Re-Trilogy

I really would have done a better job on this, but for have been subjected to multiple reruns of that show about the orange shiny people and have lost a significant amount of cognitive function. The point is, Culchie's trilogy diagram was a little bit off, so I changed a few ratings.




I changed Indiana, Matrix, Jurassic, Spiderman, Die Hard, Blade, and Terminator

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Oh my God I seriously cannot function. This show is the worst thing I have ever been exposed to. I apologize for the low quality of this post. And the graphic. I really feel like my brain is bleeding out of my ears.

Repost Reader Participation Week!

I invite new readers to the blog and twitter followers to enjoy this marvellous movie meme and submit your answers! I still can't believe no one has answered #5!

Originally posted here!

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Quotes Game (via Eileen)

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

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01. I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee! [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! [Elf] Eileen

04. Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. Now when I created the World... [Newsies] Zoe (!)

08. So you're telling me there's a chance! [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream! [Airborne] Dan

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it. [Miracle] Heather

15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.[Bad News Bears] Dan

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

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-t

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This 11 points blog is a great read. Frying turkeys, movies reviews, fun facts, you name it...and quotes like this:

Once you open someone's eyes to a food orgy, they can never un-see it...

-t

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Nerd Alert!

To: tom@work
From: Sam@home

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Is it wrong that I just entered a sweepstakes to go to the premiere of the new Star Trek movie? And if so, is it more wrong that I referred you and 4 of my other friends to enter so that I would get an extra 5 entries into the contest?

woot star trek!
~Sam


What's the Klingon for "nerd?" Oh, nevermind, I'll just ask Sam...

-t

Reader Participation Week! [Post 1]

Quotes Game (via Eileen

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

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01. I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee! [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop! [Elf] Eileen

04. Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes! [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. Now when I created the World...

08. So you're telling me there's a chance! [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream!

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it.

15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

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-t

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And I Want To Be Somebody Important, Like An Actor...

Woo! It's here! The first signs of the machine revolution!

You were there when they announced the exo-skeleton capable of augmenting a mere human's strength three-fold, it is just a short step to throw on some armor plating and offensive weaponry, and then what have you got? Mecha, in real life.

And now! Machine-Brain Interface! EXACTLY LIKE THE MATRIX.
Learn kung-fu in seconds, enjoy the ultimate virtual-reality experience available, leap tall buildings in a single bound, DODGE BULLETS!

If only I could find a way to harness these powers and bend them toward world conquest...

-t

*UPDATE* - Monkey controls robotic arm jacked directly into its brain! It works! We did it!

6

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According to IMDB.com trivia I'm too tall to be an astronaut

Have I been reading something that's totally awesome? YES.

Here's a bit that should capture your imagination:

A few weekends ago I randomly spend a morning checking out the website of the International Space Station, and I get caught up in the ship’s logs from Expedition One, which was up there from October 2000 until March 2001.

The logs were not originally intended for public view — many entries contain redacted passages, and for the most part they’re just dry, militarily-terse accounts of the various acronym-heavy technical tasks and endless troubleshootings that occupy all hours of the day. But I’m impressed to see that the crew (one American and two Russians) nevertheless often takes a moment to log the movies they watch together during their down time, occasionally offering a bit of commentary on each one.

As I read, I kind of forget about the grandeur of space exploration and instead try to imagine what the hell it must be like to watch Apocalypse Now and The Big Lebowski and 2001 (not to mention “Lethal Weapon Week”) while crowded around a circa-2000 government laptop in a cramped, smelly zero-gravity tin can in Low Earth Orbit. (Smacks more than a little of Mystery Science Theater 3000. We got Movie Sign?)

link to the entry, via kottke

Follow the link for the excerpted passages. Some great bits in there, like:

6 FEB 2001: We ate some dinner and watched the last part of "City of Angels". Shep did his best to explain to Yuri and Sergei what the phrase "chick flick" means.

-t

20

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Great Way To Kill Time And Remind Yourself How Smart You Used To Be In College

How I've been spending my time:

How many elements can you name? (I logged a dismal 35 elements)

Check out the other links on the site, highlights include:

Name the countries in:

1. Europe


2. Asia


3. Africa


4. South America (I forgot two, and named an extra six that are actually in Central America)

Name all the major leage baseball teams, US Presidents

and more!


Seriously, it's just a bit addicting, and I'm almost ashamed to admit I did better on Tom Hanks movies than I did naming the Presidents.

-t

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More Weight! (in the form of little gold statuettes)

Time for a review of my predictions for the Eightieth Academy Awards.

Best Picture

I'd say it's a toss-up between There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men -- I'm picking NCFOM to take it.

My pick: No Country for Old Men
Winner: No Country for Old Men



Best Director

I'm picking the Coens in this category. This may be because NCFOM was brilliantly directed, or because I've recently seen The Big Lebowski.

My pick: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men
Winner: Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men


Best Actor

I thought Day-Lewis got shafted for Gangs of New York and anyone who didn't vote for him then will certainly vote for him now, putting him over the top.

My pick: Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood


Best Actress

No idea on this one...I'm going with the foreign language title - Marion Cotillard.

My pick: Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose (La môme)
Winner: Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose (La môme)


Best Supporting Actor

Javier Bardem for this award, but Michael Clayton seems to be a favorite among critics...I'm still picking the Western.

My pick: Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men
Winner: Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men


Best Supporting Actress

But I have seen I'm Not There and Cate Blanchett was absolutely amazing as rock 'n roll star Bob Dylan. She runs away with it.

My pick: Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Winner: Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton


Best Original Screenplay

Juno was good, but come on, a story about a guy falling in love with a life-size doll?

My pick: Lars and the Real Girl - Nancy Oliver
Winner: Juno - Diablo Cody


Best Adapted Screenplay

NCFOM is two-to-one, and the other to movies split the remaining odds (eight to one each)...(I could probably be a bookie -- I understand fractions. [edit] I understand fractions, but I may not really know how they apply to odds. Maybe I couldn't be a bookie. Or, maybe I could, but my odds would be fair and I'd never make any money)

My pick: No Country for Old Men - Joel and Ethan Coen
Winner: No Country for Old Men - Joel and Ethan Coen


Some closing thoughts:

Best Animated Movie is a stupid category. If your animated movie isn't good enough to get nominated for a real category (Disney's Beauty and the Beast 1991 Best Song, Best Original Score Winner, Best Picture nominee) you should just be happy for the millions of parents who'll be forking over $25 a pop for the DVD to shut up their whiny spoiled brats instead of plying the Academy with yacht rides and solid gold chocolate bars so they'd invent a category that can only support two thirds of a movie every year.

Disney might get another Original Song, since three-fifths of the nominees in that category are Enchanted. [edit - but it's my understanding they totally suck][update - Enchanted lost]

Oh, and just so you know, of the nominated movies discussed above, I've [still] only seen Juno and I'm Not There. I liked them both. (I really liked Juno).



[Final Word]

I only missed two categories, and it's my belief Cate Blanchett's statue was wrongly awarded to Tilda Swinton because, come on, she's famous, and did a good job, and CB has like, four little gold guys already, right? So I'm not really wrong, I just forgot to factor in previous winnings vs. Irish descent. No biggie. I definitely missed the Juno screenplay win, so that's a legit miss.

Any votes on best dressed?

-t

All-Points-Bulletin

I'm too tired to do most all of the work on my desk right now. And there is certainly a lot of it.

Dozens of problems, and hundreds of trades due to the audit cycle for two of the most active funds, and we've got another fund (a big one) that is selling off all of its holdings. Liquidating everything. I imagine some Hedge Fund Advisor somewhere owes a lot of money to some somebodies and is trying to cash in while the cashing is good (and all of his bones are still unbroken).

Incidentally, I'm in the middle of a book about Murder Incorporated, the enforcement and contract killing arm of the national crime syndicate ("The Syndicate") in the 1930s and 40s. The stories are incredible. Every two-and-a-half pages they detail another gangland execution and I've got to imagine screenwriters would be tripping over themselves trying to write these up into guaranteed hits staring all of Hollywood's tough guys. None of this Tom Hanks as a gunman baloney. The Coen brothers would be a shoo-in to direct anything from this narrative. Or Coppola.

And another thing! The language is amazing! I'd love to hear this book as told by the original author (B. Turkus, a NYC ADA) instead of reading the transcript. I think people really did talk like this, everyday, not just in the movies:

There was no method of murder their fiendish ingenuity overlooked. They used the gun, the strangling rope, the ice pick -- commonplace tools for homicide. There was the unimaginative mob-style ride, the shotgun blast on the lonely street. And there were the bizarre touches, too. Dozens were dropped into quicklime pits. Others were buried alive, cremated... Fantastic? It can't happen in your town? It did!"

The book is strewn with alliteration, catchy phrasing, and amusing direct address. "Fiendish ingenuity," "parasitic pirates..out to foment or break strikes for fancy fees." It is fantastic.

And speaking of gangs...Real Time Worlds, the makers of Crackdown for the Xbox 360, have just announced their next project: All Points Bulletin. A cops/criminals real time MMO action title set in a current day urban landscape. Looks incredible. Great concept, great team behind it, solid premise, here's a preview.

That's just a quick update. I'm heading out to grab a cup of coffee to combat my fatigue. Hope all of you in Boston are enjoying the snow.

Going Native

I was watching American Gangster and it struck me that Russel Crowe's leading roles in big films have different nationalities. An American in American Gangster, A Beautiful Mind, and The Insider; Spanish (or Roman) in Gladiator; Canadian in Mystery, Alaska (ok, technically American), British in Master and Commander.

By and large American characters are played by American leading men (and the occassional Englishman with, when one is attempted at all, a horribly mangled accent). Brits are cast to play European roles almost exclusively (no doubt because the American twang is a bitch to fake unless you're Hugh Laurie, and the US movie-going public is already convinced all twentieth century German and Russian soldiers had been educated at the Royal Shakespearean Company (who, no doubt, learned their accents from the Romans in some giant lecture held just after the Colloseum was built) so why bother with anything other than your native accent?).

And remember, we're talking leading men here, not character actors, who can be counted on to fufill any role (and accent) required brilliantly. (Peter Sellers gets lumped in with these chaps - best "worst French accent" ever.)

Examples:
Gregory Peck - To Kill a Mockingbird, MacArthur, How the West Was Won, Guns of Navarone, etc.
Cary Grant - An Affair to Remember, The Bishop's Wife, The Philadelphia Story, His Girl Friday
George Clooney - Three Kings, Michael Clayton, Intolerable Cruelty, O Brother Where Art Thou?
Liam Neeson - Schindler's List (German), K-19 The Widowmaker (Russian), Les Miserable (French), Michael Collins (Irish), Rob Roy (Scottish), etc
Sean Connery - Hunt for Red October (Russian), and my personal favorite, Highlander (Spanish)(I'm not kidding).

The question is, who's the most travelled? Who's the xenophile? I can't come up with anyone to top Neeson, can you?

Seriously, though, Highlander - a movie set in, and named for, the Highlands of Scotland, a stone's throw from Connery's native Wales - the casting director, after landing arguably the most famous male lead on the planet, a native casts Sean Connery, of Wales, in a movie set in nearby Scotland, as a Spaniard. I'm not kidding. He plays Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez. This has got to be the worst casting decision in movie history. Ever.

Also of note, Liam Neeson's turn as an American from the South in Next of Kin. Not a leading role, (he plays second fiddle to late-80's dreamboat Patrick Swayze) Neeson is Briar Gates.

"Truman [Patrick Swayze], a Chicago cop, takes on the mob to find the killer of his brother. Meanwhile, another of his brothers, Briar [Neeson] (a hillbilly) decides to find the killer himself. "

A hillbilly! Best role ever, man. Best role ever.

The movie ends when Briar gets himself killed in a shootout and Swayze's entire hillbilly clan piles their shotguns, hunting dogs, broken bottles, ferrets, and bb guns into a couple of vans, drive pell-mell into the city, and basically kill every mobster they can lay their hands on. It's hilarious.


-t

More Weight!

Time for the Eightieth Academy Awards. Here are my predictions. Feel free to use them to win your annual Oscar Party Ballot and walk away with the pot.

Best Picture

• Atonement
  
• Juno
  
• Michael Clayton
  
• No Country for Old Men
  
• There Will Be Blood

Juno was a surprise nominee, but I don't think it has the chops to win in any of the categories it's nominated in (Though it would certainly run away with Best Teen Flick, Funniest Serious Movie, Best Movie Depicting Ordinary People, Best Dialogue, and Best Line ("I'm a kraken from the sea," "I try really hard, actually," Thanks for having me and my irresponsible daughter over to your house." "Like I'd marry you, you'd be the meanest wife ever ok? And I know that you weren't bored that day. Because there was a lot of stuff on tv and The Blair Witch Project was coming on Stars and you were like, "I haven't seen this since it came out and so we should watch it," but oh no we should just make out instead la la la...")

I'd say it's a toss-up between There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men -- I'm picking NCFOM to take it.

Best Director

• Paul Thomas Anderson - There Will Be Blood
  
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men
  
• Tony Gilroy - Michael Clayton
  
• Jason Reitman - Juno
  
• Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

I'm picking the Coens in this category. This may be because NCFOM was brilliantly directed, or because I've recently seen The Big Lebowski. Coens will get another statue to join their Fargo Best Original Screenplay.

Best Actor

• George Clooney - Michael Clayton
  
• Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
  
• Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd
  
• Tommy Lee Jones - In the Valley of Elah
  
• Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises

Daniel Day-Lewis is the heavy favorite, and I'm picking with the field. I thought he got shafted for Gangs of New York and anyone who didn't vote for him then will certainly vote for him now, putting him over the top. A grizzled DDL will top pretty-boy George Clooney any day. Also, no one likes lawyers.

Best Actress

• Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
  
• Julie Christie - Away from Her
  
• Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose (La môme)
  
• Laura Linney - The Savages
  
• Ellen Page - Juno

No idea on this one, I don't think Ellen Page put up an Oscar worthy performance, but I think overall it's a weak category, so there could be a surprise. This is the most even category out there. I'm going with the foreign language title - Marion Cotillard.

Best Supporting Actor

• Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
  
• Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men
  
• Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War
  
• Hal Holbrook - Into the Wild
  
• Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton

Hey, Casey Affleck getting an Academy nod. Way to go, Boston. I like Javier Bardem for this award, but Michael Clayton seems to be a favorite among critics, so Wilkinson might pull it off, and don't underestimate some Capote carry-over for Hoffman, who has been tremendously outstanding his entire career, and might be making up for it the rest of the way. I'm still picking the Western.

Best Supporting Actress

• Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
  
• Ruby Dee - American Gangster
  
• Saoirse Ronan - Atonement
  
• Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
  
• Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton

I would have liked to see Allison Janney in this category (again, she wouldn't have won, but "verbally abusing an ultrasound tech for comedic affect" is on my shortlist of "reasons I'd nominate you for an oscar" so there you have it).

But I have seen I'm Not There and Cate Blanchett was absolutely amazing as rock 'n roll star Bob Dylan. She runs away with it.

Best Original Screenplay

• Juno - Diablo Cody
  
• Lars and the Real Girl - Nancy Oliver
  
• Michael Clayton - Tony Gilroy
  
• Ratatouille - Brad Bird
  
• The Savages - Tamara Jenkins

Juno was good, but come on, a story about a guy falling in love with a life-size doll? Lars and the Real Girl wins. I'm also predicting a quirky acceptance speech.

Best Adapted Screenplay

• Atonement - Christopher Hampton
  
• Away from Her - Sarah Polley
  
• The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - Ronald Harwood
  
• No Country for Old Men - Joel and Ethan Coen
  
• There Will Be Blood - Paul Thomas Anderson

NCFOM again. From what I understand it's a faithful reproduction of the book and a hell of a good movie. I wouldn't be surprised to see The Diving Bell and the Butterfly win here, but it's four-to-one. (so's There Will Be Blood, NCFOM is two-to-one, and the other to movies split the remaining odds (eight to one each))

(I could probably be a bookie -- I understand fractions. [edit] I understand fractions, but I may not really know how they apply to odds. Maybe I couldn't be a bookie. Or, maybe I could, but my odds would be fair and I'd never make any money)

Some closing thoughts:

Best Animated Movie is a stupid category. If your animated movie isn't good enough to get nominated for a real category (Disney's Beauty and the Beast 1991 Best Song, Best Original Score Winner, Best Picture nominee) you should just be happy for the millions of parents who'll be forking over $25 a pop for the DVD to shut up their whiny spoiled brats instead of plying the Academy with yacht rides and solid gold chocolate bars so they'd invent a category that can only support two thirds of a movie every year.

Disney might get another Original Song, since three-fifths of the nominees in that category are Enchanted.

And I'd handicap the technical categories for you too, because I'm normally right on the money with those, but it's thirty degrees in here, and my fingers are cold.

Oh, and just so you know, of the nominated movies discussed above, I've only seen Juno and I'm Not There. I liked them both. (I really liked Juno).

-t

Some new movies, and the reason I won't be seeing them:

With the summer movie season upon us and a spat of new releases, you may find yourself on the fence regarding some of the heavily advertised fare. To help you over it, here are the movies I won't be paying for, and why.

Transformers - Shia LaBeouf

Indiana Jones and the City of Gods (working title) - Shia LaBeouf - Seriously, Shia, the funny sidekick thing is getting old, you did a good job in Constantine, I, Robot was tolerable, but I don't want to see you as a leading man. You're starting to slip into Zach Braff territory. Honestly it's a wonder you didn't get Justin Long's part in Live Free or Die Hard - and man, that kid needs to find another "Ed," those Mac ads will only run for so long.

Fantastic Four; Rise of the Surfer - Because I was subjected to the first one.

Evan Almighty - I'll be able to not watch it three times a week for free on TBS in three months.

Harry Potter Twenty-three (or thereabouts) - Ugh. Too much story to fit into a three hour movie, probably another bastardization of the school grounds, and you can't convince me the twins' departure can be half as funny on film as it was on paper. And they're still using the wrong Dumbledore.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - Sandler played a Yankees fan in Anger Management; costars Jessica Biel.

The Bourne Ultimatum - They hijacked the titles of Robert Ludlum's best-selling franchise and jettisoned the plot, characters, mythos, and morality (also see I, Robot); They made Clive Owen a geeky, bespectacled assassin in the first one and then killed him; They killed the girl to open the second movie.

Underdog - Live-actioning a classic cartoon (See: Scooby-Doo, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Transformers); Jason Lee voices the main character.

Stardust - Probably wildly divergent from the book by Neil Gaiman (which was ok, not super); Like Gaiman needs any more money or influence. Let's talk about an author everybody hasn't heard of maybe, ok?

Rush Hour 3 - Because I'm going to buy it on dvd and watch it over and over, just like the first two.

Resident Evil Extinction - I haven't seen the first two in the series based on a video game I'm never going to play.

Knocked Up* - Because I'm way more excited for Superbad, written by the same guy, and without gratuitous birth canal footage or that guy who plays his friend with the goatee who I hate.

1408 - I've never even seen an ad for this movie - what the hell is it? Oh, riiiight, this is that horror movie with John Cusack in the hotel. Yeah, dumb.

License to Wed - Robin Williams as a priest. Jim from The Office as somebody who's not Jim from the Office. No Dwight Schrute.

Captivity - Because I'm not fourteen.

Hairspray - Travolta in drag. Do yourselves a favor and don't look at his giant man hands. It's wicked freaky.


-t

* - My girlfriend is probably going to make me go see Knocked Up (hi, Samantha!), so what can you do?