Insolent Bob Speaks - sort of

CRAIG: Yes?

FLORIS: Yex?

CRAIG: I said "yes."

FLORIS: You suggest what? I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants, my good man. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now. I think that's what he said.
...

CRAIG: You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester.

LESTER: Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, "I can't understand a word any of you are saying."
from Being John Malkovich

Maybe Insolent Bob suffered a head injury sometime in his past. Maybe he was one of those kids raised by wolves that never really learns language. Maybe it was a drunken brain surgeon who sliced through his verbal center while trying to finish the lobotomy.

I don't know.

And I won't ask him either. Not because it would be improper, but because I'm one hundred percent certain I would not be able to decipher or interpret his response.

Insolent Bob Email Excerpts:

• "Also write this down, on a side note, Admin expense sheets are due on this Thursday"


Should be "as a side note," and why is that phrase even attempted here?



• "A bunch of wires have left the funds, if you don’t know any and they are breaks come over and I will tell you how to settle…ok"


I think that means "If you need help with the wires, let me know"



• "it will clear itself, probably MS is wrong and late updating. Make shure shares are same though."


In response to a share break. Note the lack of definite articles.



• "Also forgot – if you could remember to sign off on the recon as well."


Some type of reminder, I guess. Most apparent omission is the independent clause.



• "Book spots from the cash roll. USD is the sell EUR and SEK are buys. Did you ever book these before?"


The entirety of my Spot Training.



• "Yes – tell her the date that it was sent form fax cover. Tell her you will resend and send an email to Ellen and also ask Matie to give a heads up to Ellen, because you are not certain that Ellen ever receives your emails cause she hasn’t responded to your requests in the past ( is this a true summarization). ??"

-t

recommended download:
Cowboy Mouth, Joe Strummer (Did I already recommend that one? I did? Well, download again. It's good.)