In the last ten minutes work has slowed dramatically. In order to still appear as a productive member of the staff I've opened a text message window where I will be narrating a portion of the day.
I am currently looking out over the cubicles on the floor and am noticing that the majority of the guys in this office have recently had their hair cut.
I ordered sunglasses yesterday, finally pulling the trigger on the expenditure after being both eager (for new shades) and reluctant (to pay the asking price) for some time. They should arrive after a few short weeks during which the manufacturers will, no doubt, be selecting individual grains of volcanic silica suitable for melting into UV-resistant shaded glass; mining and separating aluminum ore from the dangerous and exotic caves beneath Machu Pichu (the only known, terrestrial, source of eyeglass-frame-grade aluminum ore); and grinding the volcanic lenses to my exactingly unique specifications.
I am also drinking the world's largest coffee, the Starbucks Venti. Peace! I am aware that the verysame Starbucks has announced the "Trenta," and, at 31 oz. you're hollering at me now that the Venti is only second in the world of giant coffees. Let me reassure you. The Trenta is, in fact, the world's largest coffee *cup* but not in fact the world's largest coffee, as the Starbukiristanians must in fact pour a Venti, and then a little bit more, in order to fill it. The scientists among you are cognizant of this fact, and I repeat it here for my none-sciencey readers, "It is physically impossible to pour a coffee larger than 23 oz."
I am currently reading a Mary Shelley classic, "Frankenstein" on a decidedly non-classic e-book for the iPod Touch.
I am not blown away by the story so far. Stoker's "Dracula" was much better.
Halfway through my coffee and it has become apparent that caffeine does not aid my concentration in any way. So I'm posting this now, if for no other reason than to increase the spam comment count here and prove (to myself, anyway) that blogging has not been beaten, murdered, and replaced by micro-blogging. (But we all really know that it has. I blame the whale.)
-T
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
I REALLY Love Science
We are going to live to be eight hundred years old
http://www.discoveryon.info/2009/10/switch-to-reverse-biological-clock.html
-t
http://www.discoveryon.info/2009/10/switch-to-reverse-biological-clock.html
-t
Drunk Physics Work!
I love science (via xckd) because ideas as drunk-sounding-crazy as the space fountain have a realistic grounding in physics. Screw the moon base. I'm building a space fountain over Disneyworld.
-t
-t
Monday, July 27, 2009
Ageism
Last Friday was my birthday. I am 27 years old.
I was not served beer last night at the sushi restaurant, because when they carded me, because I ALWAYS get carded, the waitress noticed that my license had expired.
Actually, it had expired two days previous, on my birthday.
Invalid ID? No drinks for you!
Now, I ask you, what, exactly, is the problem with an ID that two days ago proved I was 27? Hmm?
Now that the license has expired I've magically reverse-aged seven years? Who am I, Brad Pitt? (That question is only semi-rhetorical, because I really am mistaken for Brad Pitt almost twice a week.)
To her credit the waitress did feel awfully bad about the policy and comped the table some iced green tea, which was very nice.
On the other hand, the bartender at the Mircale of Science did serve me beer after looking at my ID and saying "Looks like this just expired." Which is exactly how you're supposed to react.
Because an expired license isn't a magical fountain of youth. That's just not how time travel works.
-t
I was not served beer last night at the sushi restaurant, because when they carded me, because I ALWAYS get carded, the waitress noticed that my license had expired.
Actually, it had expired two days previous, on my birthday.
Invalid ID? No drinks for you!
Now, I ask you, what, exactly, is the problem with an ID that two days ago proved I was 27? Hmm?
Now that the license has expired I've magically reverse-aged seven years? Who am I, Brad Pitt? (That question is only semi-rhetorical, because I really am mistaken for Brad Pitt almost twice a week.)
To her credit the waitress did feel awfully bad about the policy and comped the table some iced green tea, which was very nice.
On the other hand, the bartender at the Mircale of Science did serve me beer after looking at my ID and saying "Looks like this just expired." Which is exactly how you're supposed to react.
Because an expired license isn't a magical fountain of youth. That's just not how time travel works.
-t
Monday, April 13, 2009
Global Domination: Patrol and Descent
Science hasn't been keeping up with my plans for global domination, but, to keep all you minions in the loop, I've decided to post a few items I'm planning on incorporating into the design of my evil legions.
1. Armored Patrol Units
These exo-cycles will be outfitted with armor and offensive weaponry to patrol the exterior of my compound, jaywalkers beware.
2. Stairs
I'm also going to install these between each floor of my command center. Possibly in chrome (except in my personal apartment, it will be environmentally-friendly renewable wood.
-t
1. Armored Patrol Units
These exo-cycles will be outfitted with armor and offensive weaponry to patrol the exterior of my compound, jaywalkers beware.
2. Stairs
I'm also going to install these between each floor of my command center. Possibly in chrome (except in my personal apartment, it will be environmentally-friendly renewable wood.
-t
Monday, March 23, 2009
Al Gore Ruined The Economy...On Purpose
Al Gore ruined the economy! It was his master plan all along! The Oscar-winning documentary was just a distraction!
Al Gore is a genius.
I'd still vote him into office even now, after he's tipped his hand on his ultimate plan for the economy:
The first rule about cap-and-tax laws is you do not talk about cap-and-tax laws in an election year!
-t
When the economy slows down, two things happen. First, less carbon is emitted. Nobody likes to say this in polite company, but a global economic near-depression is probably the single best "program" one could imagine for curtailing carbon emissions. Vehicle miles traveled are down in the United States in spite of significantly cheaper gas prices; industrial production has slowed; China and India are not increasing their carbon usage as fast as anticipated. (link)
Al Gore is a genius.
I'd still vote him into office even now, after he's tipped his hand on his ultimate plan for the economy:
The first rule about cap-and-tax laws is you do not talk about cap-and-tax laws in an election year!
-t
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Conservation of Caffeine
I'm switching up from regular coffee to espresso-based drinks. I need the caffeine.
I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.
I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.
The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.
Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?
I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.
De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.
How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t
I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.
I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.
The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.
Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?
I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.
De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.
How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Reading
For the past seven years, [GEO600] has been looking for gravitational waves - ripples in space-time thrown off by super-dense astronomical objects such as neutron stars and black holes. GEO600 has not detected any gravitational waves so far, but it might inadvertently have made the most important discovery in physics for half a century. [link]
Fascinating article indicating our existence may be a three-dimensional holographic projection of interactions happening on the two-dimensional space that is the edge of the universe.
-t
[This inevitably led to ana fternoon spent perusing the New Scientist archives.]
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Present Dead Are Hilarious
Emphasis mine:
What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.
-t
Researchers from Durham University (queried, we believe) 200 non-smoking participants, taking into account their intake of tea, coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills or coffee consumed on an average day as well as their propensity to see things that were not there, hear voices, and/or sense the presence of the dead.[via gizmodo]
What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.
-t
Friday, October 03, 2008
Inventing an Industry
Henry Ford basically invented an industry out of nowhere. Before Ford, the auto industry didn't exist.
Now consider this: If you were going to buy a car, and you had the choice of two models, identical in every facet (style, shape, color, features, AWD, brakes, warranty, price, range etc etc) save the motor, which would you choose? The electric, or the gasoline-powered internal combustion engine?
Two Corvettes, one gas, one electric. Same torque, acceleration, top speed, etc etc.
Two H2's, one gas, one electric.
Two Civics, one gas, one electric.
All other things being equal, wouldn't you choose the electric car? Cheaper to charge a battery than fill a gas tank, right? Who wouldn't pick the electric car? Purely an economic decision, and as a bonus, reduces carbon emissions.
If one, just one, auto company had started researching electric power twenty years ago, and today released a full line of totally electric cars, wouldn't they wipe out the competition?
If Chevy unveiled an electric SUV, sports car, sedan, coupe, economy, mid-size, full-size truck, van, minivan, and motorcycle wouldn't they clean up? They would have a virtual monopoly on the electric powered world. Name brand charge stations would pop up all over the place to replace gas stations.
Instead, the car companies have focussed on bringing us bigger, faster, louder, more expensive versions of their gas-powered engines.
It's a missed opportunity to make mountains of money, and it still baffles me. Why didn't they do it?
Seriously, I'm asking. Is there a good explanation?
-t
Now consider this: If you were going to buy a car, and you had the choice of two models, identical in every facet (style, shape, color, features, AWD, brakes, warranty, price, range etc etc) save the motor, which would you choose? The electric, or the gasoline-powered internal combustion engine?
Two Corvettes, one gas, one electric. Same torque, acceleration, top speed, etc etc.
Two H2's, one gas, one electric.
Two Civics, one gas, one electric.
All other things being equal, wouldn't you choose the electric car? Cheaper to charge a battery than fill a gas tank, right? Who wouldn't pick the electric car? Purely an economic decision, and as a bonus, reduces carbon emissions.
If one, just one, auto company had started researching electric power twenty years ago, and today released a full line of totally electric cars, wouldn't they wipe out the competition?
If Chevy unveiled an electric SUV, sports car, sedan, coupe, economy, mid-size, full-size truck, van, minivan, and motorcycle wouldn't they clean up? They would have a virtual monopoly on the electric powered world. Name brand charge stations would pop up all over the place to replace gas stations.
Instead, the car companies have focussed on bringing us bigger, faster, louder, more expensive versions of their gas-powered engines.
It's a missed opportunity to make mountains of money, and it still baffles me. Why didn't they do it?
Seriously, I'm asking. Is there a good explanation?
-t
Monday, September 15, 2008
This Weekend In Review -or- The World Is Falling Apart But It's Cool, Because I Think I've Got Some Duct Tape Around Here Somewhere
I was away this weekend at a wedding (Congrats, Dave & Penny!) and so missed most of the big news as it was happening. For any of you similarly in the dark, here's a recap, and we'll start with the lighter stuff:
- Brewers Bad At Baseball:
The Brew Crew lost both halves of a double-header in Philadelphia, meanwhile, in their home park a displaced Cubs-Astros game was happening (Astros playing "at home" since hurricane Zebulon (what letter are we on now?) forced them out of Texas) and at the game Cubs ace Victorino Zambrano, and Milwaukee nemesis (coming off two weeks rest for a sore shoulder) threw a no hitter.
Tough to lose away, and watch the rivals win at your home. Tougher still they haven't yet replaced the giant beer mug in center field. - Palin Fodder:
Tina Fey returned to SNL's season premiere to play Alaskan govenor and VP hopeful Sarah Palin. The sketch, by all accounts, was hilarious (called by one entertainment blogger "The funniest thing ever presented by Lorne Michaels productions"). My worry? Fey's interpretation of Palin will become so beloved by the populace folks will vote the Alaskan in so we can see more sketches. (Don't discount it! People like Will Ferrel's George W. Bush way more than Darrell Hammond's portrayal of Gore - SNL as political bellwether) - Landmark Financial Institutions Fold!:
From the WSJ:The American financial system was shaken to its core on Sunday. Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. filed for bankruptcy protection, and Merrill Lynch & Co. agreed to be sold to Bank of America Corp.link
It started with the collapse of the mortgage industry, and there are fewer and fewer options left for the big firms. Shares tank, brokers bankrupt, good news, though, I sold short on Simpson News Syndicate and made a killing. - Journalistic Integrity Fouled By Crazy-Ass Photog:
Jill Greenberg, photographer to the stars (manipulator.com) shot a cover of Senator John McCain for Atlantic Monthly but, disregarding protocol (and possibly her contract with Atlantic) she kept the outtakes indecentized them. Really. The controversial photos, and some analysis here. - Some Good News:
The Large Hadron Collider is practically guaranteed not to create a planet-swallowing black hole and end life as we know it in this solar system.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
And I Want To Be Somebody Important, Like An Actor...
Woo! It's here! The first signs of the machine revolution!
You were there when they announced the exo-skeleton capable of augmenting a mere human's strength three-fold, it is just a short step to throw on some armor plating and offensive weaponry, and then what have you got? Mecha, in real life.
And now! Machine-Brain Interface! EXACTLY LIKE THE MATRIX.
Learn kung-fu in seconds, enjoy the ultimate virtual-reality experience available, leap tall buildings in a single bound, DODGE BULLETS!
If only I could find a way to harness these powers and bend them toward world conquest...
-t
*UPDATE* - Monkey controls robotic arm jacked directly into its brain! It works! We did it!
You were there when they announced the exo-skeleton capable of augmenting a mere human's strength three-fold, it is just a short step to throw on some armor plating and offensive weaponry, and then what have you got? Mecha, in real life.
And now! Machine-Brain Interface! EXACTLY LIKE THE MATRIX.
Learn kung-fu in seconds, enjoy the ultimate virtual-reality experience available, leap tall buildings in a single bound, DODGE BULLETS!
If only I could find a way to harness these powers and bend them toward world conquest...
-t
*UPDATE* - Monkey controls robotic arm jacked directly into its brain! It works! We did it!
6
Friday, April 25, 2008
According to IMDB.com trivia I'm too tall to be an astronaut
Have I been reading something that's totally awesome? YES.
Here's a bit that should capture your imagination:
link to the entry, via kottke
Follow the link for the excerpted passages. Some great bits in there, like:
-t
Here's a bit that should capture your imagination:
A few weekends ago I randomly spend a morning checking out the website of the International Space Station, and I get caught up in the ship’s logs from Expedition One, which was up there from October 2000 until March 2001.
The logs were not originally intended for public view — many entries contain redacted passages, and for the most part they’re just dry, militarily-terse accounts of the various acronym-heavy technical tasks and endless troubleshootings that occupy all hours of the day. But I’m impressed to see that the crew (one American and two Russians) nevertheless often takes a moment to log the movies they watch together during their down time, occasionally offering a bit of commentary on each one.
As I read, I kind of forget about the grandeur of space exploration and instead try to imagine what the hell it must be like to watch Apocalypse Now and The Big Lebowski and 2001 (not to mention “Lethal Weapon Week”) while crowded around a circa-2000 government laptop in a cramped, smelly zero-gravity tin can in Low Earth Orbit. (Smacks more than a little of Mystery Science Theater 3000. We got Movie Sign?)
link to the entry, via kottke
Follow the link for the excerpted passages. Some great bits in there, like:
6 FEB 2001: We ate some dinner and watched the last part of "City of Angels". Shep did his best to explain to Yuri and Sergei what the phrase "chick flick" means.
-t
20
Monday, March 24, 2008
PORCINE POWDER PATCHES PICKLED POINTER
CBS News reports the amazing story of the regenerating finger. (via boingboing)
First ham; then bacon; now, spontaneous regrowth of human extremeties. Is there nothing the pig cannot accomplish?
A man slices off own finger while building modelguillotine airplane.* Research scientist brother sends powdered pig's bladder to treat the wound. One month later the finger looks good as new.
This feat marks a long-awaited and exciting rebirth of the long-forgotten pseudo-science of miracle cure-all powders. Pull out that vial of powdered-rhino horn you've kept stashed in that trunk in your attic, it probably cures diabetes! Curbside peddlers take note: Powdered animal bladder has been proven to work, and the sky's the limit for the next wunder-snuff! Powdered duck galbladders! Pulverized meerkat kidneys! Chicken lungs aren't just for Chicken McNuggets anymore!
Expect a boom in mystery exlirs, salves, and ointments in the coming years, invest wisely. It's only a matter of time before the next Bill Gates makes his fortune crushing dehydrated aardvark intestines, and you'll want in on the ground floor!
In five years everyday expressions "like watching paint dry" could be replaced by "like watching limbs regenerate."
And it's not too great a leap to posit a breakthough in computer science allowing the ability to download a lifetime of memories to portable bio-computer leading to the entire human population plugging in and eternally regrowing host bodies for millenia, ushering in an epoch of peace and exploration the universe has never experienced! Get ready Milky Way! Johnny Mnemonic isn't just a pipedream anymore!
Nothing quite captures the imagination like immortality, with a side of bacon. Welcome, readers, to the new world.
-t
First ham; then bacon; now, spontaneous regrowth of human extremeties. Is there nothing the pig cannot accomplish?
A man slices off own finger while building model
This feat marks a long-awaited and exciting rebirth of the long-forgotten pseudo-science of miracle cure-all powders. Pull out that vial of powdered-rhino horn you've kept stashed in that trunk in your attic, it probably cures diabetes! Curbside peddlers take note: Powdered animal bladder has been proven to work, and the sky's the limit for the next wunder-snuff! Powdered duck galbladders! Pulverized meerkat kidneys! Chicken lungs aren't just for Chicken McNuggets anymore!
Expect a boom in mystery exlirs, salves, and ointments in the coming years, invest wisely. It's only a matter of time before the next Bill Gates makes his fortune crushing dehydrated aardvark intestines, and you'll want in on the ground floor!
In five years everyday expressions "like watching paint dry" could be replaced by "like watching limbs regenerate."
And it's not too great a leap to posit a breakthough in computer science allowing the ability to download a lifetime of memories to portable bio-computer leading to the entire human population plugging in and eternally regrowing host bodies for millenia, ushering in an epoch of peace and exploration the universe has never experienced! Get ready Milky Way! Johnny Mnemonic isn't just a pipedream anymore!
Nothing quite captures the imagination like immortality, with a side of bacon. Welcome, readers, to the new world.
-t
* - Editor's note:
Originally reported, hilariously, as "model guillotine."
Corrected to read, confusingly, "model airplane."
How the hell do you lop off a fingertip with nothing but cheap plastic and crazy glue?[back]
Friday, February 29, 2008
Time Served
Folks, this is just a friendly reminder to disregard all of those newspaper articles and blog posts claiming today is an "extra" day in the calendar year. Those reports are totally bogus.
Leap Day isn't a bonus, it's backpay.
The earth orbits the sun once every 365.25 "days" (a roughly 24hr period) and since man decided to start counting, he has tried to cram everything into nice ordered little boxes.
Doesn't work. Nature's more complicated. That extra time gets taken away from you in non-leap years! Taken away.
So, don't celebrate leap year and do something crazy because this is a day you wouldn't otherwise have, instead, get indignant! This is a day owed you by the calendar-mongers, and time-keepers.
Every year! A quarter of a day taken away from you! Just think what you could do with that time when it was fresh! Not stored away for years until there's enough of it to see clearly. A quarter day means 6 more hours of sleep January 1st after your New Year's Hangover! 6 hours!
You could use that time to study for your final exams the night before! No more cramming!
You could spread it out and never be late for work!
What would I do? Well, I'd probably save up until I had a whole days worth. And then treat it like a bonus day.
Besides, if I had to carry it around all year with me I might lose it.
-t
Leap Day isn't a bonus, it's backpay.
The earth orbits the sun once every 365.25 "days" (a roughly 24hr period) and since man decided to start counting, he has tried to cram everything into nice ordered little boxes.
Doesn't work. Nature's more complicated. That extra time gets taken away from you in non-leap years! Taken away.
So, don't celebrate leap year and do something crazy because this is a day you wouldn't otherwise have, instead, get indignant! This is a day owed you by the calendar-mongers, and time-keepers.
Every year! A quarter of a day taken away from you! Just think what you could do with that time when it was fresh! Not stored away for years until there's enough of it to see clearly. A quarter day means 6 more hours of sleep January 1st after your New Year's Hangover! 6 hours!
You could use that time to study for your final exams the night before! No more cramming!
You could spread it out and never be late for work!
What would I do? Well, I'd probably save up until I had a whole days worth. And then treat it like a bonus day.
Besides, if I had to carry it around all year with me I might lose it.
-t
Monday, January 14, 2008
Cyborgs, A Life-long Love Affair -or- Probably Where I Get It From
So, do you remember that show, it was a family, they had super powers? And an RV that turned into a couple of motorcycles and a little ATV?
They were cybernetic, or something, each of the kids had a unique power (strength, speed, etc), and the mom had psychic powers or something, and there was always a shot of the teens chilling in the family room, and it was a mess, and then the Dad would shake a finger at them for being slobs, and then in a whirlwind the place would be spic and span!
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the Internet is a wonderful tool.
It's called The Bionic Six
They were cyborgs (tragically injured when a ski vacation went horribly, horribly wrong, revived, fixed, improved by a benevolent scientist). The fight a small army of bionic villains led (predictably) by the benevolent scientist's evil brother, "Scarab."
Don't miss the African-American kid (super strength and super intelligence) codename "IQ," and the Asian-American (bionic karate-master), codename "Karate-1."
They've even got a fan revival page (here).
Is it any wonder I'm preoccupied with bionics and world domination? Silver Hawks, C.O.P.S. - the list goes on, plus Pinky and the Brain.
Remember, commenters will be reserved a special place in my new world order.
-t
They were cybernetic, or something, each of the kids had a unique power (strength, speed, etc), and the mom had psychic powers or something, and there was always a shot of the teens chilling in the family room, and it was a mess, and then the Dad would shake a finger at them for being slobs, and then in a whirlwind the place would be spic and span!
Well, ladies and gentlemen, the Internet is a wonderful tool.
It's called The Bionic Six
They were cyborgs (tragically injured when a ski vacation went horribly, horribly wrong, revived, fixed, improved by a benevolent scientist). The fight a small army of bionic villains led (predictably) by the benevolent scientist's evil brother, "Scarab."
Don't miss the African-American kid (super strength and super intelligence) codename "IQ," and the Asian-American (bionic karate-master), codename "Karate-1."
They've even got a fan revival page (here).
Is it any wonder I'm preoccupied with bionics and world domination? Silver Hawks, C.O.P.S. - the list goes on, plus Pinky and the Brain.
Remember, commenters will be reserved a special place in my new world order.
-t
Monday, November 26, 2007
WNFL: Worldwide Neo-Football Leage
Sarcos has developed a motorized, computerized, human-sized, exoskeleton. Check out the video it's amazing.
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/humanoids/sarcoss-exoskeleton-is-more-amazing-than-we-thought-326128.php
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Tom is going to incorporate this super-powerful piece of equipment into his plan to take over the world by strapping a rocket pack on it and arming it with taser-shooting shotguns."
Well, you're half wrong.
I will certainly incorporate this exoskeleton technology into my world takeover bid, but I won't be using them militarily, as we've all seen how bad things can get when space travel, genetic manipulation, cloning, species subjugation, and exoskeletons mix.
No, my plan is athletics, and economics.
If you've watched the video above, or finished reading this sentence, you'll know that the exoskeleton amplifies strength without sacrificing agility. They demonstrate the e-frame's benefits by loading ammo cannisters, but I say, imagine Tom Brady strength magnified 200%. Exo-Brady could throw a football 300 yards!
Clearly, with this mechanical upgrade our modern-day football stadiums will be too small to hold the enormous mechano-athletic potential of these future. Therefore, we will need to construct venues that are significantly larger to house the playing field, and this will provide, in turn, vastly greater seating capacity, providing vastly greater profit.
So, by harneessing the economic impact of F-frames (football frames), I will beecome the richest man in the world, and from my mountain of wealth proceed with the world takeover.
I've already got my order in for the first eighteen frames.
-t
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/humanoids/sarcoss-exoskeleton-is-more-amazing-than-we-thought-326128.php
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Tom is going to incorporate this super-powerful piece of equipment into his plan to take over the world by strapping a rocket pack on it and arming it with taser-shooting shotguns."
Well, you're half wrong.
I will certainly incorporate this exoskeleton technology into my world takeover bid, but I won't be using them militarily, as we've all seen how bad things can get when space travel, genetic manipulation, cloning, species subjugation, and exoskeletons mix.
No, my plan is athletics, and economics.
If you've watched the video above, or finished reading this sentence, you'll know that the exoskeleton amplifies strength without sacrificing agility. They demonstrate the e-frame's benefits by loading ammo cannisters, but I say, imagine Tom Brady strength magnified 200%. Exo-Brady could throw a football 300 yards!
Clearly, with this mechanical upgrade our modern-day football stadiums will be too small to hold the enormous mechano-athletic potential of these future. Therefore, we will need to construct venues that are significantly larger to house the playing field, and this will provide, in turn, vastly greater seating capacity, providing vastly greater profit.
So, by harneessing the economic impact of F-frames (football frames), I will beecome the richest man in the world, and from my mountain of wealth proceed with the world takeover.
I've already got my order in for the first eighteen frames.
-t
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Paper: In The Year 2000!
Amazon has released their brand-spankin'-new e-book reader, the Kindle. And it's dumb.
First, I applaud the name. "Kindle" is a great, rarely-used, related-to-interest word that has loads going for it (two syllables, begins with 'K').
I applaud the e-ink technology. Some really great stuff is being developed: low-power, high contrast, thin & lightweight devices.
I don't applaud the design. White is ugly, the keyboard layout is ugly, and the thing looks like an airfoil from a Rebel Snowspeeder.
It also costs $400, plus the cost of (non-transferable) e-books, plus the cost of subscribing to blog RSS feeds (that's right, the ones you get for free online!).
But, far and away, it is another mile marker on the way to a paperless world. (Not truly paperless, of course, there will always be important uses for paper, like origami.)
I'd originally conceived this post as an outline for a future writing career, making money by observing on the state of things and commentary on the way they used to be. Column headlines would run something like "Remember Paper?" and discuss the advent of e-book readers and their ilk.
I'll be sure to archive this post so me, a future columnist, can look back and harvest my early impressions as filler.
I'm also hopeful that in my future as a curmudgenly columnist I have an editor to cut things like the preceding paragraph.
Not literally cut, of course, because we'll be publishing on plastic screens loaded with a low wattage electric charge in shapes that look like letters.
Or, you know, beaming features directly into your brain.
-t
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Water-on-the-Brain
Medical conditions with which I am afflicted:
Schemohydrolysis - more commonly "water poisoning," or "over-hydration," triggered by consuming too much water in a given interval, and tipping the water/mass ratio of the body (normally 60% in favor of water in males, 55% in females) over the 68.5% mark.
Hydro-tunemia - A related condition affecting blood vessels in which all of the blood in the body is replaced by water. Dr. Maurice Hogan (1802-1888), of London, who named the condition once quipped "If you prick them, do they not leak?"
Also, possibly, fulminant hypocephalopathic fantachondria, or, the belief that one is afflicted with imaginary diseases of one's own creation.
-t
Schemohydrolysis - more commonly "water poisoning," or "over-hydration," triggered by consuming too much water in a given interval, and tipping the water/mass ratio of the body (normally 60% in favor of water in males, 55% in females) over the 68.5% mark.
Hydro-tunemia - A related condition affecting blood vessels in which all of the blood in the body is replaced by water. Dr. Maurice Hogan (1802-1888), of London, who named the condition once quipped "If you prick them, do they not leak?"
Also, possibly, fulminant hypocephalopathic fantachondria, or, the belief that one is afflicted with imaginary diseases of one's own creation.
-t
Friday, July 13, 2007
Round-up Post!
Round-up of sorts
Fewer Teens Having Sex - Study Finds: More Condom use, fewer STDs, more parents reading young children, rainbows and puppies index on the rise.
My girlfriend loves the Cubbies, so I'm sorta half bound to root for them as my National League team of choice, but if there's one sure-fire way to make sure I hate them (though it's probably the absolute right thing to do), it's this: Mark Cuban looking to buy Chicago Franchise.
I love those crazy MIT guys. I want to get one of these for my next barbecue.
More baseball news: Laughing at ridiculous baseball card photos. Special nod for having a super great blog name.
Still in sports: For anyone who cares about basketball, Miss Gossip's interview with Greg Oden is supposed to be pretty good. Also, the current front-runner for Oden nicknames is "Pops."
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the kitchen: Killer Microwave!
Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends is coming to the Nintendo DS!. Great show, great potential.
And after you buy a DS for Fosters, you can take it with you to the ballgame! Seattle's SafeCo field is rolling out an in-park DS network that'll let you see instant replays and order food from your seats!
World Takeover Update: I'm pro gun control, so when my beaked be-goggled minions fly into your little hamlet on their customized rocket jet packs to subdue the populace, they'll be firing these suckers. Watch out.
-t
Fewer Teens Having Sex - Study Finds: More Condom use, fewer STDs, more parents reading young children, rainbows and puppies index on the rise.
My girlfriend loves the Cubbies, so I'm sorta half bound to root for them as my National League team of choice, but if there's one sure-fire way to make sure I hate them (though it's probably the absolute right thing to do), it's this: Mark Cuban looking to buy Chicago Franchise.
I love those crazy MIT guys. I want to get one of these for my next barbecue.
More baseball news: Laughing at ridiculous baseball card photos. Special nod for having a super great blog name.
Still in sports: For anyone who cares about basketball, Miss Gossip's interview with Greg Oden is supposed to be pretty good. Also, the current front-runner for Oden nicknames is "Pops."
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the kitchen: Killer Microwave!
Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends is coming to the Nintendo DS!. Great show, great potential.
And after you buy a DS for Fosters, you can take it with you to the ballgame! Seattle's SafeCo field is rolling out an in-park DS network that'll let you see instant replays and order food from your seats!
World Takeover Update: I'm pro gun control, so when my beaked be-goggled minions fly into your little hamlet on their customized rocket jet packs to subdue the populace, they'll be firing these suckers. Watch out.
-t
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