Destiny, (You cannot escape your...)

I have never, ever, questioned my destiny. Well, maybe one time after a long night of drinking MGD at the beach and ending up lying on the dunes staring at the vastness of the Milky Way and contemplating my existence on galactic scale I may have had a moment or two of doubt – but I swear that was the only time, and it was the influence of the (sweet, sweet) alcohol.

At no other point have I ever questioned or worried about “the big questions” like “what am I doing with my life” and “does my job define who I am” and possibly “is there anyone on the planet more beautiful than nicole kidman (just after her divorce from señor psycho, when she loosened up and started wearing heels again)”

The reason I haven’t considered these questions, the reason I’ve never worried about my destiny is because I worked it all out when I was in, like, sixth grade. I decided, sitting in my tiny little desk, in a tiny little classroom, of a tiny little parochial school, in a somewhat but not really tiny suburb of boston, that I would be happy. That is, I decided that I would end up happy. It was quite a defining moment.

You may have heard the expression “everything will be ok in the end; if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end” That’s sort of what I decided, and I’d managed to do it about seven years before I’d heard that expression for the first time. It turned into a personal philosophy almost by itself. Nothing got me down, there was no situation without a silver lining. By the time I graduated high school I wouldn’t spend more than two minutes agonizing over a bad situation. I could take one look and think to myself “well, I’m sure this has a resolution, and if I think about it a little I’m sure I could come up with the best one” Not that I ever did, mind you – that’s right, I would NOT ACTUALLY SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS – even though I could have, because I’m a pretty smart guy. The very fact that a happy resolution existed was enough for me.

I had discovered a philosophy that allowed me to be happy and avoid applying myself. It’s really been a great stress-reducer. I can’t even recognize bad situations anymore. My default expectations are good, and wholesome, and pure. Walking down a dark side-street in the city late at night approached by a hulking figure in a hooded sweatshirt, some would see a potential mugger; I see a guy out for a walk who could use a warmer coat.    

I have no aspirations. I have no goals. I don’t aspire to be happy, because I know I will be. I guess you could say I’m like a religious fanatic, I practice optimism. But it’s better than most organized religions I know (like those damn Christian religions) where you have to, you know, do something to earn salvation; mine’s much more like the early Puritan religions: They believed you’re damned from the start, and no matter what good you do in life you’re going to burn. It’s not cause and effect, it’s already been determined. Same for me. I’m gonna be happy.

And isn’t that a nice thought?

-t


recommended download:
Star Wars Jedi Master (techno remix)