because I said I would

Man, I'm an idiot. Really. Let me try to explain...

Many of you who read this web log on a regular basis, or have perused the archives, are familiar with cute girl, who sits near my desk. She is no more or less cute now than she was when I first started working. She now, however, knows my name and has spoken to me on at least one occasion. What you faithful readers do not know is that there is another girl on the floor, a girl I've never mentioned here, a girl I choose to mention now, for the first time.

Her name is Ashley, she sits near the trade terminal, and the best part of my day is checking trades, because she might look over at me. I can hardly make eye-contact, I'm nervous around her, I worry that my hair looks stupid (it does) or if my belt matches my shoes (nope) and she dresses so well, and looks so good doing it, I can't match up...but, she has very pretty eyes.

I still feel like I'm new, like I've only been working a few weeks. It's not the case, I was hired in September, I've been here for months, I've just been through a year-end managerial review (and. no surprise, passed with flying colors). I'm only just now starting to feel comfortable here, it just doesn't feel like it's home turf, like I have any sort of claim here.

About three weeks ago Ashley got her hair cut and straightened. And I had to say something. Just had to. It took me all day, but I finally got up some nerve, walked over to her desk and said something like "Hi, my name is Tom, I just wanted to say I noticed you changed your hair and that it looks very nice." Well, that's what I meant to say anyway, I don't actually know, because I have very little memory of what actually happened. I was so nervous all I can remeber is stammering something about hair and then beating a hasty retreat (damn near running) to my desk in the middle of her "um, thank you...?" The hit-and-run complimenter, that's what they'd call me. But I wanted to say it, and it was said. I declare moral victory.

That was three weeks ago. Since that time I have had occassion to speak to Ashely in a professionaly capacity, as she is the PA responsible for booking trades to two of my funds. "Tom there's a problem on oh-nine, I need to rebook something" or "Ashley, can I get a copy of the trade ticket for Bear-Sterns?" No one brought up my random compliment, no one mentioned my hasty retreat. But you know what? It's been a long time since I've asked anyone out. Anyone in the same time zone anyway - but that's another story. I decided to ask her out.

To me, this was a big deal, and it's because I lack confidence. Plop me down anywhere on the four mile stretch from Kenmore square up through Harvard ave. and I'm home. Spent four years there, got drunk there, fell in love, almost failed out, broke some hearts, helped some people, had some fun. I'm home there. I can ask out any girl there anytime, no fuss, no bother, supreme and utter confidence. I lack that confidence at work....and yet, I decided to ask her out.

It took me two days, I needed two days to psych myself up to approach her. I walked by her desk three or four times, to the printer, to check trades, for no reason at all. A day and a half longer than I needed just to say I noticed her hair. But I did it. I asked her to dinner. And she didn't say no.

She's very pretty. And I don't know anything about her. She might be 27 and engaged (though if that's the case I doubt she would have agreed to dinner) But it doesn't matter. This date could go to hell. This could be the worst-case scenario first date, the date used as an example of what not to do on a date with a pretty girl. But that is immaterial. Victory. I overcame my nervousness, I asked, though I was on unfamiliar ground. I am more because of that.

Thanks for reading,
-Tom