You get hired for a new job, what’s your first responsibility? Orientation.
You sit through two days of boring PowerPoint presentations designed to familiarize you with the inner workings of the company, corporate policy, and, of course, dress code.
Well, I think, when you leave a job, they should force you to attend Disorientation.
Imagine it: A day long program designed to confuse you so much that you forget everything you’ve ever known about working. You won’t know if the Inbox is on the right or the left, you won’t be able to remember if the cover sheets get stamped twice then stapled in the upper right-hand corner of the reports or if they should be stamped in the upper right hand corner and paper-clipped to the top sheet.
Imagine a program designed to confuse you to the extent that you will not be able to get dressed in the morning. Shoes before socks? Tie, then shirt? You’ll never know!
The purpose of Disorientation is to effectively ruin you for your next job – it’s the only way of making sure internal company secrets don’t get leaked to competitors.
An effective disorientation program would take about four and a half weeks to wear off. You should be so confused you won’t even be able to take care of yourself. You’d need to move back home with your parents so they can take care of you for a little while, setting up schedules, handling your laundry (you’d never remember to separate the whites and the colors), and generally supporting you in this disoriented phase.
Like high school.
This is a great idea. I’m typing up a memo to human resources right now.
-t
1 comment:
Honestly, after today, I'm in no position to determine what is and is not funny....but this post made me laugh out loud. Hahahhaa. Also, I think at least half of disorientation should just be spinning you around in a swivel chair. Cause that's good times :)
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