A million little stories: a million reasons to throw a milliion dollars at me

Where’s my book deal?

I’ve mentioned this a few times here on the web log, and I’d like to make things very clear for you readers (especially you readers who, once I get my book deal and start blogging about my millionaire status will leave comments like “you hypocrite, now that you have a book deal you’re all about the money, blah blah blah”): I want a book deal. I am about the money.

(I am not all about the money, I am only some about the money.)

Read carefully now: I am not saying I deserve a book deal. First, because only selfish jackasses expound their own deservedness, and second, because I don’t deserve a book deal.

But I still want one.

I’d write a good book – probably. Writing is like any other art form, just because it’s not “high art” doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be commissioned. People (are you listening, publishers) should still pay for bad writing!

People would buy my book, and that’s all the publishers should be concerned about. It’s not about content, sales are about snazzy cover designs and New York Times Bestseller numbers (which I’m pretty sure you can pay some guy at the NYT to fake).

So, from a sales POV, it’s a lock. And from my POV getting paid to write a book is a great idea – So where’s my book deal?

I can write about anything! Sex, drugs, rock and roll (that would be a short book mostly about rock and roll), 80’s pop culture (an even shorter book, I spent the eighties in a parochial school and playing youth hockey – I didn’t even know pop culture existed until I caught an episode of “I love the 80’s” after I graduated college),

The rise and fall of American imperialism in the 1960’s (ha, kidding. One of the things I’m proudest of is that I didn’t take any history courses in college).

I could write a book about my one summer as a daredevil in a Las Vegas stage show, three shows a day, seven days a week (mostly “human cannonball” work, with the occasional “light-the-stunt-guy-on-fire” bit) and the short-lived marriage to a showgirl (annulled after three-days when I found out she was more of a “showguy” - if you know what I mean).

Look, I’ve got stories from here to wherever. Set anyplace, at any time, featuring any cast of characters you’d like to read about. All I’m looking for is some publishers to throw some money at me.

Book deal.


bam.
-t