Just BE-CAUSE

When I was in fourth grade I decided to speak more intelligently. I had noticed that speaking in a Boston accent can sometimes make a person seem stupid. Un-educated.

So, from that realization, through high school and some of college, I did my best to minimize the soft r's and enunciate.

After graduation, however, I began falling back into the old speech patterns. I didn't give it much thought.

Until today, when I heard myself give an explanation for a trade variance that began with "cuz" instead of "because" - it wasn't even an abbreviated because ('cause), it was chopped all the way down to a "word" almost phonetically indistinguishable from "cud" (ew)! This is a place of business! Finance! Learned men and women think here! WE DO NOT WORK IN A BARN! And I thought to myself, "I sound like a jackass. Knock it off."

So I will. No more saying "cuz." or "S'an-thing" instead of "Is there anything." I'm sure there are more. It's disheartening, sometimes, but no longer...

ELOQUENCE IS BACK

-t

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Zur!

txting has become very important to me since I purchased a phone with QWERTY keypad. Quickly punching out respond-at-your-lesiure mobile-to-mobile queries is more valuable to me than email, IM, or voice.

No need to worry about interrupting someone with a voice call while they are earnestly trying to do something important (writing a blog post?); You don't have to worry about Ms Manners' email protocol, signatures, auto-inserts, or subject lines; and you don't need to worry about your recipient being "online" the txt hovers in the ether until they power up their phone.

No down side! Plus, they can't block it at work! (unlike gmail, AIM, facebook, etc etc)

And, if you're still stuck on a standard 1-9 alphabet layout T-9 txt entry can provide hilarious suggestions for your slang, in-jokes, and uncommon grammar.

I realize that, in the past, I may have belittled txting (I seem to remember a post written specifically to rail against the word "txting") but I'm writing now to let you all know that I have come around:

I <3 txting.


-t

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Conservation of Caffeine

I'm switching up from regular coffee to espresso-based drinks. I need the caffeine.

I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.

I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.

The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.

Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?

I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.

De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.

How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t

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Last Complaint For A While

I've been bored out of my mind for six months, at least.


You would think six months of boredom would resolve itself into imaginative blog posts. Lots of them. It's certainly what I would expect.

Unfortunately, for you, readers, this isn't your typical "There's nothing to doooo, I'm booooored" boredom. Instead it is the boredom associated with seemingly endless busy work.

I am responsible for completing activities that require little to no though at all, leaving my mind free to wander, and my typing fingers shackled to the keyboard. Forever.

Even my vaunted efficiency is no help, as there really is no end in sight.

Formerly (you remember hypermanager, and the stupid kid, right?), my days would start with an avalanche of busy work, an hour break near lunchtime, another hour of work, then nothing to do until quitting time. This left ample opportunities to consider, compose, and creatively format entries.

Later, I spent some time doing zero work for eight hours a day and getting paid. That was too much to take.

And now I don't have one minute's peace for eight hours a day, five days a week. Plenty of space in the cerebellum for imagination, wrestling of weighty social issues, hilarious puns; no time for typing.

These ideas, topics, without an outlet, bounce around in my brain, jumble, until they are no longer recognizable. The consequence, for you, is there is never anything new here.

However, I was recently asked what vice I would be giving up for Lent (a Catholic season of spiritual preparation for the celebratin of the Easter holiday), and have just decided to give up: whining.

In addition to giving up something negative, or self-indulgent, for Lent, it is also encouraged, to do more of something positive.

So I'm also going to post more. Maybe even every day.

Here's hoping practice improves my style.

-t

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Hakcers! Help!

Dear Internet,

I would like to leverage your collective intelligence/experience/deviousness to solve a problem:

The kid that sits behind me plays (sucky) pandora music all day through his computer speakers. I would like to disable the speakers without disabling playback through the headphone jack (so disabling the soundcard is out)

Any ideas? Any command line code I can input when he gets up for a glass of water?

Ideally something that won't be a trivial fix for him, (so "mute all" is out)

Thanks, Internet!

-t

PS someday I will learn to speak a language more advanced that html (which, is probably not a language anyway, and almost certainly not rigorous)

Reading

John's response to an entirely ordinary email:

Driuuuuuuuunbk can't readf thid omg

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile A BAR.


-t

Reading

For the past seven years, [GEO600] has been looking for gravitational waves - ripples in space-time thrown off by super-dense astronomical objects such as neutron stars and black holes. GEO600 has not detected any gravitational waves so far, but it might inadvertently have made the most important discovery in physics for half a century. [link]

Fascinating article indicating our existence may be a three-dimensional holographic projection of interactions happening on the two-dimensional space that is the edge of the universe.

-t

[This inevitably led to ana fternoon spent perusing the New Scientist archives.]

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The Present Dead Are Hilarious

Emphasis mine:

Researchers from Durham University (queried, we believe) 200 non-smoking participants, taking into account their intake of tea, coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills or coffee consumed on an average day as well as their propensity to see things that were not there, hear voices, and/or sense the presence of the dead.

[via gizmodo]

What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.

-t

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Ariel vs. Bender

I think we can all agree that the awesomest classes of humanoids are ninjas, pirates, robots, and zombies. Age old questions, of course, follow these groups around the internet like rim shots after a bad joke. You may even be aware of the video game "Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball"

So, I often ponder the very question, who would win in a fight?

But, I always seem to run into problems; One, the classic rock-paper-scissors circle, and, Two, the inclusivity problem.

The Inclusivity Problem can be phrased as a question: What if there is another category of awesome thing that can fight?

The primary example is, of course, aliens. Even restricting ourselves to simply humanoid aliens there are still an uncountable number to choose from (ALF, ET, the worm guys, Zim, Wookies, etc, etc) but each of them may possess some incredible power (Ben 10) useful in an offensive or defensive capacity.

And we could go on all day about aliens, but I am even more concerned with the rest of the categories. Who else are we forgetting?

Mutants? Mermaids? Playwrites? Cryptids? What sort of strange and magical battles could we be speculating on?

Consider, Shakespeare vs. Zombie; Yeti vs. Pirate; Robot vs. Mermaid (on land - in water?)

This is exactly why Celebrity Deathmatch should never have been taken off the air.

-t

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(A)Dressing Down

Christmas - A Summation:

One of the best gifts given or received this past Christmas was a book of puzzles by Frank Lewis (Cryptic Crosswords)

Every clue is a brain-teaser, each puzzle has almost sixty clues, based on wordplay, and the book has fifty puzzles, and, the best part, MOST OF THEM ARE PUNS.

Example: A count of the anit-Sandinista forces jokes, or, how Bach composed? (14)

A fourteen letter word that makes sense. Go. Let me know when you need a hint.

Other fun gifts:

A sampler pack of Tabasco brand pepper sauce. (Original, Mild, Habanero, Sweet & Spicy, Garlic, and Chipotle); Chicken Pox (among other giant microbes); and this kick-ass hooded sweatshirt.


New Year's Eve - A Summation:
Nashville is not all it's cracked up to be; mafia (a game designed to mimic criminal behavior and mob mentality) was ruined, ironically, by rule breaking; there was some delicious food; a painted whore of mythical proportions; and the largest collection of pretentious college kids I've seen since my time at BU.

Also margaritas and chauffeuring and loud, drunken, underage, hotel neighbor arguments at 3AM.

Suck it, 2009.

Resolutions - A Summation:

• Party more often in places that start with a "B" (like Boston, Birmingham, and Baltimore)


• Plan for retirement by purchasing stock in companies that share my economic, environmental, or philosophical precepts (Ted's Montanna Grille, Chipotle, Tesla Motors, Virtucon)


• Take my blogging inspiration from Sister Act II.


• Marry (in 2009)


• Keep the faith


• twitter more, and better


• add more T9 typing mishaps to my slang lexicon ("holy bras!" "zur" etc. (post coming soon))


• reduce my dependence on int-er-net memes.


• and support more things I enjoy online, like pandora, and wikipedia.org

-t

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