Another item for the "Reasons To Hate My Job" list:
(?) Email like this:
To: Tom, our hero
From: Another Stupid Coworker
Is there any updates regarding the below?
A bachelor's degree is a prerequisite for having this jobs. Subject/verb agreement are not one.
GAH.
-t
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid people. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Ghost Outs (Not Scary)
Last night our opponents tried to issue a two-out intentional walk to the spot in our lineup before a ghost out. (ghost out: when playing with less than three female players the team will be charged an out after the last batter in the line-up in place of the missing player)
This is a bush league thing to try.
Turns out, though, strategic as it may be, it's against the rules of the league (no walk shall be issued to the batter prior to a ghost out) which we didn't know, so after the first pitch went 20 feet over his head, our guy actually jumped across the plate to hit the next pitch which was four feet outside. (grounder to third for the last out)
(Which ended the inning and meant the next inning started with the ghost out.)
But, turns out, when they tried intentionally walking him, they knew the rule about no intentional walks, and were banking on us not knowing it.
Which we didn't
Which prompted our guy to swing at an unhittable pitch
Double bush league. Bush and deceitful. These guys are assholes.
Also, the umpire didn't explain the rule until after the at bat. That I don't understand at all.
Anyway. After the intentional ghost out walk situation played out we were going into the bottom of the last inning down one run.
Ground out
Single
Fly out, no advance
Walk
Single - scored runner from second, runner from first went to third on the throw to the plate, batter took second on throw to the plate
Tie game!
Next batter, walk-off ground-rule double
We win! Suck it bush leaguers!
Woo!
Also, I was informed today that I had enough ABs to qualify for the batting title.
Which I won. I also led the team in OBP. This marks a significant improvement from my first season (and a significant improvement from my broken collarbone)
And now, depending on the outcome of another game, we may have qualified for the playoffs.
-t
This is a bush league thing to try.
Turns out, though, strategic as it may be, it's against the rules of the league (no walk shall be issued to the batter prior to a ghost out) which we didn't know, so after the first pitch went 20 feet over his head, our guy actually jumped across the plate to hit the next pitch which was four feet outside. (grounder to third for the last out)
(Which ended the inning and meant the next inning started with the ghost out.)
But, turns out, when they tried intentionally walking him, they knew the rule about no intentional walks, and were banking on us not knowing it.
Which we didn't
Which prompted our guy to swing at an unhittable pitch
Double bush league. Bush and deceitful. These guys are assholes.
Also, the umpire didn't explain the rule until after the at bat. That I don't understand at all.
Anyway. After the intentional ghost out walk situation played out we were going into the bottom of the last inning down one run.
Ground out
Single
Fly out, no advance
Walk
Single - scored runner from second, runner from first went to third on the throw to the plate, batter took second on throw to the plate
Tie game!
Next batter, walk-off ground-rule double
We win! Suck it bush leaguers!
Woo!
Also, I was informed today that I had enough ABs to qualify for the batting title.
Which I won. I also led the team in OBP. This marks a significant improvement from my first season (and a significant improvement from my broken collarbone)
And now, depending on the outcome of another game, we may have qualified for the playoffs.
-t
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Walk Before you Run (Away From Angry Bat-Wielding Opponents)
Last Tuesday I got the ok for sporting activities from my orthopedist. The collarbone has healed a full 100%.
Luckily, I received the news in time to play in that night's softball game, and would have, but didn't, because it was rained out. (You remember the rain, right? The thirty-three weeks of rain? I blame global warming)
So I had a week to prepare for the next game on the schedule and spent it rebuilding the atrophied muscle tissue and reflexes by playing wiffleball.
The rehad program worked out pretty well. I was two-for-two in last night's game, hitting a single and a double. As I slid, hard, into second base on that double, I was planning on a triple and a home run in my next two at bats to complete the cylce - but didn't get a chance to have two more at bats.
I know, I know, it was going hard into second base that got me the broken collarbone in the first place six (seven?) weeks ago. You're all rolling your eyes at the computer screen now, "Tom, you moron, you broke your other collarbone (or ankle, wrist, etc)?"
Well, no, I wasn't hurt sliding into second base. The game ended prematurely by the slaughter rule. We lost.
We lost because the other team was populated by tools. No one on their team swung the bat. Every single "hitter" went up to the plate looking for a walk. And the umpire was happy to give it to them.
In a typical softball game, when you step up to the plate, you SWING THE BAT and, in a typical softball game, if you're not swinging, the umpire will drastically expand the strike zone to entice you to start swinging.
This umpire did not do that. Which suited this D-league, Co-ed Softball team just fine. Billy Beane would have been proud. Except he wouldn't, because IT'S SOFTBALL! HIT THE GD PITCH, ALREADY.
These guys would take five and six straight pitches. They would only swing with two called strikes on them, prefectly happy to take a walk. It was shameful.
Also, because this is D-league Co-ed softball there are stupid girl rules, in particular this one:
"10.1 The league will adhere to the ASA rule regarding walking a male batter when a female batter is on deck. When a male batter is walked with a female batter on deck, the male batter will be awarded second base." List ofstupid Rules
I'd like to scan in the scorecard from the game so you could see exactly how many walks were issued, but I won't, because it will upset me.
I will point out that twice, TWICE, during the game their clean-up hitter, CLEAN-UP HITTER chose to walk because he was followed by a female in the batting order.
THEIR FOUR HITTER WILLINGLY TOOK A TWO-BASE WALK TWICE.
And this is after their team was up by 8 or nine runs. SWING THE FREAKING BAT!
Our entire team was beside themselves. Outfielders were falling asleep. The shortened, five-inning game featured 9 walks.
NINE!
Our team, in an entire season last year, received two (2) walks. Both intentional, both because the opposing team chose not to pitch to our slugger with first base open.
Also, it would have been three intentional walks on the season, except once our guy Mike chose to swing at one of the intentional balls, and he hit it for a double. WHICH IS HOW YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY SOFTBALL.
I drew up some new rules for the league. I am emailing them to the league president. I do not expect a reply.
Any other changes you'd can think of?
-t
Luckily, I received the news in time to play in that night's softball game, and would have, but didn't, because it was rained out. (You remember the rain, right? The thirty-three weeks of rain? I blame global warming)
So I had a week to prepare for the next game on the schedule and spent it rebuilding the atrophied muscle tissue and reflexes by playing wiffleball.
The rehad program worked out pretty well. I was two-for-two in last night's game, hitting a single and a double. As I slid, hard, into second base on that double, I was planning on a triple and a home run in my next two at bats to complete the cylce - but didn't get a chance to have two more at bats.
I know, I know, it was going hard into second base that got me the broken collarbone in the first place six (seven?) weeks ago. You're all rolling your eyes at the computer screen now, "Tom, you moron, you broke your other collarbone (or ankle, wrist, etc)?"
Well, no, I wasn't hurt sliding into second base. The game ended prematurely by the slaughter rule. We lost.
We lost because the other team was populated by tools. No one on their team swung the bat. Every single "hitter" went up to the plate looking for a walk. And the umpire was happy to give it to them.
In a typical softball game, when you step up to the plate, you SWING THE BAT and, in a typical softball game, if you're not swinging, the umpire will drastically expand the strike zone to entice you to start swinging.
This umpire did not do that. Which suited this D-league, Co-ed Softball team just fine. Billy Beane would have been proud. Except he wouldn't, because IT'S SOFTBALL! HIT THE GD PITCH, ALREADY.
These guys would take five and six straight pitches. They would only swing with two called strikes on them, prefectly happy to take a walk. It was shameful.
Also, because this is D-league Co-ed softball there are stupid girl rules, in particular this one:
"10.1 The league will adhere to the ASA rule regarding walking a male batter when a female batter is on deck. When a male batter is walked with a female batter on deck, the male batter will be awarded second base." List of
I'd like to scan in the scorecard from the game so you could see exactly how many walks were issued, but I won't, because it will upset me.
I will point out that twice, TWICE, during the game their clean-up hitter, CLEAN-UP HITTER chose to walk because he was followed by a female in the batting order.
THEIR FOUR HITTER WILLINGLY TOOK A TWO-BASE WALK TWICE.
And this is after their team was up by 8 or nine runs. SWING THE FREAKING BAT!
Our entire team was beside themselves. Outfielders were falling asleep. The shortened, five-inning game featured 9 walks.
NINE!
Our team, in an entire season last year, received two (2) walks. Both intentional, both because the opposing team chose not to pitch to our slugger with first base open.
Also, it would have been three intentional walks on the season, except once our guy Mike chose to swing at one of the intentional balls, and he hit it for a double. WHICH IS HOW YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY SOFTBALL.
I drew up some new rules for the league. I am emailing them to the league president. I do not expect a reply.
Proposal of Boston West Co-ed rule changes, regarding walks:
(1) Base on Balls will be abolished
(2) Only Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed. The pitcher's intent to walk the batter must be announced by the pitcher and acknowledged by the umpire before the first pitch of the at-bat is thrown. A maximum of ONE Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed per team, per game.
(3) Any player issued an Intentional Base on Balls, if he or she is batting before a female player, shall be awarded two bases (as the current BB rule is written)
(4) A strike will be called on any batter who takes three consecutive pitches (except for an IBB)
(5) The batting team may request a new pitcher if the current pitcher throws more than 10 consecutive pitches that are outside the called strike zone.
Also up for consideration:
-Heckling an umpire who refuses to expand the strike zone after a team has demonstrated a willingness to reach base via walk will be encouraged.
-There will be no penalty for a pitcher who plunks any batter who refuses to swing the bat.
-Any batter who is too picky will be called out after six pitches (called balls or strikes)...unless there are two outs.
Any other changes you'd can think of?
-t
Monday, May 04, 2009
Not A Superfan
I didn't know this bit of Star Wars trivia.
Apparently, today is Star Wars day. Which, fine, ok, whatever.
BUT
Do you know why TODAY is Star Wars day?
Because it's 5/4 and people can say "MAY the FOURTH be with you"
which is probably the worst thing I have ever heard....ever.
-t
Apparently, today is Star Wars day. Which, fine, ok, whatever.
BUT
Do you know why TODAY is Star Wars day?
Because it's 5/4 and people can say "MAY the FOURTH be with you"
which is probably the worst thing I have ever heard....ever.
-t
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A Really Long December
The kid behind me WILL NOT STOP with the radio playing. GET SOME HEADPHONES.
I have used up all my passive-aggressive plays, and I am sick of using my own headphones solely to block the early ninties soft rock streaming from his computer. Counting Crows haven't been relevant in a decade, and you really have to STOP tapping your desk in time with Ants Marching! Seriously. Pandora is great for listening to music you like. You know what else is great? KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF.
He did just get up from his desk without locking his computer...I'm going to disable his sound card.
-t
PS - welcome back to "I hate work" at blogspot.com
I have used up all my passive-aggressive plays, and I am sick of using my own headphones solely to block the early ninties soft rock streaming from his computer. Counting Crows haven't been relevant in a decade, and you really have to STOP tapping your desk in time with Ants Marching! Seriously. Pandora is great for listening to music you like. You know what else is great? KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF.
He did just get up from his desk without locking his computer...I'm going to disable his sound card.
-t
PS - welcome back to "I hate work" at blogspot.com
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
DeSean Jackson Is A Dope
I wanted to knock that depressing post off the top of the page. Instead, I'm substituting this post, which should only depress Philadelphia Eagles fans (or anyone who picked Donovan McNabb for their fantasy squad).
Last night McNabb hit Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson for a 40-yard TD, except Jackson started his celebration early, dropping the ball on the one yard line. By rule, the play ended before possession changed, the Eagles ran it in and got the seven points, but McNabb didn't get the credit for the touchdown, and Eagles fans are all smacking their heads in incredulity.
Unfortunately, the video isn't up yet, however, there is "this video showing a similar gaffe he made in the Army All-American bowl.
-t
Last night McNabb hit Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson for a 40-yard TD, except Jackson started his celebration early, dropping the ball on the one yard line. By rule, the play ended before possession changed, the Eagles ran it in and got the seven points, but McNabb didn't get the credit for the touchdown, and Eagles fans are all smacking their heads in incredulity.
Unfortunately, the video isn't up yet, however, there is "this video showing a similar gaffe he made in the Army All-American bowl.
-t
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Hey Is For Horses
Email thread!
To: Mike@supervisor
From: Buddy
cc: Tom
Subject: Hey
Hey,
I have a control alert on one of my portfolios. Could you check this out when you get a minute. Thanks
Mike's reply:
To: Buddy
From: Mike@supervisor
cc: Tom
Subject: Hey
This is all set now.
Also- I'm more likely to notice and respond to e-mails that don't have subject "Hey" FYI.
Thanks,
Mike
-t
To: Mike@supervisor
From: Buddy
cc: Tom
Subject: Hey
Hey,
I have a control alert on one of my portfolios. Could you check this out when you get a minute. Thanks
Mike's reply:
To: Buddy
From: Mike@supervisor
cc: Tom
Subject: Hey
This is all set now.
Also- I'm more likely to notice and respond to e-mails that don't have subject "Hey" FYI.
Thanks,
Mike
-t
Monday, July 28, 2008
Staph-ing Problems
"I could use another coffee."
-Buddy
This is how it started. "I could use another cup of coffee."
He couldn't use another cup of coffee. His cup of iced coffee was sitting on my desk, my desk, still half full. But, I had said "Ok, I'm going to go get a coffee now" meaning, of course, "I can't take this anymore. I have to get out. I need air!"
"This" is day one of buddy training.
It wasn't an invitation, I was trying to be nice, and I chose coffee as a convenient excuse because I knew he didn't need any more coffee - but Buddy invited himself along anyway.
Fine.
I've been holding back all day. I have been keeping the conversation on point: Training oriented jargon; Lots of acronyms. I have not recounted funny anecdotes from my vacation. I have not made small talk. Just the facts.
So we're standing in the elevator lobby, not saying anything, and Buddy, just to be saying something, I guess, says
"I had surgery this weekend...I actually got a staph infection. It's the kind you only get in hosptials."
[Pause]
"It's resistant to like 90% of medicine, so they gave me two antibiotics to take and the it's been making me feel really sick the past few days."
So, your slimy staph-infected surgery wound wants to come with me to Dunkin' Donuts? I don't think so, Buddy. I'm going to to CVS for some hand sanitizer, stat.
-t
-Buddy
This is how it started. "I could use another cup of coffee."
He couldn't use another cup of coffee. His cup of iced coffee was sitting on my desk, my desk, still half full. But, I had said "Ok, I'm going to go get a coffee now" meaning, of course, "I can't take this anymore. I have to get out. I need air!"
"This" is day one of buddy training.
It wasn't an invitation, I was trying to be nice, and I chose coffee as a convenient excuse because I knew he didn't need any more coffee - but Buddy invited himself along anyway.
Fine.
I've been holding back all day. I have been keeping the conversation on point: Training oriented jargon; Lots of acronyms. I have not recounted funny anecdotes from my vacation. I have not made small talk. Just the facts.
So we're standing in the elevator lobby, not saying anything, and Buddy, just to be saying something, I guess, says
"I had surgery this weekend...I actually got a staph infection. It's the kind you only get in hosptials."
[Pause]
"It's resistant to like 90% of medicine, so they gave me two antibiotics to take and the it's been making me feel really sick the past few days."
So, your slimy staph-infected surgery wound wants to come with me to Dunkin' Donuts? I don't think so, Buddy. I'm going to to CVS for some hand sanitizer, stat.
-t
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Buddy Coach -or- How The Hell Did I Get Roped Into This
This Buddy Coach thing is dumb. Duh-umb.
And I don't mind telling you this after spending only about an hour and fifteen minutes (total) with my "buddy" (note the quotation marks) over the last five days.
First, an hour for small talk and get-to-know-you chit-chat over watered-down coffee and stale pastry last Friday (handily scheduled on the busiest day of the month for processing) that could have been handled, no problem, in fifteen minutes, or, if you include name tags, three minutes.
After covering what floor our team is on and what time to show up for work he proceeded with the small talk.
I hate small talk.
"So," my "buddy" says, unprompted, "I'm originally from Salisbury, Massachusetts."
Ok, I think to myself, as I sip from my lukewarm cup of coffee, you were born local, moved away, I can probably have the rest of this conversation in my head.
"Do you know Salisbury? Near Ipswich? So, anyway, I'm originally from Salisbury, but I moved to Newburyport."
Cripes! Newburyport? FROM SALISBURY? You know how he said it? He said it like "I was born in New York, but at sixteen I really felt like I needed to see the world, so I jumped on a steamer to Bombay and backpacked across the Indian subcontinent." Newburyport is FIVE MILES from Salisbury! Wait, wait, let me google map this... TWO POINT FOUR MILES
View Larger Map
This is, mind you, five minutes after meeting this kid for the first time.
"But I'm thinking about moving closer to the city, like, Gloucester, maybe. So I'm only forty-five minutes from Boston."
Whoa. Hang on there buddy. You have just blown my mind. You're talking about expanding your little circle of habitation to a whopping seven-mile radius? You're really seeing the world.
I hate training. I didn't volunteer for this. I stopped babysitting when I stopped needing pocket money for baseball cards.
This kid is supposed to sit with me for another four hours Friday afternoon. Luckily, I'll be taking a half day to fly to Alabama.
Wow, I'm looking forward to going to Alabama in the middle of July.
Basically, I'd rather die from heat stroke than sit with this kid. I guess that antipathy is a good sign for you blog readers.
-t
And I don't mind telling you this after spending only about an hour and fifteen minutes (total) with my "buddy" (note the quotation marks) over the last five days.
First, an hour for small talk and get-to-know-you chit-chat over watered-down coffee and stale pastry last Friday (handily scheduled on the busiest day of the month for processing) that could have been handled, no problem, in fifteen minutes, or, if you include name tags, three minutes.
After covering what floor our team is on and what time to show up for work he proceeded with the small talk.
I hate small talk.
"So," my "buddy" says, unprompted, "I'm originally from Salisbury, Massachusetts."
Ok, I think to myself, as I sip from my lukewarm cup of coffee, you were born local, moved away, I can probably have the rest of this conversation in my head.
"Do you know Salisbury? Near Ipswich? So, anyway, I'm originally from Salisbury, but I moved to Newburyport."
Cripes! Newburyport? FROM SALISBURY? You know how he said it? He said it like "I was born in New York, but at sixteen I really felt like I needed to see the world, so I jumped on a steamer to Bombay and backpacked across the Indian subcontinent." Newburyport is FIVE MILES from Salisbury! Wait, wait, let me google map this... TWO POINT FOUR MILES
View Larger Map
This is, mind you, five minutes after meeting this kid for the first time.
"But I'm thinking about moving closer to the city, like, Gloucester, maybe. So I'm only forty-five minutes from Boston."
Whoa. Hang on there buddy. You have just blown my mind. You're talking about expanding your little circle of habitation to a whopping seven-mile radius? You're really seeing the world.
I hate training. I didn't volunteer for this. I stopped babysitting when I stopped needing pocket money for baseball cards.
This kid is supposed to sit with me for another four hours Friday afternoon. Luckily, I'll be taking a half day to fly to Alabama.
Wow, I'm looking forward to going to Alabama in the middle of July.
Basically, I'd rather die from heat stroke than sit with this kid. I guess that antipathy is a good sign for you blog readers.
-t
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)