Sabbatical

Instead of going to get something to eat on my lunch break I went to spend money.

Because it’s cathartic. And damn I needed catharsis today. (I wasn’t sure if “cathartic” meant what I thought it did, so I looked it up, that’s where I found “catharsis.” Also, it did mean what I thought it meant: “a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension.")

So I took a walk and ended up at Barnes & Noble. Exactly where I’d ended up yesterday at about the same time feeling about the same way.

Actually, it’s been pointed out that spending money isn’t really cathartic. So, I was in want of catharsis, but I was not in a position to get any short of deciding to immediately turn around, punch the stupid kid in the face, tell off my boss, and then quit with something like “I quit! You, you, and you I’ve always liked I’ll be at the bar down the street for the rest of the day, I’d be happy to see you join me. The rest of you? Screw.” That would have been cathartic.

So, bookstore, yesterday and today. Yesterday, though, I ended up not buying books, because who needs more books? I’ve still got three big ones sitting next to my bed I have been planning to read since December. Today, I did buy books. I looked around in Mystery, and then a little in Science Fiction, and then a little in Mystery again. At some point, I can’t quite remember where, I thought I heard someone call my name.

As I exited the store after making a purchase (with my 10% off membership card! How exciting) I turned and saw the stupid kid exiting right behind me. Using my Holmesian powers of deduction I concluded it was he, stupid kid, who had called my name in a futile attempt to get my attention, and perhaps engage in some sort of book-themed conversation outside of the office.

I hate the stupid kid.

Now, there may be some of you out there thinking to yourselves “This Tom must be a horrible person, he seems so negative and hateful.” To you people I say, you are probably right.

But, there was a time when I was happy, fun-loving, and generally looked at the world through rose-colored, slightly opaque, UVA/UVB blocking lenses. Those times are past. I’ve lost those glasses, alas.

Anyway, back to my story about just wanting to escape for maybe an hour and perhaps purchase a work or two of fiction that would then enable me to escape for a few hours later that was interrupted by the stupid kid.

So, I continue to walk down the sidewalk and take an abrupt turn, away from the office, and the stupid kid stops following. Having avoided him I then walked a little more before turning and trudging (real, actual trudging) back to my place of employment and the monumentally dumb project I’d been assigned right before lunch by hypermanager without guidelines that had sparked the escapade.

I get back. The project is no less impossible despite a brief retreat to the outside world. And then the stupid kid comes back! With a problem! BECAUSE HE IS STUPID AND I HATE HIM.

And, as I am in the middle of instructing him, for the third time, HOW TO ADD, he says

“So what books did you get?”

And he was lucky I was in the act of reaching with my right hand across my body to the other side of the desk for a pencil, because if he had not caught me in mid-motion away from him I swear my reflex would have been to punch him in the head. Lucky for him my reflexes are not what they once were, having been dulled by a year of corporate drudgery.

I said “Two books by James Ellroy.” And stopped talking to him. He waited to see if I’d say anything else, then he walked away.

I imagine that if he has a blog, and posts about work, it would not paint me in a positive light. “Tried to make friends with my supervisor again today, I asked him about books he’d purchased at Barnes and Noble, thinking that maybe today he would finally open up, and share just a little bit with me. I know I haven’t been successful before, and that maybe all the little trips over to his desk aren’t as endearing as I hope they are, but right now he’s my boss, and I don’t want a boss…… I just want a friend.”

I did not hate my job until stupid kid showed up. I knew it wasn’t the best job, I knew finance isn’t my favorite thing, but I did not know hatred until stupid kid joined the group.