Right field upper level box, beginning of ring ceremony:
I grab a kosher dog with mustard and find a perfect spot to watch the celebration. Here is where I should describe for you my mixed emotions as a Sox diehard, how my very nature as a fan has been transformed, how much this means to me on countless levels both as a Red Sox obsessive and as a human being. But I won't force you to endure that. Suffice it to say the ceremony was a thrill. Blah blah Johnny Pesky blah blah rings.
Lo, it is revealed that the author is NOT a true Red Sox fan.
A true Red Sox fan would not even have the composure to analyze his feelings. A true fan would not be able to not talk about it, they would not even be able to write about thinking about not talking about it. It would already be written.
They would think “Should I talk about this?” and then glance down at the computer screen where there would be a four paragraph, completely incomprehensible ovation to the championship team and how it changed their lives forever.
Read Bill Simmons on espn.com (his piece about Big Papi vs. Larry Legend, for example) - that’s how it’s supposed to be written about.
Perhaps those four paragraphs were cut out of the article? A real fan wouldn’t cut that, it's too important. He would not try to reach a broader audience by minimizing what that World Series win did for the Red Sox fan base, or by deleting personal Boston-centric emotional outbursts.
A real fan doesn’t pander to the masses.
The lesson is clearly: Don't get your sports information from Slate.
This article is ridiculous.
It’s written for the wives of die-hard baseball fans who walk into a room in the middle of a no-hitter and ask “Ohh, that pitcher looks like somebody, do you know who I mean? That guy with the blonde hair. He was in that movie that was on Lifetime last week.”
THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT A NO-HITTER.
A real fan would feel that it is fundamentally wrong to undercut the accomplishments of the 2004 Red Sox, and what those accomplishments meant to the fan, even for comedy’s sake.
I understand he’s a humorist. That’s fine, nothing wrong with humor. I would advise him to parody something he doesn’t care about, or, if that’s the case here (that he doesn’t actually care about the Sox), then to refrain from pretending he does care.
Rather than listen to Seth Stevenson's Red Sox reminisces I read Bill Simmons, a great source for Boston sports info.
I agree with about 85% of what Simmons writes. The only guys I agree with more are John Kruk (commentator on Baseball Tonight) and Peter Gammons (basically the smartest man to ever walk the earth).
Seriously, if Gammons had gone into politics he would have the entire world united under a common flag, and we’d probably have colonized Venus and the moons of Saturn by now. I don't doubt it.
"Suffice it to say the ceremony was a thrill. Blah blah Johnny Pesky blah blah rings.”
That isn't diehard fanaticism. That is derision and mockery and self-depreciation.
We don't do that here.
So, take that, Stevenson, how do you like them year-and-a-half-old apples, eh?
-t
2 comments:
elegantly ranted.
and agreed-- always start on page 2.
next time, when you write about sports, could you please indicate where in the post I should start reading again (or if there is no place for me to read, then just say in the beginning ADINA THIS POST WILL NOT INTEREST YOU)? because I just end up skimming these posts for my name and then feel sad when it's not there and eat two to three hot dogs.
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