Breaking News: August 2009

Dude! The Gin Blossoms are awesome!



-t

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Thinking About Making 'Job!' My New Catchword

I got a new job! Sort of!Lacking the associated title change and pay raise! So, more of a transfer, really...

Job!

I'll be moving from my supervisory role in this group to a more hands-on role in a similar group which handles slightly more difficult funds.

An unexpected benefit of the change is the news that I will be working with my old boss from my very first job!*

Details to follow.

-t

*note to longtime readers: not hypermanager, but his boss, Mike, who was cool, moved to New York, and came back to Boston.

Repost Reader Participation Week!

I invite new readers to the blog and twitter followers to enjoy this marvellous movie meme and submit your answers! I still can't believe no one has answered #5!

Originally posted here!

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Quotes Game (via Eileen)

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

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01. I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee! [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! [Elf] Eileen

04. Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. Now when I created the World... [Newsies] Zoe (!)

08. So you're telling me there's a chance! [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream! [Airborne] Dan

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it. [Miracle] Heather

15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.[Bad News Bears] Dan

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

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-t

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Dan Goldin Day Prep

We are two months away from DGD '09 and I want to make sure everyone is ready!

For a brief history of Dan Golding Day please refer to the previous posts on this blog (here). I would direct you to Dan Goldin's wikipedia page, but the "editors" keep deleting my updates. [UPDATE - holy crap! "Dan Goldin Day" is a sub-head on the wikipedai page!]

In brief: DG got paid for, basically, not showing up for work as BU prez, and we, the students, got a day off from school for his parade, even after it was cancelled, which gave me an extra day to study for an insane math exam, which I then passed, allowing me to graduate, then get job, buy things, etc.

To celebrate, simply take the day off work, and have a drink in Dan Goldin's honor, to commemorate those times when not showing up for work works out the best for everyone involved.

This year November 17th falls on a Tuesday, so the official observation of DGD will be Monday, October 16, 2009.

For those of you who cannot take a day off, feign sickness, or call out, I recommend a long lunch instead, heavily lubricated by alcohol.

One final note on the expansion of DGD internationally, this year we expect to be celebrating not only in the DGD bastions of old (Boston MA, Milwaukee WI) and new (Philadelphia PA, Baltimore MD), but a few new American cities (Lawton OK, Seattle WA) and at least one international city (Dublin IRE).

For those readers celebrating in a town I have not mentioned above, please drop me a line in the comments and I will be sure to add your city to the DGD roster. (I'm talking to you Londoners, Kiwis, and Antartic Station researchers who love reading the blog and skipping out on work for the flimsiest of reasons.)

Happy Dan Goldin Day 2009, everyone!

-t

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Eire: A Quick Recap

I started typing a list. This is by no means complete. Also, there are pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures.

1. Everything was green. As green as the postcards, posters, pictures, brochures, stories, videos, and eye-witness accounts attest; That green.


2. It does rain sometimes, just not on me. The climate seems to be what I would expect Seattle to be like: overcast, ocassionally drizzly, and cool.


3. Also, there are cattle and sheep everywhere. Everywhere.


4. I think it's a shame newer, bigger roadways are being constructed across the country. You don't need new roads. You can walk it.


5. I hate American tourists. I have hated American tourists since my first trip abroad, and they have not grown any less loathsome as I have matured.


6. Everyone in Ireland knows someone in Boston, or has lived in Boston.


7. High Tea at the Shelbourne was awesome.


8. All the Irish people we met were very nice. Most had awesome accents.


9. Dublin is tiny. Tiny like Boston is tiny. Tiny like, I could walk across it in ten minutes.


10. Most tourists go to Ireland to track down relatives/ancestry/genealogical records. Irish comedians amuse themsevelves by misdirecting these people to other parts of the island.


11. The number of Dunkin Donuts in Boston is fewer than the number of castle ruins in Shannon, which is fewer than the number of tanning salons and "adult" toy shops on any given street in Dublin.


12. Guiness is cheaper than Carlsberg in Ireland. This is something that should have been obvious to me before I saw the bill.


13. Guiness is owned by a mulitnational beverage conglomerate, not based in Ireland. Guiness is still delicious, though.


14. Entirely too many Irish folks drink Budweiser, Bud Light, and, [blech] Coors Light.


15. Sweaters of Irish wool are exceptionally warm.


16. The Liffey was pretty. Don't touch it.


17. Public transportation is significantly cleaner, and more punctual, than the MBTA.


18. The US dollar is weak!


19. Hurling is awesome. And easier to explain than cricket. Which still makes more sense than Australian football.

Thanks a million.
-t

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Dan Goldin Day On The Emerald Isle

In preparation for my impending trip to the Emerald Isle I am trying to immerse myself in all things Irish, and, as the trip came together very last-minute I wasn't left the time for some long-term study or prolonged build-up of materials, instead I'm doing as much as I can as fast as I can. Like the night before an exam.

Modern technology, it turns out, is the perfect tool for this sort of high-speed, last-minute, cultural skimming.

So, I've changed my homepage from google.com to google.ie, following random twitter feeds published by anyone within two degrees of longitude of Limerick (oconlan), subscribed to a number of blogs authored by Dubliners (like Eclectic Micks) and non-Dubliners as well (culch.ie)

[Which is where I heard this cover of The Beatles Come Together which I had never heard before.]

I've also been creating new Pandora stations seeded with Irish bands, specifically The Dubliners, and The Young Dubliners, where I found this, hilarious, song:



I'm going to read the collected works of James Joyce tomorrow.

-t

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Follow @Up

On the other hand, there's twitter.

And different fingers.

-t

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Past Glories

I'm pretty sure there's a whole section of my brain devoted solely to being awesome on IM.

Consider the evidence.

I'm also convinced this part of my brain shuts down when I'm not IMing. I believe an entire quarter of my cranium has been dark since March of 2008.

*UPDATE* -- Ok, ok, ignore the above link and just jump to this comment thread, which is a better summary than I could give.

-t

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How To Find Awesome Pictures Of Things

I was browsing my RSS feeds, as I usually do when I get to work, and began to read this article on the isb.

Which led me here: ...

Ok, I closed the window I though had led me places, but, turns out, nothing linked to where I thought it did. It could have started anywhere along the line.

Click around online and you're bound to find an awesome picture of something. Case in point:


-t

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Reason No.? (I've Lost Count)

Another item for the "Reasons To Hate My Job" list:

(?) Email like this:

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To: Tom, our hero
From: Another Stupid Coworker

Is there any updates regarding the below?

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A bachelor's degree is a prerequisite for having this jobs. Subject/verb agreement are not one.

GAH.

-t

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Big Brother Update

Gmail was blocked, ages ago - and along with it, gchat - but, with google widgety things on the google homepage I could, at least, still view my inbox (the 10 most recent emails received, which is better than nothing).

Then, they blocked twitter.

Today, however, when I signed into my personalized google homepage (with Batman theme!) the gmail widget was blocked! Unbelievable.

I can't even read the subject line of the first ten emails in my inbox anymore!

And when I mentioned it to a coworker they informed me that youtube is also blocked! And not the homepage, either. Get this: You can access youtube.com and you can type a query into the search bar, and search, and view search results, but, if you click on a video to watch any of your results, BAM! BLOCKED!

due to

not kidding

"violence"

Which, maaaaybe makes sense for the NFL video the coworker was trying to watch (not really, it was Michael Vick's press conference, but it could be all NFL=violence)

it does NOT make sense for the next video he tried to pull up: THESE ADORABLE KITTENS!

which I can't embed because the access through youtube is blocked.

Google video is still available, which is why I can post this


[brief aside: Every one of the crazy protestors should have been handled in this same way. Testament to the first amendment, indeed!]



In conclusion: I fear it is only a matter of time before igoogle itself is blocked, and then, most worryingly, google reader. And after that? Who knows.

Which sucks, because this is not the economic climate I want to be in while looking for a new job.

-t

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Life; Now Up-To-Date

I am married. I am no longer available. I am officially off the market. (I have been unofficially off the market for quite some time, actually, but now it's legal, witnessed, real, etc).

I (we) also bought a house. At some point there will be a housewarming (probably). With grilling, of vegetables (and also meat! burgers! steak tips! chicken! etc!)

So that's (1) husband (2) homeowner

And (3) the baby should be delivered either Thursday or Friday (free two-day shiping with Amazon Prime!)

-t

PS - I am still hilarious.

Ghost Outs (Not Scary)

Last night our opponents tried to issue a two-out intentional walk to the spot in our lineup before a ghost out. (ghost out: when playing with less than three female players the team will be charged an out after the last batter in the line-up in place of the missing player)

This is a bush league thing to try.

Turns out, though, strategic as it may be, it's against the rules of the league (no walk shall be issued to the batter prior to a ghost out) which we didn't know, so after the first pitch went 20 feet over his head, our guy actually jumped across the plate to hit the next pitch which was four feet outside. (grounder to third for the last out)
(Which ended the inning and meant the next inning started with the ghost out.)

But, turns out, when they tried intentionally walking him, they knew the rule about no intentional walks, and were banking on us not knowing it.

Which we didn't

Which prompted our guy to swing at an unhittable pitch

Double bush league. Bush and deceitful. These guys are assholes.

Also, the umpire didn't explain the rule until after the at bat. That I don't understand at all.

Anyway. After the intentional ghost out walk situation played out we were going into the bottom of the last inning down one run.

Ground out
Single
Fly out, no advance
Walk
Single - scored runner from second, runner from first went to third on the throw to the plate, batter took second on throw to the plate
Tie game!
Next batter, walk-off ground-rule double

We win! Suck it bush leaguers!

Woo!

Also, I was informed today that I had enough ABs to qualify for the batting title.

Which I won. I also led the team in OBP. This marks a significant improvement from my first season (and a significant improvement from my broken collarbone)

And now, depending on the outcome of another game, we may have qualified for the playoffs.

-t

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Red Team!

Lost the first of three make-up games on a walk-off single in the bottom of the seventh inning. It was a tough game to lose, and we need to win the next two by large margins in order to make the playoffs.

My line so far this season is a .750 average in 9 Plate Appearances (one double, one walk, for a 1.653 OPS)

Lately I've been making good solid contact, I plan on doing the same for however many games we have left.

-t

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Ageism

Last Friday was my birthday. I am 27 years old.

I was not served beer last night at the sushi restaurant, because when they carded me, because I ALWAYS get carded, the waitress noticed that my license had expired.

Actually, it had expired two days previous, on my birthday.

Invalid ID? No drinks for you!

Now, I ask you, what, exactly, is the problem with an ID that two days ago proved I was 27? Hmm?

Now that the license has expired I've magically reverse-aged seven years? Who am I, Brad Pitt? (That question is only semi-rhetorical, because I really am mistaken for Brad Pitt almost twice a week.)


To her credit the waitress did feel awfully bad about the policy and comped the table some iced green tea, which was very nice.

On the other hand, the bartender at the Mircale of Science did serve me beer after looking at my ID and saying "Looks like this just expired." Which is exactly how you're supposed to react.


Because an expired license isn't a magical fountain of youth. That's just not how time travel works.

-t

More Than A Mortgage

House buying is going well. We are mere days away from closing, and giving away a significantly smaller percentage of my money than I thought would be necessary (100% of all my money).

Tonight we're going over to make some final measurements and to make sure that my ping pong table and couch will fit through the basement door. (Sam has still not come around to the idea of a ping pong table in the dining room)

Once we close the fixing up can begin! Upcoming changes:
(1) cut grass, trim hedges, tend garden
(2) replace the electrical service/circuit breaker
(3) rewire the kitchen
(4) buy this
(5) play this, this, and this:


And play as loud as we like.


-t

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Walk Before you Run (Away From Angry Bat-Wielding Opponents)

Last Tuesday I got the ok for sporting activities from my orthopedist. The collarbone has healed a full 100%.

Luckily, I received the news in time to play in that night's softball game, and would have, but didn't, because it was rained out. (You remember the rain, right? The thirty-three weeks of rain? I blame global warming)

So I had a week to prepare for the next game on the schedule and spent it rebuilding the atrophied muscle tissue and reflexes by playing wiffleball.

The rehad program worked out pretty well. I was two-for-two in last night's game, hitting a single and a double. As I slid, hard, into second base on that double, I was planning on a triple and a home run in my next two at bats to complete the cylce - but didn't get a chance to have two more at bats.

I know, I know, it was going hard into second base that got me the broken collarbone in the first place six (seven?) weeks ago. You're all rolling your eyes at the computer screen now, "Tom, you moron, you broke your other collarbone (or ankle, wrist, etc)?"

Well, no, I wasn't hurt sliding into second base. The game ended prematurely by the slaughter rule. We lost.

We lost because the other team was populated by tools. No one on their team swung the bat. Every single "hitter" went up to the plate looking for a walk. And the umpire was happy to give it to them.

In a typical softball game, when you step up to the plate, you SWING THE BAT and, in a typical softball game, if you're not swinging, the umpire will drastically expand the strike zone to entice you to start swinging.

This umpire did not do that. Which suited this D-league, Co-ed Softball team just fine. Billy Beane would have been proud. Except he wouldn't, because IT'S SOFTBALL! HIT THE GD PITCH, ALREADY.

These guys would take five and six straight pitches. They would only swing with two called strikes on them, prefectly happy to take a walk. It was shameful.

Also, because this is D-league Co-ed softball there are stupid girl rules, in particular this one:

"10.1 The league will adhere to the ASA rule regarding walking a male batter when a female batter is on deck. When a male batter is walked with a female batter on deck, the male batter will be awarded second base." List of stupid Rules

I'd like to scan in the scorecard from the game so you could see exactly how many walks were issued, but I won't, because it will upset me.

I will point out that twice, TWICE, during the game their clean-up hitter, CLEAN-UP HITTER chose to walk because he was followed by a female in the batting order.

THEIR FOUR HITTER WILLINGLY TOOK A TWO-BASE WALK TWICE.

And this is after their team was up by 8 or nine runs. SWING THE FREAKING BAT!

Our entire team was beside themselves. Outfielders were falling asleep. The shortened, five-inning game featured 9 walks.

NINE!

Our team, in an entire season last year, received two (2) walks. Both intentional, both because the opposing team chose not to pitch to our slugger with first base open.

Also, it would have been three intentional walks on the season, except once our guy Mike chose to swing at one of the intentional balls, and he hit it for a double. WHICH IS HOW YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY SOFTBALL.

I drew up some new rules for the league. I am emailing them to the league president. I do not expect a reply.

Proposal of Boston West Co-ed rule changes, regarding walks:
(1) Base on Balls will be abolished
(2) Only Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed. The pitcher's intent to walk the batter must be announced by the pitcher and acknowledged by the umpire before the first pitch of the at-bat is thrown. A maximum of ONE Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed per team, per game.
(3) Any player issued an Intentional Base on Balls, if he or she is batting before a female player, shall be awarded two bases (as the current BB rule is written)
(4) A strike will be called on any batter who takes three consecutive pitches (except for an IBB)
(5) The batting team may request a new pitcher if the current pitcher throws more than 10 consecutive pitches that are outside the called strike zone.

Also up for consideration:
-Heckling an umpire who refuses to expand the strike zone after a team has demonstrated a willingness to reach base via walk will be encouraged.
-There will be no penalty for a pitcher who plunks any batter who refuses to swing the bat.
-Any batter who is too picky will be called out after six pitches (called balls or strikes)...unless there are two outs.

Any other changes you'd can think of?

-t

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Alexander Graham Bell Deserves A Punch In The Nose

I get twenty to thirty phone calls a day, our phone system tracks all incoming and (most) outgoing calls.

There's a little "Call Log" button on my phone that will bring up either the Incoming or Outgoing list, which makes returning a missed call easy, no memorizing extensions, or laboriously typing names into the phone's directory via number pad

--Outgoing Call Log side rant: Any outside number or internal extension dialed from the number pad is recorded in the outgoing call log. Calling your bookie? Number's saved in the phone. Calling the team leader for help? Saved in the phone. BUT the numbers dialed from the directory service are NOT saved. It goes something like this:

"I need to call Leroy Jenkins, but I don't know his extension. I will look it up."

Press [Directory], Press [5][3][6][5][4][6][7], Select "Jenkins," Select "Call." Talk to Leroy, hang up.

Then, remember one more thing you need to ask Leroy, hit [Call Log][Outgoing] and then stare dumbly as you realize his number is not on the outgoing log.

This might be a handy feature if you're a spy and you're trying to hide people you're talking to. If you place every call through the directory your Outgoing Call Log will be entirely blank!

This is NOT handy when you need to call Leroy back for a quick check on a trade detail and you have to type his ENTIRE NAME into the directory, AGAIN. End rant.--

So, of the thirty or so calls made and received every day invariably when I check my Incoming Call Log, invariably, the most recent call is from Buddy.

Buddy who seems incapable of executing any decision on his own, ever.

I get three phone calls from Buddy for every one call from someone who is not Buddy. My incoming call list looks like this:

BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
CARL
BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY

[Ring] "Hey, I was just going to book that trade you told me to book...is that ok?"

[Ring Ring] "I just sent you an email"

[Ring] "The pricing team asked me to forward them an email...should I go ahead and do that?"

I am not exaggerating. These are conversations that actually happen.

Once-in-a-while he'll walk over to my desk, rather than use the phone, but only for really important matters, like

"Pricing team just called. They said that they were going to email me a possible cash break and that I should ask the cash team to take a look at it...Ok?"

OK!? I know that I sometimes show a lack of initiative, but Buddy is achieving new lows in don'-t-it-yourself-ism.

Yes, you can send a cash break to the cash team! You have my permission! To do your job! Gah!

-t

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On Improving The Allstar Game

Some quick thoughts on changes to the MLB Mid-Summer Classic

• Belly-Itchers - I've mentioned this here before: Don't let All-Star pitchers pitch, it's boring. Sure, Halladay striking out five of six batters is a demonstration of talent, filthiness, or further proof that he is the dominant right-hander of his generation, but, as Glavine and Maddux put it, "Chicks dig the long ball"
  
  So, instead of Greinke, Halladay, Santana, Marquis, etc, the game should be thrown by middle-of-the-road relievers: the Farnesworths, the Julian Tavarezes, and back-of-the-rotation starters: Wang, Matsuzaka, Willis.
  
  Poorer pitching means more hitting which also means more defense, and who doesn't like defense? Instead of one or two good looking double plays, we'll get dozens of sprinting dives, bare-handed grabs, near-collisions, and daring stabs at liners in the hole.



• School-yard Pick-em - Plunk Everyone has the run down on this. Basically, fans vote, as they do now, but the leading vote-getter from each league becomes the captain of their squad and picks from the rest of the all stars, from both leagues. There should be a special award for the all-star picked last.



• Home Run Catching Contest - This might need to be moved off-venue, but I would love to see a 600-foot outfield fence for the Home Run Derby patrolled by All Star outfielders. Any hitter that gets it past the 410 mark gets credit for a home run, but, if Ellsbury or Ichiro or Hunter can track it down and catch it, they win $500 (or something, incentivize it anyway you want, I'd just love to see these guys be awesome when they don't have to worry about running into a fence at full-tilt.



• Wiffle-Ball! - Make the AL and NL pitching staffs play each other in a wiffleball game before the HR derby. This is brilliant. They can use the short fence from the celebrity softball game. Imagine seeing major leaguers make a wiffleball dance? Alternately, if you're worried throwing a 3 oz. plastic ball will screw up their mechanics, they won't pitch, just hit and field. We'll have a couple position players pitch. Swisher, Kapler, Lowell. In fact, if a position player has been called in to pitch at any point in the first half, they get an automatic pass to the All-Star Pitchers' Wiffleball game.

Other ideas? Make them hit with old school bats that weigh forty pounds like Ruth and Mantle did? Pull a fan randomly from the seats to manage the bullpen or draw up the batting order? Play with tennis balls and plastic bats? Everyone plays the game with their glove on the wrong hand! Others?
-t

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Good Times MP Pick Me Up

Marcy Playground has just released a new album. It is my duty, as an unapologetic fan, to make you aware of this new album, encourage you to buy it, and provide this embeded youtube clip of a live performance of one of my favorite songs from the CD:



check the rest at wozmusic or marcyplayground.com

This is all I'm going to be doing today. Meetings be damned.

-t

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