18th) And why Chicago? Because that's where ER is filmed, and that was my favorite show on television for a while (it was the period between the end of Star Trek, The Next Generation and the opening of The West Wing - and I think I mean favorite hour-long show on television, because otherwise I'd have to start sorting through half-hour sitcoms like Friends, Titus, Malcom In The Middle, Futurama, etc, and also have to consider shorts like Celebrity DeathMatch, and Banana Man, but this is all a little off topic) . Chicago also seems to be a favorite city of a number of people (Kelly and Samantha among them), so why not give it a shot? Maybe I can catch a Blackhawks game.

Plus, I'll get to, you know, drive my new truck. Woohoo!

-tom

recommended downloads:
Ryan Adams, The Bar Is A Beautiful Place
Bob Schneider, A Long Way To Get

EVERYBODY READ ADINAS BLOG

http://www.livejournal.com/users/craziasian/44465.html

so, I'm at home, standing around, and my brother calls me over to the computer and says "hey, is this a joke? is this Dan guy made up? or is this real?"

so I come over to look, at this: http://www.livejournal.com/users/craziasian/44465.html

Woo! Yes, Dan's a real guy. For sure. Congratulations Adina :-D
When I called to congrautlate her over the phone she was all "I called like fourteen people, but I knew you'd probably be checking online so I put that up too!"

http://www.livejournal.com/users/craziasian/44465.html

congrats dan! and adina!

-t
recommended download: (duh) Billy Idol, White Wedding

It's dead in here

Everyone just left for lunch. There are three people left on the floor, none of them are in my group.

It is dead, totally empty. I could go mess with everyone's office supplies if I wanted. Instead I'll buzz around online, and when the group gets back I'll take my lunch. it'll be like a two-hour break.

I think people are feeling it's friday. So tomorrow's the wedding in RI. And tomorrow night, I don't know...crazy providence parties and crashing there? drive back up and head to the beach? (with sunscreen this time I swear) maybe just head back home? We'll see. But for now, I'm taking a

nice

long

break.

-t
recommended downloads:
The White Stripes, Hotel Yorba
Bob Schneider, A Long Way To Get
and
Pete Yorn, Black

First Message: 3:46PM, Thursday...

"Hey Tom, it's Adina, um, I just was calling because I spent the last hour reading Maggie Mason's and other assorted blogs. And, I didn't realize what a subculture blogging is until, I think, today. I knew that people did it, I knew that it like, I did it with my friends to keep up - but they have like a BlogHer confrerence and I really wanted to go to that, and I really wanted to meet Maggie Mason and make her laugh, and I wanted to like surf the web and learn all these new things and post them on the journal and be witty and sarcastic and wonderful and... I just wanted to thank you for opening me up to this world of what marriage life will be whenI have children and, you know, nothing else to do but do laundry and go online. Um, so now I have like a jumpstart on it and I'm prepared, um, anyway, I just wanted to call and talk about how wonderful Mighty Girl is and just wanted to see how you're doing and how the job's going considering you have no time to post except for like a little one-liners about nothing that, you know, maybe one day over the weekend you can update more thoroughly. But anyway, I miss you online, I will conitinue to post feverishly, I'm getting interent tomorrow at my house so, I hope your'e doing well and I hope you're peeling thoroughly and evenly, and I will talk to you later. Bye!"

Thanks Adina :)

Schmoke and a pancake

The skin on my upper arms, back and chest is going to peel. This is what happens after a sunburn like that (see previous post for picture link). It is going to peel off in sheets I tell you. Itching, scratching, shedding the damaged skin for some bright new skin.

I'm starting to feel very reptilian.
-t
recommended download:
Dynamtie Hack, Dear Kate

Well, that was my suit

So, wedding this weekend (Saturday afternoon). woohoo! Congrats to Amanda and that guy she's getting hitched to.

The best part is, it's an out of state wedding! I get to drive from Boston all the way to Providence (Rhode Island) in my new truck. I'll get to wear a suit (I look good in suits...but who are we kidding, I look good most of the time ;). It'll be an adventure! Though, unless something crazy happens it will be a short adventure, I plan on driving back that night.

On the other hand, crazy things have been happening more often than they used to, so I'm not going to rule it out. I may bump into someone I went to high school with, or played little league with, or maybe some stranger will introduce themselves and invite me to an after party in the hotel which will lead to a midnight snack run to a seven-eleven but before we get there we'll decide to hit a bar and do a shot or two first and while we're doing that some strange girl will come over and start making out with me then invite me back to her place, but I'll say "no, sorry, we really should get to know each other first"

or, maybe, at the wedding there will be games (like a limbo contest?) and I'll win a puppy.

woo! providence!

-t
recommended downloads:
Social Distortion, Don't Drag Me Down
Jude, Out Of L.A.
Lucky Boys Confusion, Commitment
and
Vanessa Carlton, Ordinary Day

adendum

AAARRRGHGH!

I CANT KEEP UP WITH PEOPLES BLOGS ANYMORE

adina, donny, john, etc. just started posting again. and not a any sort of crazy rate, they're posting at a regular, normal, posting rate AND I CANT KEEP UP BECAUSE IM SO BUSY AT WORK

this is going to be a running theme now. No more long-winded posts from me, I have not the patience or the time. Instead, expect lightning posts. Every free fifteen seconds I have I'll spin off some quick ideas, or maybe it'll just be a clever title and in the body of the post it will say

I HATE BEING THIS BUSY ALL THE DAMN TIME UNQUOTE

times up.
-t

recommended download: (for stella)
Veggie Tales, The Dance Of The Cucumber

Remember, bee yourself

I am so busy. This is the least amount of fun I've had at work ever. I used to have hours of free time at work, now I have minutes, at most. Instead of fifteen minutes of work in the morning I now have two hours. Instead of taking two hour lunches I'm taking lunch at my desk.

They haven't taken anything off of my desk. I'm now doing two jobs, my old job, and my new job. If they'd taken away the old stuff I'd be ok with the new stuff, but they didn't, they just gave me the new stuff too. So now instead of going from an hour of work at the end of the day at my old job, to two hours of work at the end of the day at my new job, I have three hours of work at the end of the day that I have to finish in two hours time. It's not just the end of the day, it's the same for every part of the day. If I were two people this wouldn't be a problem.

BUT IM NOT TWO PEOPLE

I'm just me. Sure, I may have amazed you with my efficiency, and how quickly I grasped the workings of the entry-level position I was hired to fill. BUT, that's because a trained monkey could do that job. This new position could not be filled by a trained monkey. [I really think this is an administrative problem, bureacracy inaction, if you know what I mean, but that's a separate post] Work sucks.

I swear, if I didn't need money for car payments, gas, insurance, food, books, comic books, dvds, and phone service, and if this place weren't air-conditioned, I'd walk out right now. Screw two-weeks notice. I'd just walk out, step on the train, get back to my house, change into some comfortable travelling clothes, throw some stuff in my truck and drive to chicago. or montreal. or seattle. or baton rouge. or pheonix.

Instead I'm going to sit here, try my very best to do eight things at once, continuously, until the end of the day. Then, I'm going to walk out the door, have a drink, and make a phone call.

and then see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

and then show up to do it all again tomorrow.

-tom

recommended downloads:
Fountains of Wayne, Leave The Biker
Liz Phair, Why I Left California
and
Dashboard Confessional, Again I Go Unnoticed

Where to

I miss summer vacation. I've tried my best to approximate it this year, but no matter how many weekends I spend at the beach, or fly to texas, I'm still working through the summer. I want one more summer escape. And now that I'm driving a car of my own there are options open to me that weren't before.

It's been my goal for a long time to drive cross-country. That trip would take more money that I currently have, so it's still a goal. Maybe, though, I could drive across half of the country. Or down to D.C. Maybe a few days off work, instead of the few weeks (months) that I'd really like to take. You know, start small.

I'm not talking road trip here, this isn't some crazy grab to pile as many people as I can into the car and drive until we run out of gas then drink til dawn. Next week I'm driving to a wedding in Rhode Island, and then my weekends start opening up. But where to?

-t
The Julianna Theory, Duane Joseph
James Taylor, Mexico (Live)

Almost purple

back1
Originally uploaded by a20261.

This was taken on monday night. Two days and six hours or so later. This burn might be getting worse with age.

-t

Let the sun burn down on me

I went to the beach Saturday. I went in my brand new four-wheel drive truck. I. Got. Sunburnt.

This is the worst sunburn of my adult life. People who know me know I burn easily. They also know that I know this, and lather up with the sunscreen, and the long-sleeve t-shirts, and the sunglasses, and the hat. People who know me make fun of "the ghost" the "pale kid" they tell me to "turn down the glare," but they also know that this doesn't bother me, that pale is the new tan, and that I don't mind a few taunts because it means I won't be getting skin cancer twenty years from now.

People who know me may also know that sometimes I forget stuff. Like Saturday, when I was going to go put on some sunblock, but then started playing horseshoes. I never make that mistake more than once a summer.

I am sunburnt. I can't lift my arms above shoulder height. Yesterday it hurt to breathe. It hurt to sleep. I couldn't lie down, I couldn't roll, I couldn't close my eyes without hurting. I'm sitting here at work and cringing in pain as I type, two days later, because moving my fingers hurts my back.

My shoulders got it the worst, but I'm burnt from my waist up. Bright red. Instead of turning my head to look at people behind me I'm using my swivel chair to turn completely around.

Only a few people are laughing at me at work, which is nice, and even they are laughing sympathetically. I'm in pain, and everyone can see that. Two of our group took vacation days today, otherwise I would have called in and just stood in my living room, sans shirt, so that I wouldn't even have to feel that irritating cotton fabric on my oh so sensitive skin.

I hate UV rays. My body is radiating heat. You can feel it if you put your hand within half an inch of my skin. I'm like the human torch here.

Bright red is not the new tan.

-tom
recommended downloads:
Fuel, Sunburn
Judas Priest, Diamonds and Rust (Live)
Pearl Jam, Brain of J.

I'm all alone tonight

Last night was the big celebration for Paco's last day. We trained together, Paco and I, and have been in the group exactly the same amount of time. Unless you deduct the days he's called in and all the hours he's shown up late, then he's only been here about three days for every five of mine.

Last week I got a promotion, and Paco found himself a new job. He says it's closer to his apartment, easier commute. So, in traditional fashion, the group went out drinking to celebrate.

At first it was uneventful, Paco had picked a bar that had happened to have a private UMass reunion and it was packed. So we waited outside for twenty minutes, which was fine, because yesterday was gorgeous. We got in, stood around listening to the managers talk about work and other managers and how long they've been with the company.

Then half of the group left, because they don't really care. The UMass party was breaking up so we moved to the patio where one of our group ran into these four girls he went to school with, he left with them.

Meanwhile, in the backgroun, while this is all going on the kid I hate is getting drunker and drunker. I hate this kid. This is the kid, the first week I was here, I'd see him and think "I hate that kid." Two months ago he was moved into our group, and, because I'm a nice guy, I gave him another chance. It's one thing to hate someone on sight, but maybe they're an ok person and good to work with.

Well, not this guy. I still hate him, and now, after seeing him stumbling around drunk I feel a little uncomfortable working in the same group. It was revealed, during his stumbling around drunkedness, that though he is widely suspected to be gay he recorded himself banging some girl with his camera phone. Which is creepy enough as it is. It was then revealed that he showed the video to our AVP. Why? I have no idea! What the hell is with this kid? I have no idea.

It was at this point in the evening that a welcome distraction from the creepy kid tapped me on the shoulder. She introduced herself as Julie, she was drunk, and she wanted to wear my hat.

I refused her request on the basis that my hat hair looked ridiculous, which led to a heated argument, which ended when she grabbed my hat and put it on. The group of friends she was with then started giving her a hard time because "he's like twelve." Because, turns out, she's a little older than I am. She yelled back at her friends something like "He's not twelve, he's like, twenty-five!" and then had to double check with me. I told her no, I'm barely twenty-three, and the next words outof her mouth were "I'm going to make out with you later tonight, you know that right?" And then she told me she was twenty-seven. I was way too young for her so I took my hat back.

The rest of the night went a lot like that. She kept making out with me, her friends kept yelling at her, she asked me to come visit her in Chicago, etc. Oh, and then the one friend who was giving her the hardest time about hanging out with me then split off the group to go suck face with some fifty year old guy. No joke, he couldn't have been less than fifty.

I left at midnight, much to her dissapointment. She called me twice on my way home and left a text message on my phone. I have no idea how drunk she was, but you can bet I'm calling her tonight to see how much she regrets it. :-Þ


This is the first time anything like this has happened to me.

-tgme
recommended download:
Bowling for Soup, I'm Just A Kid, and Girl All The Bad Guys Want

I'm Just a Kid

I don't know when I'll have time to recount the details of last night, but you should stay tuned because it involves alcohol, women, and chicago, so you know it'll be good.

-t
recommended download:
Bowling for Soup, Emily

Wake me up, before you go-go

Yesterday I went to the bank to deposit my paycheck. As I left the bank I began thinking about my finances. I was thinking about the car payment I now have that will be taking a significant amount of money from my account every month, and I resolved to stop spending money on "luxury" items (things like dvds, comic books, serial novels, new hats, sunglasses, ring tones, etc).

Though I do have a tendency to buy inexpensive impulse items (the sunglasses, hats, and ring tones) it is a tendency that is easy to curb. However, there was a time, not too long ago, I would spend $100 on new dvds, or drop $120 on trade paperbacks. This binge spending is the greatest threat to a healthy bank account.

So, I resolved to stop spending money. No more lunches out, no more buying nine or ten tpb's at a time, no more anything. Reduce expenditures: car, T-pass, car insurance, and student loans. That's it. No more money spent on anything else, none. This I resolve.

I then walked from the bank to the comic book store, and spent fifty bucks on books I don't need.

How's that for will power.
-t
recommended download:
Wham, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

The trap door in my head

Damn. I really had a great post and then I forgot it.

Must have escaped.
Oh well.

-t
recommended download:
Brian Webb, Perfect Lil' Imperfection
Weezer, Simple Pages, and Perfect Situation

The One Where I Ruin The Ending

***SPOILER***

-This is a post about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince-

Stop reading now if you don't want me to spoil the ending!

Ok, so Fred dies. I can't believe Hermione became a Death Eater, and has Kingsley always been gay?

***end of spoiler***

ok, ok, I kid. I would never reveal details to a book online, especially a book I wouldn't even admit to reading. I'm just letting you know, you can talk to me about the book if you'd like too, but if you do it here please be considerate of other readers and try not to reveal any details.

And to say this: Harry Potter may be a hero, but it has taken him too many books to get there. It seems I do care about the characters developed by Rowling, but take offense that they were created under the guise of a "children's book." I take even more offense in their vast popularity. There are more copies of Harry Potter in print than the Bible. It might have been different if Rowling had done it without the media machine, but we'll have no way of knowing. The last two or three books have been well-written, but I cannot respect them. Will Stanton is a hero. He did it without the hype.

-t
recommended download:
Avril Levigne, Mobile

Colorado

I needed a new backpack going in to sophmore year of high school, and courier bags were all the rage so I began looking for one. I found it in an L.L.Bean catalogue: a big black bag with colored panels avaiable in red, blue, gold, green, black, and silver. The bag being modeled in the catalogue by a youth on a mountain bike had the red panels with the word "Red" clearly superimposed over the middle part of the bag just in case, I don't know, your colorblind uncle was looking to order you a christmas present. I thought to myself, that superimposed "Red" is in the same position on the bag as the embroidered initials would go...

So, because I wanted the very bag I had seen on page 27, because it would be different, because three giant capital initials always look stupid on those backpacks, and, because it was free, I had them stitch "Red" onto the bag. As I was ordering it, by phone, the saleswoman asked what color I'd like. I said "um, red." She then asked if there was an alternate color I would prefer, if the red was not in stock. I thought a minute and said "blue" because as cool as having a red bag labeled "Red" was, it might be just as cool to have a blue bag with the same label.

Anyway. The bag came, I loved it, it was giant, could fit anything, it was cool, it was red, it was labeled "Red" and it caused me explanations no end. "No, it's not my nickname, it's the color of the bag" "No, those aren't my initials" and so on.

The point is, the bag was red, and the name on the bag was "Red."

Which is why I find it amusing that my new Chevy Colorado is dark red. The truck is red, and the name on the truck is Colorado, in spanish: "red colored."

It was not by design, I took what was on the lot. It just so happened to be a red, five-cylinder, four-wheel drive, four-door, power everything, and oh-by-the-way satellite radio, chrome finish, and dark-gray wheel-flared trimmed-out beauty.

bam.
-tom
recommended downloads:
The Shins, High Horse
The Old 97's, Timebomb, and Am I Too Late
Phil Ochs, I'm Gonna Say It Now
The Muppet Babies, I'm Gonna Always Love You
NOFX, Gin 'n Juice (Snoop Dogg cover)
Flogging Molly, Rare Ould Times
Three Doors Down, Here Without You

Growing up

So, this is my birthday post. Happy birthday to me.

To celebrate I put a deposit down on a five-cylinder, four-wheel-drive, crew-cab Chevy Colorado.

Somebody congratulate me! Now I have car payments!
-t

recommended download:
Blink-182, Emo

I don't think girls get it.

I don't blame them, it's not like I'm out there expaining it to them, which is the only way they would get it. Unless they were mind-readers.

So, instead of going out there to explain it, I'll try it here.

I'm willing to change. It's like that play that ran on broadway for a while "I love you, now change." It was supposed to be a joke, you know, guy meets girl, guy marries girl, girl tries to make him change into the man she wants him to be, guy resists change with every inch of his being.

Not me though. I'm like a metal. Malleable, ductile, changeable. I have a few core principles, a few core beliefs and practices, the things that make me who I am. But the rest of it?

It's up for grabs.

I mean it, cosmetic details, for example. T-shirts vs. button-down? Color of the house? Naming the dogs? All negotiable, all easily negotiable. I don't have many holdouts. Why wouldn't I want to make the girl as happy or as content as I possibly could?

I'll always be a red sox fan. I'll always want eighteen kids. I'll always want my kids raised in New England.

All I mean to say is this, I'm willing to change, and I want you to know.

-t
recommended download:
Bob Schneider, Metal And Steel

God is my friend

Well, now it's official. I am promoted

They announced it in today's impromptu group meeting. I didn't get nearly as many dirty stares as I'd anticipated, which I hope bodes well. It could be they were all just too tired to react. I know I was.

From now on, in my new role as senior, I will be responsible for more and more work. I will have increasingly less time to slack off [read: update the blog]. This additional work has pros and cons, like
Pros:
keeping busy seems to make the day go by quicker
new responsibilities mean new things to learn, and boy do I like to learn
I get to boss people around!

Cons:
no more sitting around
less time for doodling
more problems to solve...wait, that should be a pro, I like solving problems.
being resented by coworkers for my rocket-like ascencion through the ranks
hypermanager treating me as if his every whim is my command (it isn't)

anyway, there are others, ones I haven't experienced yet, but hey, that's what the blog is here for right? to chronicle and document fabricated stories about work.

until next time,
-tom

recommended downloads:
The Offspring, Something To Believe In
Queen, Fat-Bottomed Girls
and
Bob Schneider, God Is My Friend

Breakfast in hell

Today they served breakfast at the office.

It was nice. Every friday we pay a dollar into the "floor fund" and every seven or eight weeks they throw a little party or an event. Usually it involves food. Sometimes alcohol (sadly, no mimosas today). But, as was pointed out by one of my coworkers, the food served is very rarely seven or eight dollars worth...where is the rest of our floor fund money going?

I'm thinking about setting up a spreadsheet to track income and expenditures.
(I probably won't though ;)

-t
recommended download (what else?):
Newsboys, Breakfast

All News All The Time

Reading cnn.com will turn your brain to mush.

This is not in-depth reporting. This is not even pertinent information. A list of facts is not a news article, conclusions must be drawn, patterns recognized.

Worse, it is poorly written, and there are no photographs or illustrations. The national news media plays to too wide an audience. Trim down, focus, report on news closer to home. Establish more powerful regional departments.

Headlines. Pertinent facts. Powerful quotes, and stong, engaging photos. Conclusions, condemnations, editorials. This is news.

Bring it back.
-t
recommended downloads:
Mason Jennings, Darkness Between Fireflies, and Sorry Signs On Cash Machines

Bedhead

So, you know what? It's fine. I was clearly overreacting, or late-reacting, or reacting in some way that wasn't quite right.

Then, I got a good night's sleep, and this morning, I'm totally fine. I feel like I did get over this whole thing months ago. A mere blip on the radar, a nothing. If she wants to go do what she does, that's fine. It does not affect me in any way. I have friends, I do things, I do not center on whatever the pretty girl decides to do. She is peripheral at best. I have recovered.

Onward. Upward. Movie-ward.

Yes, movie-ward. Because, audience, I am going to meet a creepy internet stalker in person. Go me. (Actually, this will be the second creepy internet stalker I've met in person, the first, you may recall, lives in texas and invited me to a baseball game, and was in fact, not creepy, not a stalker, and not an internet). Anyway. This meeting will be taking place on the morrow, at a movie theater, and the creepy internet stalker decreed that we bring friends so it's not too awkward or weird and we will have body shields (thanks friends) in case anything goes horribly horribly wrong, like, I don't know, spontaneous combustion or something.

We'll see how it goes. :-Þ

-t
recommended downloads:
Veggie Tales, His Cheeseburger
Bush, Machinehead
and
Howie Day, Disco Afternoon

Overshadowed

Augh! There's another Ender book.

I didn't even know.
Ender's Game, Ender's Shadow
Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, Children of the Mind
Shadow of the Hegemon, Shadow Puppets

and now Shadow of the Giant. I didn't know!

This is worse than trade paperbacks.
So now I have to go get the second book of this series I'm reading now (Clash of Kings, an eight hundred page monster in what I thought was a trilogy, but is in fact and unfinished series...), the first in the Wheel of Time series which is being touted as the greatest thing since sliced bread (and also unfinished...), and the new OSC.

nuts. it's crazy I tell ya. just crazy.

and I'm just batty enough to do it.

-T
recommended download:
We Both Reached For the Gun (Chicago Soundtrack)

Little by little

So, you know, that first semester of your junior year, when you were totally crushing on that guy in your psych 101 class? And you went up to him, finally, after the second week and told him about the party you were having and asked if he wanted to come? And when he said "yeah, that sounds cool" but then he ended up not coming, and then wasn't in class for two days? and then you found out it was because he was seeing that girl from the class, you know, the short girl with the dark hair and the kind of messed up teeth? She isn't even that smart. But you saw her before class that one time pull his boxer shorts out of her purse and give them back to him. Augh! And you couldn't believe it. How could he be seeing that girl? And it's not like you were worshiping him from afar, I mean, you asked him out. And he picked her over you? How is that fair? How does that even make sense? But whatever. Fine. You know what, other fish in the sea. He'll never know what he missed out on. Because you're over him. By like, just after midterms that cute guy in your earth science class had asked you out. You don't even think about psych boy anymore.

But you know what would have sucked? If you were crushing on psych boy for weeks. Then finally asked him out, and he said yes but didn't go out with you, and then you found out he might be seeing someone. Then, weeks later you found out it was that girl with the funny teeth. Then a week later you saw the boxer shorts and realized they're more than just dating, and at this point the whole semester's gone by while you thought this guy might be available just shy or something. But to drag it out like that? It was like, you were never over him. Better to just get it all out of the way at once, and just move on.

Little by little will get you there, but slower than it should. Like that time the Old Spice oaf walked into the office carrying her purse because she left it at his place this morning. Should have been over months ago.

-Tom
recommended download:
Oasis, Little By Little

Long lunch

So today, being busy, I decided to eat lunch at my desk (where normally I would skip out for an hour, maybe an hour fifteen). I ran over to subway, grabbed a drink at 7-11, came back and sat down.

It took me an hour and twenty minutes to eat my turkey club.

Mostly this is because I did not (and probably never will) say "not now, I'm eating" or "can this wait ten minutes?" or "back off! can't you see I'm on my break!" No. None of those things were said. When Buster asked about a trade not tying out, when Collin asked about a program he had to run, when hypermanager said "hey, got five minutes?" for the third time, those things were not said.

Because I'm a pushover? No.
Because I can't say no? No. (ha! see? just said it.)
Because I'm a nice guy? Yeah, sort of.

I know when I've got a problem or a question I don't like being blown off or told to wait, even though, when that happens I understand. So, I'm not going to tell people to wait. I would hate to be the cause of (or excuse for) negative feelings. Can't we all just get along?

Anyway, the point is, it was a loooong lunch. I'm glad I got the turkey sub and not the cheeseburger sub. That would have tasted terrible cold.

-T
recommended downloads
The Folksmen, Blood On The Coal (A Mighty Wind Soundtrack)

So this is work

Hey! So, somebody congratulate me, or hand me a cigar or buy me a drink or something! I worked today!

It was incredible, it was exciting, it was new. For the first time I can remember I didn't have time to slack off. I sat down at my desk at ten o'clock, and I was busy right up until now! That's two hours of solid work. It goes hand in hand with my promotion, more money, more responsibility, and (here's the part I wasn't expecting) no more down time!

This may be a blow for some of you. I'm sorry I can't do more to lessen the shock. It is possible that I may only update this page once a day, if at all, from work. It may also mean that my AIM time will be drastically cut down (not that many of you care/talk to me/or are even online while at work).

But that's not really what I want to talk about. What I'd really like to talk about is the very pretty girl* who I asked out once six months ago who said yes but we never went on a date so later on in April at an office drinking-fest I got drunk and asked her out again and this time she said "oh, I have a boyfriend now" at which I got pissed and stormed off only to start suspecting that her "boyfriend" was in fact the manager who used to work near my group and would douse (douse) himself in Old Spice whenever he went over to talk to her which is where I've been for three months now, silently suspecting that manager and the prettiest girl in the office are an item.

That sentence is probably not grammatically correct. However, please note all the words used to construct that sentence are spelled correctly... Onward:

Today, as part of my new job-related responsibilities I am required to use the Bloomberg terminal which is located close to the pretty girl's desk. It was there I witnessed an exchange between the pretty girl...and that stupid manager I hate. It appears they are, in fact, an item. And I am practically beside myself with frustration. Because he's gotta be like thirty. Because he's an oaf. Because she's dating him, and not me. I would still have a problem even if her boyfriend was a Brad Pitt clone who had inherited a billion dollars and worked selflessly for kids' charities and who was otherwise perfect. That, though, I could justify, or maybe make peace with, or grudgingly learn to accept. BUT THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THAT.

Man I hate that guy. And her, for you know, going out with him. I am slowly getting over this. It's not like I ever had a real shot. All I'm saying was, dinner would have been nice. Stupid girls. Well, no. Stupid oafish manager. Gah.

-T
recommended downloads:
Bowling For Soup, Emily
Sugarcult, She's The Blade

*the pretty girl sits near the printers, not to be confused with cute girl, who, sadly, is still getting married (not to me).

A thin line between...

So parts of the brain work together to perform complex tasks. Giving directions for example, just to start you've got memory, planning, timing, and speech, plus other stuff. Holding conversations is another one, you've got to talk, listen, think about what you're saying, remember what the other person is saying, and then when the other person is a hot coed you've got the added pressure of not only talking, but making sense and being funny. It can get complicated.

I bring it up because I'm pretty sure there is only a thin line holding the different parts of my brain together. Just a string, looping the temporal lobe to the speech center to impulse control and what have you. I'd guess this has always been the case, though I've only just recognized some symptoms: I don't hold what you would call "normal" conversations.

I'd guess it's the speech center and impulse control mostly, paired with a very influencial imagination. I get to talking, and that part of the brain that's supposed to monitor what's going on (the concious part) sort of shuts down, or takes some time off, and I just keep talking.

No doubt these conversations are entertaining, they are certainly long-winded, they are almost never coherent, factual, and nearly always irrelevant. I'm not even aware of what's being said as it's being said, but maybe there is a little bit of my brain paying attention, because every so often I reach back into the conversation and draw a parallel, or a bad pun, or a reference to something I said fifteen uninterrupted minutes ago.

This inattention may be compounded when talking online, especially through AIM. I'm pretty sure the muscle memory of my fingers just form words and sentences on their own bypassing the brain completely, and really that doesn't bother me as long as the words are spelled correctly.

So here's to taking a little brain vacation whenever possible. Cheers.
-Tom
recommended downloads:
The Old 97's, Melt Show
and
Cake, Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

A closed-door meeting

I'm writing to deliver some sobering news. Yesterday about three o'clock I was asked to meet with my three managers in a closed-door session in the small conference room. They sat me down and quietly explained that I am being promoted.

BAM! Sobering news my ass! wooo! -mini wave in celebration of me! a-woohoo-

It was a closed-door meeting because they haven't told the others in the group yet. There is the matter of the senior who's leaving, the matter of the three other people who applied for the job and didn't get it, and the matter of the other senior never talking. (ok, that last one isn't really relevant, but come on, she never talks. quiet as a titmouse. (hehehehe)).

The point is, the Dutch girl picked me. No, no. The point is, I got a promotion and more money.

BECAUSE I DO NOTHING ALL DAY. Bwahahahaha

I do not envy any of you your jobs or your workloads. Or your non-promotions. This is great. I'm going to make little hats. Little hats that say things like "hey, coworker, I got promoted." and "I must have mo' problems, because I've got mo' money" and one that says "BAM!"

I am so going to get fired.


-T
recommended downloads:
Arlo Guthrie, Alice's Resturant
The Clash, I Fought The Law
and Hootie and the Blowfish, I Only Wanna Be With You

Death of a Post

Listen, the last thing I need is to start worrying about my audience. But, inevitabley (it seems), once I discovered I had and audience I started worrying about them.

Now I can't even post without thinking about what they'll think.

note to self: STOP WRITING FOR YOUR READERS

Readers, I blame you. If you weren't there, I wouldn't be writing for you. (On the other hand, if you weren't there I wouldn't be writing at all, since, as I may have mentioned before, all I've ever wanted was an audience).

We are at a classic impasse. You could stop reading, thus depriving me of the audience, thus encouraging a return to my base literary style; I could ignore you, but really I can't because that hasn't been working; or I could just continue to post crappy little diatribes about crap I don't even care about, which wouldn't be funny, and probably wouldn't be anything but boring. I doubt' they'd even be long and boring, I'd be so apathetic they'd probably be short and boring.

Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I don't really blame you readers. It's not your fault you stumbled across this web log in the first place. It's not like I'm out there on the street corner with a giant placard ringing a bell and shouting "http://a20261.blogspot.com" And of course it isn't the nature of the posts that keep you reading, it's the nature of your jobs (boring, difficult, monotonous) and your need for distraction (big, bigger, biggest). Can I blame you for that? No, of course not. It was my job being so boring that got this whole journal thing started in the first place.

It's me, really. I've just hit a rut, a creative quagmire. I wrote some posts, then put up some links, then a photo or two (btw, my haircut still looks gorgeous), and then BAM. Nothing. I started a downward slide toward mediocrity.

So, really, this is an apology. I'm sorry readers, faithful audience, friends, romans, countrymen. I'm sorry parents, teachers, managers, coworkers, members of the custodial staff; acquaintences, comrades, compadres; I'm sorry to you lovers, fighters, allies, enemies; to you democrats and republicans. I apologize to you new englanders, philadelphians, texans (even those who aren't originally from texas), globetrotters, stay-at-homers, and mr. moms. I'm sorry, entire population of the Indian subcontinent. I'm sorry, Portugal. I'm sorry France -- No. No, I'm not sorry France. France, you can shove it. Go ahead and whine. "Boohoo, Lance has six Tour de France victories, boohoo, he must be on steroids." Yeah. Keep trying to prove it. Can't do it, can you? No. Because he's clean, he's not on drugs, he just happens to be the greatest thing on two wheels the world has ever seen. (Except for that one time, on the highway, when I tried passing a guy in the breakdown lane but there was a broken down car there (go figure) and had to swerve back into the right lane but took the turn too fast and ended up on only two wheels doing about 65 mph. That was pretty awesome). Oh, and you know what? Portugal can suck it too. I rescind my apology.

Blame it on the all-star break and Johnny Damon talking ALL THE DAMN TIME. We need to start playing some more baseball. (oh, and speaking of the all-star break, every active player in our wiffleball league was elected to our wiffleball all-star game. (so really it was like any other game of wiffleball we play, we just called it the all-star game. and also we made a rule that you had to dive to catch every ball hit near you the whole time, even if it was unnecessary.))

Ramblingly,
-Tom

recommended downloads:
Cake, Sheep Go To Heaven
Everclear, Like A California King
Citizen Cope & Santana, Son's Gonna Rise

Baby, lay down your arms...

A case for the iPod. Never-opened Star Wars figurines. Display case for Joe Montana autographed football.

These are all things I don't have. I don't buy things to protect stuff. I find it ridiculous. I bought the iPod to use it, not to save it forever untouched by human hands, unmolested, pristine, clean, and white. No, I'm going to drive it into the ground. I'm going to play the hell out of my music, whenever, wherever I can.

Collectibles? The word means nothing to me. Toys are meant to be played with, footballs are meant to be thrown, caught, kicked, and generally roughed up. I find no joy in sterilized objects set apart, encased. The joy is in using them for their intended purpose.

Utility is a necessity. I've destroyed something like seven watches since I started wearing them in eighth grade. I've never had a fancy watch. I need watches with scratch-resistant glass or plastic faces. I need watches with canvas bands, or tough, durable leather bands. I don't lead a rough life, I lead an unconcerned life. The watch is there for the time, and otherwise it's ignored. My watches get bumped, scraped, crushed and worse in the course of a day.

This is why I can't have nice things. I've recognized, though, that nice things won't last, and so neither does my desire for them. Well-built is more important than "cool looking." Well-engineered is more important than expensive (though very often they go hand-in-hand).

Book bindings should be creased. Pages should be dog-eared. Hat brims should be bent; jeans ripped and faded; shoes should be muddy; clothes should be worn until they are worn out. You shouldn't go through life without any scars.

-Tom
recommended downloads
Pearl Jam, Love Boat Captain, Brain of J. and Soldier of Love

Clearly I was not asked to participate in this survey...

Everybody check out today's Gawker headline about slacking off at work!

2.4 hours, HA!

well, it's for the best, my data just would have skewed the results.
man, I don't even work for 2.4 hours a day.

peace out,
-T

recommended download:
Alabama, I'm In A Hurry (To Get Things Done)

If you thought last tuesday was bad...

I'm tired and I can't write.

This is the seventh post I've started today. The first six were terrible. I deleted them. This, the seventh, is progress.

Books: I have purchased more books since January than I have read since last January. Last week they were of the trade paperback variety, this week I decided to round out some science fiction collections. I now own:
Isaac Asimov, The Foundation Series (seven novels)
Frank Herbert, The Dune Chronicles (six novels)
Orson Scott Card, The Ender Quartet and The Shadow Triology (seven novels)

That's a lot of science fiction. But it's not surprising, because I've always enjoyed science fiction. I mean, really, my literary taste goes sort of like this:
hand me any book, 70% chance I'll like it
hand me any detective novel, 85% chance I'll like it
any science fiction - 87.5% chance I'll like it

So there you go. Books are cool. And now I have a lot of them.

It would be really great if they let me read at work.

-T
recommended download:
Ozma, Domino Effect

17 syllables

I stole this idea
Write a brand new haiku
Winner gets dinner (maybe)

There are a few rules
All haiku forms are O.K.
Funny or somber

Get ready, set, go
Contest ends when I say so
Have good luck, poets

-t
recommended downloads:
Arlo Guthrie, Alice's Resturant

The Teeth of the Tiger

I just finished rereading Tom Clancy's The Teeth of the Tiger it's his best in a while.

In order, my top three favorite Clancy novels:
1. The Sum of All Fears (do not watch the movie ever)
2. The Cardinal of the Kremlin
3. Red Rabbit

-t

Dudes! Check me out!

Sweet man. You can totally Google me. (I love how that sounds just a little bit dirty).

Try it! "a20261" and BAM there I am.

The internet is a wonderful tool (for slacking off at work ;)


-Tom
recommended download:
Bob Schneider, The World Goes Around

So, I guess, you know, if you choose to look at it that way, technically, it's cheating...

So I have an interview. Here. Right here in this building, for this company, for this group. Not for this position though, I already have this position. The interview is for a BRAND NEW position. (please keep in mind that in this instance "new position" really means "same money, more work," but it's not like I'm killing myself to get all my work done now, right?)

BRAND NEW position. The first interview will be with my senior manager. Then an interview each with the two lesser managers. A three-part interview.

The breakdown:
1. Part One, Senior Manager - piece of cake. he's the one that recommended I apply.
2. Part Two, the less-senior of the lesser managers - he's only been here two weeks, unless I punch him in the face I don't see this hampering my chances.
3. Part Three, hype-coffee manager - See, he's hyper. He's "detail-oriented." He's nuts. And I just so happen to know that he has a prepared quiz he gives all candidates for this position. And, and this is where it gets technical, I happen to know where the quiz (and answers) are saved on the network.

So of course I'm going to print them out and review them before the interview! I mean, if I didn't, that would be like, that would be like not taking free money from a wallet that just fell out of someone's pocket! or, like ordering dinner at a resturant and then not taking off when the waitress takes too long to bring the check! of course I'm going to review the questions, and of course I'm going to memorize the answers.

Come on. Is it my fault that he stores everything in the same folder on the network, not only the spreadsheets we need to do our job, but also pictures of his dog and his family reunion? Is it my fault the document in question is labeled "Quiz_and_AnswerKey_for_SeniorPosition.doc"? I mean really? If you were hiring someone, wouldn't you want to hire that someone resourceful enough to find that quiz? or smart enough to recognize its value? I know I would.

On the other hand, I may want to hire them, but I'd also want to keep them away from my wallet.

Good luck to me.
-Tom

recommended download:
Bob Schneider, The World Goes Around
and
Led Zepplin, Fool In The Rain

I wanted to quit

I'd been back five minutes, maybe. Already I wanted to quit, to just walk away.

I sat down to find funds haphazardly scattered around my desk. Gershwin came over to tell me I had two budgets due tomorrow afternoon. Three outlook alerts popped up once my computer started, a meeting with management, a report that needs to be run every tuesday, and a program I run that should also have been run tuesday. Oh, also, one hundred sixty-three messages in my inbox since friday. Two of them relevant.

But then...

But then the PA on one of my tax-free's came over with a problem. A trade booked wrong, an incorrect date, and wrong income. I went right into problem-solving mode. It didn't even occur to me until just now that I had stopped thinking about quitting. Fifteen minutes, we figured out what was wrong, figured out how to fix it, and fixed it, and in doing so redirected my wanderlust.

What can I say? I like solving problems.

-Tom
recommended downloads:
R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
and
Rod Stewart, Someone Like You

Day Five (Tuesday)

Ok, so, ALL DAY TRAVELLING....

Drive for four hours from Austin to For Worth. Barely make it to the airport on time. Then the flight was delayed. Spend forever on the plane, drifting in and out of consciousness. Barely, baaarely, make the connecting flight in Charlotte. Come back home to Boston. Go Red Sox.

Oh, and after being in Texas for the best part of five days, I'm totally getting a truck.

-Tom
recommended download:
Bob Schneider, I'm Good Now, The Way Life Is Supposed To Be, God Is My Friend
Arlo Guthrie, Alice's Resturant

Day Four (Monday)

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Something something DAMN IT IS SO HOT HERE IN TEXAS something something drive forever to get barbecue at the Salt Lick. No, seriously, forever. The directions are "take this road until it ends. turn left. then just keep driving, and you'll think you're in the middle of nowhere - and you are - and then just keep driving, and it's on the right." Good bbq. Then some bars, and Foulke blew another save and fireworks and swimming in the pool and some cuddling (details not to follow).

WOOO INDEPENDENCE!

-Tom

Day Three (Sunday)

I didn't know it was Sunday. Generally when I wake up I ask myself "do I have to work today?" and if the answer is "no" then I just stop thinking for the rest of the day right there.

This is why I didn't know it was Sunday. We did something, I'm sure eating was involved. I enjoyed myself. And John gave a tour of the Austin state house, which was one of the highlights of the trip.

-Tom
recommended download:
Morcheeba, Ten Men
and
Third Eye Blind, Never Let You Go

Day Two (Saturday)

A lovely lunch with John's parents. They are delightful, as was expected.

Then a lazy day of sitting at the apartment, swimming in the pool, and John playing downloaded versions of Civilization (the first one), and Indiana Jones (the Atlantis one). That took up most of the afternoon.

Tomorrow, up bright and very early for the long drive to Austin. Woooo.

Back again when I can ;)

-Tom

recommended download:
Christian Bale, Santa Fe (Newsies Soundtrack)

Night One (Friday)

Picked up from the airport (right on time, really). After a good lunch and some libations we then spent the afternoon chillin' in the apt. watching Harry Potter movies. It was decided to meet up with and old high school friend of my host and travelling companion and her new husband (howdy hs friend and husband).

We first ate at a nice tex/mex/salvadoran resturant. The food was very good, the conversation was even better. The three hs kids compared gossip on former classmates, the husband and I contributed with thoughtful, poignant, and humorous insights. I had a marvellous time.

The night proceeded with a trip to a local drinking establishment. Waiting in an unanticipated line to get in the girls were hit on by drunk men on the patio, and after running that gauntlet, we got in, past two very polite bouncers who let us come and go as we pleased (and as the circumstances demanded) throughout the night.

So we drank.

Everybody ordered whatever they had had at the resturant, then we did some shots, then someone ordered a round of Irish car-bombs. I don't know how it happened, but one of our party got very way too much drunk. I ended up drinking their car-bomb too, which yes, put me very close to the edge.

But the friend? The one of our party who drank too much? Not so lucky. That one crossed over the line. And after half an hour of sitting miserably in the bar, looking at a drink that could not be finished that person admitted to feeling nothing but a slight tingling in their extremities.

So I walked [read: carried] that person [read: dead weight] to the parking lot.
Where said person proceeded to spew alcohol, dinner, guts, and the kitchen sink all over the nicely kept grass. Oh well. (this is where the nice bouncers let me walk unmolested in and out of the bar to retrieve napkins, water, and the like...I don't know if you're reading, but thanks guys.)

The one recovered. I paid the tab. The group retired for the night.


And who knows what tomorrow will bring.

-Tom
recommended download: Lemonstone, Loss For Words