Crazy Fire Army

The coconut crab, in itself, might be enough for a blog post.

But, reading up on what is, in fact, an animal, and not a special effects creature, I found a mention of the yellow crazy ant, and I thought, that is enough to warrant a blog post.

Yellow. Crazy. Ant. That's like the coolest name ever. People don't have awesome names like that. It's just animals, and insects, ants especially, seem to get really awesome names. Army ants. Fire Ants. Yellow crazy ants.

I decided to top them. Using the Yellow Crazy Ant Naming Protocol (YCANP), I have come up with the following list of awesome animal names.

Incidentally, the YCANP is a three step procedure akin to Mad Libs. Pick a color, pick an adjective, pick an animal. There are a few caveats: Basic colors are usually better than obscure colors ("blue" not "cerulean"), opt for fewer syllables when possible ("pink not "magenta", and "white" is usually replaced with "albino" (though artistic touches are encouraged within reason: "midnight" instead of "black"); As with any good Mad Lib adjectives are almost unlimited; and as to animal choices, unnerving is better than cute: insects, crustaceans, or reptiles, instead of koalas or meerkats.

I have also taken the liberty of inventing some additional info for some.

YCANP Awesome Animal Names:

Blue Spitting Hornet
- Native to Northeastern US, eats bees and some wasps, characterized by vertical blue stripes along abdomen and venom laced with hydrochloric acid

Albino Moon Otter
- Only active during full moon phase, characteristic white fur and red eyes lacking pigmentation, cannibalistic.

Pink Bladed Mallard
- This unusual duck grows to three pounds (male) or two and one half pounds (female) and is noted for its white and pink feathers. The male also has two large talons on the outside of its webbed feet used to hook prey, and sometimes mating rivals.

Green Spinetail Dragon
- A subspecies of komodo dragon, this large lizard can be found in Asia. Named for twin rows of spiny scales running along its tail. Poisonous.

Orange Kicking Chicken
- Bred in captivity for viciousness and agility. Renowned in cock-fighting circles as the bird to beat. Also makes tasty buffalo wings.

Midnight Jungle Panther
- This large cat typically grows to over six feet in length (excluding tail) and eats primarily lowland gorillas. Usually solitary, has been known to form small packs to take down large game like elephants.

Christmas Island Red Crab
- Small land crab which breathes through gills, native to islands of the Indian Ocean. During yearly migration to the sea can overwhelm local infrastructure by their sheer numbers.

Wailing Red Herring
- Rare fish noted for loud mating calls mimicking whale songs. Often early whalers and marine biologists would track the songs looking for humpback whales, only to find these fish, prompting the metaphor of the "red herring."

Yellow Mystery Toad
- Currently found in, but not native to, England. Was illegally imported and released by Belgian researchers in late 1800s. Mostly yellow with red markings and two distinct pointed black "mustachios" just above upper lip.

Bangladesh White Tamarind
- Small monkey found along the southern shores of the Indian subcontinent. Exceptionally intelligent, ability to use tools, and specimens in captivity may have been shown to understand voice commands.

Cerulean Blind Viper
- Not actually blind, but so named due to opaque eyelids visible when agitated. Scale pattern is alternating stripes of white, black, and bright blue. Native to northern Mexico and parts of Texas.

Redstripe Ribbon Snake
- Semi-aquatic lives in swampland, eats small amphibians, excellent swimmer, mediocre at bobsledding.

Purple Fascist Snake-eater
- (extinct) Once found abundantly in the South Pacific this chondrophore, or colonial-animal, was hunted to extinction in the early 1500s by seafaring Kiwis. Stinging tentacles and digestive organs were dominated by an intelligent "brain" polyp which consumed most of the food-energy gained from free ranging sea snakes (see Star-Bellied Eel)

Star-Bellied Eel
- Not actually an eel, but a large, flat sea snake. Green and blue scales above and shiny white scales on the underside. Nocturnal, exposes underside to moonlight, purpose is speculated to be for mating or communication with other herd members. More research needed. Sought by poachers for scales to be used as jewelry. Endangered.

Red Blood Moth
- The red blood moth is thought to be a unnatural mutation of the Atlas moth, possibly due to exposure of Atlas cocoons to radioactive or chemical runoff. This large moth is similar in appearance and markings to the Atlas moth, but the females feed on the blood of large animals.



That's all for now. See if you can pick out the real animals from the list above!

-t