The Grand Induction

We were scheduled to begin the Induction Day event at nine o'clock yesterday morning. It was held offsite in a small conference space about three blocks from the office, but, as any of you who are familiar with downtown crossing are aware, there are a lot of places to hide a small offsite conference space within three blocks of downtown crossing (first time trying to find the orpheum, anyone?), which can make it more difficult than usual to arrive on time.

Knowing this I made absolutely no adjustment to my schedule and instead counted on my infallible sense of direction and inante understanding of the layout and character of Boston. As it happens, it worked out. I discovered the building we were meeting at (Winter Place, off of Winter Street, off of Summer Street, tucked behind a bank, jewelry store, and bagel place) just in time to direct two of my coworkers who I spotted wandering around still searching.

The day began with an introduction from the head of our two-person training department. Everyone hates this guy. He is tall, good-looking, and acts as though all the world has paid good money to see him perform. He acts as though he disdains you, them, the "ordinary people" and nothing is important unless he said it.

After introducing our first speaker he moved to the back of the room to relax and call out sarcastic remarks during the presentation. Later he would drop copies of slides, training procedures, and a few financial exercises on our tables as he continued to speak over the presentation, never looking any one in the eye, because, clearly, no one was important enough to warrant his attention.

His was the name I would give later as an answer to the question "If you could take a swing at anyone here, who would it be?" (I was actually the first to ask the question in a not-so-subtle attempt to find others who shared my dislike for the head of the training department - there were many).

After our second or third presentation we were told the next two presenters had both flown out to New York for client meetings. This earned us a long lunch. Later when the final two presenters didn't show they let us take off.

The grand induction was supposed to last until five, followed by an office-wide barbecue and open bar reception at the Aquarium. We got out at three. As we left the conference space the fourteen of us new guys being inducted quickly banded together, took a quick poll, and decided not to go back to the office for two hours.

Had the presenters been able to see us then I imagine they would have praised our teamwork and ability to come to a decision and stick to it.

So I walked around the city for an hour or so. Government Center, Fanueil Hall, and so on. I enjoyed a few street performances, and grabbed a cup of iced coffee, and then decided to head down to the Aquarium to scope it out.

On my way I remembered that my brother was working that day on the harbor cruises, so I swung by the boats to say hi. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was just killing some time before the party. He suggested a harbor cruise.

So I took one. And it was gorgeous out on the water.

Forty-five minutes later I was back at the Aquarium and who do I spot sitting in a bar across the street but six of my fellow inuctees who had foregone the "walking around the city" and "harbor cruise" and gone straight to "drinking for money before drinking for free." We all headed over to the barbecue.

I must say that I was very dissapointed in the barbecue. I was told it would be an open bar. Apparently the company big wigs do not understand the fundamental difference between "open bar" and "beer and wine." Drinkers of the world, you hear what I'm talking about. "I don't see any Jack Daniels," I would say to the bartender. "I'm sorry, we have either beer or wine, no hard liquor. Would you like some Amstel Light?"

WTF, mate.

If I had known that there would be zero hard liquor I would absolutely packed accordingly (a flask of Johnny Walker Red). Instead I had to content myself with Sam Adams, which is a real dissapointment when you've been looking forward to a nice evening of whiskey for two days.

The food wasn't bad.

At the barbecue I learned that I was not the only one who hated the training guy, that my manager only became a manager because he was the most senior member of the group when the job opened, not because he was the most qualified, or because he wanted the job. I learned that the VP the guys in the office most like to see is Jill from New York who makes a monthly visit to the Boston office. Half of the guys in the office are convinced they have a shot with her. I think she is totally out of their league.

I also learned that the whole crowd has little to no tolerance for alcohol. After two beers the entire place had goofy smiles pasted to their faces and were giggling like school girls at anything anyone said. Feel good times all around. This is certainly not the "drown your sorrows" attitude I saw at the old job.

As the barbecue wound down the Executive VP raised his hand and yelled "Everybody follow me, we're hitting the bars and putting it on the company card!" and like that the whole tent emptied for an impromtu pub crawl along the waterfront. I finally got the whiskey I'd been promised and was in time to see the Red Sox win in dramatic fashion.

I deem the night a success, and sitting here now I am amazed that three beers last night is enough to knock these guys out for work today.

If I have any lasting impact on this office, it should be turning these folks into real drinkers. That's not a bad legacy.

-t

in the spirit of lazy summer nights:
Led Zepplin, D'yer Maker