Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Short List

Things I'm thinking about putting in my new house


  • Professional Grade Ping Pong Table -
    This table will be kept in the secure, concrete-lined basement, as required by law
    [see Utah State Nuclear Waste Disposal Survey addendum (j)ping pong related containment recommendations], in order to conatain the ping-pong-awesomeness.


  • Bookshelf Stairs -
    Form + Function = Fantastic Staircase in this shelf-turned-ascender, or one like it, that I'll custom build to hold literary treasures


  • Secret Passage -
    Of course, to hold treasures of the literal,not literary, variety, I'll need a secure, secret space, so I'll be building some type of secret passage or hidden room.


  • Musical Instrument - And, I'll need some way to trip the hidden mechanism to allow access to the secret lair, and why not use what Batman uses: A dissonant piano chord! I may ditch the grand piano for something a little different, though...



  • Aaaand...something for the lawn...-




-t

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Books I Love To Hate And The People That Love Them

GAH. My manager and the new girl are talking about books they love.

"What was it? Five People You Meet In Heaven! Yeah, I love that."

"Yep, that was good."

"But nothing beats Tuesdays With Morrie."

Augh. The left side of brain my just shut down. I'm typing with my left hand now. Induced stroke. Are my ears bleeding?

"And OH! The DaVinci Code! Remember that one! I'll have to bring in some books for you to borrow."

Help help help help...Whew. Ok, I found my headphones. Can't hear them anymore. Wow that was close.

Oh, also, has anyone read Infinite Jest? Opinions?

-t

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I had intended this to be a brief aside - but, if wishes were fishes

I'm currently reading a book, called Ireland, and have been advised, that there is a plot twist near the end. "Ooh, I didn't see that twist coming." was the warning.

Which may mean that no twist was expected, or there was a twist expected, just not the one that was delivered.

So, as I'm reading, naturally, I'm keeping my eyes peeled for clues. Passages that may foreshadow later events, stand-alone sentences describing glances between major characters that are never acknowledged or explained. The abscence of exposition about a seeming innocuous point. "Aha, I think, the significance of that look will by the BIG REVEAL," or, "In a twist, that innocent explanation will actually be insidious and demented!"

I doubt I'll be surprised, is what I'm saying.

Which is ok, if it's done well I can still appreciate the architecture of the reveal, even if it substance has already been realized.

It occurred to me, though, that there could conceivably be a twist I don't suspect. Something that hasn't been hinted at ever, not once, in the book. That the author purposefully left meaningless clues, totally unrelated, hinting at a banal, ordinary, fully expectable twist, and then, instead of delivering, say, a curveball, delivers a freshly baked loaf of bread THAT IS ALSO A RADIOACTIVE ALIEN SUPERCOMPUTER!

You'd look pretty stupid standing there in the batter's box then, wouldn't you?

(That was rhetorical. You would look pretty stupid. It's a radioactive supercomputer from some distant planet. You thought it was going to be a baseball.)

There's no secondary reveal, either. No explanation. None of this "Oh, by the way, remember in the first inning when you got that hit I and the announcer said it was a "moon shot" that was an allusion to your former career as an astronaut, and the chapter about your best bud, the catcher, who rooms with you on the road, being an illegal immigrant from Cuba, that actually was symbolic, because he's actually an extra-terrestrial and instead of Cuba, he's from Alpha-Centauri - but he's still a heck of a catcher."

None of that. It's just you, an ordinary baseball player, and then an alien supercomputer that you could, if you chose, turn into a grilled cheese sandwich.

Or, imagine an Agatha Christie mystery (this is a particularly good illustration of my point, since AC is notorious for leaving out the necessary clues that figure into her big reveal, hated, by some, for cheating the readers) set on a train, where somebody dies, and all the passengers, who have never seen each other before, ever, and no one has any motive, and the lone detective is still plugging away, and then, at the crucial moment, he reveals, not that, by the way, all the other passengers had all starred in the same soap opera together back in the day, then served in the same military unit as spies, then settled down in the south of England and opened a bed and breakfast all together, and they in fact do have a motive, and you'd have known that and figured out the whole thing if only the history lesson had taken place in the prologue and not the penultimate chapter, no, instead, the lone detective reveals that the train is actually, ON THE MOON! And Moon Men storm the train and devour everyone on board the end.

How's that for a twist!?

Anyway, I'm now hoping for something like that. A twist so crazy it's almost as if the last two chapters of the book were replaced, accidentally, in the printing process with the last two chapters of some crazy science-fiction story set in the Star Wars universe, or where time-travel is possible. And hey, while you spent two-hundred pages learning about Irish history through the eyes of this young Dublin school child and his charming father, a history professor, often illustrated by small glimpses into early 20th century life, and clever observations about the Irish geography, you learn in the final chapter that the boy and his father ARE ACTUALLY THE SAME PERSON SEPARATED BY THIRTY YEARS As THE RESULT OF A FREAK TIME MACHINE EXPERIMENT AND WHEN THE BOY REACHES HIS THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY THEY BOTH DIE INSTANTANEOUSLY!

Nothing at all to do with Irish history. What a twist!

-t

15

Monday, March 10, 2008

Novelties

I've got nothing significant to report today, and work has been muddling along same as always for a couple of weeks in a row. So here are some new things:

New Stuff:

Flogging Molly Float

It seems every release is better than the previous album. I like every song on this disc and have had five or six stuck in my head over the weekend.
The cradle was damaged, dug by the grave
Where you lie in the sin, for mortal's the soul
Forgive me this, Father, before I go cold
From burden of grief and all I regret
Spare me the conscience before I forget

Now I'm just hoping to see a Rock Band download featuring Flogging Molly for St. Patrick's Day (Hear that, Harmonix? Get on it!)




Steve Martin Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

I started reading this on the train this morning and have already finished the first third of the book. The introduction calls the book an autobiography, but it lacks the detail, and instead reads ike a memoir (or memoirette) of Martin's stand-up career, jumping from highlight to highlight, rather than recounting a blow-by-blow of each performance, or delving into any of the primary or supporting characters. Martin introduces his family with thin cross-sections and covers his early childhood in ten pages.



It seems a well-written, well-edited reflection on Martin's club career, and I look forward to absorbing the rest. The most enjoyable aspect is Martin's insight into his own motivations, and the origins and elements he incorporated into his stand-up routine.






Next up on the list is a monster two-thousand page tome Quicksilver, by Neil Stephenson, and Moby Dick, by Melville.

-t

Monday, November 26, 2007

Update: Call to arms and Keyboards

I'm updating a post from last year, because it's still important! (updates in red)


Folks, I need your help.

In 1990 TNT produced a made-for-tv movie of Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. It is the greatest adaptation ever. Ever.*

Plus! It stars Christian Bale as Jim Hawkins (and you know how good he is) and Charlton Heston as Long John Silver, and folks, I am not kidding you when I say that this was the role he was meant to play.

Better than Moses, better than Ben Hur, better than NRA president. Charlton Heston is Long John Silver, Long John Silver is Charlton Heston, Heston Silver John is Long Charles. - you get what I'm saying?

All of the performances floored me, this is the production I think of whenever anyone mentions the story. It is absolutely unthinkable that this movie has not been released on dvd.So, I need your help. Go here. Click on the "vote" button on the right-hand sidebar. They ask for an email, but there's no confirmation, so if you're not busy, vote lots of times with made up email addresses!

It's up to #3 in the rankings! We can push that over the top! #1! #1!

Let's make this happen people!

-t


* the notable exception being Muppet Treasure Island. I maintain the TNT version "best ever," but readily concede that the Muppet version is undoubtedly the best adaptation with music, the best adaptation not starring Charlton Heston and Christian Bale, and the best adaptation with Muppets. (jump back)

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Paper: In The Year 2000!



Amazon has released their brand-spankin'-new e-book reader, the Kindle. And it's dumb.

First, I applaud the name. "Kindle" is a great, rarely-used, related-to-interest word that has loads going for it (two syllables, begins with 'K').

I applaud the e-ink technology. Some really great stuff is being developed: low-power, high contrast, thin & lightweight devices.

I don't applaud the design. White is ugly, the keyboard layout is ugly, and the thing looks like an airfoil from a Rebel Snowspeeder.



It also costs $400, plus the cost of (non-transferable) e-books, plus the cost of subscribing to blog RSS feeds (that's right, the ones you get for free online!).

But, far and away, it is another mile marker on the way to a paperless world. (Not truly paperless, of course, there will always be important uses for paper, like origami.)

I'd originally conceived this post as an outline for a future writing career, making money by observing on the state of things and commentary on the way they used to be. Column headlines would run something like "Remember Paper?" and discuss the advent of e-book readers and their ilk.

I'll be sure to archive this post so me, a future columnist, can look back and harvest my early impressions as filler.

I'm also hopeful that in my future as a curmudgenly columnist I have an editor to cut things like the preceding paragraph.

Not literally cut, of course, because we'll be publishing on plastic screens loaded with a low wattage electric charge in shapes that look like letters.

Or, you know, beaming features directly into your brain.

-t

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Sabbatical

Instead of going to get something to eat on my lunch break I went to spend money.

Because it’s cathartic. And damn I needed catharsis today. (I wasn’t sure if “cathartic” meant what I thought it did, so I looked it up, that’s where I found “catharsis.” Also, it did mean what I thought it meant: “a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension.")

So I took a walk and ended up at Barnes & Noble. Exactly where I’d ended up yesterday at about the same time feeling about the same way.

Actually, it’s been pointed out that spending money isn’t really cathartic. So, I was in want of catharsis, but I was not in a position to get any short of deciding to immediately turn around, punch the stupid kid in the face, tell off my boss, and then quit with something like “I quit! You, you, and you I’ve always liked I’ll be at the bar down the street for the rest of the day, I’d be happy to see you join me. The rest of you? Screw.” That would have been cathartic.

So, bookstore, yesterday and today. Yesterday, though, I ended up not buying books, because who needs more books? I’ve still got three big ones sitting next to my bed I have been planning to read since December. Today, I did buy books. I looked around in Mystery, and then a little in Science Fiction, and then a little in Mystery again. At some point, I can’t quite remember where, I thought I heard someone call my name.

As I exited the store after making a purchase (with my 10% off membership card! How exciting) I turned and saw the stupid kid exiting right behind me. Using my Holmesian powers of deduction I concluded it was he, stupid kid, who had called my name in a futile attempt to get my attention, and perhaps engage in some sort of book-themed conversation outside of the office.

I hate the stupid kid.

Now, there may be some of you out there thinking to yourselves “This Tom must be a horrible person, he seems so negative and hateful.” To you people I say, you are probably right.

But, there was a time when I was happy, fun-loving, and generally looked at the world through rose-colored, slightly opaque, UVA/UVB blocking lenses. Those times are past. I’ve lost those glasses, alas.

Anyway, back to my story about just wanting to escape for maybe an hour and perhaps purchase a work or two of fiction that would then enable me to escape for a few hours later that was interrupted by the stupid kid.

So, I continue to walk down the sidewalk and take an abrupt turn, away from the office, and the stupid kid stops following. Having avoided him I then walked a little more before turning and trudging (real, actual trudging) back to my place of employment and the monumentally dumb project I’d been assigned right before lunch by hypermanager without guidelines that had sparked the escapade.

I get back. The project is no less impossible despite a brief retreat to the outside world. And then the stupid kid comes back! With a problem! BECAUSE HE IS STUPID AND I HATE HIM.

And, as I am in the middle of instructing him, for the third time, HOW TO ADD, he says

“So what books did you get?”

And he was lucky I was in the act of reaching with my right hand across my body to the other side of the desk for a pencil, because if he had not caught me in mid-motion away from him I swear my reflex would have been to punch him in the head. Lucky for him my reflexes are not what they once were, having been dulled by a year of corporate drudgery.

I said “Two books by James Ellroy.” And stopped talking to him. He waited to see if I’d say anything else, then he walked away.

I imagine that if he has a blog, and posts about work, it would not paint me in a positive light. “Tried to make friends with my supervisor again today, I asked him about books he’d purchased at Barnes and Noble, thinking that maybe today he would finally open up, and share just a little bit with me. I know I haven’t been successful before, and that maybe all the little trips over to his desk aren’t as endearing as I hope they are, but right now he’s my boss, and I don’t want a boss…… I just want a friend.”

I did not hate my job until stupid kid showed up. I knew it wasn’t the best job, I knew finance isn’t my favorite thing, but I did not know hatred until stupid kid joined the group.