Thursday, June 09, 2005

Oh, king, eh - very nice. And how'd you get that, then? By exploiting the workers!

wtf, readers, wtf.

Now, viruses - Have you heard about this? - viruses. They are these, like, computer programs, that like, mess with your computer. They're everywhere man. They just like, float around the internet. Click on a thing, and you can get infected. It's actually, actually very noble of them, I think. I think it's very noble of these IT guys to try and protect us from these viruses. What do they get in return? Nothing. No recognition, no money, they do it out of the goodness of their hearts.

They know, they know that a generation that grew up online, a generation that helped write most of the content that exists online, can't recognize funny hyperlinks when they see them. These IT guys, they're smart. They know that regular internet users just go around blindy clicking and downloading without a thought or care as to the virulent potential of strange files. That's why they block all those websites.

It's not to prevent you from accessing email (yahoomail.com, gmail.com, hotmail.com). It's to protect you from accessing virus-encoded email. You've all heard the stories: that kid sister of a friend you had in college, starzz&8utterflyz89@yahoomail.com, who still forwards chain emails to you at work sent a fun online quiz and when you clicked the hyperlink a virus got in allowing hackers access to the identities and PINs of eight thousand credit card holders. Then, there was that one time, in India, where a guy bought a thing on ebay and crashed the World Bank. And that other time, when a poor college graduate was looking for cheap housing in boston on craigslist which caused every computer in his building to explode simultaneously killing three and wounding seventeen others (two of them vice presidents).

Oh, wait, what was that? That never happened? RIGHT. I mean come on. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM IT GUYS?


They blocked craigslist. How am I supposed to look for stuff I need cheap? hmm? I can't get a ping pong table unless I pay retail? Is that it? Amazon's ok? But I can't search for apartments...ON A TEXT-BASED HTML WEBSITE? W.T.F. (mate).

block email - annoying? yes. makes sense? yes. email's a bitch. loaded with spam and viruses. I get it.
block ebay? what? how is that harmful? maybe to my paycheck.
and now craigslist?! WTF is your problem?

gah. so listen up. STOP BLOCKING SITES THAT I LIKE TO VISIT. A generation of internet savy employees ARE NOT GOING TO DOWNLOAD ANY VIRUSES.

ESPECIALLY NOT FROM AN AUCTION OF Star Wars memorabilia OR THE APARTMENT LISTINGS ON CRAIGLIST.

-tom
recommended downloads:
Pearl Jam, Garden, and Go

We're knights of the round table, our shows... are for---mid-able
Though many times, we're given rhymes, that are quite un-sing-able
It's a happy time in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Remember the office of housing? Whenever I think of working there I think that you were there at the same time, but that was the other Tom. Anyway, they blocked the entire internet from those computers, even though we were constantly referring people to the housing website and giving them instructions for how to use it. Anyway, about 3 weeks in the summer when I worked there, someone figured out a way to access the internet by clicking on the Windows Messenger Icon, and then it prompted you go download certain things, and if you jumped through the correct hoops you could get online. The IT guy there found out about that we were getting online but could not for his LIFE figure out how we were doing it. I used to watch him try to spy on us and then check out our computers and then slink away in frustration to his private office where he would scream "HOW!! HOW ARE THEY DOING IT!!!!?????" It was our OH Employee revolt. I felt so powerful.

Tom said...

yeah. babak was cool. he always talked to me like I knew exactly what was going on, because you know, we both had masters in computer programming, oh wait, no I was a summer employee. which is why I always was a little amused when he'd finish what he was saying and get upset when I'd say "um, ok. how do I do that?" ha.