Dan Goldin Day 2010 Is Happening Right Now!

As an unfortunate result of the international economic crisis this year's Dan Goldin Day celebration has been drastically scaled back. Official DGD celebrations are only scheduled for Milwaukee, WI and Boston, MA this year.

As always, we here at DGD HQ still encourage Dan Goldin supporters to observe the holiday wherever they may find themselves on November 17th (hopefully not at work!) and keep the memory of Dan Goldin's victory over the Boston University Trustees in your hearts as you try and shirk any and all of your job-related responsibilities. (Just think, if the guy who invented credit-default swaps had a little more of the Dan Goldin spirit in him he may never have given Wall Street the tool to bring down the US financial system. He could have been sitting at home playing video games and drinking instead. Yet one more reason to spread DGD as far and wide as possible!)

I would also like to offer a brief apology for the brevity of this annual DGD post, but the aforementioned economic crisis has affected us in some unexpected ways, including a word-count restriction passed just last week by the DGD board of directors. (11-6, 2 abstained)

I would also like to call special attention to our Milwaukee branch (and regional manager Donny Bo-bonny) for the extrodinary achievement, this year, of having Dan Goldin Day mentioned on the hour on NPR radio. So tune in, and raise a glass to Dan Goldin!

So, in closing, happy Dan Goldin Day 2010! Shirk, drink, and be merry!

-Tom

PS - links to some previous DGD posts

Why I Normally Take A Patriots' Day Vacation

Patriots' Day (aka Marathon Monday) is celebrated in Boston today. This is great if you are (a) no gainfully employed (b) a student (c) a marathon runner (d) a member of the Red Sox organization

and, judging by the time I spent standing in the bitter early April morning wind at the bust stop today, (e) the majority of the MBTA bus fleet.

Thank goodness bus 184 was in operation, or I would be posting this from my cellphone still standing at the bus stop instead of my cubicle.

-t

PS, Patriots' Day is not great if you are (f)(*ing) gainfully employed and have to navigate the public transit system or roadways while the entire rest of the city takes the day off to get drunk on Beacon street.

Down And Out And Napping

They turn off the air conditioning in the office at jsut about 3 o'clock everyday.

Paired with the ridiculously nice weather today this is a recipe for disaster.

And by "disaster" I mean "a nap."

So I have effectively shut down for the day (for the weekend? for the rest of the quarter?). Or at least until I have a reason to move. (all year?)

Next week: more posting! (hahaha, I am hilarious)

-t

Manic Miserable Monday

I am miserable. Because I hate my new job.

It's also possible that I don't actually care that much one way or the other about my new job, or about my old job, and that I am only miserable because it's Monday.

I would probably not be miserable if I were at home. I hate coming to the office. It is like, way too far away from Assassin's Creed II.

-t

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Happy Dan Goldin Day!

Happy Dan Goldin Day 2009, everyone! I hope you're all reading this post from home with a drink in front of you, or over a pint at your local watering hole, having skipped out on work to honor the decision by the Boston University Trustees to grant a day off to the students of Boston Uniersity after awarding, and then rescinding, a contract to ex-NASA Mr. Dan Goldin, and obligating themselves to payout $1.8 million for breach of that contract. (full career summation here)

For those readers interested, here is a partial list of cities celebrating DGD '09: (east to west)

Boston, MA
Stoneham, MA
Manchester, NH
New York, NY
Philadelphia, PA
Baltimore, MD
Birmingham, AL
Milwaukee, WI (observed 11/20/09)
Arlington, TX
Lawton, OK
Seattle, WA
Te Anua, NZ
Mackay, AU
London, GB
Dublin, IE


Celebrating in a city not on the list? Let me know in the comments! We're still missing Eastern Europe, South America, all of Africa, Asia, and I'm still waiting to hear from you Antarticans!

Too ditching work, and getting paid!

-Tom

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Dread Pirate Roberts

Three days into my lateral promotion and things are starting to pick up. Management has decided to roll out a new break report which I'll be responsible for starting on Monday, and we're spending the week training for research and break resolution.

Also, I have Friday off to go golfing.

Other quick hits:
(1) I'm digging the New England Coffee Chocolate Cappucino flavor
(2) I haven't been to Dunkin' Donuts in over a month
(3) The ping pong table and my couch are now residing happily in my basement (so all is right with the feng-shui universe)
(4) and pretty soon we'll be replacing our heating system!

So I am now poor.
-t

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How Else Would A Phone Sound?

My manager called a group-wide meeting for this afternoon, today's the big day! Lateral promotion! Woo!

I am, in reality, much more excited than I should be about getting to work on a new group of funds.

There is, really, very little actually changing.
(1) new funds
(2) new manager

That's it. I'm not even changing desks (which is stupid, I'm two rows away from the rest of the group, but the difficulties in transferring a phone line from one desk to another in this building are, apparently, insurmountable. Folks go years under the wrong name in a directory even after an approved switch.

I don't really understand it, they're not physically running new phone lines or splicing wires to a different cubicle. They just have to update the directory and switchboard which is (or should be) saved on some database on a server in the IT department.

gr8thanxbai

Something like "Find: Tom" then "ReplaceLocation: 12F76, 14GH5" (I assume each cubicle has an undecipherable code referencing some 3D seating plan) and "ReassignExtension: 5-4433, 5-4843"

Right? I bet, in real phone systems, those three commands are all folded into one. It's all software (or should be). There shouldn't be a need to move hardware at all. And even if there is, the phone itself should be able to talk to the server routing calls. "Sup, router, it's Calvin, serial no. 12345558133463LB0.54 Here's the 411: I'm at a new desk! Send any calls 4 me this way now, k? gr8thanxbai"

Right? Easy. (Yes, my phone's name is Calvin)

Ok, so I wasn't planning on a phone rant. Sorry about that. The point is: Change!

-t

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Thinking About Making 'Job!' My New Catchword

I got a new job! Sort of!Lacking the associated title change and pay raise! So, more of a transfer, really...

Job!

I'll be moving from my supervisory role in this group to a more hands-on role in a similar group which handles slightly more difficult funds.

An unexpected benefit of the change is the news that I will be working with my old boss from my very first job!*

Details to follow.

-t

*note to longtime readers: not hypermanager, but his boss, Mike, who was cool, moved to New York, and came back to Boston.

Dan Goldin Day Prep

We are two months away from DGD '09 and I want to make sure everyone is ready!

For a brief history of Dan Golding Day please refer to the previous posts on this blog (here). I would direct you to Dan Goldin's wikipedia page, but the "editors" keep deleting my updates. [UPDATE - holy crap! "Dan Goldin Day" is a sub-head on the wikipedai page!]

In brief: DG got paid for, basically, not showing up for work as BU prez, and we, the students, got a day off from school for his parade, even after it was cancelled, which gave me an extra day to study for an insane math exam, which I then passed, allowing me to graduate, then get job, buy things, etc.

To celebrate, simply take the day off work, and have a drink in Dan Goldin's honor, to commemorate those times when not showing up for work works out the best for everyone involved.

This year November 17th falls on a Tuesday, so the official observation of DGD will be Monday, October 16, 2009.

For those of you who cannot take a day off, feign sickness, or call out, I recommend a long lunch instead, heavily lubricated by alcohol.

One final note on the expansion of DGD internationally, this year we expect to be celebrating not only in the DGD bastions of old (Boston MA, Milwaukee WI) and new (Philadelphia PA, Baltimore MD), but a few new American cities (Lawton OK, Seattle WA) and at least one international city (Dublin IRE).

For those readers celebrating in a town I have not mentioned above, please drop me a line in the comments and I will be sure to add your city to the DGD roster. (I'm talking to you Londoners, Kiwis, and Antartic Station researchers who love reading the blog and skipping out on work for the flimsiest of reasons.)

Happy Dan Goldin Day 2009, everyone!

-t

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Reason No.? (I've Lost Count)

Another item for the "Reasons To Hate My Job" list:

(?) Email like this:

---

To: Tom, our hero
From: Another Stupid Coworker

Is there any updates regarding the below?

---

A bachelor's degree is a prerequisite for having this jobs. Subject/verb agreement are not one.

GAH.

-t

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Big Brother Update

Gmail was blocked, ages ago - and along with it, gchat - but, with google widgety things on the google homepage I could, at least, still view my inbox (the 10 most recent emails received, which is better than nothing).

Then, they blocked twitter.

Today, however, when I signed into my personalized google homepage (with Batman theme!) the gmail widget was blocked! Unbelievable.

I can't even read the subject line of the first ten emails in my inbox anymore!

And when I mentioned it to a coworker they informed me that youtube is also blocked! And not the homepage, either. Get this: You can access youtube.com and you can type a query into the search bar, and search, and view search results, but, if you click on a video to watch any of your results, BAM! BLOCKED!

due to

not kidding

"violence"

Which, maaaaybe makes sense for the NFL video the coworker was trying to watch (not really, it was Michael Vick's press conference, but it could be all NFL=violence)

it does NOT make sense for the next video he tried to pull up: THESE ADORABLE KITTENS!

which I can't embed because the access through youtube is blocked.

Google video is still available, which is why I can post this


[brief aside: Every one of the crazy protestors should have been handled in this same way. Testament to the first amendment, indeed!]



In conclusion: I fear it is only a matter of time before igoogle itself is blocked, and then, most worryingly, google reader. And after that? Who knows.

Which sucks, because this is not the economic climate I want to be in while looking for a new job.

-t

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Ghost Outs (Not Scary)

Last night our opponents tried to issue a two-out intentional walk to the spot in our lineup before a ghost out. (ghost out: when playing with less than three female players the team will be charged an out after the last batter in the line-up in place of the missing player)

This is a bush league thing to try.

Turns out, though, strategic as it may be, it's against the rules of the league (no walk shall be issued to the batter prior to a ghost out) which we didn't know, so after the first pitch went 20 feet over his head, our guy actually jumped across the plate to hit the next pitch which was four feet outside. (grounder to third for the last out)
(Which ended the inning and meant the next inning started with the ghost out.)

But, turns out, when they tried intentionally walking him, they knew the rule about no intentional walks, and were banking on us not knowing it.

Which we didn't

Which prompted our guy to swing at an unhittable pitch

Double bush league. Bush and deceitful. These guys are assholes.

Also, the umpire didn't explain the rule until after the at bat. That I don't understand at all.

Anyway. After the intentional ghost out walk situation played out we were going into the bottom of the last inning down one run.

Ground out
Single
Fly out, no advance
Walk
Single - scored runner from second, runner from first went to third on the throw to the plate, batter took second on throw to the plate
Tie game!
Next batter, walk-off ground-rule double

We win! Suck it bush leaguers!

Woo!

Also, I was informed today that I had enough ABs to qualify for the batting title.

Which I won. I also led the team in OBP. This marks a significant improvement from my first season (and a significant improvement from my broken collarbone)

And now, depending on the outcome of another game, we may have qualified for the playoffs.

-t

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Red Team!

Lost the first of three make-up games on a walk-off single in the bottom of the seventh inning. It was a tough game to lose, and we need to win the next two by large margins in order to make the playoffs.

My line so far this season is a .750 average in 9 Plate Appearances (one double, one walk, for a 1.653 OPS)

Lately I've been making good solid contact, I plan on doing the same for however many games we have left.

-t

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Walk Before you Run (Away From Angry Bat-Wielding Opponents)

Last Tuesday I got the ok for sporting activities from my orthopedist. The collarbone has healed a full 100%.

Luckily, I received the news in time to play in that night's softball game, and would have, but didn't, because it was rained out. (You remember the rain, right? The thirty-three weeks of rain? I blame global warming)

So I had a week to prepare for the next game on the schedule and spent it rebuilding the atrophied muscle tissue and reflexes by playing wiffleball.

The rehad program worked out pretty well. I was two-for-two in last night's game, hitting a single and a double. As I slid, hard, into second base on that double, I was planning on a triple and a home run in my next two at bats to complete the cylce - but didn't get a chance to have two more at bats.

I know, I know, it was going hard into second base that got me the broken collarbone in the first place six (seven?) weeks ago. You're all rolling your eyes at the computer screen now, "Tom, you moron, you broke your other collarbone (or ankle, wrist, etc)?"

Well, no, I wasn't hurt sliding into second base. The game ended prematurely by the slaughter rule. We lost.

We lost because the other team was populated by tools. No one on their team swung the bat. Every single "hitter" went up to the plate looking for a walk. And the umpire was happy to give it to them.

In a typical softball game, when you step up to the plate, you SWING THE BAT and, in a typical softball game, if you're not swinging, the umpire will drastically expand the strike zone to entice you to start swinging.

This umpire did not do that. Which suited this D-league, Co-ed Softball team just fine. Billy Beane would have been proud. Except he wouldn't, because IT'S SOFTBALL! HIT THE GD PITCH, ALREADY.

These guys would take five and six straight pitches. They would only swing with two called strikes on them, prefectly happy to take a walk. It was shameful.

Also, because this is D-league Co-ed softball there are stupid girl rules, in particular this one:

"10.1 The league will adhere to the ASA rule regarding walking a male batter when a female batter is on deck. When a male batter is walked with a female batter on deck, the male batter will be awarded second base." List of stupid Rules

I'd like to scan in the scorecard from the game so you could see exactly how many walks were issued, but I won't, because it will upset me.

I will point out that twice, TWICE, during the game their clean-up hitter, CLEAN-UP HITTER chose to walk because he was followed by a female in the batting order.

THEIR FOUR HITTER WILLINGLY TOOK A TWO-BASE WALK TWICE.

And this is after their team was up by 8 or nine runs. SWING THE FREAKING BAT!

Our entire team was beside themselves. Outfielders were falling asleep. The shortened, five-inning game featured 9 walks.

NINE!

Our team, in an entire season last year, received two (2) walks. Both intentional, both because the opposing team chose not to pitch to our slugger with first base open.

Also, it would have been three intentional walks on the season, except once our guy Mike chose to swing at one of the intentional balls, and he hit it for a double. WHICH IS HOW YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY SOFTBALL.

I drew up some new rules for the league. I am emailing them to the league president. I do not expect a reply.

Proposal of Boston West Co-ed rule changes, regarding walks:
(1) Base on Balls will be abolished
(2) Only Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed. The pitcher's intent to walk the batter must be announced by the pitcher and acknowledged by the umpire before the first pitch of the at-bat is thrown. A maximum of ONE Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed per team, per game.
(3) Any player issued an Intentional Base on Balls, if he or she is batting before a female player, shall be awarded two bases (as the current BB rule is written)
(4) A strike will be called on any batter who takes three consecutive pitches (except for an IBB)
(5) The batting team may request a new pitcher if the current pitcher throws more than 10 consecutive pitches that are outside the called strike zone.

Also up for consideration:
-Heckling an umpire who refuses to expand the strike zone after a team has demonstrated a willingness to reach base via walk will be encouraged.
-There will be no penalty for a pitcher who plunks any batter who refuses to swing the bat.
-Any batter who is too picky will be called out after six pitches (called balls or strikes)...unless there are two outs.

Any other changes you'd can think of?

-t

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Alexander Graham Bell Deserves A Punch In The Nose

I get twenty to thirty phone calls a day, our phone system tracks all incoming and (most) outgoing calls.

There's a little "Call Log" button on my phone that will bring up either the Incoming or Outgoing list, which makes returning a missed call easy, no memorizing extensions, or laboriously typing names into the phone's directory via number pad

--Outgoing Call Log side rant: Any outside number or internal extension dialed from the number pad is recorded in the outgoing call log. Calling your bookie? Number's saved in the phone. Calling the team leader for help? Saved in the phone. BUT the numbers dialed from the directory service are NOT saved. It goes something like this:

"I need to call Leroy Jenkins, but I don't know his extension. I will look it up."

Press [Directory], Press [5][3][6][5][4][6][7], Select "Jenkins," Select "Call." Talk to Leroy, hang up.

Then, remember one more thing you need to ask Leroy, hit [Call Log][Outgoing] and then stare dumbly as you realize his number is not on the outgoing log.

This might be a handy feature if you're a spy and you're trying to hide people you're talking to. If you place every call through the directory your Outgoing Call Log will be entirely blank!

This is NOT handy when you need to call Leroy back for a quick check on a trade detail and you have to type his ENTIRE NAME into the directory, AGAIN. End rant.--

So, of the thirty or so calls made and received every day invariably when I check my Incoming Call Log, invariably, the most recent call is from Buddy.

Buddy who seems incapable of executing any decision on his own, ever.

I get three phone calls from Buddy for every one call from someone who is not Buddy. My incoming call list looks like this:

BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
CARL
BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY

[Ring] "Hey, I was just going to book that trade you told me to book...is that ok?"

[Ring Ring] "I just sent you an email"

[Ring] "The pricing team asked me to forward them an email...should I go ahead and do that?"

I am not exaggerating. These are conversations that actually happen.

Once-in-a-while he'll walk over to my desk, rather than use the phone, but only for really important matters, like

"Pricing team just called. They said that they were going to email me a possible cash break and that I should ask the cash team to take a look at it...Ok?"

OK!? I know that I sometimes show a lack of initiative, but Buddy is achieving new lows in don'-t-it-yourself-ism.

Yes, you can send a cash break to the cash team! You have my permission! To do your job! Gah!

-t

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Softball & Injury Update

Sorry for the delay, I've been typing since Wednesday morning, left-handed, because my right arm is out of commission.

The game started off strong. we were smoking the other team (who couldn't hit at all) and I'd made a few good stops in the field (and one put out on a kid going second to third which turned a routine 6-3 ground ball into a 6-3-5 DP. Bad base running).

Anyway in my first at bat I tried stretching a single into a double after a bobble in the outfield, git beat to the bag by the throw (a good three feet), and tried jumping over the tag, which, if it had worked would have put me in short center field, where I would have been out anyway, but I never made it, because their shortstop, an ogre of a kid swung the tag around at hip-height, taking out both my legs, up-ending me in the process, and sending me, shoulder-first, into the hard-as-concrete-painted-like-dirt infield.

I lost my glasses, and couldn't move my right arm. Took one pitch the next inning at first base (soft liner, right to me), then walked off the field, unable to throw, or hold a bat, or even lift my right arm.

I drove myself back, fearing a dislocated shoulder (not the injury as much as the repair), and went to the hospital.

x-rays revealed a distal clavicular fracture. No sports activities for 4-6 weeks. arm in a sling for at least two.

Hence, the left-handed typing.

-t

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The Red Team

First softball game of the season has come and gone. Good news: we won!

We took the lead in the top of the first inning and held it the entire game, winning by a final score of 19-11.

Your author flied out to right field in the first at bat (not knowing his own strenghth, he was just trying to pop one over the first baseman, and instead hit it 200 feet right at their right fielder), then, determined to get on base in the second plate appearance waited for a really good pitch to hit, didn't get one, and walked on five pitches. In the last at bat with runners on first and second he grounded into a fielder's choice (5U, safe at first).

In the field, though, the spectacular defensive prowess was unchanged, save for a fast groundball between first and second that your author didn't even make an attempt at catching.

But, three good picks for force outs saved a few runs over the course of the game.

AVG: 0.000
OBP: 0.333
SLG: 0.000
OPS: 0.333

Hopefully I'll get my average up to...positive numbers, soon.

-t

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Over Overtime

-photo by Marcin Wichary

I've just received, through three layers of managerial strata, (three strata of management? managerial strata? Is layers of strata redundant?) a policy directive.

Please make sure you are taking and putting in for 30-45 minute lunch breaks. Our workday is scheduled to start at 9AM and salaries are based on a 36.25 hour work week (9AM-5PM, 45 minute lunch). Please make sure you take the allotted time for lunch. We've seen slower than usual trade volume, and overtime is something that is being closely scrutinized.

This was, by the way, received via Blind Carbon Copy (pop quiz: who thought the acronym for "carbon copy" would persist through the electronic age? bonus Al Gore joke: How is Al Gore using e-mail to save the planet?*)

So, receiving the memo via bcc I can assume a few things:
(1) I am not the only recipient
(2) I am not allowed to know the other recipients
(3) The other recipients are not to know me

Rhetorical question: If you had just been passed a note and were aware of the preceding statements regarding that note, would you, or would you not, conclude that you were involved in a criminal conspiracy?

YOU WOULD.

Or, at the very least, an international spy ring operating in enemy territory (everybody wave to the Chinese hackers who are right now copying blogger's source code).

You would not, in all probability, conclude that you were a valued member of a TEAM of PROFESSIONALS built to COOPERATE.

So, to...honor... this request, sent by some anonymous supervisor somewhere up the corporate ladder, and carefully stripped of all details of origin, I will (I know, I know, you're shocked) take a thirty-minute lunch break everyday.

I may take my book and head out to the park to read. I may wander around the city and enjoy the sunshine (or rain, as the case may be). I may sit at my desk staring blankly at my computer screen, catatonic.

Or, I might just take my lunch break at 4:30PM.

I haven't decided.
-t

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Patronizing

I need a hobby, some outlet for my creative impulses.

Naturally, these impulses only hit me when I'm stuck at work, stuck without access to paint, sculpting clay, metal-working equipment, or any physical medium except Bic ink and white copy paper.

Which, as far as it goes, can still be transformed into art, but it usually takes more time, concentration, and studio space than I have the ability to devote since I am, still, stuck at work.

Lately I've been following a number of vinyl toy customizers on Twitter (like, squink, reactor88, and crisr). Naturally my inclination is to now get into the vinyl toy-modding scene. It probably wouldn't take up much room, there are plenty of nice, simple templates to work from, and the community is very vocal and supportive of one another.

It's also a great little outsider-art community because it hasn't been around long enough (hello, painting) to accumulate centuries of entitlement or exclusivity (there are no international universities dedicated to customizing Dunnies).

In lieu of a paint-covered workspace, then, I'm sitting in a cubicle with access to four colors of ink (three I brought from home), no time to explore artistic inspiration (when it strikes), and, worst(?), no way to exhibit the little I do doodle.

I don't have easy access to a scanner, and carting a week's worth of scrap paper scrawling home and digitizing each one has proved too laborious for my laziness to handle. So, no sketch blogs (one, two, three) either.

I'm not saying what I've accomplished (or what I haven't, actually) or what I could accomplish would necessarily be "high art" or even "average height art" (though my tastes don't run toward "low art") I'm only bemoaning the set of circumstances which prevent me from exploration and production of something I could be proud of.

So I'm stuck writing. Writing blog posts, actually. I still don't have the time to construct anything along a narrative arc, no story-telling beyond anecdotes.

Alas, not producing art pays the bills. Stupid Pilgrims.

-t

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Firewalled Again!

I caught an early train this morning so I would have plenty of time before work to review the teams competing in the NCAA tournament and then submit my bracket on espn.com.

So, at 8:45AM I started filling in the regions, (staying away from upsets) (I've got 3 1-seeds and a 2-seed in the finals)) and was ready to submit by 9:00AM.

I clicked "submit" AND THE CONFIRMATION PAGE WAS BLOCKED!

Kudos, I guess, to the IT department, for stringing me along for the entire deliberatory process only to shove the firewall in my face when I tried to make it official.

I will not, therefore, be participating in the espn bracket challenge, but I'll try to keep updates posted somewhere online.

Also, while we're talking about a firewall, can anyone offer an explanation why myspace, and facebook are blocked under the "dating and personals" rule but craigslist personals are freely available?

I can't check out pictures from my nephew's 1st St. Patrick's day on facebook, but I can pull this up in a full-screen browser (nsfw (my whole point, obv).

Corporate America, where Brackets are off limits, but Boobs are ok.

-t