Transformers - Shia LaBeouf
Indiana Jones and the City of Gods (working title) - Shia LaBeouf - Seriously, Shia, the funny sidekick thing is getting old, you did a good job in Constantine, I, Robot was tolerable, but I don't want to see you as a leading man. You're starting to slip into Zach Braff territory. Honestly it's a wonder you didn't get Justin Long's part in Live Free or Die Hard - and man, that kid needs to find another "Ed," those Mac ads will only run for so long.
Fantastic Four; Rise of the Surfer - Because I was subjected to the first one.
Evan Almighty - I'll be able to not watch it three times a week for free on TBS in three months.
Harry Potter Twenty-three (or thereabouts) - Ugh. Too much story to fit into a three hour movie, probably another bastardization of the school grounds, and you can't convince me the twins' departure can be half as funny on film as it was on paper. And they're still using the wrong Dumbledore.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - Sandler played a Yankees fan in Anger Management; costars Jessica Biel.
The Bourne Ultimatum - They hijacked the titles of Robert Ludlum's best-selling franchise and jettisoned the plot, characters, mythos, and morality (also see I, Robot); They made Clive Owen a geeky, bespectacled assassin in the first one and then killed him; They killed the girl to open the second movie.
Underdog - Live-actioning a classic cartoon (See: Scooby-Doo, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Transformers); Jason Lee voices the main character.
Stardust - Probably wildly divergent from the book by Neil Gaiman (which was ok, not super); Like Gaiman needs any more money or influence. Let's talk about an author everybody hasn't heard of maybe, ok?
Rush Hour 3 - Because I'm going to buy it on dvd and watch it over and over, just like the first two.
Resident Evil Extinction - I haven't seen the first two in the series based on a video game I'm never going to play.
Knocked Up* - Because I'm way more excited for Superbad, written by the same guy, and without gratuitous birth canal footage or that guy who plays his friend with the goatee who I hate.
1408 - I've never even seen an ad for this movie - what the hell is it? Oh, riiiight, this is that horror movie with John Cusack in the hotel. Yeah, dumb.
License to Wed - Robin Williams as a priest. Jim from The Office as somebody who's not Jim from the Office. No Dwight Schrute.
Captivity - Because I'm not fourteen.
Hairspray - Travolta in drag. Do yourselves a favor and don't look at his giant man hands. It's wicked freaky.
-t
* - My girlfriend is
4 comments:
I just said I would go with you, since you wanted to see it so badly :-p
J/k...you lucked out when I found that free bootleg movie site. I never have to go to the movies again. :)
I know you didn't just make fun of Jason Segel. I can't help but take this personally. He is Marshall and Marshall is amazing!
Oh Thomas! xfmrs was worth it for Mikaela Banes alone.
Oh, and Stardust. Shamefully counting down the seconds.
Post a Comment