Unpossible

Reading here at work would be a nice thing to do. Even if the book weren't very good, it would, at least, be something different (unless it's a book about work, but who are we kidding, I'd never read that book). The real trouble is finding a very good book. Like now. Because then I have to sit here and not read it, and think about not reading it. It's a fate worse than work.

Work, it's something I can handle. Many people out there, as I understand it, bear working because they believe, or recognize, that it is necessary. I don't. Well, conceptually, I guess I can understand that work is necessary, but I haven't accepted it, I haven't made it my own. I think I come to work because it's expected (this is also the reason I ranked so high in my high school class, scored so well on my SATs, got that scholarship and worked so hard to keep it). I am a slave to other people's expectations. It's true.

My progress is driven by outside forces. For example, I think I would like to go to graduate school. But I haven't. However, were there a person in my life, a parent maybe, who has for years expected me to go on and earn a masters degree in higher education adminsitration then I have no doubt I would be well into my second year of a good program at a well-regarded school.

Or, if I were expected to be driving a certain car, this whole "car thing" would not be a big deal, it wouldn't be a deal at all. I'd've purchased a car months ago and would be making my monthly payments on time.

Expectations speak louder than words. But no one is speaking to me now.

I may have to do some thinking.

-Tom
recommended download: Rolling Stones, Satisfaction