Concludes (from Latin "with clues")

Conclusion reached after an afternoon refreshing Google Reader:

At any given moment there exists someone, somewhere, publishing interesting content online.

Corollary:

At any given moment there are vast hordes of someones publishing drivel.

-t

Down And Out And Napping

They turn off the air conditioning in the office at jsut about 3 o'clock everyday.

Paired with the ridiculously nice weather today this is a recipe for disaster.

And by "disaster" I mean "a nap."

So I have effectively shut down for the day (for the weekend? for the rest of the quarter?). Or at least until I have a reason to move. (all year?)

Next week: more posting! (hahaha, I am hilarious)

-t

Ramblings Insane Ramblings

In the last ten minutes work has slowed dramatically. In order to still appear as a productive member of the staff I've opened a text message window where I will be narrating a portion of the day.

I am currently looking out over the cubicles on the floor and am noticing that the majority of the guys in this office have recently had their hair cut.

I ordered sunglasses yesterday, finally pulling the trigger on the expenditure after being both eager (for new shades) and reluctant (to pay the asking price) for some time. They should arrive after a few short weeks during which the manufacturers will, no doubt, be selecting individual grains of volcanic silica suitable for melting into UV-resistant shaded glass; mining and separating aluminum ore from the dangerous and exotic caves beneath Machu Pichu (the only known, terrestrial, source of eyeglass-frame-grade aluminum ore); and grinding the volcanic lenses to my exactingly unique specifications.

I am also drinking the world's largest coffee, the Starbucks Venti. Peace! I am aware that the verysame Starbucks has announced the "Trenta," and, at 31 oz. you're hollering at me now that the Venti is only second in the world of giant coffees. Let me reassure you. The Trenta is, in fact, the world's largest coffee *cup* but not in fact the world's largest coffee, as the Starbukiristanians must in fact pour a Venti, and then a little bit more, in order to fill it. The scientists among you are cognizant of this fact, and I repeat it here for my none-sciencey readers, "It is physically impossible to pour a coffee larger than 23 oz."

I am currently reading a Mary Shelley classic, "Frankenstein" on a decidedly non-classic e-book for the iPod Touch.

I am not blown away by the story so far. Stoker's "Dracula" was much better.

Halfway through my coffee and it has become apparent that caffeine does not aid my concentration in any way. So I'm posting this now, if for no other reason than to increase the spam comment count here and prove (to myself, anyway) that blogging has not been beaten, murdered, and replaced by micro-blogging. (But we all really know that it has. I blame the whale.)

-T

Dread Pirate Roberts

Three days into my lateral promotion and things are starting to pick up. Management has decided to roll out a new break report which I'll be responsible for starting on Monday, and we're spending the week training for research and break resolution.

Also, I have Friday off to go golfing.

Other quick hits:
(1) I'm digging the New England Coffee Chocolate Cappucino flavor
(2) I haven't been to Dunkin' Donuts in over a month
(3) The ping pong table and my couch are now residing happily in my basement (so all is right with the feng-shui universe)
(4) and pretty soon we'll be replacing our heating system!

So I am now poor.
-t

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How Else Would A Phone Sound?

My manager called a group-wide meeting for this afternoon, today's the big day! Lateral promotion! Woo!

I am, in reality, much more excited than I should be about getting to work on a new group of funds.

There is, really, very little actually changing.
(1) new funds
(2) new manager

That's it. I'm not even changing desks (which is stupid, I'm two rows away from the rest of the group, but the difficulties in transferring a phone line from one desk to another in this building are, apparently, insurmountable. Folks go years under the wrong name in a directory even after an approved switch.

I don't really understand it, they're not physically running new phone lines or splicing wires to a different cubicle. They just have to update the directory and switchboard which is (or should be) saved on some database on a server in the IT department.

gr8thanxbai

Something like "Find: Tom" then "ReplaceLocation: 12F76, 14GH5" (I assume each cubicle has an undecipherable code referencing some 3D seating plan) and "ReassignExtension: 5-4433, 5-4843"

Right? I bet, in real phone systems, those three commands are all folded into one. It's all software (or should be). There shouldn't be a need to move hardware at all. And even if there is, the phone itself should be able to talk to the server routing calls. "Sup, router, it's Calvin, serial no. 12345558133463LB0.54 Here's the 411: I'm at a new desk! Send any calls 4 me this way now, k? gr8thanxbai"

Right? Easy. (Yes, my phone's name is Calvin)

Ok, so I wasn't planning on a phone rant. Sorry about that. The point is: Change!

-t

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Breaking News: August 2009

Dude! The Gin Blossoms are awesome!



-t

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Thinking About Making 'Job!' My New Catchword

I got a new job! Sort of!Lacking the associated title change and pay raise! So, more of a transfer, really...

Job!

I'll be moving from my supervisory role in this group to a more hands-on role in a similar group which handles slightly more difficult funds.

An unexpected benefit of the change is the news that I will be working with my old boss from my very first job!*

Details to follow.

-t

*note to longtime readers: not hypermanager, but his boss, Mike, who was cool, moved to New York, and came back to Boston.

Repost Reader Participation Week!

I invite new readers to the blog and twitter followers to enjoy this marvellous movie meme and submit your answers! I still can't believe no one has answered #5!

Originally posted here!

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Quotes Game (via Eileen)

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

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01. I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee! [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! [Elf] Eileen

04. Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. Now when I created the World... [Newsies] Zoe (!)

08. So you're telling me there's a chance! [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream! [Airborne] Dan

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it. [Miracle] Heather

15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.[Bad News Bears] Dan

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

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-t

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Follow @Up

On the other hand, there's twitter.

And different fingers.

-t

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Past Glories

I'm pretty sure there's a whole section of my brain devoted solely to being awesome on IM.

Consider the evidence.

I'm also convinced this part of my brain shuts down when I'm not IMing. I believe an entire quarter of my cranium has been dark since March of 2008.

*UPDATE* -- Ok, ok, ignore the above link and just jump to this comment thread, which is a better summary than I could give.

-t

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How To Find Awesome Pictures Of Things

I was browsing my RSS feeds, as I usually do when I get to work, and began to read this article on the isb.

Which led me here: ...

Ok, I closed the window I though had led me places, but, turns out, nothing linked to where I thought it did. It could have started anywhere along the line.

Click around online and you're bound to find an awesome picture of something. Case in point:


-t

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Reason No.? (I've Lost Count)

Another item for the "Reasons To Hate My Job" list:

(?) Email like this:

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To: Tom, our hero
From: Another Stupid Coworker

Is there any updates regarding the below?

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A bachelor's degree is a prerequisite for having this jobs. Subject/verb agreement are not one.

GAH.

-t

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Big Brother Update

Gmail was blocked, ages ago - and along with it, gchat - but, with google widgety things on the google homepage I could, at least, still view my inbox (the 10 most recent emails received, which is better than nothing).

Then, they blocked twitter.

Today, however, when I signed into my personalized google homepage (with Batman theme!) the gmail widget was blocked! Unbelievable.

I can't even read the subject line of the first ten emails in my inbox anymore!

And when I mentioned it to a coworker they informed me that youtube is also blocked! And not the homepage, either. Get this: You can access youtube.com and you can type a query into the search bar, and search, and view search results, but, if you click on a video to watch any of your results, BAM! BLOCKED!

due to

not kidding

"violence"

Which, maaaaybe makes sense for the NFL video the coworker was trying to watch (not really, it was Michael Vick's press conference, but it could be all NFL=violence)

it does NOT make sense for the next video he tried to pull up: THESE ADORABLE KITTENS!

which I can't embed because the access through youtube is blocked.

Google video is still available, which is why I can post this


[brief aside: Every one of the crazy protestors should have been handled in this same way. Testament to the first amendment, indeed!]



In conclusion: I fear it is only a matter of time before igoogle itself is blocked, and then, most worryingly, google reader. And after that? Who knows.

Which sucks, because this is not the economic climate I want to be in while looking for a new job.

-t

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Alexander Graham Bell Deserves A Punch In The Nose

I get twenty to thirty phone calls a day, our phone system tracks all incoming and (most) outgoing calls.

There's a little "Call Log" button on my phone that will bring up either the Incoming or Outgoing list, which makes returning a missed call easy, no memorizing extensions, or laboriously typing names into the phone's directory via number pad

--Outgoing Call Log side rant: Any outside number or internal extension dialed from the number pad is recorded in the outgoing call log. Calling your bookie? Number's saved in the phone. Calling the team leader for help? Saved in the phone. BUT the numbers dialed from the directory service are NOT saved. It goes something like this:

"I need to call Leroy Jenkins, but I don't know his extension. I will look it up."

Press [Directory], Press [5][3][6][5][4][6][7], Select "Jenkins," Select "Call." Talk to Leroy, hang up.

Then, remember one more thing you need to ask Leroy, hit [Call Log][Outgoing] and then stare dumbly as you realize his number is not on the outgoing log.

This might be a handy feature if you're a spy and you're trying to hide people you're talking to. If you place every call through the directory your Outgoing Call Log will be entirely blank!

This is NOT handy when you need to call Leroy back for a quick check on a trade detail and you have to type his ENTIRE NAME into the directory, AGAIN. End rant.--

So, of the thirty or so calls made and received every day invariably when I check my Incoming Call Log, invariably, the most recent call is from Buddy.

Buddy who seems incapable of executing any decision on his own, ever.

I get three phone calls from Buddy for every one call from someone who is not Buddy. My incoming call list looks like this:

BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
CARL
BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY

[Ring] "Hey, I was just going to book that trade you told me to book...is that ok?"

[Ring Ring] "I just sent you an email"

[Ring] "The pricing team asked me to forward them an email...should I go ahead and do that?"

I am not exaggerating. These are conversations that actually happen.

Once-in-a-while he'll walk over to my desk, rather than use the phone, but only for really important matters, like

"Pricing team just called. They said that they were going to email me a possible cash break and that I should ask the cash team to take a look at it...Ok?"

OK!? I know that I sometimes show a lack of initiative, but Buddy is achieving new lows in don'-t-it-yourself-ism.

Yes, you can send a cash break to the cash team! You have my permission! To do your job! Gah!

-t

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Two-weeks Healed

Mini blog update: I'm still in the sling, and typing is still a chore, but, hopefully, it will come off tomorrow. Then I can go back to not-posting with two hands.

-t

Watching

I've received numerous (one) complaints regarding the previous post.
Calling the post lazy, boring, tedious, un-original, and slap-dash I have been instructed by multiple readers (two) to post something else "for the love of all that is holy I can't take that accordian anymore!")

So, to honor their request to knock the youtube accordian post off the top of the page, I'm replacing it with the following youtube videos which are, by turns, awesome, hilarious, enlightening, trivial, and watchable.

First up, for the history buffs! Winston Churchill's Great Declaration speech (re-mixed, what!?)


Next! More history! Martin Luther King Jr. and I Have A Dream (re-mix)


There are a bunch of these, including remixing cable pundits and the 2008 presidential and vice presidential debates.

Blame Mental Floss for turning me on to these guys. And for those anit-youtubers out there, take heart. My next post will probably not contain video.

Mostly.

-t

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Majorly FugueD

I love this piece of music (usually played on an organ). Kudos to Neatorama for finding the clip:



I've listened to it four times already this morning.
Check out the finger work @ 5:40

-t

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Over Overtime

-photo by Marcin Wichary

I've just received, through three layers of managerial strata, (three strata of management? managerial strata? Is layers of strata redundant?) a policy directive.

Please make sure you are taking and putting in for 30-45 minute lunch breaks. Our workday is scheduled to start at 9AM and salaries are based on a 36.25 hour work week (9AM-5PM, 45 minute lunch). Please make sure you take the allotted time for lunch. We've seen slower than usual trade volume, and overtime is something that is being closely scrutinized.

This was, by the way, received via Blind Carbon Copy (pop quiz: who thought the acronym for "carbon copy" would persist through the electronic age? bonus Al Gore joke: How is Al Gore using e-mail to save the planet?*)

So, receiving the memo via bcc I can assume a few things:
(1) I am not the only recipient
(2) I am not allowed to know the other recipients
(3) The other recipients are not to know me

Rhetorical question: If you had just been passed a note and were aware of the preceding statements regarding that note, would you, or would you not, conclude that you were involved in a criminal conspiracy?

YOU WOULD.

Or, at the very least, an international spy ring operating in enemy territory (everybody wave to the Chinese hackers who are right now copying blogger's source code).

You would not, in all probability, conclude that you were a valued member of a TEAM of PROFESSIONALS built to COOPERATE.

So, to...honor... this request, sent by some anonymous supervisor somewhere up the corporate ladder, and carefully stripped of all details of origin, I will (I know, I know, you're shocked) take a thirty-minute lunch break everyday.

I may take my book and head out to the park to read. I may wander around the city and enjoy the sunshine (or rain, as the case may be). I may sit at my desk staring blankly at my computer screen, catatonic.

Or, I might just take my lunch break at 4:30PM.

I haven't decided.
-t

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Global Domination: Patrol and Descent

Science hasn't been keeping up with my plans for global domination, but, to keep all you minions in the loop, I've decided to post a few items I'm planning on incorporating into the design of my evil legions.

1. Armored Patrol Units

These exo-cycles will be outfitted with armor and offensive weaponry to patrol the exterior of my compound, jaywalkers beware.


2. Stairs

I'm also going to install these between each floor of my command center. Possibly in chrome (except in my personal apartment, it will be environmentally-friendly renewable wood.


-t

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Patronizing

I need a hobby, some outlet for my creative impulses.

Naturally, these impulses only hit me when I'm stuck at work, stuck without access to paint, sculpting clay, metal-working equipment, or any physical medium except Bic ink and white copy paper.

Which, as far as it goes, can still be transformed into art, but it usually takes more time, concentration, and studio space than I have the ability to devote since I am, still, stuck at work.

Lately I've been following a number of vinyl toy customizers on Twitter (like, squink, reactor88, and crisr). Naturally my inclination is to now get into the vinyl toy-modding scene. It probably wouldn't take up much room, there are plenty of nice, simple templates to work from, and the community is very vocal and supportive of one another.

It's also a great little outsider-art community because it hasn't been around long enough (hello, painting) to accumulate centuries of entitlement or exclusivity (there are no international universities dedicated to customizing Dunnies).

In lieu of a paint-covered workspace, then, I'm sitting in a cubicle with access to four colors of ink (three I brought from home), no time to explore artistic inspiration (when it strikes), and, worst(?), no way to exhibit the little I do doodle.

I don't have easy access to a scanner, and carting a week's worth of scrap paper scrawling home and digitizing each one has proved too laborious for my laziness to handle. So, no sketch blogs (one, two, three) either.

I'm not saying what I've accomplished (or what I haven't, actually) or what I could accomplish would necessarily be "high art" or even "average height art" (though my tastes don't run toward "low art") I'm only bemoaning the set of circumstances which prevent me from exploration and production of something I could be proud of.

So I'm stuck writing. Writing blog posts, actually. I still don't have the time to construct anything along a narrative arc, no story-telling beyond anecdotes.

Alas, not producing art pays the bills. Stupid Pilgrims.

-t

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