This Buddy Coach thing is dumb. Duh-umb.
And I don't mind telling you this after spending only about an hour and fifteen minutes (total) with my "buddy" (note the quotation marks) over the last five days.
First, an hour for small talk and get-to-know-you chit-chat over watered-down coffee and stale pastry last Friday (handily scheduled on the busiest day of the month for processing) that could have been handled, no problem, in fifteen minutes, or, if you include name tags, three minutes.
After covering what floor our team is on and what time to show up for work he proceeded with the small talk.
I hate small talk.
"So," my "buddy" says, unprompted, "I'm originally from Salisbury, Massachusetts."
Ok, I think to myself, as I sip from my lukewarm cup of coffee, you were born local, moved away, I can probably have the rest of this conversation in my head.
"Do you know Salisbury? Near Ipswich? So, anyway, I'm originally from Salisbury, but I moved to Newburyport."
Cripes! Newburyport? FROM SALISBURY? You know how he said it? He said it like "I was born in New York, but at sixteen I really felt like I needed to see the world, so I jumped on a steamer to Bombay and backpacked across the Indian subcontinent." Newburyport is FIVE MILES from Salisbury! Wait, wait, let me google map this... TWO POINT FOUR MILES
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This is, mind you, five minutes after meeting this kid for the first time.
"But I'm thinking about moving closer to the city, like, Gloucester, maybe. So I'm only forty-five minutes from Boston."
Whoa. Hang on there buddy. You have just blown my mind. You're talking about expanding your little circle of habitation to a whopping seven-mile radius? You're really seeing the world.
I hate training. I didn't volunteer for this. I stopped babysitting when I stopped needing pocket money for baseball cards.
This kid is supposed to sit with me for another four hours Friday afternoon. Luckily, I'll be taking a half day to fly to Alabama.
Wow, I'm looking forward to going to Alabama in the middle of July.
Basically, I'd rather die from heat stroke than sit with this kid. I guess that antipathy is a good sign for you blog readers.
-t
4 comments:
I'm still dying from the memory of the sing-songy "My Buddy and Me!" commercials. "My buddy, My buddy, My Buddy and MEEEEEEEEE!!!"
When I moved to Milwaukee someone related to my move by telling me how she had moved from Oconomowoc. It was a nice gesture, but then I looked at a map and realized how close the two are.
We filmed a scene with this dude from Detriot who told this one girl (from Chicago) that he lived "right nearby". When he learned I was from Boston, he was like "oh yeah, I'm from Detroit! Us east coasters gotta stick together".
Proximity is relative, I suppose.
I think your North Shore Buddy is hilarious. You guys will be BFF in no time.
Speaking of the North Shore, I'm in town next week. Want to hang out in Boston or random suburban dive bar?
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