Adina: it really wins you over
it is one of my favorite
well
there is gilmore girls, golden girls, west wing, arrested development, the office
Adina: and to be fair
seasons 1 through 5 of gg
well
seasons 1 through 4 definitely
the jury is still out on season 5
me: right
I'm on board with that whole debate
me personally, I loved pre-paris
and basically hate paris
also, I hate every boy rory has ever liked
except dean a little bit later on when he comes back and he's married
Sent at 10:26 AM on Monday
Adina: there was never pre-paris
she was always on the show
i liked jess
dean was too roll over
i am not a big fan of logan
i basically love the show for lauren graham
a deep dark dislike is a-brewing for rory
for one, CUT YOUR BANGS
me: I like rory
Adina: NO ONE CAN SEE YOUR EYES
me: lorelai is too whiny
esp with luke
Adina: true
but she is the center of the banter
me: I like her with soukie
Adina: she is always quick
witted
me: and soukie's husband produce guy
Adina: i LOVE sookie
me: I like the grandfather and grandmother too
also, I used to hate that lame guy
but now I like him
Adina: yeah they really bring the show over the top
me: taylor's henchman guy
Adina: they are experienced and classic
i love them
did you see any of season 6?
kirk
me: I really liked when the grandfather was living in the guest house and had the goofy
mustache
Adina: (real name: sean gunn)
me: and, maybe?
I might have seen one episode possibly
Adina: did you see the episode
where rory hosts a wartime party?
me: um, no
Adina: ok
me: did she have long bangs?
Adina: yeah she was wearing like a 40s outfit
khaki, curled hair
me: I saw one where she was donna reed
for dean
Adina: whoa SEASON 1 TOM
me: because he liked his women to stay home
wow, really?
Adina: we need to sit you down and rewatch seasons 1 through 6
me: no no
not "rewatch"
I've only seen scattered episodes
I watch ABC Family reruns
Adina: gasp
DOUBLE GASP
Adina: here is what we're going to do
you are going to spend all of philoney
in my apt
me: I saw the one where asian sidekick girl gets married
Adina: watching gilmore girls
you have no choice
me: also the one with the living paintings...I've see that one like three times
Adina: i love that one
sookie has her first baby
me: and the one where there's a big hole in the side of the inn
before they open
first baby?
honestly, don't spoil anything!
like, if lorelai is pregnant and rory's old dad is the father
don't tell me stuff like that
or if luke's the father but she's hooking up with christopher
(is that's his name?)
Adina: uh she's not pregnant
yes, christopher
me: I saw the one where they needed doors for the inn
Adina: okok, haha
me: and dean was back working with the doors
and kissed rory almost
Adina: and he almost kissed rory
me: and then was married
Adina: do you know what happened after that
me: nope
Adina: that was the end of season 3 i think
me: ok
I'd guess they hooked up
Adina: you don't know what happened POST ALMOST KISS
you've got to be kidding me
me: actually I heard they hooked up, I'm not guessing
but I could have heard wrong
also, I hate logan
and mostly hate jess
because every once in a while he was nice
but then he'd go all "rebel without a cause" and come on. he wasn't a tough guy
no way could he have gotten away with that in any real town.
Adina: i know that is why he is so easy to love
me: somebody would have kicked his ass
Adina: also he is so cute
me: no, that is why he is easy to hate
Adina: it's not a real town it is stars hollow
sigh i love that show
me: and he's not that cute
dean's better looking
so's christopher
as far as lorelai's other guys though
no siree bob
Adina: jess was adorable i had a huge crush on him
remember max
max medina
me: all neanderthal ugly types
Adina: UGLY
me: max?
Adina: who else uh jason stiles
me: is he the one who was the lawyer with her dad?
Adina: UGLIER
me: and who's jason stiles?
Adina: at least max was smart jason was UGLY AND STUPID
me: I know:
1. Luke (diner)
2. lawyer guy who sued granpa
Adina: i like luke but only because he's been with the show since day 1
me: I've always liked luke
Adina: and he has been pining for lorelai forever and that is cute
lawyer guy = jason stiles
me: the lawyer guy also showed up unexpectedly in the ALMOST KISSED episode
Adina: rory's teacher was max medina
me: 3. rory's teacher from 10th kingdom
Adina: he had a great personality but was sort of ugly. he grew on me but then she broke his heart sad.
me: I liked him but lorelai pushed him away
it wouldn't have worked out, but seriously, that lasted like, what, one episode?
does he even count?
and 4. christopher, who she should probably just dump for good already
Adina: uh for like the entity of season 1
me: really?
ok
Adina: and he would come back now and then in season 2 or 3
me: I saw one once where asian sidekick girl dyed her hair
Adina: i forget which one
purple
me: yes
then black again
Adina: that is the one where jess is dating that hoe blondie
me: yes
me: yes
but doesn't really like here
her*
Adina: i always wondered if she really died her hair or if it was a wig
me: that's where I was like "this is really dumb"because it's like "hello? jess? HOT BLONDE?"
and he didn't go for her?
= lame character
maybe if they had a girl that wasn't so hot it would have been ok
Adina: you're kidding
you thought that blonde was hot
SHE WAS A HOE BAG TOM
THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT
they were like let's find the hoe-iest hoe bag there is and then make her date jess
me: ok, it's not like I really remember it
that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when
and yes, I think it was a wig
I also remember an easter episode
where they hid eggs on the town green and they spoiled
or something
Adina: and kirk was delirious
me: and goofy guy had to find them all
Adina: and luke found them for him
me: KIRK!
right
Adina: showing his true colors
me: I knew he had a name
so,
people like paris?
Sent at 10:43 AM on Monday
Adina: i like paris
ok
not really
but she rounds out rory's character
i think she adds dimension to the show
since rory has like no friends ever
me: I thought they hated each other
and asian sidekick girl was a friend
and paris was the enemy
Adina: paris became a friend
they were roommates in college
keep your friends close...keep your enemies closert
i can't believe we've been talking about GG for this long
you are my favorite friend
DON'T TELL THE OTHERS
me: hahaha
deal
Adina: you're totally going to post about it
DON'T LIE
me: I've already posted three times today
Adina: no you didn't
me: I doubt another will be fourthcoming
ha
Adina: so is this what you do all day? gmail chat?
me: and by the time I get around to posting tomorrow I will have forgotten this covnersation
and yes
this is what I do all day
Sent at 10:51 AM on Monday
Adina: haha
well by tomorrow i'll tell someone else they are my favorite friend.
Monday, November 20, 2006
A choice: Five or Five Hundred?
It's ten o'clock in the morning. This is my third post of the day.
Nothing is going on. Insolent Bob is gone, my lazy manager is gone (I think - it's possible he's here. I wouldn't know because he never comes over to talk to me).
I've had a conversation with Buffalo about finally selling his car. He did most of the talking while I kept my headphones in and Queen playing on my ipod. And that's about it.
I've downloaded some of the reports I need for the daily reconcilliation, I'll probably look at them in a little while, but right now, and for the foreseeable future, there's nothing going on.
I feel like I should go out and get coffee just to be doing something. That's not a financially healthy attitude.
Unless it keeps me from paying five hundred bucks for a Wii.
-t
Nothing is going on. Insolent Bob is gone, my lazy manager is gone (I think - it's possible he's here. I wouldn't know because he never comes over to talk to me).
I've had a conversation with Buffalo about finally selling his car. He did most of the talking while I kept my headphones in and Queen playing on my ipod. And that's about it.
I've downloaded some of the reports I need for the daily reconcilliation, I'll probably look at them in a little while, but right now, and for the foreseeable future, there's nothing going on.
I feel like I should go out and get coffee just to be doing something. That's not a financially healthy attitude.
Unless it keeps me from paying five hundred bucks for a Wii.
-t
More than just the normal amount of confused...
So I was messed up this morning. Utterly and hopelessly confused. And, unbeknownst to me, dreaming:
I was back in high school, bookbag slung over one shoulder, wandering the empty hallways trying to remember my schedule.
Not only was I required to remember which classes I had and in which order, I also needed to remember which day of the rotation it was. (Anybody else have rotating schedules in high school? We had seven class periods on a seven day rotation, so each period was the first period of the day at some point. There was a big sign hung just inside the front door: "Today is Day Six")
So, I'm wandering the halls and I decide to head over to AP Calculus, because that's probably the class I'm late for, but I get there and the room is full of freshmen, so clearly, I'm wrong. I then head back downstairs to the cafeteria where I start questioning the few stragglers still eating Hostess Chocolate Covered Mini Donuts and chocolate milk. "What day is today?"
I finally get an answer from a kid copying his buddy's homework. He says something like "It's the end of days." which confused me for a little bit, in the dream, until, still in the dream, I figure he must mean "It's the last day of the rotation," namely, "Day Eight," which is, in itself, preposterous, because, it's a seven day rotation.
But, as I said, it apparently made sense, because I knew where to go. I headed back upstairs to the math hallway and instead of going to AP Calculus I went to the sophmore geometry class.
That's when I woke up. I think.
I'm not sure because I remember seeing my alarm clock read 6:56 AM and then next thing I can remember for certain happening in real life was realizing my alarm clock said 8:38 AM. This is after I'd showered and gotten dressed.
Now, since my alarm clock is set for seven forty-five I think we can assume that I was dreaming for about forty-five minutes just before my alarm went off. I think we can also assume that I was totally out of it based solely on the fact that I didn't realize I was even awake for almost an hour after that.
I'm still a little confused and not only second guessing the day of the week, the fact that I'm in an office and not a classroom, my age, my occupation, but right now I'm actually starting to wonder, what exactly did that kid mean by "the end of days?"
Though, I guess it won't matter too much. I doubt very much anyone here at work will notice any difference between "normal Tom" and "confused by a weird dream Tom" - it's not like I do anything around here anyway.
-t
I was back in high school, bookbag slung over one shoulder, wandering the empty hallways trying to remember my schedule.
Not only was I required to remember which classes I had and in which order, I also needed to remember which day of the rotation it was. (Anybody else have rotating schedules in high school? We had seven class periods on a seven day rotation, so each period was the first period of the day at some point. There was a big sign hung just inside the front door: "Today is Day Six")
So, I'm wandering the halls and I decide to head over to AP Calculus, because that's probably the class I'm late for, but I get there and the room is full of freshmen, so clearly, I'm wrong. I then head back downstairs to the cafeteria where I start questioning the few stragglers still eating Hostess Chocolate Covered Mini Donuts and chocolate milk. "What day is today?"
I finally get an answer from a kid copying his buddy's homework. He says something like "It's the end of days." which confused me for a little bit, in the dream, until, still in the dream, I figure he must mean "It's the last day of the rotation," namely, "Day Eight," which is, in itself, preposterous, because, it's a seven day rotation.
But, as I said, it apparently made sense, because I knew where to go. I headed back upstairs to the math hallway and instead of going to AP Calculus I went to the sophmore geometry class.
That's when I woke up. I think.
I'm not sure because I remember seeing my alarm clock read 6:56 AM and then next thing I can remember for certain happening in real life was realizing my alarm clock said 8:38 AM. This is after I'd showered and gotten dressed.
Now, since my alarm clock is set for seven forty-five I think we can assume that I was dreaming for about forty-five minutes just before my alarm went off. I think we can also assume that I was totally out of it based solely on the fact that I didn't realize I was even awake for almost an hour after that.
I'm still a little confused and not only second guessing the day of the week, the fact that I'm in an office and not a classroom, my age, my occupation, but right now I'm actually starting to wonder, what exactly did that kid mean by "the end of days?"
Though, I guess it won't matter too much. I doubt very much anyone here at work will notice any difference between "normal Tom" and "confused by a weird dream Tom" - it's not like I do anything around here anyway.
-t
It's time for a new plan:
Ok, I have a new plan:
1. My lazy manager never talks to me, and is leaving at the end of the month.
2. My new manager doesn't know me very well, so she doesn't talk to me much yet.
3. I try to avoid Insolent Bob as much as possible.
4. We submit timesheets every two weeks, my paycheck is deposited directly into my bank account.
My plan is to simply stop coming to work except on alternating Fridays to submit my timesheet.
I figure no one will even notice I'm gone for the first two weeks of my plan, then it will be month end and they'll all be super busy with reports, and after that they'll be used to my abscence.
It's brilliant, right?
Meanwhile. What the hell am I going to do today? I'll tell you right now, if I spend six hours on ebay staring at "Nintendo Wii console, in-hand, ready-to-ship" for $460.00 I'm probably going to crack and get one.
-t
1. My lazy manager never talks to me, and is leaving at the end of the month.
2. My new manager doesn't know me very well, so she doesn't talk to me much yet.
3. I try to avoid Insolent Bob as much as possible.
4. We submit timesheets every two weeks, my paycheck is deposited directly into my bank account.
My plan is to simply stop coming to work except on alternating Fridays to submit my timesheet.
I figure no one will even notice I'm gone for the first two weeks of my plan, then it will be month end and they'll all be super busy with reports, and after that they'll be used to my abscence.
It's brilliant, right?
Meanwhile. What the hell am I going to do today? I'll tell you right now, if I spend six hours on ebay staring at "Nintendo Wii console, in-hand, ready-to-ship" for $460.00 I'm probably going to crack and get one.
-t
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Lazy Sunday
No post today. Why? Because I'm too busy lying around playing video games. I'm halfway through a Batman beat 'em up, and I've got plans later for some MarioKart DS.
I don't plan on eating at all today.
-te
I don't plan on eating at all today.
-te
Saturday, November 18, 2006
The Big Game
Growing up I played one year of Junior CYO basketball. I think I was eight.
Each team was coached by a high school kid, none of them knew anything about coaching, or teaching the game of basketball.
But, my team was called the Buckeyes.
Which is why I'll be rooting for Ohio State today.
-t
Also I hate the Michigan Wolverines.
Each team was coached by a high school kid, none of them knew anything about coaching, or teaching the game of basketball.
But, my team was called the Buckeyes.
Which is why I'll be rooting for Ohio State today.
-t
Also I hate the Michigan Wolverines.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Happy Dan Goldin Day!
I feel like I'm already on vacation. My lazy manager is out today, and Insolen Bob is out too! I could have a great Dan Goldin Day without even leaving my cubicle! Which, of course, is totally not the point. I'll be skipping out at noon just like I planned.
And I'm thinking about heading home after lunch and watching Star Trek all day.
If that doesn't sound like a great time, you must be deaf.
-t
And I'm thinking about heading home after lunch and watching Star Trek all day.
If that doesn't sound like a great time, you must be deaf.
-t
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Tips and Tricks for Accomplishing Your Own Dan Goldin Day Miracle
Things have been cleared for my Dan Goldin Day. I'm skipping out of work at noon tomorrow to go celebrate. I cleared it with Sandra, my new manager, by surreptisiously misleading her with the "Two Facts" trick (detailed below).
Tips and Tricks:
1. "I'm Sick" - This is a classic get-out-of-work-free card. If you're not familiar with it, this is the first one you should learn. For ameteur practitioners looking to move up from the "He called in, you know, "sick" today" level to the genuine "He didn't sound too good, I hope he can make it in Moday" level, remember that the most effective lie is the total lie. Give them the whole package. For managers, and people with brains, it's easy to see through the "cough while I'm on the phone" ploy - but, if you approach it like a role, you'll be well on your way to a five-day weekend: Think about exactly how you act when you're actually sick; hunch your shoulders; try not to move unless absolutely necessary; curl up, put on a jacket; think about wanting chicken soup but feeling too naseous to eat it - then make the phone call.
*Careful not to play the sick bit up too much, though, or you might accidentally convince yourself you feel terrible. Happened to me once, and I lost a week in Cabo huddled in the hotel room watching Criminal Intent reruns in Spanish.
2. Two Facts - This is for those folks who have qualms about lying to their boss. It capitalizes on trust and inference. It simply requires that you string two facts together and allow your boss's (no doubt, well placed) trust in you, and the natural human tendency toward inference to take over. This is the technique I used today:
I said. "I'm leaving work early tomorrow" and then said "I had to reschedule a dentist's appointment."
Strung together it's only natural to assume the reason I'm leaving work is to make it to my dentist appointment. It's not true. I'm leaving work because it's Dan Goldin Day.
I did, however, have to reschedule a dentist's appointment. It happened last May. I called the dentist and said "Can we move tomorrow's appointment from one o'clock to three o'clock? Thanks."
Both statements are absolutely true, so you're not actually lying. You're covered by your manager's assumptions.
3. "Pokey Died" - Pokey, in this case, being a pet gerbil. This method is also known in some circles as "Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie." It differes from the "I'm Sick" method in that this one requires no role playing. Pokey died, yes, and you need some time off to grieve for your poor twenty-seven year-old pet, but you're not going to carry that grief into work or make a big show.
The most important thing to remember when lying is this: Keep it simple.
Don't offer up any unnecessary details, don't offer any explanations, don't volulnteer any information.
That's not to say you shouldn't be prepared with a background story. Background is essential. But again, keep it simple.
The "We got him on my eighth birthday, he was the only thing that got me through the assassination attempt on President Roosevelt, I gave him a blood transfusion once..." excuse might not ring true if questioned, as gerbils can't get human blood transfusions, you don't know which Roosevelt administration you were supposedly alive for, and you never had an eighth birthday.
Saying "Bob and I are feeding the homeless this afternoon" will backfire if Bob's sitting right there and blurts out "You told me you were going golfing!" So in order to keep Bob from indignantly ladeling vegetable medley down at the soup kitchen you can either let him in on the lie, which I don't advocate, or, again, keep it simple.
Use things no one can dispute. "I have to leave tomorrow at noon..."Family trouble." also popular are:
"Personal problems."
"I'm an alcoholic." and
"I'm a robot."
4. "I think I'm in love with you" - Finally, and use this one sparingly, you can create an uncomfortable situation at work by becoming too personal with a fellow employee or manager. This works especially well on managers of the same sex, as you're calling in uncomfortable relationship issues and potentially uncomfortable social issues. When done correctly the manager will actually suggest themselves that you take the day off.
"Looks like you need some time off. Why don't you take tomorrow off and come back Monday with your head on straight - uh, I mean, 'normal'- ah- just take the day off!!"
*Note, don't try this with ugly managers that might reciprocate. That's dangerous.
-t
Tips and Tricks:
1. "I'm Sick" - This is a classic get-out-of-work-free card. If you're not familiar with it, this is the first one you should learn. For ameteur practitioners looking to move up from the "He called in, you know, "sick" today" level to the genuine "He didn't sound too good, I hope he can make it in Moday" level, remember that the most effective lie is the total lie. Give them the whole package. For managers, and people with brains, it's easy to see through the "cough while I'm on the phone" ploy - but, if you approach it like a role, you'll be well on your way to a five-day weekend: Think about exactly how you act when you're actually sick; hunch your shoulders; try not to move unless absolutely necessary; curl up, put on a jacket; think about wanting chicken soup but feeling too naseous to eat it - then make the phone call.
*Careful not to play the sick bit up too much, though, or you might accidentally convince yourself you feel terrible. Happened to me once, and I lost a week in Cabo huddled in the hotel room watching Criminal Intent reruns in Spanish.
2. Two Facts - This is for those folks who have qualms about lying to their boss. It capitalizes on trust and inference. It simply requires that you string two facts together and allow your boss's (no doubt, well placed) trust in you, and the natural human tendency toward inference to take over. This is the technique I used today:
I said. "I'm leaving work early tomorrow" and then said "I had to reschedule a dentist's appointment."
Strung together it's only natural to assume the reason I'm leaving work is to make it to my dentist appointment. It's not true. I'm leaving work because it's Dan Goldin Day.
I did, however, have to reschedule a dentist's appointment. It happened last May. I called the dentist and said "Can we move tomorrow's appointment from one o'clock to three o'clock? Thanks."
Both statements are absolutely true, so you're not actually lying. You're covered by your manager's assumptions.
3. "Pokey Died" - Pokey, in this case, being a pet gerbil. This method is also known in some circles as "Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie." It differes from the "I'm Sick" method in that this one requires no role playing. Pokey died, yes, and you need some time off to grieve for your poor twenty-seven year-old pet, but you're not going to carry that grief into work or make a big show.
The most important thing to remember when lying is this: Keep it simple.
Don't offer up any unnecessary details, don't offer any explanations, don't volulnteer any information.
That's not to say you shouldn't be prepared with a background story. Background is essential. But again, keep it simple.
The "We got him on my eighth birthday, he was the only thing that got me through the assassination attempt on President Roosevelt, I gave him a blood transfusion once..." excuse might not ring true if questioned, as gerbils can't get human blood transfusions, you don't know which Roosevelt administration you were supposedly alive for, and you never had an eighth birthday.
Saying "Bob and I are feeding the homeless this afternoon" will backfire if Bob's sitting right there and blurts out "You told me you were going golfing!" So in order to keep Bob from indignantly ladeling vegetable medley down at the soup kitchen you can either let him in on the lie, which I don't advocate, or, again, keep it simple.
Use things no one can dispute. "I have to leave tomorrow at noon..."Family trouble." also popular are:
"Personal problems."
"I'm an alcoholic." and
"I'm a robot."
4. "I think I'm in love with you" - Finally, and use this one sparingly, you can create an uncomfortable situation at work by becoming too personal with a fellow employee or manager. This works especially well on managers of the same sex, as you're calling in uncomfortable relationship issues and potentially uncomfortable social issues. When done correctly the manager will actually suggest themselves that you take the day off.
"Looks like you need some time off. Why don't you take tomorrow off and come back Monday with your head on straight - uh, I mean, 'normal'- ah- just take the day off!!"
*Note, don't try this with ugly managers that might reciprocate. That's dangerous.
-t
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
It is the year 2005, the treacherous Decepticons have conquered the Autobots home planet of Cybertron
But from secret staging grounds from two of Cybertron's moons the valiant Autobots prepare to retake their homeland...
I JUST GOT TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION!!!!
And you have NO IDEA what sort of voice talent is in this thing, here's a quick run down:
Eric Idle, Casey Kasem, Judd Nelson, Orson Welles, Robert Stack, and Leonard Nemoy.
This movie was HUGE. and now it is again.
I'm so blown away.
-t
I JUST GOT TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION!!!!
And you have NO IDEA what sort of voice talent is in this thing, here's a quick run down:
Eric Idle, Casey Kasem, Judd Nelson, Orson Welles, Robert Stack, and Leonard Nemoy.
This movie was HUGE. and now it is again.
I'm so blown away.
-t
Dan Goldin Day: Past and Future; (Present To Follow)
In November 2003 it was announced that the university I, Tom, was attending had just decided on a new president. A former NASA executive and fundraiser, he was much ballyhooed by the university's trustees and some of their close personal friends. His name was Dan Goldin.
The trustees decided immediately to throw a parade in honor of the decision. They scheduled it for November 17th. In order to boost turn out, or win the admiration of the student body, the trustees cancelled classes for the entire day.
The day they picked to cancel happened to coincide with a ridiculously difficult math exam I was scheduled to take. The professor was forced to postpone. I love the trustees.
It truly was a glorious time to be a harried Boston University student who needed an extra day to study for a midterm mathematics exam.
But then, tragedy, sort of. The trustees, mere moments (it seemed) after selecting our hero (Dan Goldin) to lead the university into the next age, passed a vote of No Confidence in their appointee!
Dan Goldin Ex-President? It was true. Having never set foot in his office, having never worked on day, hour, or minute, as president of this university, he'd been dismissed.
He had, however, signed the contract which entitled him to, approximately, $1.8 million dollars (USD) severance pay. For not working. Million. For signing his name.
We, the student body, were outraged. Well, no, that's an overstatement. Tuition money has gone to more foolhardy plans than a botched presidential selection.
We were, however, worried for our day off. What was to come of the parade they'd scheduled? Would we have to go to class? WHAT OF DONUTS?!
The trustees, in their infinite generosity, decided to not only give Dan Goldin his hefty parting gift, but also give the student body the day off, like they promised.
The extra day to lay around (and also do some studying) was almost better than a gigantic cash windfall (I wouldn't know if it were actually better, having never been simply handed $1.8 million dollars).
And, since that day, November 17th, 2003, I have vowed to celebrate Dan Goldin and his ridiculous part in the proceedings every year by skipping work/school/etc and doing whatever I please.
Since then, the celebration has grown, usually through college friends spreading the story and the tradition as they move away from Boston and to other exotic locales - like Milwaukee, Wisconsin - where, last year, they celebrated with a brewery tour.
This year I've enlisted the aid of many other friends to spread the holiday even further. 2006 will feature additional celebrations in Indiana, California, Missouri, Georgia, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Guatemala, and, hopefully, New Zealand.
Dan Goldin Day has gone international.
So, to sum up, the spirit of the holiday is this:
Skip out on work, lay around, celebrate however you see fit.
Whether it's a two-car parade through the center of town, drivers waving at confused townsfolk (like Dan Goldin Day 2005), or a brewery tour (which seems to be the most popular variant this year,) or simply sleeping in, playing xbox all day instead of going to work, and raising a pint to Dan Goldin, I urge you to enjoy it.
Thanks all,
-Tom
The trustees decided immediately to throw a parade in honor of the decision. They scheduled it for November 17th. In order to boost turn out, or win the admiration of the student body, the trustees cancelled classes for the entire day.
The day they picked to cancel happened to coincide with a ridiculously difficult math exam I was scheduled to take. The professor was forced to postpone. I love the trustees.
It truly was a glorious time to be a harried Boston University student who needed an extra day to study for a midterm mathematics exam.
But then, tragedy, sort of. The trustees, mere moments (it seemed) after selecting our hero (Dan Goldin) to lead the university into the next age, passed a vote of No Confidence in their appointee!
Dan Goldin Ex-President? It was true. Having never set foot in his office, having never worked on day, hour, or minute, as president of this university, he'd been dismissed.
He had, however, signed the contract which entitled him to, approximately, $1.8 million dollars (USD) severance pay. For not working. Million. For signing his name.
We, the student body, were outraged. Well, no, that's an overstatement. Tuition money has gone to more foolhardy plans than a botched presidential selection.
We were, however, worried for our day off. What was to come of the parade they'd scheduled? Would we have to go to class? WHAT OF DONUTS?!
The trustees, in their infinite generosity, decided to not only give Dan Goldin his hefty parting gift, but also give the student body the day off, like they promised.
The extra day to lay around (and also do some studying) was almost better than a gigantic cash windfall (I wouldn't know if it were actually better, having never been simply handed $1.8 million dollars).
And, since that day, November 17th, 2003, I have vowed to celebrate Dan Goldin and his ridiculous part in the proceedings every year by skipping work/school/etc and doing whatever I please.
Since then, the celebration has grown, usually through college friends spreading the story and the tradition as they move away from Boston and to other exotic locales - like Milwaukee, Wisconsin - where, last year, they celebrated with a brewery tour.
This year I've enlisted the aid of many other friends to spread the holiday even further. 2006 will feature additional celebrations in Indiana, California, Missouri, Georgia, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Guatemala, and, hopefully, New Zealand.
Dan Goldin Day has gone international.
So, to sum up, the spirit of the holiday is this:
Skip out on work, lay around, celebrate however you see fit.
Whether it's a two-car parade through the center of town, drivers waving at confused townsfolk (like Dan Goldin Day 2005), or a brewery tour (which seems to be the most popular variant this year,) or simply sleeping in, playing xbox all day instead of going to work, and raising a pint to Dan Goldin, I urge you to enjoy it.
Thanks all,
-Tom
Fourth Annual Dan Goldin Day To Be Celebrated Nationwide This Friday, November 17th
Dan Goldin Day, a holiday I instituted in 2003, has gone national. Keep an eye here for Dan Goldin updates throughout the week.
To start, a little background:
From Boston.com: "[Nov. 1, 2003] The [Boston University] trustees paid Goldin $1.8 million to walk away from the job he was supposed to start today...BU's employment contract with the incoming president would have paid him a salary of $750,000 a year for five years, plus extensive benefits and a severance package that would take effect once he assumed office."
From my archives:
"[Nov. 18,2004] for those of you unfamiliar with Dan Goldin, or Dan Goldin Day here's a brief wrap-up ...BU had elected him prez, decided to throw him a party and gave everyone the day off last Nov. 17th (2003) then, when they booted him, they were going to cancel the day off which would have forced me to take an exam for which I wasn't prepared. However, cool guys that the BU trustees are, they decided to give us the day off anyway, thus saving me from a sure failure. Consequently, I took an oath that day to celebrate Dan Goldin and the role he played in the debacle, by celebrating "Dan Goldin Day" every Nov. 17th (observed this friday, Nov. 18th - see earlier post for schedule for the week of 11/15). Also, it's much easier to say and remember than "Nov. 17th, I-lucked-out-and-got-extra-time-to-study-for-a-big-exam day" :)
And, two emails from Donny:
"It's incredible how many people in Milwaukee are now aware of Dan Goldin Day. This could really catch on."
"We're going on the brewery tour again. But I have had numerous people ask about the holiday - Joe, Carla, Kristy, Jon, and my coworkers. Today I actually used the phrase, "another Dan Goldin Day miracle!"
-Donny"
For more Dan Goldin Day news and highlights stay tuned here, Weblog: a20261. Thanks for playing along.
-t
To start, a little background:
From Boston.com: "[Nov. 1, 2003] The [Boston University] trustees paid Goldin $1.8 million to walk away from the job he was supposed to start today...BU's employment contract with the incoming president would have paid him a salary of $750,000 a year for five years, plus extensive benefits and a severance package that would take effect once he assumed office."
From my archives:
"[Nov. 18,2004] for those of you unfamiliar with Dan Goldin, or Dan Goldin Day here's a brief wrap-up ...BU had elected him prez, decided to throw him a party and gave everyone the day off last Nov. 17th (2003) then, when they booted him, they were going to cancel the day off which would have forced me to take an exam for which I wasn't prepared. However, cool guys that the BU trustees are, they decided to give us the day off anyway, thus saving me from a sure failure. Consequently, I took an oath that day to celebrate Dan Goldin and the role he played in the debacle, by celebrating "Dan Goldin Day" every Nov. 17th (observed this friday, Nov. 18th - see earlier post for schedule for the week of 11/15). Also, it's much easier to say and remember than "Nov. 17th, I-lucked-out-and-got-extra-time-to-study-for-a-big-exam day" :)
And, two emails from Donny:
"It's incredible how many people in Milwaukee are now aware of Dan Goldin Day. This could really catch on."
"We're going on the brewery tour again. But I have had numerous people ask about the holiday - Joe, Carla, Kristy, Jon, and my coworkers. Today I actually used the phrase, "another Dan Goldin Day miracle!"
-Donny"
For more Dan Goldin Day news and highlights stay tuned here, Weblog: a20261. Thanks for playing along.
-t
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Productivity, and what follows...
Ok, here's a quick shout out to everybody still at work (including me). I'd just like to give you an update on my day.
[9:00-9:35] -
Finished two weeks worth of daily processing I'd been neglecting. Wrote a blog post.
[9:35-12:45] -
Read video game reviews online (gamespot, ign, amazon). Including but not limited to: (Adina, go ahead and skip the reviews, no gilmore girls video game exists)
Nintendo Wii -
Marvel Ultimate Alliance - Based on Raven Software's successful X-men Legends games, you can play as Spider-Man, the Fantanstic Four, Deadpool, Iceman, Iron Man, etc etc etc to defeat evil Doctor Doom. The reviewers loved it.
Microsoft Xbox -
Ultimate Allicance - ditto.
Batman, Rise of Sin Tzu - Pretty good reviews. You're Batman (from the animated series) and you go around beating up bad guys. Straight-forward, no nonsense fighting. Reviewers liked it.
Batman Vengence - Like most Batman video games, it sucks. Reviewers hated it.
Aquaman, Battle for Atlantis - Or something like that, it looked so bad I didn't bother to remember the title. Aquaman is a lame superhero, and a lamer video game.
Destroy All Humans! - Campy 50's B-movie turned video game. You play as the little grey alien and blast the "monkeys" to smithereens. Looks hilarious.
Gun - Cowboy shoot 'em up trying to capitalize on Deadwood success. Reviewers called it "spotty" and "sparse at times." Not great. Unless you're a gun nut.
Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher's Bay - A prequel to the motion picture, you play as Riddick escaping the galaxy's most secure prison. This one was the most highly rated game I read about all day.
Justice League Heroes - DC's answer to Marvel's Ultimate Alliance. Reviews were positive but not glowing, coming in just behind UA.
Star Wars: Republic Commanod - Play as an elite clone soldier, command the other three clones in your squad along a linear military conquest. Good reviews, plus, it's Star Wars.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith - Based on the movie. Awful reviews, plus, it's Star Wars Revenge of the Sith.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Based on the television series. Highly rated, though the review seemed a bit too subjective to be taken at face value.
The Thing - Not the big orange guy - A horror game based on the 1982 Carpenter film, you plat a rescue team sent to Antarctica to investigate the unusual disappearance of the research team. Horror ensues.
Productive, right?
[12:45-1:45]
Lunch. I went out, got a sandwich, and read a little. It was nice. Definitely the highlight of my day.
[1:45 - present]
More game reviews, bought some games on half.com. (Batman, Sin Tzu; Republic Commando; Riddick). Online chat.
[present - 5:15]
Chatting online with Samantha who ducked out of work early to watch Star Trek The Next Generation. Getting up-to-the-minute play-by-play on the actions of Worf, Geordi, Picard, Riker, etc.
If I have to sit here at the computer, I would much rather have TNG updates.
-t
[9:00-9:35] -
Finished two weeks worth of daily processing I'd been neglecting. Wrote a blog post.
[9:35-12:45] -
Read video game reviews online (gamespot, ign, amazon). Including but not limited to: (Adina, go ahead and skip the reviews, no gilmore girls video game exists)
Nintendo Wii -
Marvel Ultimate Alliance - Based on Raven Software's successful X-men Legends games, you can play as Spider-Man, the Fantanstic Four, Deadpool, Iceman, Iron Man, etc etc etc to defeat evil Doctor Doom. The reviewers loved it.
Microsoft Xbox -
Ultimate Allicance - ditto.
Batman, Rise of Sin Tzu - Pretty good reviews. You're Batman (from the animated series) and you go around beating up bad guys. Straight-forward, no nonsense fighting. Reviewers liked it.
Batman Vengence - Like most Batman video games, it sucks. Reviewers hated it.
Aquaman, Battle for Atlantis - Or something like that, it looked so bad I didn't bother to remember the title. Aquaman is a lame superhero, and a lamer video game.
Destroy All Humans! - Campy 50's B-movie turned video game. You play as the little grey alien and blast the "monkeys" to smithereens. Looks hilarious.
Gun - Cowboy shoot 'em up trying to capitalize on Deadwood success. Reviewers called it "spotty" and "sparse at times." Not great. Unless you're a gun nut.
Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher's Bay - A prequel to the motion picture, you play as Riddick escaping the galaxy's most secure prison. This one was the most highly rated game I read about all day.
Justice League Heroes - DC's answer to Marvel's Ultimate Alliance. Reviews were positive but not glowing, coming in just behind UA.
Star Wars: Republic Commanod - Play as an elite clone soldier, command the other three clones in your squad along a linear military conquest. Good reviews, plus, it's Star Wars.
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith - Based on the movie. Awful reviews, plus, it's Star Wars Revenge of the Sith.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Based on the television series. Highly rated, though the review seemed a bit too subjective to be taken at face value.
The Thing - Not the big orange guy - A horror game based on the 1982 Carpenter film, you plat a rescue team sent to Antarctica to investigate the unusual disappearance of the research team. Horror ensues.
Productive, right?
[12:45-1:45]
Lunch. I went out, got a sandwich, and read a little. It was nice. Definitely the highlight of my day.
[1:45 - present]
More game reviews, bought some games on half.com. (Batman, Sin Tzu; Republic Commando; Riddick). Online chat.
[present - 5:15]
Chatting online with Samantha who ducked out of work early to watch Star Trek The Next Generation. Getting up-to-the-minute play-by-play on the actions of Worf, Geordi, Picard, Riker, etc.
If I have to sit here at the computer, I would much rather have TNG updates.
-t
Productivity
This morning I have decided to be productive. In the next half hour I expect to catch up on daily work for two of my funds that I have put off for two weeks.
That's right, two weeks of work, for two funds, in half an hour.
You might think that's fifteen minutes of work for each week of each fund, but you would be wrong. In fact the easy fund will probably take ten minutes (that's about one minute per day), and the slightly less easy fund will take almost twice that long (I know, outrageous, right?).
I find it utterly ridiculous that the difference between daily work and monthly reporting is so great. The daily stuff takes mere minutes, and a fraction of my concentration. The monthly stuff is totally indecipherable.
Why one and not the other? I don't want to speculate. Besides, I have to get back to work.
-t
btw, did I mention that the half an hour includes the time it will take me to post? It does.
That's right, two weeks of work, for two funds, in half an hour.
You might think that's fifteen minutes of work for each week of each fund, but you would be wrong. In fact the easy fund will probably take ten minutes (that's about one minute per day), and the slightly less easy fund will take almost twice that long (I know, outrageous, right?).
I find it utterly ridiculous that the difference between daily work and monthly reporting is so great. The daily stuff takes mere minutes, and a fraction of my concentration. The monthly stuff is totally indecipherable.
Why one and not the other? I don't want to speculate. Besides, I have to get back to work.
-t
btw, did I mention that the half an hour includes the time it will take me to post? It does.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Insolent Bob Speaks - sort of
CRAIG: Yes?
FLORIS: Yex?
CRAIG: I said "yes."
FLORIS: You suggest what? I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants, my good man. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now. I think that's what he said.
...
CRAIG: You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester.
LESTER: Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. But I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on this one. You see, she has her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. Perhaps you've read her memoirs, "I can't understand a word any of you are saying."
from Being John Malkovich
Maybe Insolent Bob suffered a head injury sometime in his past. Maybe he was one of those kids raised by wolves that never really learns language. Maybe it was a drunken brain surgeon who sliced through his verbal center while trying to finish the lobotomy.
I don't know.
And I won't ask him either. Not because it would be improper, but because I'm one hundred percent certain I would not be able to decipher or interpret his response.
Insolent Bob Email Excerpts:
- "Also write this down, on a side note, Admin expense sheets are due on this Thursday"
Should be "as a side note," and why is that phrase even attempted here?- "A bunch of wires have left the funds, if you don’t know any and they are breaks come over and I will tell you how to settle…ok"
I think that means "If you need help with the wires, let me know"- "it will clear itself, probably MS is wrong and late updating. Make shure shares are same though."
In response to a share break. Note the lack of definite articles.- "Also forgot – if you could remember to sign off on the recon as well."
Some type of reminder, I guess. Most apparent omission is the independent clause.- "Book spots from the cash roll. USD is the sell EUR and SEK are buys. Did you ever book these before?"
The entirety of my Spot Training.- "Yes – tell her the date that it was sent form fax cover. Tell her you will resend and send an email to Ellen and also ask Matie to give a heads up to Ellen, because you are not certain that Ellen ever receives your emails cause she hasn’t responded to your requests in the past ( is this a true summarization). ??"
-t
recommended download:
Cowboy Mouth, Joe Strummer (Did I already recommend that one? I did? Well, download again. It's good.)
Sunday, November 12, 2006
A Sunday Post About a Saturday Show
Is it just me, or was Saturday Night Live (11.11.06) the biggest line up in the history of the show?
Did I miss a memo?
Hilarious Opening Sketch - New Speaker Pelosi with S&M Democratic staffers, weed, and funny jokes. I can't remember the last time I thought an opening sketch was funny.
Your host: Alec Baldwin (13th episode)
Your musical guest: Christina Aguilera (who is awesome. don't deny it)
Your cameos - and this is where it gets interesting:
1. Tina Fey and Tracey Morgan from 30 Rock in a nice promotional tie-in with Baldwin and a hilarious monologue that was basically what every promo piece for 30 Rock wishes it could have been.
2. Steve Martin in a Martin v. Baldwin legacy hosting bit that included a cameo from
3. Martin Short, as their "sad" waiter and
4. PAUL MCCARTNEY who didn't even speak and it was the most excited I can remember being for an SNL cameo since John Goodman as Linda Tripp.
5. TONY BENNETT as a Tony Bennett impersonator (stage name "Fony Bennett") who then PERFORMED "Steppin Out With My Baby" with Aguilera.
It was hilarious.
Amy Poehler is the funniest person on that show. Her half of Weekend Update is always a blast. Seth still needs a little work on his delivery, affect, and timing (are there other things that go into a joke?), but it looks like he's tightening things up behind the anchor desk.
I was saddened to see Horatio Sanz let go because that means no more Rick Sketches which were the best thing to happen to that show in decades. That's right, decades. Better than anything Carvey did ever.
One final note: The only downer bit was the Update "Amy's Aunt Movie Review" the character sucked, there were too many pauses and shrugs (which are probably crucial to the character and might work in a sketch, but Update's a bang-bang-bang environment so if you're not throwing out four punchlines a minute you're failing), and it wasn't funny. Quircky contrived characters should have no place at the anchor desk.
-t
recommended download:
The Who, Poetry Cornered
Did I miss a memo?
Hilarious Opening Sketch - New Speaker Pelosi with S&M Democratic staffers, weed, and funny jokes. I can't remember the last time I thought an opening sketch was funny.
Your host: Alec Baldwin (13th episode)
Your musical guest: Christina Aguilera (who is awesome. don't deny it)
Your cameos - and this is where it gets interesting:
1. Tina Fey and Tracey Morgan from 30 Rock in a nice promotional tie-in with Baldwin and a hilarious monologue that was basically what every promo piece for 30 Rock wishes it could have been.
2. Steve Martin in a Martin v. Baldwin legacy hosting bit that included a cameo from
3. Martin Short, as their "sad" waiter and
4. PAUL MCCARTNEY who didn't even speak and it was the most excited I can remember being for an SNL cameo since John Goodman as Linda Tripp.
5. TONY BENNETT as a Tony Bennett impersonator (stage name "Fony Bennett") who then PERFORMED "Steppin Out With My Baby" with Aguilera.
It was hilarious.
Amy Poehler is the funniest person on that show. Her half of Weekend Update is always a blast. Seth still needs a little work on his delivery, affect, and timing (are there other things that go into a joke?), but it looks like he's tightening things up behind the anchor desk.
I was saddened to see Horatio Sanz let go because that means no more Rick Sketches which were the best thing to happen to that show in decades. That's right, decades. Better than anything Carvey did ever.
One final note: The only downer bit was the Update "Amy's Aunt Movie Review" the character sucked, there were too many pauses and shrugs (which are probably crucial to the character and might work in a sketch, but Update's a bang-bang-bang environment so if you're not throwing out four punchlines a minute you're failing), and it wasn't funny. Quircky contrived characters should have no place at the anchor desk.
-t
recommended download:
The Who, Poetry Cornered
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Walked around my good intentions...
Hello blogosphere, it's Tom, and I've got a story fo you.
Yesterday, Friday, I had a Boston adventure. The kind you had in college. All over the map, all hours of the night.
We went out for Mo's birthday.
My day started at work. It wasn't great, and I hate Insolent Bob, but really like the rest of the guys who work there. At about two o'clock Buffalo turned to me and said "Hey, what's the difference between "do" and "do" spelled d-o, and d-u-e?"
I was like, "Um, what? One pertains to actions, one pertains to things owed. How do you not know this?"
"Well, I get them confused. Why do we even have more than one word for that? That seems stupid. Three "do's" seems like two many."
"Three do's"?
"Yeah. D-o, d-u-e, and d-o-e."
I was killing myself laughing. The rest of the homophone conversation was about how the kid who sits next to Buffalo, a native New Englander pronounces "hair" exactly the same as "here" and "hear."
For the rest of the dayI was trying desperately to kill time. I chatted online, I drew some kickass spiral designs, I even did some actual work on some reports that are "due" next Tuesday. I couldn't think of anything else to "do."
Then I got an email from Tom: "Hey, sorry this is so haphazard: We'll be going to the Tomb tonight for Mo's birthday, and meeting for dinner at eight o'clock BeerWorks beforehand."
He'd sent out a couple emails the day before outlining a similar plan sans details and the multitude of responses (that went something like "The Tomb? Um, what? And also, what time?") convinced him to re-email the invitiees.
So, as I was already online with gmail chat, I asked some people Erin if they knew anyplace I could go after work to kill some time before dinner. I wanted to read a little and hang out.
Erin suggested Trident, a "chill" cafe/bookshop on Newbury that I'd never heard of. She said they sold beer and wine. I was convinced.
So, after finally, agonizingly, five-thirty rolled around I headed over there. I grabbed an open seat at the end of the bar, took my book out American Tabloid and no sooner had I reached for the bookmark did Erin herself walk in!
"Hey. Talking this place up for you, I convinced myself to come," she said.
So, Erin and I hung out for a while drinking coffee at Trident and talking about cars, and boots, and Fraggles, and all sorts of other things. And then I glanced up and Tom and Mo are right over there at the magazine rack. Coincidence?
Turns out, no not really. They'd had the same idea I had had: Kill some time before dinner at Trident. I guess it's a pretty happening place.
So, as it was about time to meet the others at the restaurant, Erin took off, and Tom, Mo, and I walked over to Beerworks.
The following is a small paragraph about the beer at Beerworks:
It stinks. I don't know anything about their brewing process, but it works to remove any and all body from each and every one of their beers. Also, it removes a good deal of flavor. Last night I sampled the Oatmeal Stout, the Pumpkinhead Ale, the "Mad Hops" IPA, and the Bambino Ale. On previous ocassions I've tried their "Red" and "Brown Nut Ale" varieties. All have little flavor, none have any body. The only one that tastes like it's supposed to taste is the Bambino Ale: light golden colored, light-beer flavor, clean finish. But, for the rest of them, they're all a watered-down, flavored-down version of whatever they should be. If you like heavy beer, don't go to Beerworks.
Also the food was ok, but not screwing up a hamburger doesn't earn you any points back for serving sub-par beer.
Then we went to the Tomb. Its hokey, campy, childish...and we all expected it to be. Mo's initial comment was "Maybe we all should have had a few more drinks at Beerworks before coming over here..." and I agree with here. The puzzles are something you'd find in a fourth-grade level activity book and while not "dumb" definitely would have been way more fun if we were all blind-stinking-falling-down drunk.
But whatever. I joked about a curse of the tomb, but as the rest of the story may illustrate, there may very well be one:
Mo suggested we hit up a bar for another drink. It was only about eleven-thirty, and it was friday, and her birthday. The night was young.
So, we walked from the Tomb along the longest possible route that took us on both sides of the Mass Pike and Mass Ave to some dive bar that was "at capacity." So we walked down Boylston to Foggy Goggle, Pour House, Whiskey's etc. All "at capacity." We walked back up to Bukowski's which, turns out, was also at capacity.
So it's late now, with all the walking, and a few of the group decided to peel off and take the T home. We're left with Tom, Mo, me, Matt and Daisy. We decided to go bowling.
That may have been our first mistake. (Probably not, bowling is almost never a mistake.)
We called Kings, they were full. Matt suggested Towne Line bowling in Malden. No one knew if they were all-night. So we decided to hit Dorchester's all-night bowling place. That meant walking all the way back to the car (Tom and Mo had parked near the restaurant) then jumping on I-93 South.
And that was our first mistake.
So, we should have gone the Mass Ave route. Because we were on 93 for .... two hours.
This should be a fifteen minute ride into Dorchester at midnight. But they had shut down four lanes of the five lane tunnel that runs under the city (Thank you Big Dig repairs). On a Friday, early. Two Hours.
TO GO TWO EXITS
We went from Commonwealth Ave to Storrow to 93 South in thirty seconds. We went from the Fleet Center to THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT in TWO HOURS.
For those of you unfamiliar with Boston, I can WALK from the Financial district to the Fleet Center in twenty minutes. If I only use one leg, and stop for lunch along the way. I'm not kidding. TWO HOURS. IN THE CAR. IN THE TUNNEL.
We were following a white Chevy Avalance with Nevada vanity plates reading SWINE for about half the time. They had some weird dvd playing. We couldn't figure out what it was and they didn't have subtitles turned on. (Incidentally, if anybody knows SWINE and could maybe ask them what movie they were watching as they were stuck in traffic for TWO HOURS below the city of Boston, could you let me know what it was? Sweet.) I also saw a guy in a Nissan Sentra tip his head back and fall asleep for like fifteen minutes next to us. He just shifted into park and closed his eyes. And when he woke up NO ONE HAD MOVED AT ALL.
TWO HOURS. IN THE TUNNEL.
GAH.
Cursed much? Apparently.
So, once we get the financial distric and are, at least, above ground, we sit in traffice for another fifteen minutes and then the road opens up. It was amazing. (And we should have taken Mass Ave.)
So we bowled. It was nice. It was the first time I'd been bowling since... I can't even remember, maybe three years ago. It took me a while to warm up, but I got there eventually.
And then Tom drove everybody home. Man what a trooper. Luckily there weren't any cars on the road at four in the morning.
So I got home last night (this morning) at FOUR THIRTY A.M.
Which is absolutely ridiculous. But a good story nonetheless, right?
Happy Saturday.
-t
recommended download:
Our Lady Peace, 3am
Good Charlotte, My Bloody Valentine
Flogging Molly, To Youth (My Sweet Roisin Dubh)
Yesterday, Friday, I had a Boston adventure. The kind you had in college. All over the map, all hours of the night.
We went out for Mo's birthday.
My day started at work. It wasn't great, and I hate Insolent Bob, but really like the rest of the guys who work there. At about two o'clock Buffalo turned to me and said "Hey, what's the difference between "do" and "do" spelled d-o, and d-u-e?"
I was like, "Um, what? One pertains to actions, one pertains to things owed. How do you not know this?"
"Well, I get them confused. Why do we even have more than one word for that? That seems stupid. Three "do's" seems like two many."
"Three do's"?
"Yeah. D-o, d-u-e, and d-o-e."
I was killing myself laughing. The rest of the homophone conversation was about how the kid who sits next to Buffalo, a native New Englander pronounces "hair" exactly the same as "here" and "hear."
For the rest of the dayI was trying desperately to kill time. I chatted online, I drew some kickass spiral designs, I even did some actual work on some reports that are "due" next Tuesday. I couldn't think of anything else to "do."
Then I got an email from Tom: "Hey, sorry this is so haphazard: We'll be going to the Tomb tonight for Mo's birthday, and meeting for dinner at eight o'clock BeerWorks beforehand."
He'd sent out a couple emails the day before outlining a similar plan sans details and the multitude of responses (that went something like "The Tomb? Um, what? And also, what time?") convinced him to re-email the invitiees.
So, as I was already online with gmail chat, I asked some people Erin if they knew anyplace I could go after work to kill some time before dinner. I wanted to read a little and hang out.
Erin suggested Trident, a "chill" cafe/bookshop on Newbury that I'd never heard of. She said they sold beer and wine. I was convinced.
So, after finally, agonizingly, five-thirty rolled around I headed over there. I grabbed an open seat at the end of the bar, took my book out American Tabloid and no sooner had I reached for the bookmark did Erin herself walk in!
"Hey. Talking this place up for you, I convinced myself to come," she said.
So, Erin and I hung out for a while drinking coffee at Trident and talking about cars, and boots, and Fraggles, and all sorts of other things. And then I glanced up and Tom and Mo are right over there at the magazine rack. Coincidence?
Turns out, no not really. They'd had the same idea I had had: Kill some time before dinner at Trident. I guess it's a pretty happening place.
So, as it was about time to meet the others at the restaurant, Erin took off, and Tom, Mo, and I walked over to Beerworks.
The following is a small paragraph about the beer at Beerworks:
It stinks. I don't know anything about their brewing process, but it works to remove any and all body from each and every one of their beers. Also, it removes a good deal of flavor. Last night I sampled the Oatmeal Stout, the Pumpkinhead Ale, the "Mad Hops" IPA, and the Bambino Ale. On previous ocassions I've tried their "Red" and "Brown Nut Ale" varieties. All have little flavor, none have any body. The only one that tastes like it's supposed to taste is the Bambino Ale: light golden colored, light-beer flavor, clean finish. But, for the rest of them, they're all a watered-down, flavored-down version of whatever they should be. If you like heavy beer, don't go to Beerworks.
Also the food was ok, but not screwing up a hamburger doesn't earn you any points back for serving sub-par beer.
Then we went to the Tomb. Its hokey, campy, childish...and we all expected it to be. Mo's initial comment was "Maybe we all should have had a few more drinks at Beerworks before coming over here..." and I agree with here. The puzzles are something you'd find in a fourth-grade level activity book and while not "dumb" definitely would have been way more fun if we were all blind-stinking-falling-down drunk.
But whatever. I joked about a curse of the tomb, but as the rest of the story may illustrate, there may very well be one:
Mo suggested we hit up a bar for another drink. It was only about eleven-thirty, and it was friday, and her birthday. The night was young.
So, we walked from the Tomb along the longest possible route that took us on both sides of the Mass Pike and Mass Ave to some dive bar that was "at capacity." So we walked down Boylston to Foggy Goggle, Pour House, Whiskey's etc. All "at capacity." We walked back up to Bukowski's which, turns out, was also at capacity.
So it's late now, with all the walking, and a few of the group decided to peel off and take the T home. We're left with Tom, Mo, me, Matt and Daisy. We decided to go bowling.
That may have been our first mistake. (Probably not, bowling is almost never a mistake.)
We called Kings, they were full. Matt suggested Towne Line bowling in Malden. No one knew if they were all-night. So we decided to hit Dorchester's all-night bowling place. That meant walking all the way back to the car (Tom and Mo had parked near the restaurant) then jumping on I-93 South.
And that was our first mistake.
So, we should have gone the Mass Ave route. Because we were on 93 for .... two hours.
This should be a fifteen minute ride into Dorchester at midnight. But they had shut down four lanes of the five lane tunnel that runs under the city (Thank you Big Dig repairs). On a Friday, early. Two Hours.
TO GO TWO EXITS
We went from Commonwealth Ave to Storrow to 93 South in thirty seconds. We went from the Fleet Center to THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT in TWO HOURS.
For those of you unfamiliar with Boston, I can WALK from the Financial district to the Fleet Center in twenty minutes. If I only use one leg, and stop for lunch along the way. I'm not kidding. TWO HOURS. IN THE CAR. IN THE TUNNEL.
We were following a white Chevy Avalance with Nevada vanity plates reading SWINE for about half the time. They had some weird dvd playing. We couldn't figure out what it was and they didn't have subtitles turned on. (Incidentally, if anybody knows SWINE and could maybe ask them what movie they were watching as they were stuck in traffic for TWO HOURS below the city of Boston, could you let me know what it was? Sweet.) I also saw a guy in a Nissan Sentra tip his head back and fall asleep for like fifteen minutes next to us. He just shifted into park and closed his eyes. And when he woke up NO ONE HAD MOVED AT ALL.
TWO HOURS. IN THE TUNNEL.
GAH.
Cursed much? Apparently.
So, once we get the financial distric and are, at least, above ground, we sit in traffice for another fifteen minutes and then the road opens up. It was amazing. (And we should have taken Mass Ave.)
So we bowled. It was nice. It was the first time I'd been bowling since... I can't even remember, maybe three years ago. It took me a while to warm up, but I got there eventually.
And then Tom drove everybody home. Man what a trooper. Luckily there weren't any cars on the road at four in the morning.
So I got home last night (this morning) at FOUR THIRTY A.M.
Which is absolutely ridiculous. But a good story nonetheless, right?
Happy Saturday.
-t
recommended download:
Our Lady Peace, 3am
Good Charlotte, My Bloody Valentine
Flogging Molly, To Youth (My Sweet Roisin Dubh)
Friday, November 10, 2006
There will be WiFi access and an open bar at the reception...
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the sign of Google - and in the presence of this company of sidebar hyperlinks - to join together this blogger and this livejournaler in holy wed-log; which is to be entered into reverently, discreetly, solemnly, and, in this case, anonymously. If any reader can show just cause why these two may not be wed, let them comment now, or forever hold their peace (comments will be closed after the ceremony).
Marriage is the union of husband and wife joined in mind, blog, and heart, and is intended for their mutual joy and google text ad revenue.
Through marriage this blogger, and this livejournaler, make a commitment to each other; to face server breakdowns, traffic spikes, digged entries, and beta testing; to love, honor, and blog about each other's every quirk, annoyance, silly games, petty hang-ups, and endearing qualities; to post mushy pictures of each other, pets, and children; and to share hosting costs.
We are here today - before Al Gore - inventor of the internet, because blogging is one of his most sacred wishes - to witness the joining in marriage of these two online personalities. This occasion marks the celebration of love, commitment, and a pooled reader base, in which these two begin their life together.
Do you, blogger, take this livejournaler, to love, cherish, read, comment, and link to, as newly published, and ancient archived, as long as you both shall blog?
And do you, livejournaler, take this blogger, to have and to hold, to photoblog, videoblog, mobileblog; through boring posts, and podcasting attempts,
Now it is time to exchange the passwords....
In as much as this blogger and this livejournaler have consented together in marriage in front of these online acquaintences, and have pledged their support and bandwidth to one another, they are now joined.
What, therefore, God has posted, let no man edit or delete.
Then, go forth, be fruitful and multiply page hits.
You may now publish.
Marriage is the union of husband and wife joined in mind, blog, and heart, and is intended for their mutual joy and google text ad revenue.
Through marriage this blogger, and this livejournaler, make a commitment to each other; to face server breakdowns, traffic spikes, digged entries, and beta testing; to love, honor, and blog about each other's every quirk, annoyance, silly games, petty hang-ups, and endearing qualities; to post mushy pictures of each other, pets, and children; and to share hosting costs.
We are here today - before Al Gore - inventor of the internet, because blogging is one of his most sacred wishes - to witness the joining in marriage of these two online personalities. This occasion marks the celebration of love, commitment, and a pooled reader base, in which these two begin their life together.
Do you, blogger, take this livejournaler, to love, cherish, read, comment, and link to, as newly published, and ancient archived, as long as you both shall blog?
And do you, livejournaler, take this blogger, to have and to hold, to photoblog, videoblog, mobileblog; through boring posts, and podcasting attempts,
Now it is time to exchange the passwords....
In as much as this blogger and this livejournaler have consented together in marriage in front of these online acquaintences, and have pledged their support and bandwidth to one another, they are now joined.
What, therefore, God has posted, let no man edit or delete.
Then, go forth, be fruitful and multiply page hits.
You may now publish.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The Rundown
The Rundown:
Since birth:
-Shovelling out elderly neighbor's driveways.
Payment in cookies.
Summary: Cold, but morally satisfying.
Summer after eighth grade:
-Cleaning neighbor's pool.
Twenty bucks a week.
Summary: Getting money for accomplishing a measureable task. As far as 'first employment experience' goes, I'd say this was a positive introduciton to capitalism.
-Weeding, stump removal, landscaping (different) neighbor's back yard.
Eighty bucks for the job.
Summary: Taking down the forest of wild sumac sucked big-time, but I used the money to buy stuff for my GameBoy, a good trade off.
Sophmore year of high school through first semester of Junior year at BU:
-Cambridge Street Photo, one hour processing, slides, powerpoint, digital processing, large format printing, etc.
Up to eleven bucks an hour, plus commission, film & developing at cost.
Summary: Greatest job I've ever had. Possibly the greatest job I ever will have. I'd go back there now if I could.
I can't.
College:
-Assorted student employment: Office of Housing, Office of Residence Life, High School Tutor.
Seven bucks an hour.
Summary: It's a student job. Who really cares?
-Clerk at a movie rental place.
Six bucks an hour, plus free rentals.
Summary: Free rentals was nice. I spent a summer watching every "I can't believe you've never seen "_______"! movie I'd never seen (Godfather I, II, etc)
Since graduation:
-mutual fund accountant.
Payment: not worth it.
Summary: You know that scene in Office Space? Where Peter's like "Everyday I go into work, and it's worse than the day before. That means, that every day you see me, it's on the worst day of my life."
It's exactly like that.
How's that for a resume?
-t
recommended download:
Cowboy Mouth, Joe Strummer
Since birth:
-Shovelling out elderly neighbor's driveways.
Payment in cookies.
Summary: Cold, but morally satisfying.
Summer after eighth grade:
-Cleaning neighbor's pool.
Twenty bucks a week.
Summary: Getting money for accomplishing a measureable task. As far as 'first employment experience' goes, I'd say this was a positive introduciton to capitalism.
-Weeding, stump removal, landscaping (different) neighbor's back yard.
Eighty bucks for the job.
Summary: Taking down the forest of wild sumac sucked big-time, but I used the money to buy stuff for my GameBoy, a good trade off.
Sophmore year of high school through first semester of Junior year at BU:
-Cambridge Street Photo, one hour processing, slides, powerpoint, digital processing, large format printing, etc.
Up to eleven bucks an hour, plus commission, film & developing at cost.
Summary: Greatest job I've ever had. Possibly the greatest job I ever will have. I'd go back there now if I could.
I can't.
College:
-Assorted student employment: Office of Housing, Office of Residence Life, High School Tutor.
Seven bucks an hour.
Summary: It's a student job. Who really cares?
-Clerk at a movie rental place.
Six bucks an hour, plus free rentals.
Summary: Free rentals was nice. I spent a summer watching every "I can't believe you've never seen "_______"! movie I'd never seen (Godfather I, II, etc)
Since graduation:
-mutual fund accountant.
Payment: not worth it.
Summary: You know that scene in Office Space? Where Peter's like "Everyday I go into work, and it's worse than the day before. That means, that every day you see me, it's on the worst day of my life."
It's exactly like that.
How's that for a resume?
-t
recommended download:
Cowboy Mouth, Joe Strummer
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Blockr
Navigating the internet at work instead of flickr I ran across this message:
YouTube is blocked too. I'll be starting a web-canvas to see what else I can find. Or not find.
Meantime, what does "personal network storage and backup" mean? A site I can upload and store things... like pictures? Like when I upload and store images for intransitivity on blogger.com?
Because if blogger gets blocked I don't care what sort of Free Soft Drink Policy they put in place. There's nothing that will keep me here.
-t
btw, accessing myspace is still no problem.
Websense Enterprise
Your organization's Internet use policy restricts access to this web page at this time.
Reason:
The Websense category "Personal Network Storage and Backup" is filtered.
URL: http://www.flickr.com/
YouTube is blocked too. I'll be starting a web-canvas to see what else I can find. Or not find.
Meantime, what does "personal network storage and backup" mean? A site I can upload and store things... like pictures? Like when I upload and store images for intransitivity on blogger.com?
Because if blogger gets blocked I don't care what sort of Free Soft Drink Policy they put in place. There's nothing that will keep me here.
-t
btw, accessing myspace is still no problem.
What's the opposite of tax fraud? Oh, yeah, regular fraud.
Ok, so...I lied about ranting...
What we do here is balance the books. Just like balancing your checkbook at home.
It's easy:
There's a big number at the begining of the month
Then we tally all the buys and sells the client tells us to tally, and take in any payments, or pay out any expenses.
e-z.
So, theoretically, at the end of the month, the client sends us their big ending number
and it matches our big ending number - just like rocket science.
Anyway, my nightmare fund, is off.
By like twenty-one thousand.
-ish.
Which is significant. Not totally, hugely significant, but sort of a big deal.
So, my manager says, "we tied out last month, and all our trades are correct...it must be something that happened in those first few days of this month"
Because, well, our client is stupid.
Instead of sending us a begining number on the first of the month, like a good client would, they send us a begining number on the fifth. -ish.
And they expect that we can figure out any activity that happened between the first and the fifth, because, come on, it's only a week.
Which really isn't the best way to do business, but, as long as both client and us have our heads on straight it can be done.
Unfortunately (for me) neither the client, nor my manager, have their heads on straight
So, we're off twenty-one thousand.
That is, our number is higher than the clients - We've got extra money.
To normal people this would seem like an easy fix. 'Boca raton here I come', you know?
But that's not quite acceptible in finance due to "laws."
So, in order to tie out, my manager starts arbitrarily cancelling stuff on our books.
"We're off 21 thousand? well, here's a trade for seventeen thousand...if I cancel that...ok. Now we're only off by about four thousand"
"Here are some expense entries for 28, 330, 189...they total about seven hundred...cancel those, ok. Now we're only off about thirty-eight hundred"
"Hmm, they included interest earned in this trade....what if I rebook it without the interest? Ok. Good. We're down to about thirty-five hundred. Tom, why don't you see if you can find the rest of that money. I'm swamped today, already behind schedule."
Now, I don't think that this is strictly legal, because you're not supposed to do anything without client approval, but it's not strictly illegal either, because I'm pretty sure this isn't a final number.
Sure, we're on the hook when the auditors come around, but it's my understanding that the VP has to approve these numbers before it's official, so maybe my lazy manager is just trying to get it close enough to stall for time.
If he can give a good-looking bad-number to the VP and let him work out the mistakes, that buys us a couple days.
But the thing that I really can't figure out is this: my lazy manager already gave his notice
why is he even trying?
OK. It appears, earlier, when I said I wouldn't rant about this? I lied.
-t
What we do here is balance the books. Just like balancing your checkbook at home.
It's easy:
There's a big number at the begining of the month
Then we tally all the buys and sells the client tells us to tally, and take in any payments, or pay out any expenses.
e-z.
So, theoretically, at the end of the month, the client sends us their big ending number
and it matches our big ending number - just like rocket science.
Anyway, my nightmare fund, is off.
By like twenty-one thousand.
-ish.
Which is significant. Not totally, hugely significant, but sort of a big deal.
So, my manager says, "we tied out last month, and all our trades are correct...it must be something that happened in those first few days of this month"
Because, well, our client is stupid.
Instead of sending us a begining number on the first of the month, like a good client would, they send us a begining number on the fifth. -ish.
And they expect that we can figure out any activity that happened between the first and the fifth, because, come on, it's only a week.
Which really isn't the best way to do business, but, as long as both client and us have our heads on straight it can be done.
Unfortunately (for me) neither the client, nor my manager, have their heads on straight
So, we're off twenty-one thousand.
That is, our number is higher than the clients - We've got extra money.
To normal people this would seem like an easy fix. 'Boca raton here I come', you know?
But that's not quite acceptible in finance due to "laws."
So, in order to tie out, my manager starts arbitrarily cancelling stuff on our books.
"We're off 21 thousand? well, here's a trade for seventeen thousand...if I cancel that...ok. Now we're only off by about four thousand"
"Here are some expense entries for 28, 330, 189...they total about seven hundred...cancel those, ok. Now we're only off about thirty-eight hundred"
"Hmm, they included interest earned in this trade....what if I rebook it without the interest? Ok. Good. We're down to about thirty-five hundred. Tom, why don't you see if you can find the rest of that money. I'm swamped today, already behind schedule."
Now, I don't think that this is strictly legal, because you're not supposed to do anything without client approval, but it's not strictly illegal either, because I'm pretty sure this isn't a final number.
Sure, we're on the hook when the auditors come around, but it's my understanding that the VP has to approve these numbers before it's official, so maybe my lazy manager is just trying to get it close enough to stall for time.
If he can give a good-looking bad-number to the VP and let him work out the mistakes, that buys us a couple days.
But the thing that I really can't figure out is this: my lazy manager already gave his notice
why is he even trying?
OK. It appears, earlier, when I said I wouldn't rant about this? I lied.
-t
Career options
My boss is a moron. I can't even write about it. It's been too many days in a row.
No more examples. No more rants. Not today. I don't have the energy, nor do I desire to spend additional time thinking about it.
Instead I'm going to sit here and pour over reports trying to find $3,742.50 on my fund, an arbitrary number my manager arrived at after cancelling a handful of good trades and rebooking two others with haphazardly incorrect amounts, in an effort to tie out to the client's number.
It's funny. Comical. If I'd been trained to do things correctly from the start we'd probably be right in line. This month-end thrown-together accounting-from-the-hip just isn't cutting it.
I'm probably going to get fired.
Or indicted.
-t
No more examples. No more rants. Not today. I don't have the energy, nor do I desire to spend additional time thinking about it.
Instead I'm going to sit here and pour over reports trying to find $3,742.50 on my fund, an arbitrary number my manager arrived at after cancelling a handful of good trades and rebooking two others with haphazardly incorrect amounts, in an effort to tie out to the client's number.
It's funny. Comical. If I'd been trained to do things correctly from the start we'd probably be right in line. This month-end thrown-together accounting-from-the-hip just isn't cutting it.
I'm probably going to get fired.
Or indicted.
-t
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
It's merely a coincidence that my commitment to civic duty overrides my diligent work ethic
My precinct closes voting tonight at 8pm. I had planned on voting after work.
I was just informed by Lazy Manager that we "may be staying extra late tonight" in order to finish the monthyl reports for the client.
Fuck that noise. If I have to walk out of here in mid-sentence to get home in time, I'm voting.
I'm just letting you all know.
-t
I was just informed by Lazy Manager that we "may be staying extra late tonight" in order to finish the monthyl reports for the client.
Fuck that noise. If I have to walk out of here in mid-sentence to get home in time, I'm voting.
I'm just letting you all know.
-t
Opening Salvo
When you get into work in the morning I'd bet you've got a litany of tasks running through your head: Things To Do As Soon As I Get In To Work Today.
I'd bet most people come in thinking about projects they have to finish, or upcoming meetings they've got to prepare for, or sales calls they'll have to make. I'd bet most people are thinking about their morning work routine as they walk in, even if it's as simple as "make coffee so my boss doesn't get pissy, and check the voicemail."
I don't though. No thinking on the way into work. It's because I have no idea what I'm doing.
I spend the first hour everyday trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be thinking about doing. Once I've figured out what I'm supposed to think about doing, I think about doing it.
That's usually when I think something like "Wow, this another thing I was never trained on."
If my only responsibility was making coffee my morning might go something like this:
-Scene: TOM's office -
[TOM, sitting at his desk, alternately staring at gmail, google reader, and questingly around the office]
[BOSS appears at cubicle]
BOSS: "Tom. I need something to drink. Why don't I have something to drink?"
TOM: "What? Drink? ....Yeah."
[BOSS walks away]
[TOM, thinking] "Drink. Drink. What do you drink? Orange juice? Milk? Am I supposed to get orange juice in the mornings? Do we have a refrigerator?"
[INSOLENT BOB from his cubicle one row over]
INS. BOB: "Hey, Tom, are you going to, today? You didn't coffee?"
TOM: "What? Oh...coffee? Ok, right...?"
[TOM thinking] "Coffee. Right. Do we have a coffee maker? Am I supposed to buy some? Shit, I have no idea. How the hell do you make coffee?"
TOM: "Hey, Bob. I'm supposed to make coffee, right? How do I do that?
INS. BOB: "What? You don't know how to make coffee?"
[INS. BOB turns back to his work, ignores TOM]
TOM: "Right. I don't know how to make coffee. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do first?"
INS. BOB: "Run the grounds in the coffee maker."
TOM: "What?"
INS. BOB: "The coffee maker. For making coffee. Take the coffee. And water."
[TOM thinking] "I'm sure this is a simple procedure. If you maybe, could just leave the cubicle for a minute you could come over and give me a little guidance, that would be very helpful."
TOM: "Bob. Where is the coffee maker?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
"Where do we keep the coffee?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
"Is there anything else I need?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
Like filters? Where do we keep the filters?"
INS. BOB: "Don't worry about the filters now. I'll show you how to use them later on this week."
TOM: "We don't need the filters now? Really?"
INS. BOB: "You've never made coffee before?"
[TOM thinking] "No, I've never made coffee before. That was made very clear in my interview. I was hired to do a job, and they said I would be trained to do the job. I've never made coffee before, and you're supposed to train me!"
TOM: "No. I've never made coffee before. What do I do next?"
INS. BOB: "Go talk to the boss. Ask him if he knows where the filters are."
[TOM walks to BOSS's cubicle]
TOM: "Hey, boss, Bob told me to ask you where we keep the coffee filters. Any ideas?"
BOSS: "Oh. Hey. ...Yeah, um... I don't - I don't really make coffee, around here. So...
[BOSS clicks at some icons on his computer]
BOSS: "Um... Yeah, so I don't really know."
[TOM waits. Nothing more is forthcoming. TOM goes back to INS. BOB's cubicle]
TOM: "Bob?"
[INS.BOB 's voice, from kitchen]
INS. BOB: "I'm in here. In the kitchen.
[TOM thinking] "Why didn't anybody tell me this door leads to a kitchen?"
INS. BOB: "While you were talking to the boss I went ahead and made the coffee. So you're all set now, right? No problems? You'll be able to handle it from now on?"
[TOM, dumbfounded]
INS. BOB: "Ok. Remember, if you have any questions, just ask."
[TOM returns to his cube and opens blogger.com...]
-End scene-
Now imagine that happening every morning for six months. That's about where I am right now.
-t
I'd bet most people come in thinking about projects they have to finish, or upcoming meetings they've got to prepare for, or sales calls they'll have to make. I'd bet most people are thinking about their morning work routine as they walk in, even if it's as simple as "make coffee so my boss doesn't get pissy, and check the voicemail."
I don't though. No thinking on the way into work. It's because I have no idea what I'm doing.
I spend the first hour everyday trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be thinking about doing. Once I've figured out what I'm supposed to think about doing, I think about doing it.
That's usually when I think something like "Wow, this another thing I was never trained on."
If my only responsibility was making coffee my morning might go something like this:
-Scene: TOM's office -
[TOM, sitting at his desk, alternately staring at gmail, google reader, and questingly around the office]
[BOSS appears at cubicle]
BOSS: "Tom. I need something to drink. Why don't I have something to drink?"
TOM: "What? Drink? ....Yeah."
[BOSS walks away]
[TOM, thinking] "Drink. Drink. What do you drink? Orange juice? Milk? Am I supposed to get orange juice in the mornings? Do we have a refrigerator?"
[INSOLENT BOB from his cubicle one row over]
INS. BOB: "Hey, Tom, are you going to, today? You didn't coffee?"
TOM: "What? Oh...coffee? Ok, right...?"
[TOM thinking] "Coffee. Right. Do we have a coffee maker? Am I supposed to buy some? Shit, I have no idea. How the hell do you make coffee?"
TOM: "Hey, Bob. I'm supposed to make coffee, right? How do I do that?
INS. BOB: "What? You don't know how to make coffee?"
[INS. BOB turns back to his work, ignores TOM]
TOM: "Right. I don't know how to make coffee. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do first?"
INS. BOB: "Run the grounds in the coffee maker."
TOM: "What?"
INS. BOB: "The coffee maker. For making coffee. Take the coffee. And water."
[TOM thinking] "I'm sure this is a simple procedure. If you maybe, could just leave the cubicle for a minute you could come over and give me a little guidance, that would be very helpful."
TOM: "Bob. Where is the coffee maker?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
"Where do we keep the coffee?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
"Is there anything else I need?"
[INS. BOB does not respond]
Like filters? Where do we keep the filters?"
INS. BOB: "Don't worry about the filters now. I'll show you how to use them later on this week."
TOM: "We don't need the filters now? Really?"
INS. BOB: "You've never made coffee before?"
[TOM thinking] "No, I've never made coffee before. That was made very clear in my interview. I was hired to do a job, and they said I would be trained to do the job. I've never made coffee before, and you're supposed to train me!"
TOM: "No. I've never made coffee before. What do I do next?"
INS. BOB: "Go talk to the boss. Ask him if he knows where the filters are."
[TOM walks to BOSS's cubicle]
TOM: "Hey, boss, Bob told me to ask you where we keep the coffee filters. Any ideas?"
BOSS: "Oh. Hey. ...Yeah, um... I don't - I don't really make coffee, around here. So...
[BOSS clicks at some icons on his computer]
BOSS: "Um... Yeah, so I don't really know."
[TOM waits. Nothing more is forthcoming. TOM goes back to INS. BOB's cubicle]
TOM: "Bob?"
[INS.BOB 's voice, from kitchen]
INS. BOB: "I'm in here. In the kitchen.
[TOM thinking] "Why didn't anybody tell me this door leads to a kitchen?"
INS. BOB: "While you were talking to the boss I went ahead and made the coffee. So you're all set now, right? No problems? You'll be able to handle it from now on?"
[TOM, dumbfounded]
INS. BOB: "Ok. Remember, if you have any questions, just ask."
[TOM returns to his cube and opens blogger.com...]
-End scene-
Now imagine that happening every morning for six months. That's about where I am right now.
-t
Monday, November 06, 2006
Walk Away
Really, it's being trapped here that makes it so difficult.
If I could blow off the rest of the day's work and go home early, that would be ok. I could get up, and go for a walk, take some time and read a book at the Boston Public Library, and then hop on the T home. I'd get in just in time to catch Star Trek: The Next Generation on Spike TV, I'd make myself a sandwich, and relax.
The next day I'd show up for work knowing I was a day behind in work, and diligently attack my deliverables.
I would feel refreshed by some time off, and enegized by finishing projects.
That's not how it goes, though. We're one day away from a monthly deadline and none of my work is going to get finsihed, because I don't know what it is I'm supposed to finish. Or start, for that matter.
But I can't leave, because "it's deadline time."
I'd be happy to do this work. I'd be good at it. I'm pretty sure I could finish all this fifth-business-day monthly-deadline reporting by the second business day, if I knew what I was doing.
But I'm not getting any work done here, and as long as they're paying me to get nothing accomplished, all I'm saying is, it would be really nice if they would pay me to get nothing accomplished absolutely anywhere else.
-t
recommended download:
The Dropkick Murphys, Walk Away
If I could blow off the rest of the day's work and go home early, that would be ok. I could get up, and go for a walk, take some time and read a book at the Boston Public Library, and then hop on the T home. I'd get in just in time to catch Star Trek: The Next Generation on Spike TV, I'd make myself a sandwich, and relax.
The next day I'd show up for work knowing I was a day behind in work, and diligently attack my deliverables.
I would feel refreshed by some time off, and enegized by finishing projects.
That's not how it goes, though. We're one day away from a monthly deadline and none of my work is going to get finsihed, because I don't know what it is I'm supposed to finish. Or start, for that matter.
But I can't leave, because "it's deadline time."
I'd be happy to do this work. I'd be good at it. I'm pretty sure I could finish all this fifth-business-day monthly-deadline reporting by the second business day, if I knew what I was doing.
But I'm not getting any work done here, and as long as they're paying me to get nothing accomplished, all I'm saying is, it would be really nice if they would pay me to get nothing accomplished absolutely anywhere else.
-t
recommended download:
The Dropkick Murphys, Walk Away
WTF-X?
I've been working in the financial field for... two years, about.
I still don't understand foreign exchanges.
I understand them conceptually, I get that some currency is valued differently than other currency. But I don't know how to book them.
What does an exchange rate of 1.2235 for CAD mean? Is that 1.2235 CAD for every 1.0000 USD? I think so, that seems right, USD is worth more than CAD...
But what if you're going the other way? Then the exchange rate is 0.81733.
Also, on the reporting they give two numbers. 5,143,500 and 4,203,923.17. Which one's which? They don't provide an exchange rate on the report. I need to check a whole separate document for that.
Inefficient? Yes.
I feel like I'm in sixth grade and learning about decimal numbers again. I need some sort of FX worksheet.
-t
Oh, also, my password's locked, so even if I figure out which way to book these I can't.
recommended download:
The Raconteurs, Steady As She Goes
I still don't understand foreign exchanges.
I understand them conceptually, I get that some currency is valued differently than other currency. But I don't know how to book them.
What does an exchange rate of 1.2235 for CAD mean? Is that 1.2235 CAD for every 1.0000 USD? I think so, that seems right, USD is worth more than CAD...
But what if you're going the other way? Then the exchange rate is 0.81733.
Also, on the reporting they give two numbers. 5,143,500 and 4,203,923.17. Which one's which? They don't provide an exchange rate on the report. I need to check a whole separate document for that.
Inefficient? Yes.
I feel like I'm in sixth grade and learning about decimal numbers again. I need some sort of FX worksheet.
-t
Oh, also, my password's locked, so even if I figure out which way to book these I can't.
recommended download:
The Raconteurs, Steady As She Goes
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Media Sunday
Most sports commentators suck. Al Michaels, John Madden, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver, to name four - There are lots more.
Dear networks, please stop employing national commentators. I've got a simple plan that will make everybody happier: Simulcast the local commentators.
I know I would much rather hear Jerry Remy doing color for a Red Sox broadcast than any national commentator Fox has flown in for a weekend stint. I'm sure loyal Oakland fans would rather hear their guy than McCarver too. Why not have both local commentary teams call the game and let the viewers decided which they'd like to listen to?
I've got my trusty SAP button to switch languages, why not let me switch commentary teams too?
I think it's brilliant.
-t
Dear networks, please stop employing national commentators. I've got a simple plan that will make everybody happier: Simulcast the local commentators.
I know I would much rather hear Jerry Remy doing color for a Red Sox broadcast than any national commentator Fox has flown in for a weekend stint. I'm sure loyal Oakland fans would rather hear their guy than McCarver too. Why not have both local commentary teams call the game and let the viewers decided which they'd like to listen to?
I've got my trusty SAP button to switch languages, why not let me switch commentary teams too?
I think it's brilliant.
-t
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Five for Five
Last Monday after work, I went home.
Then for the next four days I was out drinking.
Tuesday: Cousin's Halloween party. I hadn't planned it, but had a blast, and (more than) a few margaritas.
Wednesday: Tony's last night out. He quit, we all got drunk and watched the Celtics.
Thursday: Michael's last night out. He quit, we all got drunk, played video golf, and watched the Bruins.
Friday: A house-warming party at Tom and Mo's new apartment. I headed over at eight and didnt' get back until one in the morning.
Four out of five ain't bad.
And now it's Saturday, so who knows where the night may end?
-t
(that's rhetorical, don't feel like you need to guess in the comments)
Then for the next four days I was out drinking.
Tuesday: Cousin's Halloween party. I hadn't planned it, but had a blast, and (more than) a few margaritas.
Wednesday: Tony's last night out. He quit, we all got drunk and watched the Celtics.
Thursday: Michael's last night out. He quit, we all got drunk, played video golf, and watched the Bruins.
Friday: A house-warming party at Tom and Mo's new apartment. I headed over at eight and didnt' get back until one in the morning.
Four out of five ain't bad.
And now it's Saturday, so who knows where the night may end?
-t
(that's rhetorical, don't feel like you need to guess in the comments)
Friday, November 03, 2006
They're not trying to be funny. I can't really believe it, but they're being sincere.
We're getting a new manager. It's why I didn't quit two weeks ago. Her name is Sandra. She's starting soon (?)
The following exchange is between Insolent Bob and my Lazy Manager:
So, first of all, this is a totally ridiculous exchange.
And second of all, I'd just like to point out that this is the first actual official communication, by management, to the employees, that personnel is changing.
I've known about it via gossip for two weeks. Not official channels. The official channels, I think, need some dredging done.
-t
The following exchange is between Insolent Bob and my Lazy Manager:
To: Insolent Bob, Tom
From: Lazy Manager
Subject:
If you guys need help with anything during this month end you can ask Sandra to help.
From: Insolent Bob
To: Lazy Manager, Tom
Subject: RE:
R u my manager anymore?
To: Insolent Bob, Tom
From: Lazy Manager
Subject: RE:
Yes, but she is going forward
So, first of all, this is a totally ridiculous exchange.
And second of all, I'd just like to point out that this is the first actual official communication, by management, to the employees, that personnel is changing.
I've known about it via gossip for two weeks. Not official channels. The official channels, I think, need some dredging done.
-t
That pressure you feel at the base of your skull? That's your brain exploding
Story time....
I so, totally, hate my job.
This is the worst job I've ever had. Coincidentally, it's also the highest paying job I've ever had.
I've been under deadline for three days and have accomplished nothing. I have been working my hardest, too. I can't do the job. I don't have the tools.
My manager came by this morning to call me out on one deadline that had already gone whizzing by: Cash Reconciliation.
"Did you finish the cash rec for the nightmare fund?" he said.
"No. I still don't know what a third of the entries are for," I replied.
"Oh. Well. That was supposed to be done yesterday," he said.
"I know. I also haven't finished expenses for my other two funds, and Insolent Bob said he'd look at those," I responded.
"Oh, you still have expenses for your other two funds? What about expenses for the nightmare fund?" he asked.
"No, not done yet, I still don't understand how they're calculated ...
and he walked away! Without saying anything!
I FLAT OUT TOLD HIM I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING AND HE WALKED AWAY WHAT KIND OF MANAGEMENT IS THAT, I ASK YOU - THIS JOB SUCKS
Then Insolent Bob came to help me with one of his funds. I'm working on the "easy" half, he's working on the difficult half.
His instructions were:
"I'm going to do the pricing, when I'm done you can just copy and paste the variances I have onto your sheet, because both halves will have the same ones."
So. He finished the pricing, I copied and pasted, in no way understanding what the hell I was doing as I did so, mind you, and it didn't work.
I had a variance. So I called Insolent Bob over. I said "I've got a variance."
He looked at the spreadsheet and said:
"Wait. You can't just copy and paste from my sheet onto your sheet. We don't have the same holdings, the variances won't be the same. Why did you do that? You have to do some research."
..... and that's the story about how I got fired for throwing a computer monitor through the conference room wall.
-t
I so, totally, hate my job.
This is the worst job I've ever had. Coincidentally, it's also the highest paying job I've ever had.
I've been under deadline for three days and have accomplished nothing. I have been working my hardest, too. I can't do the job. I don't have the tools.
My manager came by this morning to call me out on one deadline that had already gone whizzing by: Cash Reconciliation.
"Did you finish the cash rec for the nightmare fund?" he said.
"No. I still don't know what a third of the entries are for," I replied.
"Oh. Well. That was supposed to be done yesterday," he said.
"I know. I also haven't finished expenses for my other two funds, and Insolent Bob said he'd look at those," I responded.
"Oh, you still have expenses for your other two funds? What about expenses for the nightmare fund?" he asked.
"No, not done yet, I still don't understand how they're calculated ...
and he walked away! Without saying anything!
I FLAT OUT TOLD HIM I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING AND HE WALKED AWAY WHAT KIND OF MANAGEMENT IS THAT, I ASK YOU - THIS JOB SUCKS
Then Insolent Bob came to help me with one of his funds. I'm working on the "easy" half, he's working on the difficult half.
His instructions were:
"I'm going to do the pricing, when I'm done you can just copy and paste the variances I have onto your sheet, because both halves will have the same ones."
So. He finished the pricing, I copied and pasted, in no way understanding what the hell I was doing as I did so, mind you, and it didn't work.
I had a variance. So I called Insolent Bob over. I said "I've got a variance."
He looked at the spreadsheet and said:
"Wait. You can't just copy and paste from my sheet onto your sheet. We don't have the same holdings, the variances won't be the same. Why did you do that? You have to do some research."
..... and that's the story about how I got fired for throwing a computer monitor through the conference room wall.
-t
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tis the Seasons
It's cold, and it's raining. That must mean it's winter here in the city of Boston.
Or is it late autumn? Early spring? Just what sort of cold rain is falling today?
This seems like the perfect time to espouse my Theory of New England Seasons:
Most places you'll visit in the world over have got themselves pretty straightened out when it comes to seasons; Spring follows Winter, which followed Autumn, which followed Summer, which followed Spring, and so on.
Each place has its own charater, something that is unique to their particular progression of seasons. In Chicago they've got mild springs, and bitter winters. Northern Wisconsin is even worse, with very pleasant springs and very bitter winters. Keep going north and you hit Canada where spring, summer, and autumn all seem a lot like winter, and winter seems a lot like the surface of Pluto (the planet)(that's right, planet).
Then you've got the opposite end of the spectrum in places like San Deigo, where spring, summer, autumn, and winter all look exactly like each other: seventy-five degrees and sunny. What the weathermen like to call "nice."
I couldn't live there. It's too boring. "What's the weather like today, Lou?"
"Nice."
Everyday? Where's your sense of adventure?
In New England, that's where.
You all should be familiar with the adage "Don't like the weather in New England? Just wait a minute." (or, "ten minutes," or "fifteen minutes," depending on which town you were raised in. Point of fact, no matter which version of the saying you prefer it will never take longer than fifteen minutes for the weather in New England to change).
I've seen it snow in June (it wasn't really "snow" it was a dusting at best), and in April (a legit snowstorm! April 1st. Best April Fool's Day prank ever.) I've seen sunny days I thought would never end, in February (where's James Taylor when you need him?).
And it's always interesting.
Which brings me to my Theory of New England Weather.
First, we take for our example community some nominal, normal, ordinary town that is unremarkable in every way. Let's call it Normalopolis. Importantly, here, their seasonal pattern is exactly what learn as children: Summer for three months, Autum for three months, Winter for three months, Spring for three months, repeat ad infinum.
This is the community, real or otherwise, by which all seasons are compared. "Chicago seasons are just like Normalopolis seasons, except our summers are milder, and our winters are colder with more snow." is a typical statement (or would be, if people actually talked about an imaginary city called Normalopolis).
Boston, and New England in general, I argue, has seasons exactly like Normalopolis. Exactly, in every way. Maybe the winters are a little colder, but I'm not too concerned with temperature here (if you can't stand the cold, get out of the Northeast).
This is the first point: New England has exactly three months of summer, autumn, winter, and spring. Ninety days of each season, exactly (give or take a few days).
The twist is simply this: They don't come in order.
It's true. Try this fun exercise: Get out your calendar! Call up your local weatherman! Check the weather for every day this year! Place each day in one of four seasons.
June 26th was cold and rainy? - mark it down as early spring or late autumn.
January 3rd was sixty-five degrees and sunny? - sounds like spring to me!
It snowed on May 16th? - put it in the winter column!
March 15th it was raining in the morning, hot and humid in the afternoon, and snowed at night? That's a third each of autumn, summer, and winter!
When you've finished, go back, add up all your columns. What do you get?
90 days of summer
90 days of autumn
90 days of winter
90 days of spring
It's the scattering that keeps you on your toes. Where else in the country do you have to spend ten minutes running down your wardrobe before leaving for work?
"Ok. It's raining out right now, so I'll need waterproof shoes, a warm shirt, a rain jacket, an umbrella, my good bag, and I won't worry about my hair...but they said the rain will stop by lunchtime and it will be eighty degrees out, so I might want something light, instead of my warm shirt, and I won't need the jacket so maybe I'll just throw on a windbreaker now instead and just get by with the umbrella, and if I don't step in any puddles I won't need the waterproof shoes, but tonight it's supposed to drop down to thirty-five degrees, so I really should have my winter coat, or at least a pair of gloves and a hat, and my warm shirt again, and maybe my big bag so I can put my umbrella in there..."
And you end up going to work in waterproof shoes, a winter jacket, knit cap, with a giant bag holding your other shoes, a windbreaker, gloves, and maybe a sweatshirt, only to step outside and see that now the rain's cleared up, it's sunny, and locusts are blotting out the sun.
It can only be worse for girls who have to factor in skirts and open-toed shoes into the decision making process.
So with my theory you can expect ninety days of your favorite season to pop up and surprise you any time of the year.
I know what to expect, just not when to expect it, and that's what keeps me interested.
-t
recommended download:
Amreica, California Dreamin',
Or is it late autumn? Early spring? Just what sort of cold rain is falling today?
This seems like the perfect time to espouse my Theory of New England Seasons:
Most places you'll visit in the world over have got themselves pretty straightened out when it comes to seasons; Spring follows Winter, which followed Autumn, which followed Summer, which followed Spring, and so on.
Each place has its own charater, something that is unique to their particular progression of seasons. In Chicago they've got mild springs, and bitter winters. Northern Wisconsin is even worse, with very pleasant springs and very bitter winters. Keep going north and you hit Canada where spring, summer, and autumn all seem a lot like winter, and winter seems a lot like the surface of Pluto (the planet)(that's right, planet).
Then you've got the opposite end of the spectrum in places like San Deigo, where spring, summer, autumn, and winter all look exactly like each other: seventy-five degrees and sunny. What the weathermen like to call "nice."
I couldn't live there. It's too boring. "What's the weather like today, Lou?"
"Nice."
Everyday? Where's your sense of adventure?
In New England, that's where.
You all should be familiar with the adage "Don't like the weather in New England? Just wait a minute." (or, "ten minutes," or "fifteen minutes," depending on which town you were raised in. Point of fact, no matter which version of the saying you prefer it will never take longer than fifteen minutes for the weather in New England to change).
I've seen it snow in June (it wasn't really "snow" it was a dusting at best), and in April (a legit snowstorm! April 1st. Best April Fool's Day prank ever.) I've seen sunny days I thought would never end, in February (where's James Taylor when you need him?).
And it's always interesting.
Which brings me to my Theory of New England Weather.
First, we take for our example community some nominal, normal, ordinary town that is unremarkable in every way. Let's call it Normalopolis. Importantly, here, their seasonal pattern is exactly what learn as children: Summer for three months, Autum for three months, Winter for three months, Spring for three months, repeat ad infinum.
This is the community, real or otherwise, by which all seasons are compared. "Chicago seasons are just like Normalopolis seasons, except our summers are milder, and our winters are colder with more snow." is a typical statement (or would be, if people actually talked about an imaginary city called Normalopolis).
Boston, and New England in general, I argue, has seasons exactly like Normalopolis. Exactly, in every way. Maybe the winters are a little colder, but I'm not too concerned with temperature here (if you can't stand the cold, get out of the Northeast).
This is the first point: New England has exactly three months of summer, autumn, winter, and spring. Ninety days of each season, exactly (give or take a few days).
The twist is simply this: They don't come in order.
It's true. Try this fun exercise: Get out your calendar! Call up your local weatherman! Check the weather for every day this year! Place each day in one of four seasons.
June 26th was cold and rainy? - mark it down as early spring or late autumn.
January 3rd was sixty-five degrees and sunny? - sounds like spring to me!
It snowed on May 16th? - put it in the winter column!
March 15th it was raining in the morning, hot and humid in the afternoon, and snowed at night? That's a third each of autumn, summer, and winter!
When you've finished, go back, add up all your columns. What do you get?
90 days of summer
90 days of autumn
90 days of winter
90 days of spring
It's the scattering that keeps you on your toes. Where else in the country do you have to spend ten minutes running down your wardrobe before leaving for work?
"Ok. It's raining out right now, so I'll need waterproof shoes, a warm shirt, a rain jacket, an umbrella, my good bag, and I won't worry about my hair...but they said the rain will stop by lunchtime and it will be eighty degrees out, so I might want something light, instead of my warm shirt, and I won't need the jacket so maybe I'll just throw on a windbreaker now instead and just get by with the umbrella, and if I don't step in any puddles I won't need the waterproof shoes, but tonight it's supposed to drop down to thirty-five degrees, so I really should have my winter coat, or at least a pair of gloves and a hat, and my warm shirt again, and maybe my big bag so I can put my umbrella in there..."
And you end up going to work in waterproof shoes, a winter jacket, knit cap, with a giant bag holding your other shoes, a windbreaker, gloves, and maybe a sweatshirt, only to step outside and see that now the rain's cleared up, it's sunny, and locusts are blotting out the sun.
It can only be worse for girls who have to factor in skirts and open-toed shoes into the decision making process.
So with my theory you can expect ninety days of your favorite season to pop up and surprise you any time of the year.
I know what to expect, just not when to expect it, and that's what keeps me interested.
-t
recommended download:
Amreica, California Dreamin',
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Work Cancelled Nation-wide, Please See The Following
The day after Halloween? No one should be expected to come into work! We should all be expected to stay home, clean the egg from our doorsteps, shaving cream from our cars, and gorge ourselves on the "leftover" candy meant for the trick-or-treaters.
No one should have to go to work after a holiday. Or on a holiday.
I'm compiling a list:
2007 Holidays
January
01/01 - New Year's Day
01/06 - Little Christmas/Feast of the Nativity/Epiphany
February
02/14 - Valentine's Day
02/19 - President's Day (observed)
March
03/17 - St. Patrick's Day/Evacuation Day (City of Boston)
April
04/01 - April Fool's Day
04/06 - Good Friday
04/09 - Easter Monday/Patriots Day (New England)
May
05/28 - Memorial Day
June
06/17 - World Juggling Day
July
07/04 - Independence Day
07/24 - my birthday
September
09/3 - Labor Day
October
10/08 - Columbus Day (observed)
10/31 - Halloween
November
11/01 - All Saints Day/Day of the Dead (Mexico)
11/12 - Veteran's Day (observed)
11/17 - Dan Goldin Day
11/22 - Thanksgiving
11/23 - Day after Thanksgiving
December
12/24 - Christmas Eve
12/25 - Christmas
12/31 - New Year's Eve
Basically all non-essential personnel get those days off. (Essential personnel include fire, police, emergency, and tourist industries)
Also, you shouldn't work on your birthday, whenever that falls. And no one should have to work on my birthday. That day should be filled with international Xbox tournaments, beer, pizza, and general merriment and revelry. And parades, if that's your thing and you like throwing them.
It's a work in progress. Spot any I missed?
-t
recommended download:
Weezer, Holiday
No one should have to go to work after a holiday. Or on a holiday.
I'm compiling a list:
2007 Holidays
January
01/01 - New Year's Day
01/06 - Little Christmas/Feast of the Nativity/Epiphany
February
02/14 - Valentine's Day
02/19 - President's Day (observed)
March
03/17 - St. Patrick's Day/Evacuation Day (City of Boston)
April
04/01 - April Fool's Day
04/06 - Good Friday
04/09 - Easter Monday/Patriots Day (New England)
May
05/28 - Memorial Day
June
06/17 - World Juggling Day
July
07/04 - Independence Day
07/24 - my birthday
September
09/3 - Labor Day
October
10/08 - Columbus Day (observed)
10/31 - Halloween
November
11/01 - All Saints Day/Day of the Dead (Mexico)
11/12 - Veteran's Day (observed)
11/17 - Dan Goldin Day
11/22 - Thanksgiving
11/23 - Day after Thanksgiving
December
12/24 - Christmas Eve
12/25 - Christmas
12/31 - New Year's Eve
Basically all non-essential personnel get those days off. (Essential personnel include fire, police, emergency, and tourist industries)
Also, you shouldn't work on your birthday, whenever that falls. And no one should have to work on my birthday. That day should be filled with international Xbox tournaments, beer, pizza, and general merriment and revelry. And parades, if that's your thing and you like throwing them.
It's a work in progress. Spot any I missed?
-t
recommended download:
Weezer, Holiday
Tequila Sunrise
I've got a tequila headache.
I hadn't planned any Halloween revelry for last night, All Hallows Eve, but luckily, planning had been done by someone.
I was at work late yesterday when I got the invitation. I jumped on the T, less crowded than I expected with costumed strangers, and dodged shaving cream-covered teenagers on my walk home, and caught a ride over to the party.
Where I had lots of tequila in margarita form, and a profound realization.
(actually, it seemed very profound in my drunken euphoria...)
You should really only do things that make you happy. If you don't like your job you should get a new job that you like; if you don't like your apartment, move; and so on. Hanging out (and drinking) with friends and family is the greatest ever. You should do that as often as possible. Screw all that other noise.
Happy Day-After-Halloween. I'm dressed up as a guy who doesn't hate his job. I bet you couldn't even tell it was me.
-t
I hadn't planned any Halloween revelry for last night, All Hallows Eve, but luckily, planning had been done by someone.
I was at work late yesterday when I got the invitation. I jumped on the T, less crowded than I expected with costumed strangers, and dodged shaving cream-covered teenagers on my walk home, and caught a ride over to the party.
Where I had lots of tequila in margarita form, and a profound realization.
(actually, it seemed very profound in my drunken euphoria...)
You should really only do things that make you happy. If you don't like your job you should get a new job that you like; if you don't like your apartment, move; and so on. Hanging out (and drinking) with friends and family is the greatest ever. You should do that as often as possible. Screw all that other noise.
Happy Day-After-Halloween. I'm dressed up as a guy who doesn't hate his job. I bet you couldn't even tell it was me.
-t
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
A Short Post About Recovering My Sanity and Childlike Innocence
Ok, screw all the rest of it. It's Halloween, and at the place I grabbed lunch there was a bowl of candy and I took a mini Three Musketeers. And it's great.
Chocolate is the greatest food invention ever.
-t
recommended download:
The Coors, Breathless
what? I can like "whooa-ooh-oh, whooa-ooh-oh, leave me breathless"! ;)
Chocolate is the greatest food invention ever.
-t
recommended download:
The Coors, Breathless
what? I can like "whooa-ooh-oh, whooa-ooh-oh, leave me breathless"! ;)
Concerning cowardice, and dinosaurs
I'm a coward, apparently. When it comes down to fight-or-flight, I flee. My self-preservation instinct is "get the hell out of here fast."
And I hate to think that about myself. "Coward" isn't something anyone wants to be, but here I am: When the going gets tough; Run.
Or, at least that's the conclusion I've come to based upon these last few days at work. All I want to do is get out. Gone, baby, gone. I could pick up my jacket, pick up my bag, and never look back. Yesterday almost featured an indefinite lunch break.
I've been faced with irrational expectations since my first manager quit. My coworkers, as far as I can understand, are operating under the assumption that as long as they know something, I must know it too.
The pressure builds up until a day or two before the monthly reporting is due. All of a sudden, from nowhere, I'm told to accomplish tasks I don't understand. As difficult as it may be, I try and struggle through it, even going so far as to blindly strike keys and hope for the best.
All it would take is a litte oversight. I'm sure that Insolent Bob could stand over my shoulder and say "No, that's not right. This type of security has to be booked on the foreign cash account, not the USD cash account. It's not usually a big deal because we only see about one or two of these a month, but, there's an easy way to tell. Just look here at the last two letters of the security code. That will let you know which account to book it to."
That seems easy, right? A tip. Check the last two letters, and from then on I wouldn't be messing up trades or positions or cash because I'm booking a foreign trade to a local account. Teach a man to fish...
But Insolent Bob doesn't offer tips. He offers vague, often incoherent statements of disbelief from his desk two rows over.
"You mean you didn't run a position report and then check holdings foreign with a date of yesterday? Or why didn't you go settle all trades under rebook?"
And sometimes I want to scream. Or pick up my monitor and launch it across the office. Or combust. Spontaneously. That would teach these guys a lesson.
But, most times, or after the fire fades from my imagination a new idea grows. Pick up your coat. Walk out the door. Don't look back. Why the hell are you getting so worked up about this anyway? It's not like you care.
Though, it now seems that is not quite an instinctual flight response. That's actually more of a "fuck that noise" response.
Maybe I'm not a coward.
On the other hand, if I'm not a coward, if my instinct is not to flee, does that imply my instinct is to fight?
We're talking about base instincts here, the most animalistic, instantaneous response. If you've got time to think your way out of a situation it doesn't apply.
I imagine me, in a loincloth, somewhere in the Mesozoic, facing off with a giant tyrannosaurus, club in one hand, rock in the other. "What would I do?"
I think I'd run, banking on my top speed being greater than the great lizard's. Also, I'd try to climb up a mountain, because I'd probably be safe.
But maybe I could take him.
Here in the office I don't know if fight would serve me any better than it would against the T-Rex. I could punch Insolent Bob in the face, but that would just make him mad, and then he'd punch me back. That won't help me with monthly reports.
I could fight insolence with insolence and turn surly, obnoxious, rude, and unhelpful, but I don't know if he'd get the message, and it would put me in a dark place I'd rather not go.
I could throw my monitor around the office. That would either get me fired (subconscious flight response?) or company sponsored counselling (hello, blogging?), and still no closer to understanding my job.
Then there's deliberately not doing any work, forcing my manager or Insolent Bob to take care of my responsibilities, plus their own.
That won't work either. Part of their own responsibilities is making sure I can handle mine, and we all know that they haven't accomplished that.
I'm going to end this post here, because I can't think of a morale, and because I'm getting hungry.
If I don't come back I guess we can put this question to rest.
-t
recommended download:
Bizet, Overture from Carmen
And I hate to think that about myself. "Coward" isn't something anyone wants to be, but here I am: When the going gets tough; Run.
Or, at least that's the conclusion I've come to based upon these last few days at work. All I want to do is get out. Gone, baby, gone. I could pick up my jacket, pick up my bag, and never look back. Yesterday almost featured an indefinite lunch break.
I've been faced with irrational expectations since my first manager quit. My coworkers, as far as I can understand, are operating under the assumption that as long as they know something, I must know it too.
The pressure builds up until a day or two before the monthly reporting is due. All of a sudden, from nowhere, I'm told to accomplish tasks I don't understand. As difficult as it may be, I try and struggle through it, even going so far as to blindly strike keys and hope for the best.
All it would take is a litte oversight. I'm sure that Insolent Bob could stand over my shoulder and say "No, that's not right. This type of security has to be booked on the foreign cash account, not the USD cash account. It's not usually a big deal because we only see about one or two of these a month, but, there's an easy way to tell. Just look here at the last two letters of the security code. That will let you know which account to book it to."
That seems easy, right? A tip. Check the last two letters, and from then on I wouldn't be messing up trades or positions or cash because I'm booking a foreign trade to a local account. Teach a man to fish...
But Insolent Bob doesn't offer tips. He offers vague, often incoherent statements of disbelief from his desk two rows over.
"You mean you didn't run a position report and then check holdings foreign with a date of yesterday? Or why didn't you go settle all trades under rebook?"
And sometimes I want to scream. Or pick up my monitor and launch it across the office. Or combust. Spontaneously. That would teach these guys a lesson.
But, most times, or after the fire fades from my imagination a new idea grows. Pick up your coat. Walk out the door. Don't look back. Why the hell are you getting so worked up about this anyway? It's not like you care.
Though, it now seems that is not quite an instinctual flight response. That's actually more of a "fuck that noise" response.
Maybe I'm not a coward.
On the other hand, if I'm not a coward, if my instinct is not to flee, does that imply my instinct is to fight?
We're talking about base instincts here, the most animalistic, instantaneous response. If you've got time to think your way out of a situation it doesn't apply.
I imagine me, in a loincloth, somewhere in the Mesozoic, facing off with a giant tyrannosaurus, club in one hand, rock in the other. "What would I do?"
I think I'd run, banking on my top speed being greater than the great lizard's. Also, I'd try to climb up a mountain, because I'd probably be safe.
But maybe I could take him.
Here in the office I don't know if fight would serve me any better than it would against the T-Rex. I could punch Insolent Bob in the face, but that would just make him mad, and then he'd punch me back. That won't help me with monthly reports.
I could fight insolence with insolence and turn surly, obnoxious, rude, and unhelpful, but I don't know if he'd get the message, and it would put me in a dark place I'd rather not go.
I could throw my monitor around the office. That would either get me fired (subconscious flight response?) or company sponsored counselling (hello, blogging?), and still no closer to understanding my job.
Then there's deliberately not doing any work, forcing my manager or Insolent Bob to take care of my responsibilities, plus their own.
That won't work either. Part of their own responsibilities is making sure I can handle mine, and we all know that they haven't accomplished that.
I'm going to end this post here, because I can't think of a morale, and because I'm getting hungry.
If I don't come back I guess we can put this question to rest.
-t
recommended download:
Bizet, Overture from Carmen
Monday, October 30, 2006
Mission to Arrakis
Dune a reality? The only thing missing now is cloning, hallucinagenic spice, giant sandworms, a feudal system, the Butlerian Gihad, human computers, and a few millenia.
Am I right, folks, or am I right?
But seriously. If you haven't read Dune, you really should. It's the greatest science fiction story ever. Really. Best ever. You can buy one for cheap here, or I'll lend you my copy.
-t
Am I right, folks, or am I right?
But seriously. If you haven't read Dune, you really should. It's the greatest science fiction story ever. Really. Best ever. You can buy one for cheap here, or I'll lend you my copy.
-t
A Knock at the Door
You may be tempted, as you read the first few lines of what would have been, the first few lines of this post, to assume it is a Daylight Savings post. Right now, the first few lines, and a few after that, are a disclaimer about the first few lines of what follows them. (More confused that you were before you navigated over here, eh? All part of the game.)
So, I assure you it is not a Daylight Savings post.
And, Daylight Savings is a sham, I don't mind saying so, and I encourage all of you to ignore it. No more of this "Fall Back, Spring Forward" lemming-like march to the clocks. Disregard it, I say!
I would be disregarding it, as I'm telling you to, also, were it not for the fact that everyone else on the planet does set the clocks back. And you may think this has important implications a certain area of my life, most notably "Employment," but you would be wrong. The only reason I, too, follow the beat of the crazed daylight-saving drummer, is so I don't miss any good shows on TV.
So much, for the digression. On to the real post:
Ok. I lied. Not on to the post. Instead, I'm going to get coffee. I'm tired, and need it. I will explain why in the post, when I return...
I'm back. Medium coffee, plain bagel, toasted with cream cheese. "Work" is a place I go between meals.
So, the story:
Last night I stayed up until all hours of the morning rationalizing the time with "it's not really midnight, it's really only eleven o'clock. daylight savings is stupid. it doesn't even save daylight, it only makes it darker when you get out of work, which, really, would be the best time for it to be light out, you know?"
Which is when I found Iron Chef America (Battle Honey) on food network.
So, I was up until one o'clock, about, on a work night, plus the time it took me to get ready for bed, and actually fall asleep. In my head "I know it's only really midnight now, but you still have to get up in six hours, whether the alarm clock reads six o'clock or seven o'clock."
So I woke up an hour before my alarm. Wide awake. Bushy-tailed, read to go. I was amazed.
So, I took my time getting ready. Watched some SportsCenter. Hung out. At eight fifteen there was a knock on my door. "Come in," I called.
It was Danny, a high school sophmore, bleary-eyed and rumpled, he looked desperate. "Tommy, can you give me a ride to school?! I'm late."
HA. So, just as you were expecting my story to end with "I overslept because DST is stupid" it ended with "My brother overslept because DST is stupid!"
How's that for a twist?
Now I'm going to go back and enjoy my coffee and bagel, which I didn't have time for this morning, because I was driving my brother to school, and you can go back to thinking it's ten fifteen, when we all know that it's actually eleven fifteen.
Stupid pilgrims.
-t
So, I assure you it is not a Daylight Savings post.
And, Daylight Savings is a sham, I don't mind saying so, and I encourage all of you to ignore it. No more of this "Fall Back, Spring Forward" lemming-like march to the clocks. Disregard it, I say!
I would be disregarding it, as I'm telling you to, also, were it not for the fact that everyone else on the planet does set the clocks back. And you may think this has important implications a certain area of my life, most notably "Employment," but you would be wrong. The only reason I, too, follow the beat of the crazed daylight-saving drummer, is so I don't miss any good shows on TV.
So much, for the digression. On to the real post:
Ok. I lied. Not on to the post. Instead, I'm going to get coffee. I'm tired, and need it. I will explain why in the post, when I return...
I'm back. Medium coffee, plain bagel, toasted with cream cheese. "Work" is a place I go between meals.
So, the story:
Last night I stayed up until all hours of the morning rationalizing the time with "it's not really midnight, it's really only eleven o'clock. daylight savings is stupid. it doesn't even save daylight, it only makes it darker when you get out of work, which, really, would be the best time for it to be light out, you know?"
Which is when I found Iron Chef America (Battle Honey) on food network.
So, I was up until one o'clock, about, on a work night, plus the time it took me to get ready for bed, and actually fall asleep. In my head "I know it's only really midnight now, but you still have to get up in six hours, whether the alarm clock reads six o'clock or seven o'clock."
So I woke up an hour before my alarm. Wide awake. Bushy-tailed, read to go. I was amazed.
So, I took my time getting ready. Watched some SportsCenter. Hung out. At eight fifteen there was a knock on my door. "Come in," I called.
It was Danny, a high school sophmore, bleary-eyed and rumpled, he looked desperate. "Tommy, can you give me a ride to school?! I'm late."
HA. So, just as you were expecting my story to end with "I overslept because DST is stupid" it ended with "My brother overslept because DST is stupid!"
How's that for a twist?
Now I'm going to go back and enjoy my coffee and bagel, which I didn't have time for this morning, because I was driving my brother to school, and you can go back to thinking it's ten fifteen, when we all know that it's actually eleven fifteen.
Stupid pilgrims.
-t
Friday, October 27, 2006
All fun and games...
I'd like to take a moment to be serious here.
Ok. That was it. The moment is gone. Seriousness has no place here, unless of course, if we're talking about a frivolous subject seriously. (As in: Would Destro actually be a better commander of Cobra's forces than their own Cobra Commander) (and for you advertising/marketing fans out there please, please tell me there's a letter or email out there somewhere castigating those Hasbro guys for coming up with that name for the character) (on the other hand, it worked - everybody knows which character I'm talking about.)
Anyway. The point: This is the place frivolity should come to frolic. (Except on the days I'm complaining about work. Frivolity should probably stay away when I'm in one of those "dark moods," lest I accidentally throw something heavy in its general direction and do ... serious... damage.)
So, to those of you who hate your jobs and come here because you like the "I hate my job" posts, I commiserate.
To those of you who hate those posts and are here for the inane ones, I celebrate. "goofy" is just another word for "cool." (I'm serious. Haven't you seen either of the Goofy Movies? Or Goof Troop? That was a pretty good show. It didn't hurt to be on in the same programming block as the Disney blockbusters Darkwing Duck and Tailspin, that's for sure.)
And to the rest of you, who hate both kinds of posts and are just here to use my links bar, fine. Leave your money on the dresser on your way out.
(oh, seriously, though? if any of you want to give me some money? that would be great.)
-t
Ok. That was it. The moment is gone. Seriousness has no place here, unless of course, if we're talking about a frivolous subject seriously. (As in: Would Destro actually be a better commander of Cobra's forces than their own Cobra Commander) (and for you advertising/marketing fans out there please, please tell me there's a letter or email out there somewhere castigating those Hasbro guys for coming up with that name for the character) (on the other hand, it worked - everybody knows which character I'm talking about.)
Anyway. The point: This is the place frivolity should come to frolic. (Except on the days I'm complaining about work. Frivolity should probably stay away when I'm in one of those "dark moods," lest I accidentally throw something heavy in its general direction and do ... serious... damage.)
So, to those of you who hate your jobs and come here because you like the "I hate my job" posts, I commiserate.
To those of you who hate those posts and are here for the inane ones, I celebrate. "goofy" is just another word for "cool." (I'm serious. Haven't you seen either of the Goofy Movies? Or Goof Troop? That was a pretty good show. It didn't hurt to be on in the same programming block as the Disney blockbusters Darkwing Duck and Tailspin, that's for sure.)
And to the rest of you, who hate both kinds of posts and are just here to use my links bar, fine. Leave your money on the dresser on your way out.
(oh, seriously, though? if any of you want to give me some money? that would be great.)
-t
Managerial Oversight; Lack thereof
Let's talk about what it takes to manage well.
Well, we could talk about opening a Word document, walking to the printer, then realizing, halfway there, that you didn't click "print." We could talk about any of the three times I tried to do this already today.
But we won't. We will talk about managers. Also, you have to promise not to use words like "synergy." It's not a word. And it's stupid.
Oh, and if anyone says "outside the box" I'm going to bop them one in the nose.
I was hired to process numbers for mutual funds. In the interview it was made very clear that I would be trained to do just that. Training was promised - therefore, and perhaps unreasonably, training was expected.
I wasn't trained. Not in the slightest. I learned, my first day, how to log into the system, and how to book a trade. That's it. I have not been trained on anything since then. At all. Ever. No training. Zip.
Now. That is mainly the fault of Insolent Bob, my coworker, and senior employee. It fell to him to train "the new guy" (me). Bob is a horrible trainer. Awful. Worst-ever.
But, we're talking about managers. Bad ones.
A good manager would probably do the following:
Check in with the new employee every day for the first week/two weeks/month to ask what the new employee had learned that day, to ask if the new employee had any questions about what he had been shown, and answer those questions.
A badmanager, or lazy manager, would.... do nothing. He'd stay in his cubicle all day while the new employee was being non-trained, and then go home for the night without talking to the new employee - ever.
Much of the near-constant frustration I feel is a direct result of not knowing how to do my job, which is itself a direct result of not receiving the proper (or any) training.
Now. I am not one to sit back and be frustrated, if I can help it. So, when I realized my trainer was a moron, and insolent, and that my manager was not going to come to me to follow up, I tried appealing to him directly for help and training.
A good manager would have trained me, or assigned me to another trainer who wasn't insolent.
A bad manager would suck on his teeth (a la everybody's favorite manager Bill Lumberg) and say "Ooh, um, yeah. I, uh, don't really deal with this fund...on a... day-to-day...basis... So, um, I... yeah, you should just ask Bob... about that..."
W.T.F. mate. W.T.F.
After months of this a bad manager would critique the work I've been (not-)doing while offering no help or clarification. He would stop by my cubicle after four months and say "Did you do the expense billing for last month on any of your funds?" to which I would reply "No. I still haven't been shown expense billing. I know how to take the numbers from this spreadsheet and move them to that spreadsheet. and that's it."
To which he would respond with. "Ok. Well, those expenses have to get done by this afternoon."
Then. After six months. When the nightmare client comes in to talk about how we're (mis)handling their fund, a good manager would take five minutes the day before the meeting and ask his employees if there's anything in particular they think he should bring up at the meeting. He would also, at that time, provide an itinerary for the meeting, outline what he expects to happen, and describe the expected outcome.
A bad manager would send an email reminder when the clients show up in the lobby saying "Client meeting in two minutes"
During the meeting a good manager would raise his employees' concerns and defend those employees, rightfully or not, from the client's attacks.
A bad manager would start bickering with the client's second-in-command across the conference table about an email dispute the two of them had started two months ago. Why don't you guys just grow up? Behavior like this makes you look like kindergarteners who missed nap time.
After the client left, a good manager would do a quick review with his employees. The following day he would send out an email highlighting the important points covered in the client meeting and any steps that will be taken as a result.
After the client left, a bad manager would take off early, and the following day would act as though nothing had happened.
Which is exactly what happened.
-t
recommended download:
Three Doors Down, It's Not Me, Father's Son, Let Me Go, Landing In London
(or the entire "Seventeen Days" album)
Well, we could talk about opening a Word document, walking to the printer, then realizing, halfway there, that you didn't click "print." We could talk about any of the three times I tried to do this already today.
But we won't. We will talk about managers. Also, you have to promise not to use words like "synergy." It's not a word. And it's stupid.
Oh, and if anyone says "outside the box" I'm going to bop them one in the nose.
I was hired to process numbers for mutual funds. In the interview it was made very clear that I would be trained to do just that. Training was promised - therefore, and perhaps unreasonably, training was expected.
I wasn't trained. Not in the slightest. I learned, my first day, how to log into the system, and how to book a trade. That's it. I have not been trained on anything since then. At all. Ever. No training. Zip.
Now. That is mainly the fault of Insolent Bob, my coworker, and senior employee. It fell to him to train "the new guy" (me). Bob is a horrible trainer. Awful. Worst-ever.
But, we're talking about managers. Bad ones.
A good manager would probably do the following:
Check in with the new employee every day for the first week/two weeks/month to ask what the new employee had learned that day, to ask if the new employee had any questions about what he had been shown, and answer those questions.
A badmanager, or lazy manager, would.... do nothing. He'd stay in his cubicle all day while the new employee was being non-trained, and then go home for the night without talking to the new employee - ever.
Much of the near-constant frustration I feel is a direct result of not knowing how to do my job, which is itself a direct result of not receiving the proper (or any) training.
Now. I am not one to sit back and be frustrated, if I can help it. So, when I realized my trainer was a moron, and insolent, and that my manager was not going to come to me to follow up, I tried appealing to him directly for help and training.
A good manager would have trained me, or assigned me to another trainer who wasn't insolent.
A bad manager would suck on his teeth (a la everybody's favorite manager Bill Lumberg) and say "Ooh, um, yeah. I, uh, don't really deal with this fund...on a... day-to-day...basis... So, um, I... yeah, you should just ask Bob... about that..."
W.T.F. mate. W.T.F.
After months of this a bad manager would critique the work I've been (not-)doing while offering no help or clarification. He would stop by my cubicle after four months and say "Did you do the expense billing for last month on any of your funds?" to which I would reply "No. I still haven't been shown expense billing. I know how to take the numbers from this spreadsheet and move them to that spreadsheet. and that's it."
To which he would respond with. "Ok. Well, those expenses have to get done by this afternoon."
Then. After six months. When the nightmare client comes in to talk about how we're (mis)handling their fund, a good manager would take five minutes the day before the meeting and ask his employees if there's anything in particular they think he should bring up at the meeting. He would also, at that time, provide an itinerary for the meeting, outline what he expects to happen, and describe the expected outcome.
A bad manager would send an email reminder when the clients show up in the lobby saying "Client meeting in two minutes"
During the meeting a good manager would raise his employees' concerns and defend those employees, rightfully or not, from the client's attacks.
A bad manager would start bickering with the client's second-in-command across the conference table about an email dispute the two of them had started two months ago. Why don't you guys just grow up? Behavior like this makes you look like kindergarteners who missed nap time.
After the client left, a good manager would do a quick review with his employees. The following day he would send out an email highlighting the important points covered in the client meeting and any steps that will be taken as a result.
After the client left, a bad manager would take off early, and the following day would act as though nothing had happened.
Which is exactly what happened.
-t
recommended download:
Three Doors Down, It's Not Me, Father's Son, Let Me Go, Landing In London
(or the entire "Seventeen Days" album)
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Am I the Nautilus, or am I the Giant Squid?
When I come in to work in the morning I open gmail and my RSS reader as soon as I sit down at my computer. I don't do any real work until early afternoon (at the earliest).
I spend the morning hours reading blogs, occasionally chatting, occasionally posting.
But these are all stall tactics. I realized this morning what I'm stalling for:
What I'm really doing in the morning hours is waiting for someone to come by and tell me I've made a mistake.
Let that sink in. I spend at least three hours at the start of my day, everyday, waiting for my lazy manager or insolent Bob to tell me I did something wrong.
Because I know I have. I'm pretty sure I've done a lot of things wrong. I'm absolutely sure that I have not done a number of things I should have done.
And I assumed that supervisors and managers would review my work to catch any mistakes I'd made, then review procedures with me to correct mistakes and prevent future occurences.
So, right now, in these morning hours, when I expect to be confronted with my mistakes, how about you readers try and spot one I've made?
Ok, you don't have to. It's right there. A few lines up. In red.
It seems the modus operandi around here is "do nothing, review nothing, leave everyone alone." Mistakes aren't caught daily because no one's looking. No reviews. Nothing.
Then at month-end I have two or three people saying things like "Well, did you accrue the management fee?" and "Did you book the admin fee when it was billed?" and "Did you book these trades?"
The answer, usually, is "No." Sometimes I can answer with "Yeah, I thought I did. How do I check?"
I think the three important steps are:
1. Knowing what you're supposed to do/when you're supposed to do it.
2. Knowing how to do it.
3. Knowing how to check that it was done correctly.
I understand point #2 about half the time. But for #1, 3? I'm at a loss. Perpetually.
So, here I sit, this Wednesday morning, waiting for someone to tell me what I've done wrong.
I don't do anything because (point #1) I don't know when I'm supposed to do something, or what that something might be.
I can't catch my own mistakes, that I'm sure I've made, because (#3) I don't know how to check.
I'm forced, from time to time, to send questing emails to Insolent Bob and my lazy manager. "I just booked this trade. I don't know if I did it right. Can you check it?" It's two-to-one they respond.
The depth of futility can be measured in leagues.
I've lost that sense of frustration though. For a short while it was despair, but now, now it's apathy.
This afternoon I'll start work on the few trivial things I can do. Until then it's reading, posting, and chatting.
But, really, it's waiting.
-t
recommended download:
Tenacious D, Tribute
Theme, I Dream Of Genie
and
Janis Joplin, Mercedes Benz
I spend the morning hours reading blogs, occasionally chatting, occasionally posting.
But these are all stall tactics. I realized this morning what I'm stalling for:
What I'm really doing in the morning hours is waiting for someone to come by and tell me I've made a mistake.
Let that sink in. I spend at least three hours at the start of my day, everyday, waiting for my lazy manager or insolent Bob to tell me I did something wrong.
Because I know I have. I'm pretty sure I've done a lot of things wrong. I'm absolutely sure that I have not done a number of things I should have done.
And I assumed that supervisors and managers would review my work to catch any mistakes I'd made, then review procedures with me to correct mistakes and prevent future occurences.
So, right now, in these morning hours, when I expect to be confronted with my mistakes, how about you readers try and spot one I've made?
Ok, you don't have to. It's right there. A few lines up. In red.
It seems the modus operandi around here is "do nothing, review nothing, leave everyone alone." Mistakes aren't caught daily because no one's looking. No reviews. Nothing.
Then at month-end I have two or three people saying things like "Well, did you accrue the management fee?" and "Did you book the admin fee when it was billed?" and "Did you book these trades?"
The answer, usually, is "No." Sometimes I can answer with "Yeah, I thought I did. How do I check?"
I think the three important steps are:
1. Knowing what you're supposed to do/when you're supposed to do it.
2. Knowing how to do it.
3. Knowing how to check that it was done correctly.
I understand point #2 about half the time. But for #1, 3? I'm at a loss. Perpetually.
So, here I sit, this Wednesday morning, waiting for someone to tell me what I've done wrong.
I don't do anything because (point #1) I don't know when I'm supposed to do something, or what that something might be.
I can't catch my own mistakes, that I'm sure I've made, because (#3) I don't know how to check.
I'm forced, from time to time, to send questing emails to Insolent Bob and my lazy manager. "I just booked this trade. I don't know if I did it right. Can you check it?" It's two-to-one they respond.
The depth of futility can be measured in leagues.
I've lost that sense of frustration though. For a short while it was despair, but now, now it's apathy.
This afternoon I'll start work on the few trivial things I can do. Until then it's reading, posting, and chatting.
But, really, it's waiting.
-t
recommended download:
Tenacious D, Tribute
Theme, I Dream Of Genie
and
Janis Joplin, Mercedes Benz
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
If ignorance is bliss, then I'm sure they're both very happy
Overheard between Buffalo, and Insolent Manager:
"...I've never met a nurse that's in love with her job."
"I dated one."
"They're not treated well. Doctors shit on them, families shit on them, they're basically servants. Well-educated servants. They have an education and have to wipe up shit all day."
"Well, nah, they can get a masters degree, and then they can give out medications. Prescriptions."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah, because they take the place of a doctor."
How does this happen?
"...I've never met a nurse that's in love with her job."
"I dated one."
"They're not treated well. Doctors shit on them, families shit on them, they're basically servants. Well-educated servants. They have an education and have to wipe up shit all day."
"Well, nah, they can get a masters degree, and then they can give out medications. Prescriptions."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yeah, because they take the place of a doctor."
How does this happen?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Make New Links, and Keep the Old...
Ok, here is the deal. I have updated the sidebar links to include stuff I've been reading lately. I will be attempting, in the coming months, to keep it up-to-date.
Also, since the "break down" of the links is important to some of you (I won't mention any names) (but you know who you are) (and should be ashamed of yourselves) (for endorsing link segregation) (for shame), the breakdown is as follows:
News & Reference - contains things that are updated on a daily (or in a few cases semi-regular-) basis that feature either news items (bostonist), interesting references and links (kottke, boingboing), or pictures (ephemera, explodingdog, APOD (which is great)).
In Boston - contains links to blogs written or maintained by people currently living in or near Boston. Many of the folks I met at Blogtoberfest have been added to this section
Not In Boston - contains links to blogs written or maintained by people currently living someplace that isn't Boston. Many of these people once attended school with me (brassicaput, mrs. anonymous, amazo) and have moved away, many others are "famous" (mightygirl, defective yeti), and one of them is my girlfriend (acaffeinatedplace).
On Notice - contains links to blogs that I'm on the fence about. Things I used to like but have begun to decline, things I've started to read but aren't yet convinced I should be investing ten seconds a day into, things I really don't like, but keep the links around for propriety, or for those of my readers that do like them.
Hope that helps. And finally, there's a pretty interesting comment thread on the Use It Toni-i-i-i-ight Post, just a few posts below this one.
-t
recommended download:
The Shirelles, Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This
Also, since the "break down" of the links is important to some of you (I won't mention any names) (but you know who you are) (and should be ashamed of yourselves) (for endorsing link segregation) (for shame), the breakdown is as follows:
News & Reference - contains things that are updated on a daily (or in a few cases semi-regular-) basis that feature either news items (bostonist), interesting references and links (kottke, boingboing), or pictures (ephemera, explodingdog, APOD (which is great)).
In Boston - contains links to blogs written or maintained by people currently living in or near Boston. Many of the folks I met at Blogtoberfest have been added to this section
Not In Boston - contains links to blogs written or maintained by people currently living someplace that isn't Boston. Many of these people once attended school with me (brassicaput, mrs. anonymous, amazo) and have moved away, many others are "famous" (mightygirl, defective yeti), and one of them is my girlfriend (acaffeinatedplace).
On Notice - contains links to blogs that I'm on the fence about. Things I used to like but have begun to decline, things I've started to read but aren't yet convinced I should be investing ten seconds a day into, things I really don't like, but keep the links around for propriety, or for those of my readers that do like them.
Hope that helps. And finally, there's a pretty interesting comment thread on the Use It Toni-i-i-i-ight Post, just a few posts below this one.
-t
recommended download:
The Shirelles, Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This
A Sense of the Infinite
I have no desire to do work today. This is an entirely recent development.
I woke up early, four minutes before my alarm, invigorated, and ready to start the day. I know you've been there sometime. That extra four minutes seems like the window to the universe. You can do anything in that small moment. Small increments of time stretch to encompass all time, forever. Inifinity exists in the pre-alarm time. It's a wonderful thing to experience.
So, I got up to take a shower, turned on the water, stepped in, and that's where things went horribly wrong.
I mean for my enthusiasm. Not my physical person.
I don't know exactly what happened to damp down, and stamp out my energy, but something did. It may have been the temperature of the water...too hot, not hot enough, exactly the right temperature to sap strength and vigor; it may have been my shampoo; soap- who knows?
Maybe it was SportsCenter. I watched about ten minutes before leaving for work. It was the normal football wrap-up. I'm pretty sure it wasn't SportsCenter.
The train ride? The music I was listening to on the train? The book I was reading?
I can only say for certain that right now, at this moment, I have no desire to work, at all, ever.
Which, at this place, really doesn't mean much at all. Now all I'm doing is trying to decide between a two-hour coffee break to finish my book, or searching the web for advanced lock-picking techniques. You never know when they might come in handy.
-t
recommended download:
Neil Young, Needle and the Damage Done
Foreigner, Jukebox Heroe
I woke up early, four minutes before my alarm, invigorated, and ready to start the day. I know you've been there sometime. That extra four minutes seems like the window to the universe. You can do anything in that small moment. Small increments of time stretch to encompass all time, forever. Inifinity exists in the pre-alarm time. It's a wonderful thing to experience.
So, I got up to take a shower, turned on the water, stepped in, and that's where things went horribly wrong.
I mean for my enthusiasm. Not my physical person.
I don't know exactly what happened to damp down, and stamp out my energy, but something did. It may have been the temperature of the water...too hot, not hot enough, exactly the right temperature to sap strength and vigor; it may have been my shampoo; soap- who knows?
Maybe it was SportsCenter. I watched about ten minutes before leaving for work. It was the normal football wrap-up. I'm pretty sure it wasn't SportsCenter.
The train ride? The music I was listening to on the train? The book I was reading?
I can only say for certain that right now, at this moment, I have no desire to work, at all, ever.
Which, at this place, really doesn't mean much at all. Now all I'm doing is trying to decide between a two-hour coffee break to finish my book, or searching the web for advanced lock-picking techniques. You never know when they might come in handy.
-t
recommended download:
Neil Young, Needle and the Damage Done
Foreigner, Jukebox Heroe
Friday, October 20, 2006
Use It Toni-i-i-i-i-i-ght!
Gin is still leeching from my pores. Blech.
Who was it that invented the martini? Who was it that invented gin, for that matter? I'd like to punch the lot of them in the mouth, and then steal their gin-making recipe.
I started with the martini. It was awful. I was disgusted. That is a taste I will choose not to acquire. I chased it with seven Jacks & Coke.
And the gin is still leeching from my pores.
Also I am slightly hungover. Just enough that right after I'd showered this morning I couldn't remember if I had showered already.
Which isn't that bad. I get the same way after a sugar bender: Loss of short-term memory, papery tongue, gin leeching.
Oh, wait, no. The gin leeching is from the martini. Blech!
Well, if you've slogged through that, here are some thoughts on the BLOG! party, aka Blogtoberfest:
I really expected there to be about six people who were cool, and forty people who...definitely were not.
But, as it turns out, there were like thirty cool people (and loads of people over thirty! haha! Hey, old folks!) some, but not all, of the cool people were:
Jenny took pictures and I was warned away twice from touching her camera because "It's her baby. If you dropped it, she would, like, kill you, seriously."
No worries though. I spent four years in a photo shop, I've handled tons of photo equipment, also, I'm a homosapien and come with the standard fine motor skills and hand-eye-coordination. And at that point I'd only had two drinks.
Sarah was way taller than anyone had guessed. Erin was way shorter than I had guessed. Both were very cool and funny, though I'm pretty sure Erin was at no point during the night either chain-smoking or vomitting on the sidewalk.
Maybe it happened, though, I left at 10:30.
Oh, and, I got home just, in, time, to see the bottom of the ninth inning of the Mets/Cards game. WHAT A PITCH! It was awesome. Also, yeah, that sucks for everyone who would have had the day off today because their boss happens to root for the Mets - because you're probably at work right now while you're reading this.
Nathan was pretty cool, though I certainly don't come off as such based on the description he gave me on his blog. "Work and Fantasy Football?" No one says you have to accurately report what happened last night! I was going to say that Nathan is a career spy for the CIA. Oh, also, Erin was totally puking behind the bar while simultaneously chain-smoking, and taking straight vodka through an intravenous line. And Jenny and Sarah totally made out. Also Hooker shaved his head, right there at the bar. Man what a crazy night. Then there were ninjas.
Ok, maybe Jane (a real-life journalist) might be a stickler for accurate reporting, on the other hand, Hunter Thompson wasn't always accurate, and he founded an entire branch of journalism! (Gonzo Journalism) And at least two movies were written about him (Bill Murray,Where The Buffalo Roam; Johnny Depp, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)!
I'm forgetting people. After about five drinks (four? five?) I ended up at a table full of engineers. That was great. Electrical and Network. Oh, those crazy engineers. What stories. I really can't repeat them.
Ah, and I met some other cool people. Jaynie, and her bbffb (best-boy-friend-forever-buddy? who knows what abbreviations are out there nowadays?) one with a blog, both voracious commenters. Voracious is the wrong word. Prolific.
Also I met Hooker and Jon and exactly six other people who I thought were cool and have NO IDEA who they are. Time will tell, I expect. It's not that I'm bad with names or faces, it's just that I'm better with URLs.
Heads up everyone for the next Boston Bloggers Conference Festival of Blogging, we're thinking end of January, begining of February.
Be warned: It will be a flanel-themed party.
-t
recommended download:
Mission of Burma, Nicotine Bomb
and
The New Pornographers, The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism
Who was it that invented the martini? Who was it that invented gin, for that matter? I'd like to punch the lot of them in the mouth, and then steal their gin-making recipe.
I started with the martini. It was awful. I was disgusted. That is a taste I will choose not to acquire. I chased it with seven Jacks & Coke.
And the gin is still leeching from my pores.
Also I am slightly hungover. Just enough that right after I'd showered this morning I couldn't remember if I had showered already.
Which isn't that bad. I get the same way after a sugar bender: Loss of short-term memory, papery tongue, gin leeching.
Oh, wait, no. The gin leeching is from the martini. Blech!
Well, if you've slogged through that, here are some thoughts on the BLOG! party, aka Blogtoberfest:
I really expected there to be about six people who were cool, and forty people who...definitely were not.
But, as it turns out, there were like thirty cool people (and loads of people over thirty! haha! Hey, old folks!) some, but not all, of the cool people were:
Jenny took pictures and I was warned away twice from touching her camera because "It's her baby. If you dropped it, she would, like, kill you, seriously."
No worries though. I spent four years in a photo shop, I've handled tons of photo equipment, also, I'm a homosapien and come with the standard fine motor skills and hand-eye-coordination. And at that point I'd only had two drinks.
Sarah was way taller than anyone had guessed. Erin was way shorter than I had guessed. Both were very cool and funny, though I'm pretty sure Erin was at no point during the night either chain-smoking or vomitting on the sidewalk.
Maybe it happened, though, I left at 10:30.
Oh, and, I got home just, in, time, to see the bottom of the ninth inning of the Mets/Cards game. WHAT A PITCH! It was awesome. Also, yeah, that sucks for everyone who would have had the day off today because their boss happens to root for the Mets - because you're probably at work right now while you're reading this.
Nathan was pretty cool, though I certainly don't come off as such based on the description he gave me on his blog. "Work and Fantasy Football?" No one says you have to accurately report what happened last night! I was going to say that Nathan is a career spy for the CIA. Oh, also, Erin was totally puking behind the bar while simultaneously chain-smoking, and taking straight vodka through an intravenous line. And Jenny and Sarah totally made out. Also Hooker shaved his head, right there at the bar. Man what a crazy night. Then there were ninjas.
Ok, maybe Jane (a real-life journalist) might be a stickler for accurate reporting, on the other hand, Hunter Thompson wasn't always accurate, and he founded an entire branch of journalism! (Gonzo Journalism) And at least two movies were written about him (Bill Murray,Where The Buffalo Roam; Johnny Depp, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)!
I'm forgetting people. After about five drinks (four? five?) I ended up at a table full of engineers. That was great. Electrical and Network. Oh, those crazy engineers. What stories. I really can't repeat them.
Ah, and I met some other cool people. Jaynie, and her bbffb (best-boy-friend-forever-buddy? who knows what abbreviations are out there nowadays?) one with a blog, both voracious commenters. Voracious is the wrong word. Prolific.
Also I met Hooker and Jon and exactly six other people who I thought were cool and have NO IDEA who they are. Time will tell, I expect. It's not that I'm bad with names or faces, it's just that I'm better with URLs.
Heads up everyone for the next Boston Bloggers Conference Festival of Blogging, we're thinking end of January, begining of February.
Be warned: It will be a flanel-themed party.
-t
recommended download:
Mission of Burma, Nicotine Bomb
and
The New Pornographers, The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism
I'm too drunk to blog
I'm too drunk to blog, if I met you tonight and you were cool, or thought I was cool (you know who I'm talkin' about ;) then leave me a comment, dudes. Because I definitely will not remember any of this when I wake up tomororw.
-t
-t
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Desire
It's 3:15 PM. Three hours and counting until the BLOG! party.
I'm seriously considering ditching work early and heading over to Blogtoberfest early to start drinking.
I'm on the fence right now, but one thing I'm sure of: It would absolutely increase my credibility with the other bloggers if I'm already hammered by the time they show up.
Am I right, or am I right?
-t
recommended download:
Queen, Breakthru
I'm seriously considering ditching work early and heading over to Blogtoberfest early to start drinking.
I'm on the fence right now, but one thing I'm sure of: It would absolutely increase my credibility with the other bloggers if I'm already hammered by the time they show up.
Am I right, or am I right?
-t
recommended download:
Queen, Breakthru
You know, for electricity...
Buffalo and Michael are talking about body fat, specifically tests to determine body fat percentage:
Buffalo: "How'd they do it to you?"
Michael: "They pinched my arm, and also put me in a water displacement tank."
Buffalo: "They've got cooler ways of doing it now."
Michael: "Really? Interesting."
Buffalo: "Yeah, they put these electroids on you and shoot electric current into you and it just goes into a machine."
Michael: "That was in high school. I think it was like four and a half percent... I was a long-distance runner."
Buffalo: "Yeah, I used to be heavy. I'd guess I'm at like 12 or 13 percent now, but at my fattest I was at like 23 percent."
Electroids. Really.
-t
Buffalo: "How'd they do it to you?"
Michael: "They pinched my arm, and also put me in a water displacement tank."
Buffalo: "They've got cooler ways of doing it now."
Michael: "Really? Interesting."
Buffalo: "Yeah, they put these electroids on you and shoot electric current into you and it just goes into a machine."
Michael: "That was in high school. I think it was like four and a half percent... I was a long-distance runner."
Buffalo: "Yeah, I used to be heavy. I'd guess I'm at like 12 or 13 percent now, but at my fattest I was at like 23 percent."
Electroids. Really.
-t
One and One and One is PHILONEY
One And One And One Is Three
So what do you do when you realize the Biggest New Year's Party Ever (PHILONYE 07) which you've been talking about since last year's Biggest New Year's Party Ever (BONYE 06) is going to be prohibitively expensive?
Do you call your friend in Philly who is the one that is the most excited about it?
Do you IM all the other friends involved to complain and air grievances?
Or do you post the issue for all to see in an underhanded and confrontational-less format like, say, your blog?
So, as I said, the problem with the Philadelphia On New Year's Eve 2007 is expense, and not something crazy like "personal differences," or "friends with strange body odors." My concern is blowing my annual travel budget on the very first day of the year.
I don't have any specifics, which makes it a little harder to plan for sure, but, in general:
1. Hotels are going for about $200 a night. Even if I spend the minimum amount of time in the city (one night) that's $200 bucks. And who want's to spend just one night?
2. Plane tickets are going for about $200. Staying one night (see above) would mean flying out on Dec. 31st and flying back on Jan. 1st. That also seems stupid.
3. I'm not going to drive because it'll be cold, snowy, gas and parking will be expensive, and I (hopefully) won't be in any condition to drive the whole time I'm there. Also, it would mean a long drive home, hungover on Jan. 1st, which I do not relish.
I don't want to plan a $400 trip that gets me twelve hours with the gang. That is a poorly spent $400. On the other hand, if I plan a trip for longer I'm just racking up the hotel bill, turning a $400 expense into a $600 or $800 expense.
Spread over the whole year that's three or four weak-long trips to different places.
So, unless somebody's dad owns a hotel in downtown Philly... this may be unfeasable. Which would, yeah, suck.
-t
Update: Donny said I should take the train to Philly. Why didn't I think of that? It's maybe doable, and if I had the money, you know, I could fly down every other weekend (I hear they have good cheesesteaks)
So what do you do when you realize the Biggest New Year's Party Ever (PHILONYE 07) which you've been talking about since last year's Biggest New Year's Party Ever (BONYE 06) is going to be prohibitively expensive?
Do you call your friend in Philly who is the one that is the most excited about it?
Do you IM all the other friends involved to complain and air grievances?
Or do you post the issue for all to see in an underhanded and confrontational-less format like, say, your blog?
So, as I said, the problem with the Philadelphia On New Year's Eve 2007 is expense, and not something crazy like "personal differences," or "friends with strange body odors." My concern is blowing my annual travel budget on the very first day of the year.
I don't have any specifics, which makes it a little harder to plan for sure, but, in general:
1. Hotels are going for about $200 a night. Even if I spend the minimum amount of time in the city (one night) that's $200 bucks. And who want's to spend just one night?
2. Plane tickets are going for about $200. Staying one night (see above) would mean flying out on Dec. 31st and flying back on Jan. 1st. That also seems stupid.
3. I'm not going to drive because it'll be cold, snowy, gas and parking will be expensive, and I (hopefully) won't be in any condition to drive the whole time I'm there. Also, it would mean a long drive home, hungover on Jan. 1st, which I do not relish.
I don't want to plan a $400 trip that gets me twelve hours with the gang. That is a poorly spent $400. On the other hand, if I plan a trip for longer I'm just racking up the hotel bill, turning a $400 expense into a $600 or $800 expense.
Spread over the whole year that's three or four weak-long trips to different places.
So, unless somebody's dad owns a hotel in downtown Philly... this may be unfeasable. Which would, yeah, suck.
-t
Update: Donny said I should take the train to Philly. Why didn't I think of that? It's maybe doable, and if I had the money, you know, I could fly down every other weekend (I hear they have good cheesesteaks)
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Martini
Here's something to keep you all entertained. In honor of Blogtoberfest. It's the newest one up at intransitivity
-tgme
-tgme
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