Where the beer flows like wine

Hey, I forgot to mention that we were attacked by a bear on Saturday night.

Well, I didn’t really forget, because that’s not something that’s easily forgotten, what I mean to say is I meant to post something about the attack by the giant bear, but didn’t, because it would not fit with the subject of my earlier post.

So anyway, the story of the being attacked by a bear, in Boston (city of):

We, John, Felecia, and myself, were walking to John’s apartment, abuzz with conversation and un-sobriety. As we turned from the well-lit, city street full of other slightly inebriated area residents onto the quieter side street we had NO IDEA of what was about to transpire. All in all, with the light fall breeze, and the non-so-distant-but-sort-of-out-of-screaming-distance sounds of drunken revelry we’d just left it felt very much like the start of a really good horror/teen-slasher movie about three college kids walking home after drinking at a bar until 2 AM, with just one thing missing: A GIANT BEAR.

Well, as luck would have it, just as we three were stepping past a dark alley, the night provided us with the perfect HORROR MOVIE MONSTER. Backlit, this giant lumbering furry shape came at us and took us completely unawares! The beast damn-near knocked Felecia down, and came very close to biting my hand off before we even knew what the hell was going on. I don’t know what happened to John, but it is entirely possible he ran for blocks screaming at the first sign of this thing.

This giant, furry, GIANT thing, which turned out to be…and I’m not exaggerating here the awesomest dog ever, was named Aspen.

He was out wandering the streets and back alleys of the city, being very friendly and nice to people, acting on his impeccable training (we covered “sit” and “down”) and being in general good spirits for the half hour we spent with him. It was half-an-hour because none of the three phone numbers on his tag had a real live person on the other end, so John left some messages for people, along the lines of “Listen, I would think that if your GAINT BEAR escaped from your yard, or your house, or your bear cage, or whatever, that you would know it, but just in case you haven’t noticed, your dog Aspen escaped and is making the cars in the neighborhood feel inadequate. Could you give us a call back? Thanks.”  

We didn’t hear back, so we thought the best thing to do was lock him safely in the vestibule of a nearby building to prevent him from accidentally sitting on a Jeep or something and crushing it. I rang the bell for all the apartments in one building until someone buzzed us in, and we bid adieu to Aspen.

His was the awesomest breed I’ve ever met in real life, and I am totally thinking about getting one. Later I’ll post a picture if I can find one online, and I’ll try to put something in there for size comparison. Like my truck. He was a very nice dog.

But really, there was a second there I thought he was a giant bear and was going to eat us.

-t