For those of you, like me, who spent last night, not studiously listening to President Obama's speech and the GOP response by Govenor Jindal, but partying for Fat Tuesday and gorging on all those things you'll be giving up for Lent (Call of Duty) I'm here to inform you that you missed the Next Big Thing and you should be prepared to log on to Facebook immediately after reading this entry so you too can join a group and be on the cutting edge of this phenomenon:
Gov. Bobby Jindal is Kenneth the NBC page.
The Huffington Post has been kind enough to post comparative videos. You can really start to hear in in Jindal's story about his grandfather, just after the 1:20 mark.
Golly!
Who is this better for, and when can we expect Kenneth to host SNL by playing Jindal in the opening sketch?
-t
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Don't Bring A Licorice Whip To A Knife Fight
These rules for gunfighting (from kottke) are hilarious and awesome.
My favorite is #10, hands down:
But there are lots of other good tips, like "The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get."
I've amended some of the rules for application to a number of other activities.
Pillowfight:
1. Forget about pajamas, sheets, and blankets. Bring a pillow. Preferably, bring at least two pillows. Bring all of your friends who have pillows. Bring four times the pillows you think you could ever need.
Eating Contest:
8. If you are not chewing, you should be swallowing, communicating, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the sea gulls, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Hot Dog," "Ketchup" or "Worchestire?"
Porn Shoot:
6. If you can choose what to bring to a porn shoot, bring a semi or full-automatic long "gun" and a friend with a long "gun."
Raptor attack:
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't. Also watch their teeth. Teeth kill. Also, razor sharp foot claws kill.
Staring Contest:
26. Practice staring in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc.
27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about staring at another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature.
Living with OCD:
2. Anything worth cleaning is worth cleaning twice. Disinfectant is cheap - life is expensive. If you clean inside, a mop and bucket is your friend. Pine-Sol is cheap - funerals are expensive.
Spelling Bee:
24. Do not attend a spelling bee with a word in common usage, the number of syllables of which is not anything smaller than "4".
Making Out:
9. Accuracy is relative: most make out standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the tongue.
Debate:
3. The only thing worse than a drawl is a slow drawl.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of grammar, sentence structure, or speech impediments. They will only remember who lived.
Small Business Management:
25. Use a employee that works EVERY TIME. At a practice session, throw you employee into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later.
Bodyguard Carrying Contest:
16. Don't drop your guard.
Parent-Teacher Meeting:
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you.
Any other suggestions for the gunfighting rules?
-t
My favorite is #10, hands down:
10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
But there are lots of other good tips, like "The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get."
I've amended some of the rules for application to a number of other activities.
Pillowfight:
1. Forget about pajamas, sheets, and blankets. Bring a pillow. Preferably, bring at least two pillows. Bring all of your friends who have pillows. Bring four times the pillows you think you could ever need.
Eating Contest:
8. If you are not chewing, you should be swallowing, communicating, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the sea gulls, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Hot Dog," "Ketchup" or "Worchestire?"
Porn Shoot:
6. If you can choose what to bring to a porn shoot, bring a semi or full-automatic long "gun" and a friend with a long "gun."
Raptor attack:
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't. Also watch their teeth. Teeth kill. Also, razor sharp foot claws kill.
Staring Contest:
26. Practice staring in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc.
27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about staring at another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature.
Living with OCD:
2. Anything worth cleaning is worth cleaning twice. Disinfectant is cheap - life is expensive. If you clean inside, a mop and bucket is your friend. Pine-Sol is cheap - funerals are expensive.
Spelling Bee:
24. Do not attend a spelling bee with a word in common usage, the number of syllables of which is not anything smaller than "4".
Making Out:
9. Accuracy is relative: most make out standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the tongue.
Debate:
3. The only thing worse than a drawl is a slow drawl.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of grammar, sentence structure, or speech impediments. They will only remember who lived.
Small Business Management:
25. Use a employee that works EVERY TIME. At a practice session, throw you employee into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later.
Bodyguard Carrying Contest:
16. Don't drop your guard.
Parent-Teacher Meeting:
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you.
Any other suggestions for the gunfighting rules?
-t
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dumpster Diving
I'm reneging on my promise to stop complaining. I've got to rant, that's the whole reason this blog is here in the first place! To wit:
I've been assigned to the month end audit review team. This is not an enviable assignment, it is, in fact, an unenviable one. The audit review team's task, simply, is to review every single break across all aspects of each of the funds before the actual audit team performs their review.
This is exactly like tidying up before the maid comes to clean your apartment; except the funds aren't so much your apartment as they are the squalid dumpster in the alley behind your building.
It went down like this:
[ring, ring]
Hello, this is Tom
Will you be the contact for the audit team?
No
Well, you have to. And you're good at it. So you have to - the meeting's at two.
[click]
L-A-M-E.
Of course I'm good at it. I'm good at a lot of things. Mr. Clean is good at cleaning I doubt even he'd get excited about that back alley dumpster. Ability does not equal affinity.
I have been compelled into similar projects in the past. I have always resolved breaks at an above average rate. I have yet to see any substantial career gain.
And, since the economic meltdown has necessitated a salary and promotion freeze, I know for certain that the best possible outcome will be a hearty pat on the back from my immediate supervisor.
If I'm going to come out the other side of this being paid the same, having gained zero recognition within the firm, having moved not at all up the ladder, and, if it's all the same to you, I'd much rather spend the next month doing exactly what I've been doing which will net the same effect and avoid the entire back alley altogether.
Right?
-t
Thursday, February 05, 2009
See Things As They Are And Ask Why
I have a cold. As instructed by the best folk remedy, I am feeding it (mostly coffee). To distract myself from the sinus headache I am reading funny things online, like
This hilarious exchange.
Update: the link seems to be timing out, here's the google cache
Two observations: (1) I love science, and (2) Parenting is probably the most fun thing to do ever.
-t
This hilarious exchange.
Update: the link seems to be timing out, here's the google cache
Two observations: (1) I love science, and (2) Parenting is probably the most fun thing to do ever.
-t
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Hard Times At Ridgemont High
Even though my company stayed well away from the short-selling mortgage-backed system-wide bankruptcy we are still feeling the pinch.
While our capital and market holdings are safe, our projected income for the next few years is going to dwindle as more and more of our clients are affected. So they have instituted a number of cutbacks in order to save some money during these lean times, like:
(a) no pay raises until further notice
(b) no bonuses for 2009
(c) all printers have been reset to default to two-sided printing, cutting our paper consumption in half (this deserves its own mini-post)
But, solid as our savings and planning may be, some folks are still getting clipped, like Roberto, a supervisor on the other side of the floor. He got the axe yesterday afternoon after chronically poor performance reviews (as told by a gossiping manager, "a habitual under-performer").
He was fired yesterday afternoon because he rolled in at eleven and missed the 9AM meeting they'd called to fire him.
Firings during a recession wouldn't surprise anyone, someone up and quitting with no notice will come as a surprise.
No. Not me. I know you were all thinking that. I may love quitting, but I'm not crazy enough to quit with zero prospects in a tanking financial climate.
There was, however, someone that crazy on the night shift!
So we were called into an emergency meeting Monday and told that an irate employee quit the night team with no notice that day and they needed a volunteer to replace him for the next five weeks.
So I volunteered, it might make a nice change of pace.
Unfortunately, they haven't told me yet if I'm going to get it. There may be other volunteers, availability may be an issue, etc. I was supposed to find out yesterday afternoon (this is an emergency fill-in, after all), but, nothing.
Until this morning a girl from the cash team shows up, out of the blue, and sits down with one of our trade guys to "train" on the trade system.
Indications point to me not getting the night shift gig.
Which is a shame, new hours (11PM-7AM), an interesting new sleep schedule (maybe 8AM-12PM, 6PM-8PM?), a new team (full of transplanted Dubliners ready for befriending), and an excuse to drink at seven-thirty in the morning ("a hell of a day at work").
It would have been only for the next five weeks, so I'd get back to regular hours before getting the insomnia-induced madness ("Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness, or I'm drunk, or I ate too much candy!"). Or, if I flourished, I could request a permanent move to nocturnal hours (like Batman).
But now, like a Superbowl victory, it looks like it's not in the cards.
-t
P.S. to those of you looking for references to Fast Times At Ridgemont High, as indicated by the headline, there aren't any, I've never seen it, and therefore have no jokes.
While our capital and market holdings are safe, our projected income for the next few years is going to dwindle as more and more of our clients are affected. So they have instituted a number of cutbacks in order to save some money during these lean times, like:
(a) no pay raises until further notice
(b) no bonuses for 2009
(c) all printers have been reset to default to two-sided printing, cutting our paper consumption in half (this deserves its own mini-post)
But, solid as our savings and planning may be, some folks are still getting clipped, like Roberto, a supervisor on the other side of the floor. He got the axe yesterday afternoon after chronically poor performance reviews (as told by a gossiping manager, "a habitual under-performer").
He was fired yesterday afternoon because he rolled in at eleven and missed the 9AM meeting they'd called to fire him.
Firings during a recession wouldn't surprise anyone, someone up and quitting with no notice will come as a surprise.
No. Not me. I know you were all thinking that. I may love quitting, but I'm not crazy enough to quit with zero prospects in a tanking financial climate.
There was, however, someone that crazy on the night shift!
So we were called into an emergency meeting Monday and told that an irate employee quit the night team with no notice that day and they needed a volunteer to replace him for the next five weeks.
So I volunteered, it might make a nice change of pace.
Unfortunately, they haven't told me yet if I'm going to get it. There may be other volunteers, availability may be an issue, etc. I was supposed to find out yesterday afternoon (this is an emergency fill-in, after all), but, nothing.
Until this morning a girl from the cash team shows up, out of the blue, and sits down with one of our trade guys to "train" on the trade system.
Indications point to me not getting the night shift gig.
Which is a shame, new hours (11PM-7AM), an interesting new sleep schedule (maybe 8AM-12PM, 6PM-8PM?), a new team (full of transplanted Dubliners ready for befriending), and an excuse to drink at seven-thirty in the morning ("a hell of a day at work").
It would have been only for the next five weeks, so I'd get back to regular hours before getting the insomnia-induced madness ("Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness, or I'm drunk, or I ate too much candy!"). Or, if I flourished, I could request a permanent move to nocturnal hours (like Batman).
But now, like a Superbowl victory, it looks like it's not in the cards.
-t
P.S. to those of you looking for references to Fast Times At Ridgemont High, as indicated by the headline, there aren't any, I've never seen it, and therefore have no jokes.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Just BE-CAUSE
When I was in fourth grade I decided to speak more intelligently. I had noticed that speaking in a Boston accent can sometimes make a person seem stupid. Un-educated.
So, from that realization, through high school and some of college, I did my best to minimize the soft r's and enunciate.
After graduation, however, I began falling back into the old speech patterns. I didn't give it much thought.
Until today, when I heard myself give an explanation for a trade variance that began with "cuz" instead of "because" - it wasn't even an abbreviated because ('cause), it was chopped all the way down to a "word" almost phonetically indistinguishable from "cud" (ew)! This is a place of business! Finance! Learned men and women think here! WE DO NOT WORK IN A BARN! And I thought to myself, "I sound like a jackass. Knock it off."
So I will. No more saying "cuz." or "S'an-thing" instead of "Is there anything." I'm sure there are more. It's disheartening, sometimes, but no longer...
ELOQUENCE IS BACK
-t
So, from that realization, through high school and some of college, I did my best to minimize the soft r's and enunciate.
After graduation, however, I began falling back into the old speech patterns. I didn't give it much thought.
Until today, when I heard myself give an explanation for a trade variance that began with "cuz" instead of "because" - it wasn't even an abbreviated because ('cause), it was chopped all the way down to a "word" almost phonetically indistinguishable from "cud" (ew)! This is a place of business! Finance! Learned men and women think here! WE DO NOT WORK IN A BARN! And I thought to myself, "I sound like a jackass. Knock it off."
So I will. No more saying "cuz." or "S'an-thing" instead of "Is there anything." I'm sure there are more. It's disheartening, sometimes, but no longer...
ELOQUENCE IS BACK
-t
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Zur!
txting has become very important to me since I purchased a phone with QWERTY keypad. Quickly punching out respond-at-your-lesiure mobile-to-mobile queries is more valuable to me than email, IM, or voice.
No need to worry about interrupting someone with a voice call while they are earnestly trying to do something important (writing a blog post?); You don't have to worry about Ms Manners' email protocol, signatures, auto-inserts, or subject lines; and you don't need to worry about your recipient being "online" the txt hovers in the ether until they power up their phone.
No down side! Plus, they can't block it at work! (unlike gmail, AIM, facebook, etc etc)
And, if you're still stuck on a standard 1-9 alphabet layout T-9 txt entry can provide hilarious suggestions for your slang, in-jokes, and uncommon grammar.
I realize that, in the past, I may have belittled txting (I seem to remember a post written specifically to rail against the word "txting") but I'm writing now to let you all know that I have come around:
I <3 txting.
-t
No need to worry about interrupting someone with a voice call while they are earnestly trying to do something important (writing a blog post?); You don't have to worry about Ms Manners' email protocol, signatures, auto-inserts, or subject lines; and you don't need to worry about your recipient being "online" the txt hovers in the ether until they power up their phone.
No down side! Plus, they can't block it at work! (unlike gmail, AIM, facebook, etc etc)
And, if you're still stuck on a standard 1-9 alphabet layout T-9 txt entry can provide hilarious suggestions for your slang, in-jokes, and uncommon grammar.
I realize that, in the past, I may have belittled txting (I seem to remember a post written specifically to rail against the word "txting") but I'm writing now to let you all know that I have come around:
I <3 txting.
-t
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Conservation of Caffeine
I'm switching up from regular coffee to espresso-based drinks. I need the caffeine.
I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.
I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.
The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.
Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?
I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.
De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.
How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t
I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.
I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.
The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.
Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?
I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.
De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.
How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t
Monday, January 26, 2009
Last Complaint For A While
I've been bored out of my mind for six months, at least.
You would think six months of boredom would resolve itself into imaginative blog posts. Lots of them. It's certainly what I would expect.
Unfortunately, for you, readers, this isn't your typical "There's nothing to doooo, I'm booooored" boredom. Instead it is the boredom associated with seemingly endless busy work.
I am responsible for completing activities that require little to no though at all, leaving my mind free to wander, and my typing fingers shackled to the keyboard. Forever.
Even my vaunted efficiency is no help, as there really is no end in sight.
Formerly (you remember hypermanager, and the stupid kid, right?), my days would start with an avalanche of busy work, an hour break near lunchtime, another hour of work, then nothing to do until quitting time. This left ample opportunities to consider, compose, and creatively format entries.
Later, I spent some time doing zero work for eight hours a day and getting paid. That was too much to take.
And now I don't have one minute's peace for eight hours a day, five days a week. Plenty of space in the cerebellum for imagination, wrestling of weighty social issues, hilarious puns; no time for typing.
These ideas, topics, without an outlet, bounce around in my brain, jumble, until they are no longer recognizable. The consequence, for you, is there is never anything new here.
However, I was recently asked what vice I would be giving up for Lent (a Catholic season of spiritual preparation for the celebratin of the Easter holiday), and have just decided to give up: whining.
In addition to giving up something negative, or self-indulgent, for Lent, it is also encouraged, to do more of something positive.
So I'm also going to post more. Maybe even every day.
Here's hoping practice improves my style.
-t
You would think six months of boredom would resolve itself into imaginative blog posts. Lots of them. It's certainly what I would expect.
Unfortunately, for you, readers, this isn't your typical "There's nothing to doooo, I'm booooored" boredom. Instead it is the boredom associated with seemingly endless busy work.
I am responsible for completing activities that require little to no though at all, leaving my mind free to wander, and my typing fingers shackled to the keyboard. Forever.
Even my vaunted efficiency is no help, as there really is no end in sight.
Formerly (you remember hypermanager, and the stupid kid, right?), my days would start with an avalanche of busy work, an hour break near lunchtime, another hour of work, then nothing to do until quitting time. This left ample opportunities to consider, compose, and creatively format entries.
Later, I spent some time doing zero work for eight hours a day and getting paid. That was too much to take.
And now I don't have one minute's peace for eight hours a day, five days a week. Plenty of space in the cerebellum for imagination, wrestling of weighty social issues, hilarious puns; no time for typing.
These ideas, topics, without an outlet, bounce around in my brain, jumble, until they are no longer recognizable. The consequence, for you, is there is never anything new here.
However, I was recently asked what vice I would be giving up for Lent (a Catholic season of spiritual preparation for the celebratin of the Easter holiday), and have just decided to give up: whining.
In addition to giving up something negative, or self-indulgent, for Lent, it is also encouraged, to do more of something positive.
So I'm also going to post more. Maybe even every day.
Here's hoping practice improves my style.
-t
Monday, January 19, 2009
Hakcers! Help!
Dear Internet,
I would like to leverage your collective intelligence/experience/deviousness to solve a problem:
The kid that sits behind me plays (sucky) pandora music all day through his computer speakers. I would like to disable the speakers without disabling playback through the headphone jack (so disabling the soundcard is out)
Any ideas? Any command line code I can input when he gets up for a glass of water?
Ideally something that won't be a trivial fix for him, (so "mute all" is out)
Thanks, Internet!
-t
PS someday I will learn to speak a language more advanced that html (which, is probably not a language anyway, and almost certainly not rigorous)
I would like to leverage your collective intelligence/experience/deviousness to solve a problem:
The kid that sits behind me plays (sucky) pandora music all day through his computer speakers. I would like to disable the speakers without disabling playback through the headphone jack (so disabling the soundcard is out)
Any ideas? Any command line code I can input when he gets up for a glass of water?
Ideally something that won't be a trivial fix for him, (so "mute all" is out)
Thanks, Internet!
-t
PS someday I will learn to speak a language more advanced that html (which, is probably not a language anyway, and almost certainly not rigorous)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Reading
John's response to an entirely ordinary email:
Sent via BlackBerry fromT-Mobile A BAR.
-t
Driuuuuuuuunbk can't readf thid omg
Sent via BlackBerry from
-t
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Reading
For the past seven years, [GEO600] has been looking for gravitational waves - ripples in space-time thrown off by super-dense astronomical objects such as neutron stars and black holes. GEO600 has not detected any gravitational waves so far, but it might inadvertently have made the most important discovery in physics for half a century. [link]
Fascinating article indicating our existence may be a three-dimensional holographic projection of interactions happening on the two-dimensional space that is the edge of the universe.
-t
[This inevitably led to ana fternoon spent perusing the New Scientist archives.]
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Present Dead Are Hilarious
Emphasis mine:
What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.
-t
Researchers from Durham University (queried, we believe) 200 non-smoking participants, taking into account their intake of tea, coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills or coffee consumed on an average day as well as their propensity to see things that were not there, hear voices, and/or sense the presence of the dead.[via gizmodo]
What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.
-t
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Ariel vs. Bender
I think we can all agree that the awesomest classes of humanoids are ninjas, pirates, robots, and zombies. Age old questions, of course, follow these groups around the internet like rim shots after a bad joke. You may even be aware of the video game "Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball"
So, I often ponder the very question, who would win in a fight?
But, I always seem to run into problems; One, the classic rock-paper-scissors circle, and, Two, the inclusivity problem.
The Inclusivity Problem can be phrased as a question: What if there is another category of awesome thing that can fight?
The primary example is, of course, aliens. Even restricting ourselves to simply humanoid aliens there are still an uncountable number to choose from (ALF, ET, the worm guys, Zim, Wookies, etc, etc) but each of them may possess some incredible power (Ben 10) useful in an offensive or defensive capacity.
And we could go on all day about aliens, but I am even more concerned with the rest of the categories. Who else are we forgetting?
Mutants? Mermaids? Playwrites? Cryptids? What sort of strange and magical battles could we be speculating on?
Consider, Shakespeare vs. Zombie; Yeti vs. Pirate; Robot vs. Mermaid (on land - in water?)
This is exactly why Celebrity Deathmatch should never have been taken off the air.
-t
So, I often ponder the very question, who would win in a fight?
But, I always seem to run into problems; One, the classic rock-paper-scissors circle, and, Two, the inclusivity problem.
The Inclusivity Problem can be phrased as a question: What if there is another category of awesome thing that can fight?
The primary example is, of course, aliens. Even restricting ourselves to simply humanoid aliens there are still an uncountable number to choose from (ALF, ET, the worm guys, Zim, Wookies, etc, etc) but each of them may possess some incredible power (Ben 10) useful in an offensive or defensive capacity.
And we could go on all day about aliens, but I am even more concerned with the rest of the categories. Who else are we forgetting?
Mutants? Mermaids? Playwrites? Cryptids? What sort of strange and magical battles could we be speculating on?
Consider, Shakespeare vs. Zombie; Yeti vs. Pirate; Robot vs. Mermaid (on land - in water?)
This is exactly why Celebrity Deathmatch should never have been taken off the air.
-t
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
(A)Dressing Down
Christmas - A Summation:
One of the best gifts given or received this past Christmas was a book of puzzles by Frank Lewis (Cryptic Crosswords)
Every clue is a brain-teaser, each puzzle has almost sixty clues, based on wordplay, and the book has fifty puzzles, and, the best part, MOST OF THEM ARE PUNS.
Example: A count of the anit-Sandinista forces jokes, or, how Bach composed? (14)
A fourteen letter word that makes sense. Go. Let me know when you need a hint.
Other fun gifts:
A sampler pack of Tabasco brand pepper sauce. (Original, Mild, Habanero, Sweet & Spicy, Garlic, and Chipotle); Chicken Pox (among other giant microbes); and this kick-ass hooded sweatshirt.
New Year's Eve - A Summation:
Nashville is not all it's cracked up to be; mafia (a game designed to mimic criminal behavior and mob mentality) was ruined, ironically, by rule breaking; there was some delicious food; a painted whore of mythical proportions; and the largest collection of pretentious college kids I've seen since my time at BU.
Also margaritas and chauffeuring and loud, drunken, underage, hotel neighbor arguments at 3AM.
Suck it, 2009.
Resolutions - A Summation:
-t
One of the best gifts given or received this past Christmas was a book of puzzles by Frank Lewis (Cryptic Crosswords)
Every clue is a brain-teaser, each puzzle has almost sixty clues, based on wordplay, and the book has fifty puzzles, and, the best part, MOST OF THEM ARE PUNS.
Example: A count of the anit-Sandinista forces jokes, or, how Bach composed? (14)
A fourteen letter word that makes sense. Go. Let me know when you need a hint.
Other fun gifts:
A sampler pack of Tabasco brand pepper sauce. (Original, Mild, Habanero, Sweet & Spicy, Garlic, and Chipotle); Chicken Pox (among other giant microbes); and this kick-ass hooded sweatshirt.
New Year's Eve - A Summation:
Nashville is not all it's cracked up to be; mafia (a game designed to mimic criminal behavior and mob mentality) was ruined, ironically, by rule breaking; there was some delicious food; a painted whore of mythical proportions; and the largest collection of pretentious college kids I've seen since my time at BU.
Also margaritas and chauffeuring and loud, drunken, underage, hotel neighbor arguments at 3AM.
Suck it, 2009.
Resolutions - A Summation:
- Party more often in places that start with a "B" (like Boston, Birmingham, and Baltimore)
- Plan for retirement by purchasing stock in companies that share my economic, environmental, or philosophical precepts (Ted's Montanna Grille, Chipotle, Tesla Motors, Virtucon)
- Take my blogging inspiration from Sister Act II.
- Marry (in 2009)
- Keep the faith
- twitter more, and better
- add more T9 typing mishaps to my slang lexicon ("holy bras!" "zur" etc. (post coming soon))
- reduce my dependence on int-er-net memes.
- and support more things I enjoy online, like pandora, and wikipedia.org
-t
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Where To Find The Meaning Of Life
Wikipedia needs your help. Be honest, you use it ALL THE TIME. I do. And now they're running out of money.
Donate!
Wikipedia is never wrong.
-t
Plus, tax deductible (...probably).
Favorite wikipedia stuff:
Wikipedia is never wrong.
-t
Plus, tax deductible (...probably).
Favorite wikipedia stuff:
- Browsing aerodynamics, especially Military and Experimental Aircraft which always leads to the Flying Bathtub
- Coconut Crabs, part of the fascinating Christmas Island ecosystem (red crabs, and the Yellow Crazy Ant)
- And, obviously, the Random Article feature
Monday, December 15, 2008
All Wrapped Up
Promote holiday cheer and good gift wrapping techniques!
Those of you who, like me (and Biggie), are excellent wrappers won't need to follow this link - but for those of you who are terrible wrappers (Stephen) it will be well worth the look.
Though, for those of you who are very good wrappers, but only want to seem terrible (Van Winkle) you can go here to find gifts wrapped poorly by design.
Happy holidays!
-t
Those of you who, like me (and Biggie), are excellent wrappers won't need to follow this link - but for those of you who are terrible wrappers (Stephen) it will be well worth the look.
Though, for those of you who are very good wrappers, but only want to seem terrible (Van Winkle) you can go here to find gifts wrapped poorly by design.
Happy holidays!
-t
Friday, December 12, 2008
Form Meets Function
Perfect!
This will fit very nicely in my headquarters villainous decor. Video conferencing with world leaders as I held their countries hostage from this chair would definitely add the air of menace that's been missing so far.
I've emailed the company to inquire about adding a remote-controlled laser cannon to the canopy. I'll keep you posted.
-t
This will fit very nicely in my headquarters villainous decor. Video conferencing with world leaders as I held their countries hostage from this chair would definitely add the air of menace that's been missing so far.
I've emailed the company to inquire about adding a remote-controlled laser cannon to the canopy. I'll keep you posted.
-t
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Reader Participation Week! [Post 1]
Quotes Game (via Eileen
(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.
01.I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points [Good Will Hunting] Eileen
02.Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee! [Ronin] Hetherjw
03.Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! [Elf] Eileen
04.Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! [The Incredibles] Laura
05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.
06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!
07. Now when I created the World...
08.So you're telling me there's a chance! [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen
09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream!
10. With friends like you who needs friends?
11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,
13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...
14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it.
15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.
[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]
-t
(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.
01.
02.
03.
04.
05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.
06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!
07. Now when I created the World...
08.
09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream!
10. With friends like you who needs friends?
11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,
13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...
14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it.
15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.
[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]
-t
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A Really Long December
The kid behind me WILL NOT STOP with the radio playing. GET SOME HEADPHONES.
I have used up all my passive-aggressive plays, and I am sick of using my own headphones solely to block the early ninties soft rock streaming from his computer. Counting Crows haven't been relevant in a decade, and you really have to STOP tapping your desk in time with Ants Marching! Seriously. Pandora is great for listening to music you like. You know what else is great? KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF.
He did just get up from his desk without locking his computer...I'm going to disable his sound card.
-t
PS - welcome back to "I hate work" at blogspot.com
I have used up all my passive-aggressive plays, and I am sick of using my own headphones solely to block the early ninties soft rock streaming from his computer. Counting Crows haven't been relevant in a decade, and you really have to STOP tapping your desk in time with Ants Marching! Seriously. Pandora is great for listening to music you like. You know what else is great? KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF.
He did just get up from his desk without locking his computer...I'm going to disable his sound card.
-t
PS - welcome back to "I hate work" at blogspot.com
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