Bonus follow-up post: Two items
1. An excerpt from the corporate policy regarding use of instant messenger:
“Any unauthorized use of Instant Messenger Services during business hours will be considered a violation of the aforementioned policies and will be subject to appropriate disciplinary action.”
2. The AVP should get a nickname. You know those guys that walk up to you and start squeezing your shoulder? “Hi [squeeze], how’s it going? [squeeze] You doin’ ok? [squeeze]”
First of all, I hate that. If I can literally reach out and touch you, YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE. Second of all, stop squeezing my shoulder I’m not going to make out with you.
Anyway, the AVP, thankfully, does not do the whole squeeze-bit, but he’s got the rest of that personality wrapped up like a drum.
Also, he dips. As in “I’m going to pack a lip.” As in “I’m going to go purchase a tin of loose tobacco, then cram a fistful of it into my mouth between my lower lip and gum, then suck on it and spit tobacco juice into an empty water bottle I carry around for that very purpose.” Dipping is not only carcinogenic, it’s also disgusting.
Anyway, he needs a nickname. I’m leaning toward Dippy but that just makes him sound dumb, and he’s not, he knows his mutual funds, and is sort of a dick. I wouldn’t be averse to a nickname incorporating “dip” like “AVP Dipwad,” but I’m sure there are some other good choices.
So please submit any catchy/funny/scathing nickname possibilities in the comments section that may or may not include references to “dip” “arrogance” or AVP.
KT, you’re usually pretty mean, why not direct some ire toward the Arrogant Associate Vice President instead of the quality of my posts this time, eh? Donny, I’m counting on you to step up here too. Let’s go readers!
-t
2 comments:
You could call him Dippy Lumbergh. or AVP Dippity doo. Or just Cancer Face. That's interesting that he complains that YOU don't follow corporate policy. I didn't know that corporate policy said you could carry around a spit cup. I think that fell by the wayside when they stopped letting people smoke in office buildings.
Cancer Face has a nice ring to it.
I don't know if "no dipping" actually fell by the wayside in the near-constant policy retooling, I'd guess it was never there in the first place. How many global financial institutions would expect their upper management to be dependent on chew tobacco?
This is probably the same reason "no cookfires allowed in your cubicle" isn't in there.
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