I'm feeling a little light-headed. I've been sitting here at my desk typing with clammy hands, alternately feeling hot and feeling chills, and I was thinking to myself, what am I coming down with? I figured it out...
WORLD CUP FEVER!!
Ugh. Honestly. I have been trapped here at my desk forced to watch the games as they are aired on ESPN2. I do not hate this, in fact, I can get behind any sporting event that has a modicum of strategy, skill, talent, excitement, or worldwide implications.
I'm telling you: I could watch the world championship polo match and not hate it.
But, just because I'm watching it and not hating it doesn't mean it couldn't be better.
First: It is terrifically hard to get behind a sport where the expected outcome is a 0-0 tie.
A TIE.
Sports should have winners (and losers).
I'm not saying the 0-0 France/Switzerland game wasn't exciting, I'm saying if maybe it was a little easier to score then you can look forward to a last minute goal. Buzzer-beaters in NBA and college hoops are ridiculously exciting, but in World Cup soccer everyone, even the players, seem to resign themselves to not scoring past the eighty-seventh minute.
Which brings me to another thing -
Second: Count DOWN, please. Why do Europeans count up? These are the people that invented, and then perfected, time-keeping devices, so I get that they like time, but why, for Pete's sake, do they count up?
Looking at a clock that reads 78:52 doesn't mean anything to me. We were watching a match earlier and someone asked how much time was left. That shouldn't be a question I have to do math to answer. Really, go ahead, figure it out. Wouldn't it be easier just to see that information displayed?
Just start the clock at 90:00 and let the time tick away. Watching strikers race toward the opposing goal while the clock ticks up can't possibly be as exciting as watching them race with mere seconds remaining, can it?
Would Jack Bauer ever have to disable a bomb that was counting UP to the explosion?? No.
Third: This is the last bit, and it's for ESPN - can you please use your stupid little info blurbs to reveal information that is actually relevant to the game we're watching? You know you're broadcasting to an American audience that doesn't care. Maybe you should try involving them, and explaining a little of the game while the match is going on.
What's that yellow arm-band mean? Is there a difference between a free kick, and a corner kick? How and when can players be substituted, do they need to wait for a whistle, like basketball, or can they change on the fly, like hockey? I get that a yellow card is bad, but how bad, and what determines when one is given? Finally, WHO THE HELL ARE THESE TEAMS?
You should be able to find someone in the soccer-loving rest-of-the-world who can draw some parallels for this United States audience. "France plays a lot like the Dallas Mavericks, they are outside shooters who concentrate on offense, whereas Brazil plays like the Miami Heat, they've got two big go-to guys, and a third guy who'll remind you of Dwayne Wade, plays offense and defense, and makes everyone around him better."
ESPN, you're blowing your opportunity to highlight the crazy characters you know we love. Where are the human interest pieces about the players with dyed hair, crazy nicknames, flamboyant behaviour, and on-field rivalries? Where are the sideline interviews with coaches and players, and where are the roving reporters you usually send out into the stands to interview crazy fans?
AND SHOW MORE INSTANT REPLAYS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Your camera angles cover about fifty yards at a time, you can't show a little picture-in-picture replay action in slow-mo? Come on.
And, oh yeah, where are Alexi Lalas and Mia Hamm? GET THEM INTO THE STUDIO FOR SOME COMMENTARY.
It's not bad. But it could be better.
-t
5 comments:
Every once in a while an extended entry comes along with which I agree.
1. Zidane was wearing a yellow armband because he's the team Captain. Also, because he's great.
2. The difference between a free kick and a corner kick is the positioning and method by which it was earned. Free kicks are earned for penalties and are taken from close to the position on the field where the foul occurred. Corner kicks are awarded when you are onsides near your opponent's goal and they kick the ball out of bounds. If they're the last to touch it and it goes over the line on that end of the field (that line running parallel to the goal, not the sides) you earn a corner kick which is, of course, taken from the corner.
3. Substitutions can occur anytime during the game, though many coaches wait til the 60th minute to start making changes. A FIFA representative holds up an electronic board which shows the number of the player coming out and the number of the player coming in. The ref has to see the board and give the new guy permission to enter the field. The guy off the field waits for the guy coming off to reach the sidelines, tags his hand and runs onfield. If he doesn't run onfield he can receive a penalty for time-wasting...which is often a yellow card.
4. Yellow cards can be given for a variety of reasons, including bad sportsmanship, intentional fowling, and dangerous tackles. A single yellow card isn't that big of a deal, the issue is, if you get two yellow cards you are kicked off the field. Your team has to play a man down the rest of the match. And during group play (which is what's happening now) you are suspended from your next game as well. Your team doesn't play a man down the next game, but you can't play. There are also red cards (which we've yet to see this WC) which are the equivalent of two yellow cards at once. You're kicked off immediately and suspended the next game.
5. The teams are made of really famous players that play with teams all over the world during non-WC seasons. I'm with you...they should do more backstory. Although I can see why they can't...soccer's non-stop. There aren't all these random breaks like in most other sports.
man this is a long comment. :-p
in response to the above comment:
NERD ALERT!!
also, it's spelled "fouling"
and profiles can be done in the hour between games. or after the last game, instead of the world domino championships.
We were watching the domino championship today at work.
Okay, everyone's office is awesome but mine. Why are we the only ones not watching ESPN all day?!??
Stupid no-cable office.
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