At Capacity (Blogging Drunk)

Reading: "Just thought you should know. It's cold in Boston, so I have my parent's apartment's basement fire on. That's a lie but I'm 4 beers in, so it could be coming soon. BTW I think 4 beers is my optimum blogging capacity."

Optimal Blogging Capacity should be right up there with Blood Alcohol Level as a standard measure of inebriation.

What's your OBC?

-t

Overheard

My girlfriend spent last weekend with me at my apartment. We went out and got wasted Friday night at a bar downtown, then came home went to bed, and crashed.

So, the next morning, when I wake up she's already in the living room watching television, so I go right over to the kitchen and start cooking some eggs for breakfast. She turns around and puts her finger to her lips "shh" mouths "Mike" and points at the couch. So I lean over, and there's my old roommate passed out on the couch in his boxers.

I guess he couldn't make it back to his apartment so he used his old key and let himself into my place. And, you know, no big deal, right? We hadn't heard him come in last night, and better he crash here than try and drive home.

Anyway, I start to cook breakfast and she's watching tv, and then Mike wakes up, pokes his head over back of the couch, looks right at me over the stove, and - it's not Mike.

-What?

It's not Mike. It's some guy I've never seen before. He's looking right at me, completely confused, a little unnerved, and, eyes wide, he says "Where...the hell...am I?"

And Amy's sitting right there next to him on the couch and she's like "Who the hell are you!?"

Turns out it's some guy that's in town staying with my next door neighbors. He'd been out drinking late, and come in to my apartment instead of theirs - I guess Amy didn't shut the door completely behind her when we came in the night before, and he'd just come in, stripped down, and passed out on the couch.

-Whoa. Really?

Yeah, so I made him some eggs and he left.

Seeking Direction

Hello, readers, I'd like to ask for your help.

What's the best way to get through, or around, New York City? Ideally I'd like to avoid all traffic at all costs.

Also, no low-clearance bridges, I'll be driving a moving truck.

I'm serious. If anyone suggests the George Washington Bridge I'll track you down myself, drag you there by your hair, and pitch you into the Hudson. (GWB crosses the Hudson, right?)

Seriously, help.


Thanks,
-t

Realtor Reality?

Realtors are getting to me. I'm currently looking for an apartment in the Boston area (at this point, anywhere in Greater Boston).

First on the list, Realtors-Who-Haven't-Seen-The-Apartment-Before-Showing-It-To-Renters

Case-in-point: Cliff, a realtor, arranged to show an apartment in Malden. Upon arrival he and I waited for ten minutes outside for the homeowner to show up and unlock it. As I inspected the place Cliff wandered around marvelling at the hard wood floors and enormous closets.

I'm glad you're happy with the apartment, Cliff, but you're not the one who'll be living here. Maybe you should worry about knowing things like how much it rents for, if there's laundry available, what the parking situation is, and what sort of deposit I'll be looking at.

Why are you showing an apartment you've never set foot in before? You're the realtor, you shouldn't be asking more questions than I am. You should find out before you show the apartment.

Second, Realtors-Who-Aren't-Really-Realtors-But-More-Like-Agents-For-Big-Complexes-And-Don't-Do-Any-Work-But-Are-Happy-To-Charge-A-Full-Fee-Anyway

Like...Donna, a realtor who set up an appointment to look at a 2br place near Malden square, and five minutes prior to the appointment called to cancel and instead suggested driving "just a little ways down Lebanon street," but left out the rest of the directions "all the way to a giant apartment complex on Route 1."

Upon arriving, and realizing we'd been duped, we were led into the administrative offices of the complex by Donna who introduced us to the property manager, and then promptly sat down to remain mute and immobile for the manager's entire 45 minute presentation and tour.

Thanks Donna, we could have dispensed with you entirely by placing a direct phone call.

Third, Realtors-Who-Seem-Very-Nice-Until-You-Realize-They're-Probably-Only-Acting-Helpful-Out-Of-A-Desire-To-Maliciously-Twist-The-Knife-Into-Unsuspecting-Renters

Like Maryanne, who was contacted via email about a lovely-looking duplex in Melrose and responded Sunday afternoon with an invitation to an open house that had taken place five hours earlier on Sunday morning.

Maryanne then sent a very thoughtful follow-up email on Monday afternoon which included details about the apartment and a plethora of new photos.

When I called Marryanne Monday after reading her email she said "Oh, I just rented that apartment this morning, sorry!"

Maryanne, if you had already rented the apartment then why did you bother sending us and email with photos?

That's not cool Maryanne.

Honorable mention? Realtors who show tiny 1br apartments with no parking or laundry after you've explicitly stated you're looking for a 2br with both.

-t