I don’t think I’ve revealed much personal information here over the past however long I’ve been posting. I’d wager the majority of these posts are gripes about work (as it should be). Please allow me, then, to change direction for a bit.
Personal Facts about Tom (the author):
My favorite color is blue.
I prefer Xbox to Playstation2, and N64 to either.
I would make a really good rich guy.
Ok. Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Actually, rereading that I’d have to say those are personal opinions, not facts. How about another shot:
Personal Facts about Tom (the author) (revised):
My sister’s birthday falls on Christmas Eve.
Wisconsin is known as “the land of beer and cheese.”
Puppies are not colorblind.
There. Well, no, wait. Those are facts, but none are about me. Maybe there’s a reason most of these posts haven’t been about me. Maybe I have trouble revealing things about myself to anonymous readers. I’ll try again. Here we go, real facts, about me:
Personal Facts about Tom (the author) (revised) (twice):
My name is Tom.
I keep a weblog.
I have posted twice today.
HA! It worked that time, didn’t it?! Ha ha ha. In your face phobia-about-revealing-too-much-to-too-many! I win! Oh, wait…no. Those facts suck. You know what? Screw it. Here’s a fact about me: I can follow directions. Here’s another fact: I’m good at giving directions. Now I’m going to issue some directions for me to follow: Tom, this is Tom, reveal some personal facts to your readers. Now.
Personal Facts about Tom (the author) (as directed):
I am 6’2” and I like being tall.
I can (and will) recite all the dialogue from the Star Wars movies word-for-word, and, while some people find this annoying in others, I find it charming, especially if the person doing the reciting is an attractive female.
I like to tell myself that I like girls who read, when in fact, I like girls who talk about good books they’ve read, and why they like them. I cannot remember a single instance of ever even glancing twice at a girl absorbed in a book. I don’t like the impression that I am not the focus of their attention.
I am conceited, arrogant, selfish, and (sometimes) mean. Well, ok, I’m not really mean. I am definitely arrogant and selfish. Lately I have not had the opportunity to be conceited, but it’s sort of a default attitude for me.
I love hooded sweatshirts. They are the greatest invention of all time, except for Tony Hawk Pro Skater for Nintendo 64. The only things that even come close, on the entire scale of human experience and invention, are sliced bread, and the remote control.
I hate working hard, especially to better myself. I really only pursue courses of action that I can succeed in without gaining knowledge or experience. This is why I’m will never study for something like the GMAT or LSAT. If I can’t pass those tests with the brainpower I now possess I don’t want to.
I can rationalize and justify with the best of them (but I don’t always respect myself afterward).
Ok, one last fact:
I thought the entire premise for this post was thin, flimsy, and only marginally clever, but I wrote it anyway so I could recommend a song, and I am thrilled to death you suffered the whole way through it (except for you people out there – and I know who you are – who skipped to the end, you I will have to keep an eye on).
-tgme
recommended download:
Phantom Planet, Always On My Mind
23 comments:
ASSvice: If you have any doubts about revealing personal info, don't do it. If there's anyone who you know that you wouldn't want knowing what you write. Don't write it.
I try my best remember this with ever post I write. Otherwise I'd probably have a lot more profanity and vulgarity.
Oh good lord, did you think I was serious? That's just ridiculous. I'm never serious. Ever. Ha - doubts about revealing personal info, right. You should have seen the posts from last month, where I gave out my SSN and a .jpg of my birth certificate. Those were good times. tune in next time for all my credit card info and ebay password!
You know what Tessa, I think it is very nice of Tom not to tell you to shove it. It is clear you are friends. I am not your friend, so SHOVE IT, and I will enumerate my reasons why it should be shoved (by you).
To wit:
1) You label your assvice "ASSvice." Obviously you are familiar with the definition of assvice, which is "unwelcomed and unsolicited advice." Yet you bring it anyway, Tessa. Why? It's like saying, "That fire is hot," and then sticking your right hand into the flame.
2) Internet secrecy is one thing, but at some point, you're just being a paranoid bitch. For example: Tom's name is Tom. He is, in fact, 6'2", can recite Star Wars dialogue, and likes girls. He lives in Boston. All of this is true, and nobody has stolen his identity or taken out a loan in his name. Neither has the universe collapsed in upon itself.
3) Many prominent blog personalities use their real (and full) names, including but not limited to Amy Storch, Andrew Sullivan, and Heather Armstrong. Also my friend Lars Levie (www.larslevie.com), who is not prominent but is quite a character. I believe Heather even includes her home address on her site.
4) In general I think people are needlessly wary of posting personal information on the Web. It's no different than having it listed in the phonebook, albeit a global one.
5) You say that if you have any doubts about doing something, that it shouldn't be done. This is poor assvice, Tessa. I have doubts about a lot of things, but that doesn't stop me from employing the five-second rule for that grape on the floor.
6) Since when is vulgarity and profanity "personal information?" WTF, Tessa. Being anonymous is the PERFECT TIME to throw around a good "motherfucker" or "cockmaster." Jesus, Tessa, if you're going to stay in the shadows, you should take advantage and graffiti something.
7) Also (and this is just a personal pet peeve), you have a sentence fragment in your comment. Sometimes a fragment is fine for style, but you have cut off a subjunctive phrase from the imparitive "don't write it." And that's just annoying.
FOR TOM: Puppies aren't colorblind? Really?
Hahaha...I love it :)
John, Number 7 - is that a rule? Or just a pet peeve? It seems as if no rules were actually broken. Isn't it a complex sentence with a dependent (subjunctive) clause and an independent (imperative) clause?
Also, speaking of John's corrections - I remember him laughing at the way I said, "nuclear." I say it the same way that the President says it. As I'm typing this, NPR is playing the Indigo Girls' "Galileo" and I'm pretty sure they pronounce it with the three syllables, but that may just poetic license. That's my excuse. I have poetic license.
NRP also just played Crosby, Stills, and Nash. And now Jason Mraz. I love WUWM. Oh yeah. I need to make my pledge. They cancelled their fall on-air pledge drive. They are wonderful!
John, I generally enjoy your weblog and your comments. However, you went completely ape-shit on this Tessa person and it appears a little over-the-top aggressive. Is there something else in your life you're upset about? Maybe some of these pent-up feelings would be best directed in the audience of a professional. As in, a shrink. Just a thought. (I hope you enjoyed those last two sentences. I believe they are actual sentence fragments, as opposed to poor Tessa's sentence which was not, in fact, as accused, a fragment.)
oh, BURN!
-t
KT:
Thanks for your comment. Though the suggestion to see a psychiatrist is not labeled as assvice, I daresay it fits the definition. You should let a trained professional, however, evaluate my "aggression," and perhaps not rely on a comment on a blog to provide an adequate basis for a conclusion of such insulting magnitude.
Secondly, I did not go "ape-shit" on Tessa. In fact I had numerous witty and humorous asides. You are probably (and I do admit this is just a guess) equating the sheer number of comments I had on her comment with the "ganging up" quality of a person who does, in fact, go "ape shit."
I, however, am simply verbose and found that the more I thought about her comment, the more facets of it I found to be disagreeable.
I do (I admit) take personal offence to assvice, which is why I asked that she please shove it - it being the assvice. I think I have made it clear here that you can do the same with yours without even going to the trouble of saying it.
I should also note, however, that your use of stylistic fragments was both appropriate and conveyed the sense of indignation you were probably feeling when you wrote them.
The fragment to which I referred in my earlier comment was, "If there's anyone who you know that you wouldn't want knowing what you write." This is, in fact, a fragment. To be more precise, it is a phrase, a subjunctive one, concluded with a period. It is the definition, KT, of a fragment.
To properly make the fragment into a sentence, Tessa would be required to change the period into a comma and follow it with a subject and a verb (the two words required to make a sentence).
In this case, she could have utilized the above-mentioned comma and followed it with the imparitive, "don't write it" (the subject "you" being understood and unnecessary in an imparitive).
She didn't, and I found it annoying. I also labeled it a "personal pet peeve." You might call it a "preference." Perhaps in your haste to jump down my throat and assert yourself, you missed that part.
fight fight fight!
come on KT you gonna take that from some no-name blogger?!
don't take this lying down!
Whoa!
I don't think anyone will be back around to see this but I'd like to clarify a couple of things.
To Tom: I'm sorry for not realizing you were not being serious! I'm currently reading all archived posts of mimismartypants and joe.my.god. You, 'zubegirl', and sunnystributeblog are next on my list. So many great reads out there. I hope you were not offended at my ignorance.
To Johny Sapphire: I will not comment with any more ASSvice. But I can't think of a way to shove it. Sorry.
Also, vulgarity and profanity is not personal information, but I'm sure if your boss found your blog and read that you, for example, 'fucked a bitch in her ass last night' he'd/she'd have a different view of you.
Understand?
Lastly, I think Tom is a big boy and if he thinks I'm a giant turd, he'd tell me.
KT: Thank you for that. Ape-shit is right. My vanilla comment of 4 sentences really itched Sapphire's bum!
Love,
Fragment Mama
ok, great. I'm glad you've all worked most of this out...I think we're still waiting for KT's response to JS's critique, but I'm going to jump in here and say a few things:
1. never have I seen so much profanity on my blog. funny that it's only the commentor's who are using it. second, using it "for example" as Tessa and JS did does not make it any less profane. I am going to refrain from illustrating with an example of my own.
2. Tessa, hi, how are you, please don't say things like "big boy" and "turd" you sound a little ridiculous. this goes for the rest of you too. Once in a while I guess it'll slip, or maybe it will be funny in context, but it is definitely not funny when used sarcasticly in a comment fight. we're all college educated, I encourage you to utilize your full vocabulary.
3. Tessa, no need to apologize.
4. I do appreciate the readership and comments. from everybody. I'm hugging my monitor right now. really, so if you get up and hug your monitor right now too, it'll be like a big group hug. AWWWWWW.
honestly folks,
-tgme
Tessa:
1) I understand that profanity is not personal information; however, in your comment, the antecedent of "this" is "personal information." Whether you meant to or not, your use of grammar therefore classified "profanity and vulgarity" as "personal information." I gave you the benefit of the doubt by having assumed it was purposeful. I apologize. I understand the reasoning for censoring oneself in an online forum, I assure you.
2) Comments containing assvice are hardly vanilla as they abruptly assume that you, the commenter, know more about a given situation than the author and that that your advice is both welcome and requested. It is quite often the case that fewer words are more biting and "non-vanilla" (?) than a novel-length diatribe.
3) I do apologize if you took any of my comments as a personal affront: they were not written with that intention. I took issue with your opinion and gave reasoned and logical explanations as to why. That you and KT have resorted to accusing me of going "ape shit" as opposed to defending your position (see original points 2, 3, and 5, which have been left undiscussed) is indicative of either your abandonment of your original statement or your lack of an ability (or care) to debate.
well, that sucked! come on, that wasn't inflamatory at all! john, I'm trying to host an honest-to-goodness comment fight here... none of this namby-pamby "reasoned argument" posting.
Tessa, or KT, I guess, whoever is more offended by the following please respond:
what john actually meant to say was:
YOU'RE A BIG MORON. nothing you said was correct at all in anyway, grammatically, spellingingly, or logically!! why don't you just get off your high horse and shove it!!
ok, respond.
seriously, john, are you like, trying to befriend your enemies here? where's the bloodshed?! where's the mayhem?! did you really earn that nickname of Johnny "The Vengeful Commentor" Sapphire, or did you just make it up?
-t
(ps, "fight fight fight!")
I was going to call it a peaceful draw and not prolong the argument, however much entertainment it might have provided for the rest of you. I think we have all said our piece, aired our grievances, and made appropriate ammends. I have nothing personal against any of the parties, I sinply felt the need to defend a fellow commentor. I will note, however, in Johnny's defense, that he would probably NEVER write that he "fucked a bitch in her ass last night." Just doesn't seem to be his style. Of writing.
"sinply"? KT, if you'd like to change or edit that, just give me a quick heads up I'd be happy to delete the comment so you can leave another...or just leave another with the correction and I'll delete the bad one...
unless someone (Tessa, ahem, John, ahem, cough cough) wants to take a cheap shot...then I'll leave it up for readers to refer to. ;0)
Agreed, KT. This point is wearing on me.
Also, Tom, you owe me $15 for the concert tickets.
(Sigh)
Embarrassed. The potty mouth shuts now!
I admit I am not an intelligent person, but I KNEW posting that comment would not solve a damn thing.
"Shoulda woulda coulda."
Oh well.
(White flag)
(And all these fragments were not written to irritate ANYONE. OK? Goot.)
ok, ok, all kidding aside I'm about peace and forgiving...a bridgebuilder, if you will.
So, this time, I'm really serious about the group hug. really. come on, Tessa, John, KT...come on KT, and John stop looking over your shoulder, no one in your office cares that you're hugging your monitor.
It was just a friendly spat. all is forgiven? no, there's nothing to forgive :)
with love, respect, and admiration,
tom
Its perfectly alright, Tessa. Let it be a good lesson for the future. If you have any doubts. Don't write it.
har har
KT, you are hilarious!
Tom, I only gripped the sides of my monitor as actually hugging it would be quite a feat. (And you are hilarious.)
Everyone, I am ashamed of my vulgar words, but will not erase my comment, as that would be, as they say, 'weak sauce.'
Sapphire, why don't you go pick on a brain your OWN size?
Just look at my weblog and you'll see that I have a looooong way to go in that department. I'm harmless!
I am going to be incredibly careful about the comments I leave here from now on.
I include an emoticon to enhance my intentions of peace. :D
I know that I'm joining late in the game here kiddos, but really Tessa, no one is ever going to take what you have to say seriously if you don't think that it's worth anything.
JS, in all of his commentary, didn't say anything earth shattering or brilliant. He simply wrote with passion and poise and critiqued grammar because, bless his little cotton socks, that is what he does.
Now, as I do not know you, I cannot say if JS is smarter than you or not - I can say this: gather up some chutzpah and self-esteem, and never let anyone make you feel inferior.
Tom and Lindsay, I did't really understand the comment hype until I read the whole damn thread. Holy blog debate. Y'all (yes, I just used "y'all")are crazy and you know it. No one seemed to pick up on the fact that Tom didn't really care about what you were saying, he just wanted the thread to be as long and ridiculous as possible.
Maybe I should've used a semi-colon in that last sentence. Too bad. If you decide to attack my grammar, Johnny, I would suggest proofreading every post you've made because you know I'll be able to find something over in amazoland. I also know where you live. For the record, Tessa's fragment bothers the hell out of me, too.
ASSvice, furthermore, is one of the lamest words I've ever heard.
Now that I've also fallen for Tom's little trick, I'm going to do some work. Maybe.
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