Web log: a20261

This Year In November

2011-11-04T08:47:00.002-04:00

Welcome back, RSS subscribers! This is your yearly reminder that Dan Goldin Day is fast approaching.

November 17th falls on a Thursday this year, so the holiday will be observed on Friday, November 18th.

For any of you who want to class-up the celebration this year and serve fancy foods at a Dan Goldin Day cocktail party, I'm providing these two videos demonstrating the proper way to prepare an edible garnish:

Holy Smokes!

2011-07-19T17:27:00.002-04:00

I miss publishing here everyday. I'm going to try and be more like everyone's favorite version of Whoopi Goldberg (the 1993 Whoopi) namely, back in the habit. (I'm sure 90% of my readership got the reference before I spelled it out (Donny!)).

Though pining for the days of updates-on-the-half-hour may be well and good, it'll only buy me about a paragraph and a half of post. As if the only thing I've had to write about in the last year and a half is not writing about this past year and a half.

Maybe it's this new push Google has made into the online social networking scene that's got me all riled up. Joining Google+ is having the same effect joining Twitter had on me all those many years ago (where I've just noticed my #Follwers exactly equals my #Followees!) But more importantly I've clearly remembered the html for hyperlinking without so much as a refresher. I can even embed videos! You should all watch this. Even if you already have because again, 90% of my readership is already following me on Google+ and I've been raving about it there for a while:

Recent personal updates:

Our team totally won pub trivia last week, beating our cheating nemesis Team Jedi in the process.

I also plan on winning tonight's beanbag tournament (and beating a nemesis or two along the way, if there are any lying about).

And tomorrow I will be collecting vegetables from our local Community Supported Agriculture pickup, or farming that duty out to a vengetable thief.

And finally, it's July, which means there are only one hundred twenty-one shopping days until Dan Goldin Day!

This is all probably the coffee talking,
-Tom

recommended download:
Matt Nathanson, Faster, and Mercy

Dan Goldin Day 2010 Is Happening Right Now!

2010-11-17T11:23:00.001-05:00

As an unfortunate result of the international economic crisis this year's Dan Goldin Day celebration has been drastically scaled back. Official DGD celebrations are only scheduled for Milwaukee, WI and Boston, MA this year.

As always, we here at DGD HQ still encourage Dan Goldin supporters to observe the holiday wherever they may find themselves on November 17th (hopefully not at work!) and keep the memory of Dan Goldin's victory over the Boston University Trustees in your hearts as you try and shirk any and all of your job-related responsibilities. (Just think, if the guy who invented credit-default swaps had a little more of the Dan Goldin spirit in him he may never have given Wall Street the tool to bring down the US financial system. He could have been sitting at home playing video games and drinking instead. Yet one more reason to spread DGD as far and wide as possible!)

I would also like to offer a brief apology for the brevity of this annual DGD post, but the aforementioned economic crisis has affected us in some unexpected ways, including a word-count restriction passed just last week by the DGD board of directors. (11-6, 2 abstained)

I would also like to call special attention to our Milwaukee branch (and regional manager Donny Bo-bonny) for the extrodinary achievement, this year, of having Dan Goldin Day mentioned on the hour on NPR radio. So tune in, and raise a glass to Dan Goldin!

So, in closing, happy Dan Goldin Day 2010! Shirk, drink, and be merry!

-Tom

PS - links to some previous DGD posts

Concludes (from Latin "with clues")

2010-09-14T15:56:00.001-04:00

Conclusion reached after an afternoon refreshing Google Reader:

At any given moment there exists someone, somewhere, publishing interesting content online.

Corollary:

At any given moment there are vast hordes of someones publishing drivel.

-t

Why I Normally Take A Patriots' Day Vacation

2010-04-19T10:00:00.001-04:00

Patriots' Day (aka Marathon Monday) is celebrated in Boston today. This is great if you are (a) no gainfully employed (b) a student (c) a marathon runner (d) a member of the Red Sox organization

and, judging by the time I spent standing in the bitter early April morning wind at the bust stop today, (e) the majority of the MBTA bus fleet.

Thank goodness bus 184 was in operation, or I would be posting this from my cellphone still standing at the bus stop instead of my cubicle.

-t

PS, Patriots' Day is not great if you are (f)(*ing) gainfully employed and have to navigate the public transit system or roadways while the entire rest of the city takes the day off to get drunk on Beacon street.

2010-04-14T14:07:00.001-04:00

That Warm Fuzzy Feeling

2010-03-23T12:35:00.000-04:00

We're getting the house insulated. This ia big step in the direction of energy efficiency (Thank you, President Obama, and your tax-credit program!) and staying warm during the winter months.

We're going with cellulose insulation because it's an old house, foam is toxic, and fiberglass is too pink, but mostly because the dispelled cellulose myths are hilarious:

Sprayed foam insulations can be green, too.

Sorry, no way. The only thing green about sprayed foams is the money you pay for them. Sprayed foam insulations are made with petroleum and petroleum byproducts, and that just isn't green.

What about soy based foams?

Sorry, not green. First, they're not soy 'based' - they contain a small amount of soy additive. While soy added to foam does save a little bit of oil or chemicals, the soy had to be grown, watered, fertilized, harvested, trucked, processed - well, you get the idea. Foams with soy additive are heavily marketed for their soy content, which is something called 'greenwashing'.

Unlike cellulose, foam insulations air seal and insulate at the same time

They can, certainly. But we have a lot of experience inspecting structures in the field that says that foams, especially the more rigid foams, don't have the flexibility to move as the structure does. That means there can be separations between the foam and the framing members as the lumber dries, shrinks and moves, which can allow air infiltration. In addition, there are areas that aren't routinely foamed, like the junction of a wall's bottom plate with the floor, or top plate with upper story framing and flooring. The bottom line is that proper installation of any insulation should include air sealing.

I just want my insulation to do a good job insulating

Of course you want your insulation choice to do a good job insulating. But to do that, it has to do a lot of things - effectively prevent air infiltration, manage moisture, etc. And you don't want it to create problems - make a good home for pests, outgas, etc. And then there are things you want it to do that you might not associate with an insulation product, like make your home safer in the event of a fire, do the best job of reducing noise, and have the least impact possible on the environment.

National Fiber's Cel-Pak and Nu-Wool insulations do a great job at all the things a great insulation should do, with none of the potential downsides.

I just need to insulate my attic, so can I do it myself?

Well, you can - but that doesn't mean you should. There is a proper way to install cellulose, and lots of ways that aren't. A proper loose-blown attic job will be inspected for problems, may have old insulation removed, have the soffits blocked off, have air-sealing done - you get the picture. There's more to it than just renting the machine and blowing the cellulose. (And lots of those big box cellulose products aren't as clean as National Fiber's, and many have ammonium sulfate in them - see 'Cellulose produces funny smells', above) Besides, don't you have better things to do with your weekend?

Do yourself a favor - locate a qualified installer and have the job done right.

"Of course insulation should insulate, you idiot! Thank goodness you came to our website, we spend all day trying to educate ignorant bums like you!"

Being funny is certainly better than being the method of harvesting marijuana.

-t

("Cut, and dry.")

Down And Out And Napping

2010-03-19T15:38:00.000-04:00

They turn off the air conditioning in the office at jsut about 3 o'clock everyday.

Paired with the ridiculously nice weather today this is a recipe for disaster.

And by "disaster" I mean "a nap."

So I have effectively shut down for the day (for the weekend? for the rest of the quarter?). Or at least until I have a reason to move. (all year?)

Next week: more posting! (hahaha, I am hilarious)

-t

Ramblings Insane Ramblings

2010-03-19T12:03:00.001-04:00

In the last ten minutes work has slowed dramatically. In order to still appear as a productive member of the staff I've opened a text message window where I will be narrating a portion of the day.

I am currently looking out over the cubicles on the floor and am noticing that the majority of the guys in this office have recently had their hair cut.

I ordered sunglasses yesterday, finally pulling the trigger on the expenditure after being both eager (for new shades) and reluctant (to pay the asking price) for some time. They should arrive after a few short weeks during which the manufacturers will, no doubt, be selecting individual grains of volcanic silica suitable for melting into UV-resistant shaded glass; mining and separating aluminum ore from the dangerous and exotic caves beneath Machu Pichu (the only known, terrestrial, source of eyeglass-frame-grade aluminum ore); and grinding the volcanic lenses to my exactingly unique specifications.

I am also drinking the world's largest coffee, the Starbucks Venti. Peace! I am aware that the verysame Starbucks has announced the "Trenta," and, at 31 oz. you're hollering at me now that the Venti is only second in the world of giant coffees. Let me reassure you. The Trenta is, in fact, the world's largest coffee *cup* but not in fact the world's largest coffee, as the Starbukiristanians must in fact pour a Venti, and then a little bit more, in order to fill it. The scientists among you are cognizant of this fact, and I repeat it here for my none-sciencey readers, "It is physically impossible to pour a coffee larger than 23 oz."

I am currently reading a Mary Shelley classic, "Frankenstein" on a decidedly non-classic e-book for the iPod Touch.

I am not blown away by the story so far. Stoker's "Dracula" was much better.

Halfway through my coffee and it has become apparent that caffeine does not aid my concentration in any way. So I'm posting this now, if for no other reason than to increase the spam comment count here and prove (to myself, anyway) that blogging has not been beaten, murdered, and replaced by micro-blogging. (But we all really know that it has. I blame the whale.)

-T

Scattered (aka LA X)

2010-02-10T13:19:00.001-05:00

I almost posted today. (thoughts on the future growth of professional lacrosse and the challenges the sport faces in attracting a national audience (especially a television audience)(which are very similar, I feel, to the challenges soccer faces here in the US))

But, I felt the post deserved more research, and possibly an editor, or at least a rewrite. And so I scrapped it.

I just thought you all should know.

(the field is too big! one camera shot can't encompass routine plays without zooming out to God perspective (ie, everyone looks like ants!) and losing the ball)

(hockey is the nearest successful comparison, it works because the rink is much smaller than a lacrosse field, limiting the distance a camera needs to pan/zoom to keep up, and the black puck (mostly) stays on the white ice surface, a contrast that makes following its high-speed trajectory much easier for the viewer)

(football also takes place on a huge field, but most of the action is restricted to a stripe of field about ten yards wide (that's less than 1/10 of the whole field the camera needs to focus on. the exceptions are (a) long passes and run plays that break for big yards (easy to solve with one camera on the QB, and one wide shot for the ball-in-the-air; and a RB is nowhere near as fast as a lacrosse ball in flight (AND he is always at ground level!) and (b) kickoff/field goal/punt return plays which can all be covered with one camera at the end of the field)

(I'm getting a lot of clarity here...enough that I now realize I'm going to need a scatter plot in three dimensions to make this abundantly clear... stay tuned)

-t

Re-Trilogy

2010-01-21T19:20:00.005-05:00

I really would have done a better job on this, but for have been subjected to multiple reruns of that show about the orange shiny people and have lost a significant amount of cognitive function. The point is, Culchie's trilogy diagram was a little bit off, so I changed a few ratings.

I changed Indiana, Matrix, Jurassic, Spiderman, Die Hard, Blade, and Terminator

Oh my God I seriously cannot function. This show is the worst thing I have ever been exposed to. I apologize for the low quality of this post. And the graphic. I really feel like my brain is bleeding out of my ears.

Still Not Enough

2010-01-11T13:15:00.001-05:00

Still sort of working on a way to auto-update here via twitter, so those of you who aren't following me will still be appraised of whatever strikes my fancy.

The fact that most of my pertinent (and not-so-pertinent) thoughts can be condensed to less than 140 characters is, frankly, not at all surprising.

Also I've been reading this and it's hilarious if you are either (a) a fan of the Big Lebowski or (b) a fan of Shakespear or (c) both.

[spoiler, the above sentence pretty much covers the last week of my twitter feed]

Man Awakes From Blog Coma

2009-12-14T15:28:00.002-05:00

That's right, I've broken my blogging silence! But only to mumble the following to those few readers who've chosen to sit patiently by my bedside:

Reading - Fake Steve Jobs should be a member of the Obama cabinet:

So let’s talk traffic. We’ve got people who love this goddamn phone so much that they’re living on it. Yes, that’s crushing your network. Yes, 3% of your users are taking up 40% of your bandwidth. You see this as a bad thing. It’s not. It’s a good thing. It’s a blessing. It’s an indication that people love what we’re doing, which means you now have a reason to go out and double or triple or quadruple your damn network capacity. Jesus! I can’t believe I’m explaining this to you.

And Listening to - Warrocket Ajax Podcast
I wasn't actually a fan of this week's guest and shut it off about at the 30 min mark, but the first ten minutes are about #chrisvstwilight wherein Chris Sims reads Twilight one chapter at a time and live tweets his reactions.

-T

Manic Miserable Monday

2009-11-23T16:14:00.001-05:00

I am miserable. Because I hate my new job.

It's also possible that I don't actually care that much one way or the other about my new job, or about my old job, and that I am only miserable because it's Monday.

I would probably not be miserable if I were at home. I hate coming to the office. It is like, way too far away from Assassin's Creed II.

-t

Reading

2009-11-18T15:36:00.002-05:00

This 'pie crust the super easy way' article (from kottke) intersperses CAPS for yelling.

With all the YELLING about PIES it sounded a lot like an Amazo post to me. (Which is, apparently, all the Amazo we can expect these days)

Today's Dining section brings a roundup of holiday dinner recipes for you wussbags who are too lazy or scared to make desserts with crusts. "Is it Thanksgiving if there is no traditional pie with a traditional filling and a crust that the cook obviously fussed and worried over?" asks Florence Fabrikant. The answer is obviously: NO, YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER, IT IS NOT. (link)

-t

Happy Dan Goldin Day!

2009-11-16T10:39:00.004-05:00

Happy Dan Goldin Day 2009, everyone! I hope you're all reading this post from home with a drink in front of you, or over a pint at your local watering hole, having skipped out on work to honor the decision by the Boston University Trustees to grant a day off to the students of Boston Uniersity after awarding, and then rescinding, a contract to ex-NASA Mr. Dan Goldin, and obligating themselves to payout $1.8 million for breach of that contract. (full career summation here)

For those readers interested, here is a partial list of cities celebrating DGD '09: (east to west)

Boston, MA
Stoneham, MA
Manchester, NH
New York, NY
Philadelphia, PA
Baltimore, MD
Birmingham, AL
Milwaukee, WI (observed 11/20/09)
Arlington, TX
Lawton, OK
Seattle, WA
Te Anua, NZ
Mackay, AU
London, GB
Dublin, IE

Celebrating in a city not on the list? Let me know in the comments! We're still missing Eastern Europe, South America, all of Africa, Asia, and I'm still waiting to hear from you Antarticans!

Too ditching work, and getting paid!

-Tom

The Hottest Dan Goldin Day On Record

2009-11-12T11:30:00.002-05:00

We are less than a week away from Dan Goldin Day 2009!

The 2009 Observance Calendar is a little bit wonky due to the conflicting local customs, mid-week holiday, and gas boiler installation.

So, as a public service to all DGD celebrants, I present the following, official, Dan Goldin Day Observance Calendar 2009, please update your Dilbert or Farside November pages accordingly based on your location or circumstance:

A brief explanation:

Monday, Nov. 16th Dan Goldin Day (Traditional Observation) - International and Domestic* celebration of the holiday on the nearest Monday or Friday to encourage three-day weekend.

Tuesday, Nov. 17th - Dan Goldin Day (Founder's Observation) The happy coincidence of DGD and scheduled installation of a brand new gas boiler in my home provides a dual excuse to ditch work on Tuesday, which means a happy holiday for everyone who lives at my address.

Friday, Nov. 20 - Dan Goldin Day (Traditional Observation, Milwaukee) - Milwaukeers observe DGD on the nearest Friday to maximize the opportunity for missing a brewery tour, eating fried fish, and listening to a live polka band.

*Celebrated domestically in all locations that are not observing Milwaukee or Founder's DGD

Please contact your local Dan Goldin Day ambassadors for information regarding organized Dan Goldin Day activities including parade route and start times, as well as regulations for DGD float construction and municipal permits.

-T

Because Matt Nathanson Covered Romeo & Juliet By Dire Straits

2009-11-05T16:42:00.005-05:00

How I spent my day:

coverlaydown.com

It's a blog dedicated to collecting and promoting folk and bluegrass covers of popular songs (and also other folk and bluegrass songs). Covers are awesome.

"Sometimes you hear something and you think to yourself, 'That song is so good, I wish I'd written it' and that's why the cover was invented" -Rob Thomas

Covers can be hilarious. Who can forget The Gourds Gin 'N Juice? (cue illicit youtube copy!)

Or the classic Dynamite Hack version of Boyz N Da Hood!

BUT, those are just for starters. The real magic starts when good artists cover good songs. There's a reason Dire Straits' Romeo & Juliet has been covered eight hundred times: it's a Great Song. (Incidentally, it's also got the best ending to a music video ever:

Right?) (Yes, that was a parenthetical video embed)

Anyway, here are some favorites which are included in the coverlaydown archives. (In reverse chronological order) (and I'm not hyperlinking, you'll have to click though to the oringal post (which all have plenty of other covers))

-Elanor Rigby, The Beatles covered by Butch Ross
-Chelsea Hotel No. 2, Leonard Coehn covered by Regina Spektor
-True Colors, Cyndi Lauper covered by Caroline Herring
-Atlantic City, Bruce Springsteen covered by The Band (the post has 7 other Boss covers)
-Come Sail Away, Styx covered by Jonathan Rundman (not especially great, but I'm including here it for Donny)
-Jump, Van Halen covered by Mary Lou Lord
-Oops, I Did It Again, Britney Spears, covered by Laura Tsaggaris
-Nothing Compares To You, Prince covered by Ben Taylor (son of James Taylor)(saddest song on the list)

And, the best cover I found today:

-Stairway to Heaven, Led Zepplin covered by Dolly Parton.

-t

I REALLY Love Science

2009-10-06T14:04:00.002-04:00

We are going to live to be eight hundred years old

http://www.discoveryon.info/2009/10/switch-to-reverse-biological-clock.html

-t

Drunk Physics Work!

2009-10-06T09:12:00.004-04:00

I love science (via xckd) because ideas as drunk-sounding-crazy as the space fountain have a realistic grounding in physics. Screw the moon base. I'm building a space fountain over Disneyworld.

-t

Dread Pirate Roberts

2009-09-30T13:06:00.001-04:00

Three days into my lateral promotion and things are starting to pick up. Management has decided to roll out a new break report which I'll be responsible for starting on Monday, and we're spending the week training for research and break resolution.

Also, I have Friday off to go golfing.

Other quick hits:
(1) I'm digging the New England Coffee Chocolate Cappucino flavor
(2) I haven't been to Dunkin' Donuts in over a month
(3) The ping pong table and my couch are now residing happily in my basement (so all is right with the feng-shui universe)
(4) and pretty soon we'll be replacing our heating system!

So I am now poor.
-t

How Else Would A Phone Sound?

2009-09-23T10:37:00.002-04:00

My manager called a group-wide meeting for this afternoon, today's the big day! Lateral promotion! Woo!

I am, in reality, much more excited than I should be about getting to work on a new group of funds.

There is, really, very little actually changing.
(1) new funds
(2) new manager

That's it. I'm not even changing desks (which is stupid, I'm two rows away from the rest of the group, but the difficulties in transferring a phone line from one desk to another in this building are, apparently, insurmountable. Folks go years under the wrong name in a directory even after an approved switch.

I don't really understand it, they're not physically running new phone lines or splicing wires to a different cubicle. They just have to update the directory and switchboard which is (or should be) saved on some database on a server in the IT department.

gr8thanxbai

Something like "Find: Tom" then "ReplaceLocation: 12F76, 14GH5" (I assume each cubicle has an undecipherable code referencing some 3D seating plan) and "ReassignExtension: 5-4433, 5-4843"

Right? I bet, in real phone systems, those three commands are all folded into one. It's all software (or should be). There shouldn't be a need to move hardware at all. And even if there is, the phone itself should be able to talk to the server routing calls. "Sup, router, it's Calvin, serial no. 12345558133463LB0.54 Here's the 411: I'm at a new desk! Send any calls 4 me this way now, k? gr8thanxbai"

Right? Easy. (Yes, my phone's name is Calvin)

Ok, so I wasn't planning on a phone rant. Sorry about that. The point is: Change!

-t

Breaking News: August 2009

2009-09-18T13:56:00.000-04:00

Dude! The Gin Blossoms are awesome!

-t

Thinking About Making 'Job!' My New Catchword

2009-09-18T10:53:00.001-04:00

I got a new job! Sort of!Lacking the associated title change and pay raise! So, more of a transfer, really...

Job!

I'll be moving from my supervisory role in this group to a more hands-on role in a similar group which handles slightly more difficult funds.

An unexpected benefit of the change is the news that I will be working with my old boss from my very first job!*

Details to follow.

-t

*note to longtime readers: not hypermanager, but his boss, Mike, who was cool, moved to New York, and came back to Boston.

Repost Reader Participation Week!

2009-09-17T15:02:00.004-04:00

I invite new readers to the blog and twitter followers to enjoy this marvellous movie meme and submit your answers! I still can't believe no one has answered #5!

Originally posted here!

Quotes Game (via Eileen)

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

01. ~~I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points~~ [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. ~~Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee!~~ [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. ~~Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!~~ [Elf] Eileen

04. ~~Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes!~~ [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. ~~Now when I created the World...~~ [Newsies] Zoe (!)

08. ~~So you're telling me there's a chance!~~ [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. ~~'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream!~~ [Airborne] Dan

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it. [Miracle] Heather

15. ~~Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.~~[Bad News Bears] Dan

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

-t

Dan Goldin Day Prep

2009-09-17T09:56:00.003-04:00

We are two months away from DGD '09 and I want to make sure everyone is ready!

For a brief history of Dan Golding Day please refer to the previous posts on this blog (here). I would direct you to Dan Goldin's wikipedia page, but the "editors" keep deleting my updates. [UPDATE - holy crap! "Dan Goldin Day" is a sub-head on the wikipedai page!]

In brief: DG got paid for, basically, not showing up for work as BU prez, and we, the students, got a day off from school for his parade, even after it was cancelled, which gave me an extra day to study for an insane math exam, which I then passed, allowing me to graduate, then get job, buy things, etc.

To celebrate, simply take the day off work, and have a drink in Dan Goldin's honor, to commemorate those times when not showing up for work works out the best for everyone involved.

This year November 17th falls on a Tuesday, so the official observation of DGD will be Monday, October 16, 2009.

For those of you who cannot take a day off, feign sickness, or call out, I recommend a long lunch instead, heavily lubricated by alcohol.

One final note on the expansion of DGD internationally, this year we expect to be celebrating not only in the DGD bastions of old (Boston MA, Milwaukee WI) and new (Philadelphia PA, Baltimore MD), but a few new American cities (Lawton OK, Seattle WA) and at least one international city (Dublin IRE).

For those readers celebrating in a town I have not mentioned above, please drop me a line in the comments and I will be sure to add your city to the DGD roster. (I'm talking to you Londoners, Kiwis, and Antartic Station researchers who love reading the blog and skipping out on work for the flimsiest of reasons.)

Happy Dan Goldin Day 2009, everyone!

-t

Eire: A Quick Recap

2009-09-16T13:58:00.003-04:00

I started typing a list. This is by no means complete. Also, there are pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures.

Everything was green. As green as the postcards, posters, pictures, brochures, stories, videos, and eye-witness accounts attest; That green.

It does rain sometimes, just not on me. The climate seems to be what I would expect Seattle to be like: overcast, ocassionally drizzly, and cool.

Also, there are cattle and sheep everywhere. Everywhere.

I think it's a shame newer, bigger roadways are being constructed across the country. You don't need new roads. You can walk it.

I hate American tourists. I have hated American tourists since my first trip abroad, and they have not grown any less loathsome as I have matured.

Everyone in Ireland knows someone in Boston, or has lived in Boston.

High Tea at the Shelbourne was awesome.

All the Irish people we met were very nice. Most had awesome accents.

Dublin is tiny. Tiny like Boston is tiny. Tiny like, I could walk across it in ten minutes.

Most tourists go to Ireland to track down relatives/ancestry/genealogical records. Irish comedians amuse themsevelves by misdirecting these people to other parts of the island.

The number of Dunkin Donuts in Boston is fewer than the number of castle ruins in Shannon, which is fewer than the number of tanning salons and "adult" toy shops on any given street in Dublin.

Guiness is cheaper than Carlsberg in Ireland. This is something that should have been obvious to me before I saw the bill.

Guiness is owned by a mulitnational beverage conglomerate, not based in Ireland. Guiness is still delicious, though.

Entirely too many Irish folks drink Budweiser, Bud Light, and, [blech] Coors Light.

Sweaters of Irish wool are exceptionally warm.

The Liffey was pretty. Don't touch it.

Public transportation is significantly cleaner, and more punctual, than the MBTA.

The US dollar is weak!

Hurling is awesome. And easier to explain than cricket. Which still makes more sense than Australian football.

Thanks a million.
-t

Dan Goldin Day On The Emerald Isle

2009-09-03T10:38:00.005-04:00

In preparation for my impending trip to the Emerald Isle I am trying to immerse myself in all things Irish, and, as the trip came together very last-minute I wasn't left the time for some long-term study or prolonged build-up of materials, instead I'm doing as much as I can as fast as I can. Like the night before an exam.

Modern technology, it turns out, is the perfect tool for this sort of high-speed, last-minute, cultural skimming.

So, I've changed my homepage from google.com to google.ie, following random twitter feeds published by anyone within two degrees of longitude of Limerick (oconlan), subscribed to a number of blogs authored by Dubliners (like Eclectic Micks) and non-Dubliners as well (culch.ie)

[Which is where I heard this cover of The Beatles Come Together which I had never heard before.]

I've also been creating new Pandora stations seeded with Irish bands, specifically The Dubliners, and The Young Dubliners, where I found this, hilarious, song:

I'm going to read the collected works of James Joyce tomorrow.

-t

Follow @Up

2009-09-02T11:58:00.000-04:00

On the other hand, there's twitter.

And different fingers.

-t

Past Glories

2009-09-02T11:53:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty sure there's a whole section of my brain devoted solely to being awesome on IM.

Consider the evidence.

I'm also convinced this part of my brain shuts down when I'm not IMing. I believe an entire quarter of my cranium has been dark since March of 2008.

*UPDATE* -- Ok, ok, ignore the above link and just jump to this comment thread, which is a better summary than I could give.

-t

How To Find Awesome Pictures Of Things

2009-08-27T09:16:00.004-04:00

I was browsing my RSS feeds, as I usually do when I get to work, and began to read this article on the isb.

Which led me here: ...

Ok, I closed the window I though had led me places, but, turns out, nothing linked to where I thought it did. It could have started anywhere along the line.

Click around online and you're bound to find an awesome picture of something. Case in point:

-t

Reason No.? (I've Lost Count)

2009-08-25T15:07:00.002-04:00

Another item for the "Reasons To Hate My Job" list:

(?) Email like this:

To: Tom, our hero
From: Another Stupid Coworker

Is there any updates regarding the below?

A bachelor's degree is a prerequisite for having this jobs. Subject/verb agreement are not one.

GAH.

-t

Big Brother Update

2009-08-20T10:17:00.000-04:00

Gmail was blocked, ages ago - and along with it, gchat - but, with google widgety things on the google homepage I could, at least, still view my inbox (the 10 most recent emails received, which is better than nothing).

Then, they blocked twitter.

Today, however, when I signed into my personalized google homepage (with Batman theme!) the gmail widget was blocked! Unbelievable.

I can't even read the subject line of the first ten emails in my inbox anymore!

And when I mentioned it to a coworker they informed me that youtube is also blocked! And not the homepage, either. Get this: You can access youtube.com and you can type a query into the search bar, and search, and view search results, but, if you click on a video to watch any of your results, BAM! BLOCKED!

due to

not kidding

"violence"

Which, maaaaybe makes sense for the NFL video the coworker was trying to watch (not really, it was Michael Vick's press conference, but it could be all NFL=violence)

it does NOT make sense for the next video he tried to pull up: THESE ADORABLE KITTENS!

which I can't embed because the access through youtube is blocked.

Google video is still available, which is why I can post this

[brief aside: Every one of the crazy protestors should have been handled in this same way. Testament to the first amendment, indeed!]

In conclusion: I fear it is only a matter of time before igoogle itself is blocked, and then, most worryingly, google reader. And after that? Who knows.

Which sucks, because this is not the economic climate I want to be in while looking for a new job.

-t

Life; Now Up-To-Date

2009-08-19T11:04:00.002-04:00

I am married. I am no longer available. I am officially off the market. (I have been unofficially off the market for quite some time, actually, but now it's legal, witnessed, real, etc).

I (we) also bought a house. At some point there will be a housewarming (probably). With grilling, of vegetables (and also meat! burgers! steak tips! chicken! etc!)

So that's (1) husband (2) homeowner

And (3) the baby should be delivered either Thursday or Friday (free two-day shiping with Amazon Prime!)

-t

PS - I am still hilarious.

Ghost Outs (Not Scary)

2009-08-05T09:36:00.000-04:00

Last night our opponents tried to issue a two-out intentional walk to the spot in our lineup before a ghost out. (ghost out: when playing with less than three female players the team will be charged an out after the last batter in the line-up in place of the missing player)

This is a bush league thing to try.

Turns out, though, strategic as it may be, it's against the rules of the league (no walk shall be issued to the batter prior to a ghost out) which we didn't know, so after the first pitch went 20 feet over his head, our guy actually jumped across the plate to hit the next pitch which was four feet outside. (grounder to third for the last out)
(Which ended the inning and meant the next inning started with the ghost out.)

But, turns out, when they tried intentionally walking him, they knew the rule about no intentional walks, and were banking on us not knowing it.

Which we didn't

Which prompted our guy to swing at an unhittable pitch

Double bush league. Bush and deceitful. These guys are assholes.

Also, the umpire didn't explain the rule until after the at bat. That I don't understand at all.

Anyway. After the intentional ghost out walk situation played out we were going into the bottom of the last inning down one run.

Ground out
Single
Fly out, no advance
Walk
Single - scored runner from second, runner from first went to third on the throw to the plate, batter took second on throw to the plate
Tie game!
Next batter, walk-off ground-rule double

We win! Suck it bush leaguers!

Woo!

Also, I was informed today that I had enough ABs to qualify for the batting title.

Which I won. I also led the team in OBP. This marks a significant improvement from my first season (and a significant improvement from my broken collarbone)

And now, depending on the outcome of another game, we may have qualified for the playoffs.

-t

Red Team!

2009-07-30T09:41:00.000-04:00

Lost the first of three make-up games on a walk-off single in the bottom of the seventh inning. It was a tough game to lose, and we need to win the next two by large margins in order to make the playoffs.

My line so far this season is a .750 average in 9 Plate Appearances (one double, one walk, for a 1.653 OPS)

Lately I've been making good solid contact, I plan on doing the same for however many games we have left.

-t

Ageism

2009-07-27T09:36:00.002-04:00

Last Friday was my birthday. I am 27 years old.

I was not served beer last night at the sushi restaurant, because when they carded me, because I ALWAYS get carded, the waitress noticed that my license had expired.

Actually, it had expired two days previous, on my birthday.

Invalid ID? No drinks for you!

Now, I ask you, what, exactly, is the problem with an ID that two days ago proved I was 27? Hmm?

Now that the license has expired I've magically reverse-aged seven years? Who am I, Brad Pitt? (That question is only semi-rhetorical, because I really am mistaken for Brad Pitt almost twice a week.)

To her credit the waitress did feel awfully bad about the policy and comped the table some iced green tea, which was very nice.

On the other hand, the bartender at the Mircale of Science did serve me beer after looking at my ID and saying "Looks like this just expired." Which is exactly how you're supposed to react.

Because an expired license isn't a magical fountain of youth. That's just not how time travel works.

-t

More Than A Mortgage

2009-07-23T10:32:00.001-04:00

House buying is going well. We are mere days away from closing, and giving away a significantly smaller percentage of my money than I thought would be necessary (100% of all my money).

Tonight we're going over to make some final measurements and to make sure that my ping pong table and couch will fit through the basement door. (Sam has still not come around to the idea of a ping pong table in the dining room)

Once we close the fixing up can begin! Upcoming changes:
(1) cut grass, trim hedges, tend garden
(2) replace the electrical service/circuit breaker
(3) rewire the kitchen
(4) buy this
(5) play this, this, and this:

And play as loud as we like.

-t

Walk Before you Run (Away From Angry Bat-Wielding Opponents)

2009-07-15T12:45:00.000-04:00

Last Tuesday I got the ok for sporting activities from my orthopedist. The collarbone has healed a full 100%.

Luckily, I received the news in time to play in that night's softball game, and would have, but didn't, because it was rained out. (You remember the rain, right? The thirty-three weeks of rain? I blame global warming)

So I had a week to prepare for the next game on the schedule and spent it rebuilding the atrophied muscle tissue and reflexes by playing wiffleball.

The rehad program worked out pretty well. I was two-for-two in last night's game, hitting a single and a double. As I slid, hard, into second base on that double, I was planning on a triple and a home run in my next two at bats to complete the cylce - but didn't get a chance to have two more at bats.

I know, I know, it was going hard into second base that got me the broken collarbone in the first place six (seven?) weeks ago. You're all rolling your eyes at the computer screen now, "Tom, you moron, you broke your other collarbone (or ankle, wrist, etc)?"

Well, no, I wasn't hurt sliding into second base. The game ended prematurely by the slaughter rule. We lost.

We lost because the other team was populated by tools. No one on their team swung the bat. Every single "hitter" went up to the plate looking for a walk. And the umpire was happy to give it to them.

In a typical softball game, when you step up to the plate, you SWING THE BAT and, in a typical softball game, if you're not swinging, the umpire will drastically expand the strike zone to entice you to start swinging.

This umpire did not do that. Which suited this D-league, Co-ed Softball team just fine. Billy Beane would have been proud. Except he wouldn't, because IT'S SOFTBALL! HIT THE GD PITCH, ALREADY.

These guys would take five and six straight pitches. They would only swing with two called strikes on them, prefectly happy to take a walk. It was shameful.

Also, because this is D-league Co-ed softball there are stupid girl rules, in particular this one:

"10.1 The league will adhere to the ASA rule regarding walking a male batter when a female batter is on deck. When a male batter is walked with a female batter on deck, the male batter will be awarded second base." List of ~~stupid~~ Rules

I'd like to scan in the scorecard from the game so you could see exactly how many walks were issued, but I won't, because it will upset me.

I will point out that twice, TWICE, during the game their clean-up hitter, CLEAN-UP HITTER chose to walk because he was followed by a female in the batting order.

THEIR FOUR HITTER WILLINGLY TOOK A TWO-BASE WALK TWICE.

And this is after their team was up by 8 or nine runs. SWING THE FREAKING BAT!

Our entire team was beside themselves. Outfielders were falling asleep. The shortened, five-inning game featured 9 walks.

NINE!

Our team, in an entire season last year, received two (2) walks. Both intentional, both because the opposing team chose not to pitch to our slugger with first base open.

Also, it would have been three intentional walks on the season, except once our guy Mike chose to swing at one of the intentional balls, and he hit it for a double. WHICH IS HOW YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO PLAY SOFTBALL.

I drew up some new rules for the league. I am emailing them to the league president. I do not expect a reply.

Proposal of Boston West Co-ed rule changes, regarding walks:
(1) Base on Balls will be abolished
(2) Only Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed. The pitcher's intent to walk the batter must be announced by the pitcher and acknowledged by the umpire before the first pitch of the at-bat is thrown. A maximum of ONE Intentional Base on Balls will be allowed per team, per game.
(3) Any player issued an Intentional Base on Balls, if he or she is batting before a female player, shall be awarded two bases (as the current BB rule is written)
(4) A strike will be called on any batter who takes three consecutive pitches (except for an IBB)
(5) The batting team may request a new pitcher if the current pitcher throws more than 10 consecutive pitches that are outside the called strike zone.

Also up for consideration:
-Heckling an umpire who refuses to expand the strike zone after a team has demonstrated a willingness to reach base via walk will be encouraged.
-There will be no penalty for a pitcher who plunks any batter who refuses to swing the bat.
-Any batter who is too picky will be called out after six pitches (called balls or strikes)...unless there are two outs.

Any other changes you'd can think of?

-t

Alexander Graham Bell Deserves A Punch In The Nose

2009-07-14T10:47:00.002-04:00

I get twenty to thirty phone calls a day, our phone system tracks all incoming and (most) outgoing calls.

There's a little "Call Log" button on my phone that will bring up either the Incoming or Outgoing list, which makes returning a missed call easy, no memorizing extensions, or laboriously typing names into the phone's directory via number pad

--Outgoing Call Log side rant: Any outside number or internal extension dialed from the number pad is recorded in the outgoing call log. Calling your bookie? Number's saved in the phone. Calling the team leader for help? Saved in the phone. BUT the numbers dialed from the directory service are NOT saved. It goes something like this:

"I need to call Leroy Jenkins, but I don't know his extension. I will look it up."

Press [Directory], Press [5][3][6][5][4][6][7], Select "Jenkins," Select "Call." Talk to Leroy, hang up.

Then, remember one more thing you need to ask Leroy, hit [Call Log][Outgoing] and then stare dumbly as you realize his number is not on the outgoing log.

This might be a handy feature if you're a spy and you're trying to hide people you're talking to. If you place every call through the directory your Outgoing Call Log will be entirely blank!

This is NOT handy when you need to call Leroy back for a quick check on a trade detail and you have to type his ENTIRE NAME into the directory, AGAIN. End rant.--

So, of the thirty or so calls made and received every day invariably when I check my Incoming Call Log, invariably, the most recent call is from Buddy.

Buddy who seems incapable of executing any decision on his own, ever.

I get three phone calls from Buddy for every one call from someone who is not Buddy. My incoming call list looks like this:

BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
CARL
BUDDY
BUDDY
BUDDY
SAM
BUDDY
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY
TIM
BUDDY

[Ring] "Hey, I was just going to book that trade you told me to book...is that ok?"

[Ring Ring] "I just sent you an email"

[Ring] "The pricing team asked me to forward them an email...should I go ahead and do that?"

I am not exaggerating. These are conversations that actually happen.

Once-in-a-while he'll walk over to my desk, rather than use the phone, but only for really important matters, like

"Pricing team just called. They said that they were going to email me a possible cash break and that I should ask the cash team to take a look at it...Ok?"

OK!? I know that I sometimes show a lack of initiative, but Buddy is achieving new lows in don'-t-it-yourself-ism.

Yes, you can send a cash break to the cash team! You have my permission! To do your job! Gah!

-t

On Improving The Allstar Game

2009-07-09T10:31:00.003-04:00

Some quick thoughts on changes to the MLB Mid-Summer Classic

Belly-Itchers - I've mentioned this here before: Don't let All-Star pitchers pitch, it's boring. Sure, Halladay striking out five of six batters is a demonstration of talent, filthiness, or further proof that he is the dominant right-hander of his generation, but, as Glavine and Maddux put it, "Chicks dig the long ball"

So, instead of Greinke, Halladay, Santana, Marquis, etc, the game should be thrown by middle-of-the-road relievers: the Farnesworths, the Julian Tavarezes, and back-of-the-rotation starters: Wang, Matsuzaka, Willis.

Poorer pitching means more hitting which also means more defense, and who doesn't like defense? Instead of one or two good looking double plays, we'll get dozens of sprinting dives, bare-handed grabs, near-collisions, and daring stabs at liners in the hole.

School-yard Pick-em - Plunk Everyone has the run down on this. Basically, fans vote, as they do now, but the leading vote-getter from each league becomes the captain of their squad and picks from the rest of the all stars, from both leagues. There should be a special award for the all-star picked last.

Home Run Catching Contest - This might need to be moved off-venue, but I would love to see a 600-foot outfield fence for the Home Run Derby patrolled by All Star outfielders. Any hitter that gets it past the 410 mark gets credit for a home run, but, if Ellsbury or Ichiro or Hunter can track it down and catch it, they win $500 (or something, incentivize it anyway you want, I'd just love to see these guys be awesome when they don't have to worry about running into a fence at full-tilt.

Wiffle-Ball! - Make the AL and NL pitching staffs play each other in a wiffleball game before the HR derby. This is brilliant. They can use the short fence from the celebrity softball game. Imagine seeing major leaguers make a wiffleball dance? Alternately, if you're worried throwing a 3 oz. plastic ball will screw up their mechanics, they won't pitch, just hit and field. We'll have a couple position players pitch. Swisher, Kapler, Lowell. In fact, if a position player has been called in to pitch at any point in the first half, they get an automatic pass to the All-Star Pitchers' Wiffleball game.

Other ideas? Make them hit with old school bats that weigh forty pounds like Ruth and Mantle did? Pull a fan randomly from the seats to manage the bullpen or draw up the batting order? Play with tennis balls and plastic bats? Everyone plays the game with their glove on the wrong hand! Others?
-t

Good Times MP Pick Me Up

2009-07-08T09:56:00.002-04:00

Marcy Playground has just released a new album. It is my duty, as an unapologetic fan, to make you aware of this new album, encourage you to buy it, and provide this embeded youtube clip of a live performance of one of my favorite songs from the CD:

check the rest at wozmusic or marcyplayground.com

This is all I'm going to be doing today. Meetings be damned.

-t

A Short List

2009-06-22T14:28:00.005-04:00

Things I'm thinking about putting in my new house

Professional Grade Ping Pong Table -
This table will be kept in the secure, concrete-lined basement, as required by law
[see Utah State Nuclear Waste Disposal Survey addendum (j)ping pong related containment recommendations], in order to conatain the ping-pong-awesomeness.

Bookshelf Stairs -
Form + Function = Fantastic Staircase in this shelf-turned-ascender, or one like it, that I'll custom build to hold literary treasures

Secret Passage -
Of course, to hold treasures of the literal,not literary, variety, I'll need a secure, secret space, so I'll be building some type of secret passage or hidden room.

Musical Instrument - And, I'll need some way to trip the hidden mechanism to allow access to the secret lair, and why not use what Batman uses: A dissonant piano chord! I may ditch the grand piano for something a little different, though...

Aaaand...something for the lawn...-

-t

My Enemies Will Call Them Feathered Furies

2009-06-11T09:48:00.002-04:00

Ok, I've found a new helmet for my jet-pack minions. Future minions, are you paying attention? You may qualify (after an arduous and terrifying examination of both your physical and mental toughness) to be a jet-pack trooper (which means you get A JET-PACK) and this badass mask:

Same designer as the old mask/helmet, but way more awesome and theatrical.

Also, I will probably equip a few of my whiny lackeys with jet-packs for coffee runs and small errands for this same reason:

-t

PS -My enemies probably won't call them "feathered furies" cool though that might sound...they probably won't call them anything because they'll be too busy screaming in terror.

Big News!

2009-06-03T12:11:00.001-04:00

My collarbone is mostly healed. (roughly 67% now).

Still no sporting activities, until it's completely healed, but then, it's like you'll never know it was broken, except for the giant hideous lump.

Oh, also, I'd like to apologize for disappointing the residents of Tempe, Arizona, I will not being moving out to your desert community anytime soon, as our realtor just called to inform us that the sellers have agreed to our offer on a house here in the great Northeast.

But don't despair overmuch, Tempe, you're still in the top three retirement cities. Thirty-years isn't too long to wait.

-t

Two-weeks Healed

2009-05-26T11:17:00.001-04:00

Mini blog update: I'm still in the sling, and typing is still a chore, but, hopefully, it will come off tomorrow. Then I can go back to not-posting with two hands.

-t

2009-05-20T15:12:00.002-04:00

This 11 points blog is a great read. Frying turkeys, movies reviews, fun facts, you name it...and quotes like this:

Once you open someone's eyes to a food orgy, they can never un-see it...

-t

Softball & Injury Update

2009-05-15T12:09:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the delay, I've been typing since Wednesday morning, left-handed, because my right arm is out of commission.

The game started off strong. we were smoking the other team (who couldn't hit at all) and I'd made a few good stops in the field (and one put out on a kid going second to third which turned a routine 6-3 ground ball into a 6-3-5 DP. Bad base running).

Anyway in my first at bat I tried stretching a single into a double after a bobble in the outfield, git beat to the bag by the throw (a good three feet), and tried jumping over the tag, which, if it had worked would have put me in short center field, where I would have been out anyway, but I never made it, because their shortstop, an ogre of a kid swung the tag around at hip-height, taking out both my legs, up-ending me in the process, and sending me, shoulder-first, into the hard-as-concrete-painted-like-dirt infield.

I lost my glasses, and couldn't move my right arm. Took one pitch the next inning at first base (soft liner, right to me), then walked off the field, unable to throw, or hold a bat, or even lift my right arm.

I drove myself back, fearing a dislocated shoulder (not the injury as much as the repair), and went to the hospital.

x-rays revealed a distal clavicular fracture. No sports activities for 4-6 weeks. arm in a sling for at least two.

Hence, the left-handed typing.

-t

Not A Superfan

2009-05-04T10:39:00.004-04:00

I didn't know this bit of Star Wars trivia.

Apparently, today is Star Wars day. Which, fine, ok, whatever.

BUT

Do you know why TODAY is Star Wars day?

Because it's 5/4 and people can say "MAY the FOURTH be with you"

which is probably the worst thing I have ever heard....ever.

-t

Back-of-the-Napkin

2009-05-01T12:31:00.003-04:00

A quick back of the napkin calculation (arrived after researching Half & Half varieties, and seeing the Jesus Shuttlesworth variant)

Ray Allen trails Reggie Miller by just over 260 three-pointers for the all time NBA record.

Ray Allen nets almost 40% of the threes he takes (career 0.398).

Which means, to make 260 three-pointers he needs to attempt 650.

Ray Allen averages 6.1 3-pt attempts per game, which means

He'll need to play 108 more games to break Reggie Miller's all time three-point scoring record.

(assuming, of course 3PA, 3P%, etc remain the same).

Allen has averaged 62 games per season over his career, though three seasons were shortened significantly by injury. I expect 70-75 games is closer to normal, and with that assumption, Ray needs to play one and one-half seasons to hold the record free and clear.

Which is half a season longer than his contract with the Celtics. Here's hoping he can stick around.

-t

(stats from basketball-reference

The Red Team

2009-04-30T09:04:00.000-04:00

First softball game of the season has come and gone. Good news: we won!

We took the lead in the top of the first inning and held it the entire game, winning by a final score of 19-11.

Your author flied out to right field in the first at bat (not knowing his own strenghth, he was just trying to pop one over the first baseman, and instead hit it 200 feet right at their right fielder), then, determined to get on base in the second plate appearance waited for a really good pitch to hit, didn't get one, and walked on five pitches. In the last at bat with runners on first and second he grounded into a fielder's choice (5U, safe at first).

In the field, though, the spectacular defensive prowess was unchanged, save for a fast groundball between first and second that your author didn't even make an attempt at catching.

But, three good picks for force outs saved a few runs over the course of the game.

AVG: 0.000
OBP: 0.333
SLG: 0.000
OPS: 0.333

Hopefully I'll get my average up to...positive numbers, soon.

-t

Inspired

2009-04-29T10:13:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Tyler for the link.

That tree flair is unbelievable.

-t

Watching

2009-04-28T14:02:00.001-04:00

I've received numerous (one) complaints regarding the previous post.
Calling the post lazy, boring, tedious, un-original, and slap-dash I have been instructed by multiple readers (two) to post something else "for the love of all that is holy I can't take that accordian anymore!")

So, to honor their request to knock the youtube accordian post off the top of the page, I'm replacing it with the following youtube videos which are, by turns, awesome, hilarious, enlightening, trivial, and watchable.

First up, for the history buffs! Winston Churchill's Great Declaration speech (re-mixed, what!?)

Next! More history! Martin Luther King Jr. and I Have A Dream (re-mix)

There are a bunch of these, including remixing cable pundits and the 2008 presidential and vice presidential debates.

Blame Mental Floss for turning me on to these guys. And for those anit-youtubers out there, take heart. My next post will probably not contain video.

Mostly.

-t

Majorly FugueD

2009-04-23T09:50:00.001-04:00

I love this piece of music (usually played on an organ). Kudos to Neatorama for finding the clip:

I've listened to it four times already this morning.
Check out the finger work @ 5:40

-t

Over Overtime

2009-04-21T11:08:00.004-04:00

-photo by Marcin Wichary

I've just received, through three layers of managerial strata, (three strata of management? managerial strata? Is layers of strata redundant?) a policy directive.

Please make sure you are taking and putting in for 30-45 minute lunch breaks. Our workday is scheduled to start at 9AM and salaries are based on a 36.25 hour work week (9AM-5PM, 45 minute lunch). Please make sure you take the allotted time for lunch. We've seen slower than usual trade volume, and overtime is something that is being closely scrutinized.

This was, by the way, received via Blind Carbon Copy (pop quiz: who thought the acronym for "carbon copy" would persist through the electronic age? bonus Al Gore joke: How is Al Gore using e-mail to save the planet?*)

So, receiving the memo via bcc I can assume a few things:
(1) I am not the only recipient
(2) I am not allowed to know the other recipients
(3) The other recipients are not to know me

Rhetorical question: If you had just been passed a note and were aware of the preceding statements regarding that note, would you, or would you not, conclude that you were involved in a criminal conspiracy?

YOU WOULD.

Or, at the very least, an international spy ring operating in enemy territory (everybody wave to the Chinese hackers who are right now copying blogger's source code).

You would not, in all probability, conclude that you were a valued member of a TEAM of PROFESSIONALS built to COOPERATE.

So, to...honor... this request, sent by some anonymous supervisor somewhere up the corporate ladder, and carefully stripped of all details of origin, I will (I know, I know, you're shocked) take a thirty-minute lunch break everyday.

I may take my book and head out to the park to read. I may wander around the city and enjoy the sunshine (or rain, as the case may be). I may sit at my desk staring blankly at my computer screen, catatonic.

Or, I might just take my lunch break at 4:30PM.

I haven't decided.
-t

2009-04-17T11:29:00.001-04:00

This is a test txt post. This is only a test. There should also have been a cool picture of a robot...but that's not going to happen.

Global Domination: Patrol and Descent

2009-04-13T12:17:00.003-04:00

Science hasn't been keeping up with my plans for global domination, but, to keep all you minions in the loop, I've decided to post a few items I'm planning on incorporating into the design of my evil legions.

1. Armored Patrol Units

These exo-cycles will be outfitted with armor and offensive weaponry to patrol the exterior of my compound, jaywalkers beware.

2. Stairs

I'm also going to install these between each floor of my command center. Possibly in chrome (except in my personal apartment, it will be environmentally-friendly renewable wood.

-t

Patronizing

2009-04-07T12:40:00.001-04:00

I need a hobby, some outlet for my creative impulses.

Naturally, these impulses only hit me when I'm stuck at work, stuck without access to paint, sculpting clay, metal-working equipment, or any physical medium except Bic ink and white copy paper.

Which, as far as it goes, can still be transformed into art, but it usually takes more time, concentration, and studio space than I have the ability to devote since I am, still, stuck at work.

Lately I've been following a number of vinyl toy customizers on Twitter (like, squink, reactor88, and crisr). Naturally my inclination is to now get into the vinyl toy-modding scene. It probably wouldn't take up much room, there are plenty of nice, simple templates to work from, and the community is very vocal and supportive of one another.

It's also a great little outsider-art community because it hasn't been around long enough (hello, painting) to accumulate centuries of entitlement or exclusivity (there are no international universities dedicated to customizing Dunnies).

In lieu of a paint-covered workspace, then, I'm sitting in a cubicle with access to four colors of ink (three I brought from home), no time to explore artistic inspiration (when it strikes), and, worst(?), no way to exhibit the little I do doodle.

I don't have easy access to a scanner, and carting a week's worth of scrap paper scrawling home and digitizing each one has proved too laborious for my laziness to handle. So, no sketch blogs (one, two, three) either.

I'm not saying what I've accomplished (or what I haven't, actually) or what I could accomplish would necessarily be "high art" or even "average height art" (though my tastes don't run toward "low art") I'm only bemoaning the set of circumstances which prevent me from exploration and production of something I could be proud of.

So I'm stuck writing. Writing blog posts, actually. I still don't have the time to construct anything along a narrative arc, no story-telling beyond anecdotes.

Alas, not producing art pays the bills. Stupid Pilgrims.

-t

To Sleep, Percha-FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

2009-04-01T11:35:00.005-04:00

The high-pitch wailing of the smoke alarm woke me from the first good night's slumber I'd been in the process of having in a good long while.

It was 3:39AM

The battery in the smoke alarm had, apparently, died, and the smoke alarm, lashing out blindly (deafeningly) for vengeance, blared its squealing peal to wake the dead and dead asleep alike.

I awoke completely stupored, baffled as to the source of what I am kindly describing as noise. The cellphone? No. The alarm clock? No. Auditory hallucination...mmmm...maybe? But, no.

I roused myself as best I could given the circumstances (it normally would take a few hours of wakefulness and a cup or two of coffee before I would willingly step into battle with such a sound), stumbled to the light switch and then stood, neck craned upward, eyelids still drooping heavily, contemplating this well-illuminated rest-ruining screaming plastic banshee.

The smoke alarm was just within the reach of my outstretched arms which I had raised in the hopes of striking at the smoke alarm's battery compartment, its power source, its brain. And strike it I did, with gusto, ripping the rectangular nine-volt battery from its cradle with a gleeful smile on my face, anticipatory joy for the return to slumber I expected.

Erroneously expected, that is. For, as I ripped the battery from this monstrosity of sound, this wailing warning signal, no relief was granted, no, instead, an echo began, released from the alarm's brethren, spread throughout the house, sensing a fellow cacophonous compatriot in dire straights, a call to aid (and ears) was sounded to alert any alarm in the vicinity, or indeed, any sonic sympathizers within range, of the horror ongoing now, at 3:45AM.

The battery, the battery was not enough. No, to slay this siren, now keening its final appeals, there must be another power source found and disabled, or else, its desire for a new battery appeased, before sleep would be granted.

And so I set to work, amid its klaxon clamor, to pry the offender from its ceiling perch, and pry again, the ties that bound the thing to call, its lifeline, the wailer's wire.

Once freed, it died, the soundless source at last, empty, silent, yet whole. A quarter hour more, it would have snapped. Instead, a sort of victory for sleep, interrupted though it was by this nonsense nocturnal notice its signal sounded last at 4:00AM

And heaven help the alarm clock this morning. I'm sleeping with a hammer under the pillow.

-t

Al Gore Ruined The Economy...On Purpose

2009-03-23T10:01:00.002-04:00

Al Gore ruined the economy! It was his master plan all along! The Oscar-winning documentary was just a distraction!

When the economy slows down, two things happen. First, less carbon is emitted. Nobody likes to say this in polite company, but a global economic near-depression is probably the single best "program" one could imagine for curtailing carbon emissions. Vehicle miles traveled are down in the United States in spite of significantly cheaper gas prices; industrial production has slowed; China and India are not increasing their carbon usage as fast as anticipated. (link)

Al Gore is a genius.

I'd still vote him into office even now, after he's tipped his hand on his ultimate plan for the economy:

The first rule about cap-and-tax laws is you do not talk about cap-and-tax laws in an election year!

-t

Firewalled Again!

2009-03-19T10:41:00.000-04:00

I caught an early train this morning so I would have plenty of time before work to review the teams competing in the NCAA tournament and then submit my bracket on espn.com.

So, at 8:45AM I started filling in the regions, (staying away from upsets) (I've got 3 1-seeds and a 2-seed in the finals)) and was ready to submit by 9:00AM.

I clicked "submit" AND THE CONFIRMATION PAGE WAS BLOCKED!

Kudos, I guess, to the IT department, for stringing me along for the entire deliberatory process only to shove the firewall in my face when I tried to make it official.

I will not, therefore, be participating in the espn bracket challenge, but I'll try to keep updates posted somewhere online.

Also, while we're talking about a firewall, can anyone offer an explanation why myspace, and facebook are blocked under the "dating and personals" rule but craigslist personals are freely available?

I can't check out pictures from my nephew's 1st St. Patrick's day on facebook, but I can pull this up in a full-screen browser (nsfw (my whole point, obv).

Corporate America, where Brackets are off limits, but Boobs are ok.

-t

Skip This Track

2009-03-16T13:49:00.001-04:00

Pandora has ruined my iPod.

Not in any real tangible way, mind you, Pandora didn't up and jack my charger in the wrong way round, or induce a chemical reaction in the battery, but I can't skip songs anymore.

I mean, I can skip songs, I have the ability, the skip button still functions, but now, every time I reach over to jump past a song I don't care for this message flashes before my eyes, and my hand freezes:

Unfortunately our music licenses force us to limit the number of songs you may skip each hour. If you want to hear something else, try creating another station starting with a different artist or song.

Gah! I've been conditioned to listen to sub-par songs since Pandora is going to lock up anyway.

I've had to remind myself three times in the last hour alone that I'm listening to MY music on MY iPod and I can skip WHENEVER I WANT.

Stupid Pilgrims.

-t

Access Denied (Web-Based-Email)

2009-03-11T09:37:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I sit at work and daydream about what it would be like to have a job that allows unfettered access to the internet. Then I start pricing Android phones.

-t

Nerd Alert!

2009-03-06T11:35:00.001-05:00

To: tom@work
From: Sam@home

Is it wrong that I just entered a sweepstakes to go to the premiere of the new Star Trek movie? And if so, is it more wrong that I referred you and 4 of my other friends to enter so that I would get an extra 5 entries into the contest?

woot star trek!
~Sam

What's the Klingon for "nerd?" Oh, nevermind, I'll just ask Sam...

-t

References

2009-03-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

Still trying to narrow down the list of DJs for the big event. I went to craigslist to find someone local (and cheap). Here is one of the exchanges:

To: djmikey@djing.com
Subject: RE: Availability for 8/15/2009

Mike,

I hope you're still available for the 15th. I'm still trying to decide between a couple different DJs. Can you provide any references or testimonials from some of your clients?

Thanks,
Tom

To: tom@work
Subject: RE: Availability for 8/15/2009

hi tom.

here are a few comments people have made.

Mike did a fabulous job at our wedding reception! We got many compliments on him and will definitely recommend him to anyone looking for a DJ. Thank you so much!
Sheri-ann
Ipswich, MA

Michael was amazing! The dance floor was packed all night and we got so many compliments on the music and how fun the wedding was. Michael was certainly the major player in creating the amazing atmosphere that night and for that we are truly thankful!
Natalie
Mendon, MA

hope these are what you are looking for.

call anytime

michael

And, not for nothing, but I'm pretty sure Mendon, MA is a made-up town name.

-t

A The Funniest List About Comedians Ever

2009-03-04T13:44:00.007-05:00

The Big Lead took a shot at a top ten comedy list over the last 20 years and missed badly. You can find their list and justifications by following this link, but a much better list (complied by yours, truly) is below.

(I, of course, welcome your critique and comments)

(Also, this is, I realize belatedly, restricted to American (check - North American) personalities, and will remain so, simply because I don't have the exposure (or langauges) necessary to rate European, Asian, African, Australian, or South American comics (plus, a lot of their material is messed up anyway)

(Also, as I wasn't comfortable throwing everybody into the same list I've recated categories, Oscar-style, which helped)

Variety/Sketch Comedians
John Steward slash The Daily Show writers
Stephen Colbert slash The Colbert Report writers
Tina Fey
David Letterman

Television Comedians
Matt Stone and Trey Parker
Steve Carrell (also nominated in the "bravest comedian" category)

Stand-up Comedians
Chris Rock
Jerry Seinfeld
Ellen DeGeneres
Stephen Wright
Nick Swardson

Megan Mooney (hon mention)
Jim Gaffigan (hon mention)

Movie:
Ethan and Joel Cohen
George Clooney (hon mention)

Omitted: The Arrested Development guys, Dimitri Martin (he's got time), Dave Chapelle (didn't crack the top three in his category), Will Ferrell (snub), Sandler, Myers,

Basically, if at any point I thought you had "the funniest show on television" you're on the list.

Bonus link Funniest Bit Ever

-t

Jindal the NBC Page

2009-02-25T09:35:00.004-05:00

For those of you, like me, who spent last night, not studiously listening to President Obama's speech and the GOP response by Govenor Jindal, but partying for Fat Tuesday and gorging on all those things you'll be giving up for Lent (Call of Duty) I'm here to inform you that you missed the Next Big Thing and you should be prepared to log on to Facebook immediately after reading this entry so you too can join a group and be on the cutting edge of this phenomenon:

Gov. Bobby Jindal is Kenneth the NBC page.

The Huffington Post has been kind enough to post comparative videos. You can really start to hear in in Jindal's story about his grandfather, just after the 1:20 mark.

Golly!

Who is this better for, and when can we expect Kenneth to host SNL by playing Jindal in the opening sketch?

-t

Don't Bring A Licorice Whip To A Knife Fight

2009-02-19T12:43:00.002-05:00

These rules for gunfighting (from kottke) are hilarious and awesome.

My favorite is #10, hands down:

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

But there are lots of other good tips, like "The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get."

I've amended some of the rules for application to a number of other activities.

Pillowfight:
1. Forget about pajamas, sheets, and blankets. Bring a pillow. Preferably, bring at least two pillows. Bring all of your friends who have pillows. Bring four times the pillows you think you could ever need.

Eating Contest:
8. If you are not chewing, you should be swallowing, communicating, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the sea gulls, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Hot Dog," "Ketchup" or "Worchestire?"

Porn Shoot:
6. If you can choose what to bring to a porn shoot, bring a semi or full-automatic long "gun" and a friend with a long "gun."

Raptor attack:
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't. Also watch their teeth. Teeth kill. Also, razor sharp foot claws kill.

Staring Contest:
26. Practice staring in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc.

27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about staring at another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature.

Living with OCD:
2. Anything worth cleaning is worth cleaning twice. Disinfectant is cheap - life is expensive. If you clean inside, a mop and bucket is your friend. Pine-Sol is cheap - funerals are expensive.

Spelling Bee:
24. Do not attend a spelling bee with a word in common usage, the number of syllables of which is not anything smaller than "4".

Making Out:
9. Accuracy is relative: most make out standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the tongue.

Debate:
3. The only thing worse than a drawl is a slow drawl.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of grammar, sentence structure, or speech impediments. They will only remember who lived.

Small Business Management:
25. Use a employee that works EVERY TIME. At a practice session, throw you employee into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later.

Bodyguard Carrying Contest:
16. Don't drop your guard.

Parent-Teacher Meeting:
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you.

Any other suggestions for the gunfighting rules?

-t

Dumpster Diving

2009-02-18T12:19:00.002-05:00

I'm reneging on my promise to stop complaining. I've got to rant, that's the whole reason this blog is here in the first place! To wit:

I've been assigned to the month end audit review team. This is not an enviable assignment, it is, in fact, an unenviable one. The audit review team's task, simply, is to review every single break across all aspects of each of the funds before the actual audit team performs their review.

This is exactly like tidying up before the maid comes to clean your apartment; except the funds aren't so much your apartment as they are the squalid dumpster in the alley behind your building.

It went down like this:
[ring, ring]
Hello, this is Tom
Will you be the contact for the audit team?
No
Well, you have to. And you're good at it. So you have to - the meeting's at two.
[click]

L-A-M-E.

Of course I'm good at it. I'm good at a lot of things. Mr. Clean is good at cleaning I doubt even he'd get excited about that back alley dumpster. Ability does not equal affinity.

I have been compelled into similar projects in the past. I have always resolved breaks at an above average rate. I have yet to see any substantial career gain.

And, since the economic meltdown has necessitated a salary and promotion freeze, I know for certain that the best possible outcome will be a hearty pat on the back from my immediate supervisor.

If I'm going to come out the other side of this being paid the same, having gained zero recognition within the firm, having moved not at all up the ladder, and, if it's all the same to you, I'd much rather spend the next month doing exactly what I've been doing which will net the same effect and avoid the entire back alley altogether.

Right?

-t

See Things As They Are And Ask Why

2009-02-05T12:10:00.002-05:00

I have a cold. As instructed by the best folk remedy, I am feeding it (mostly coffee). To distract myself from the sinus headache I am reading funny things online, like

This hilarious exchange.

Update: the link seems to be timing out, here's the google cache

Two observations: (1) I love science, and (2) Parenting is probably the most fun thing to do ever.

-t

Hard Times At Ridgemont High

2009-02-04T14:26:00.001-05:00

Even though my company stayed well away from the short-selling mortgage-backed system-wide bankruptcy we are still feeling the pinch.

While our capital and market holdings are safe, our projected income for the next few years is going to dwindle as more and more of our clients are affected. So they have instituted a number of cutbacks in order to save some money during these lean times, like:

(a) no pay raises until further notice
(b) no bonuses for 2009
(c) all printers have been reset to default to two-sided printing, cutting our paper consumption in half (this deserves its own mini-post)

But, solid as our savings and planning may be, some folks are still getting clipped, like Roberto, a supervisor on the other side of the floor. He got the axe yesterday afternoon after chronically poor performance reviews (as told by a gossiping manager, "a habitual under-performer").

He was fired yesterday afternoon because he rolled in at eleven and missed the 9AM meeting they'd called to fire him.

Firings during a recession wouldn't surprise anyone, someone up and quitting with no notice will come as a surprise.

No. Not me. I know you were all thinking that. I may love quitting, but I'm not crazy enough to quit with zero prospects in a tanking financial climate.

There was, however, someone that crazy on the night shift!

So we were called into an emergency meeting Monday and told that an irate employee quit the night team with no notice that day and they needed a volunteer to replace him for the next five weeks.

So I volunteered, it might make a nice change of pace.

Unfortunately, they haven't told me yet if I'm going to get it. There may be other volunteers, availability may be an issue, etc. I was supposed to find out yesterday afternoon (this is an emergency fill-in, after all), but, nothing.

Until this morning a girl from the cash team shows up, out of the blue, and sits down with one of our trade guys to "train" on the trade system.

Indications point to me not getting the night shift gig.

Which is a shame, new hours (11PM-7AM), an interesting new sleep schedule (maybe 8AM-12PM, 6PM-8PM?), a new team (full of transplanted Dubliners ready for befriending), and an excuse to drink at seven-thirty in the morning ("a hell of a day at work").

It would have been only for the next five weeks, so I'd get back to regular hours before getting the insomnia-induced madness ("Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness, or I'm drunk, or I ate too much candy!"). Or, if I flourished, I could request a permanent move to nocturnal hours (like Batman).

But now, like a Superbowl victory, it looks like it's not in the cards.

-t

P.S. to those of you looking for references to Fast Times At Ridgemont High, as indicated by the headline, there aren't any, I've never seen it, and therefore have no jokes.

Just BE-CAUSE

2009-01-30T10:54:00.002-05:00

When I was in fourth grade I decided to speak more intelligently. I had noticed that speaking in a Boston accent can sometimes make a person seem stupid. Un-educated.

So, from that realization, through high school and some of college, I did my best to minimize the soft r's and enunciate.

After graduation, however, I began falling back into the old speech patterns. I didn't give it much thought.

Until today, when I heard myself give an explanation for a trade variance that began with "cuz" instead of "because" - it wasn't even an abbreviated because ('cause), it was chopped all the way down to a "word" almost phonetically indistinguishable from "cud" (ew)! This is a place of business! Finance! Learned men and women think here! WE DO NOT WORK IN A BARN! And I thought to myself, "I sound like a jackass. Knock it off."

So I will. No more saying "cuz." or "S'an-thing" instead of "Is there anything." I'm sure there are more. It's disheartening, sometimes, but no longer...

ELOQUENCE IS BACK

-t

Zur!

2009-01-29T12:22:00.001-05:00

txting has become very important to me since I purchased a phone with QWERTY keypad. Quickly punching out respond-at-your-lesiure mobile-to-mobile queries is more valuable to me than email, IM, or voice.

No need to worry about interrupting someone with a voice call while they are earnestly trying to do something important (writing a blog post?); You don't have to worry about Ms Manners' email protocol, signatures, auto-inserts, or subject lines; and you don't need to worry about your recipient being "online" the txt hovers in the ether until they power up their phone.

No down side! Plus, they can't block it at work! (unlike gmail, AIM, facebook, etc etc)

And, if you're still stuck on a standard 1-9 alphabet layout T-9 txt entry can provide hilarious suggestions for your slang, in-jokes, and uncommon grammar.

I realize that, in the past, I may have belittled txting (I seem to remember a post written specifically to rail against the word "txting") but I'm writing now to let you all know that I have come around:

I <3 txting.

-t

Conservation of Caffeine

2009-01-27T10:33:00.003-05:00

I'm switching up from regular coffee to espresso-based drinks. I need the caffeine.

I don't plan on frequenting Starbucks, the waiting is interminable (and so are the customers!) and the prices are way too high.

I hope Dunkin' Donuts does a good latte.

The only other option, I think, is to get an ultra-caffeinated coffee option.

Where does the caffeine removed from de-caf go? Can't we find a way to re-insert that stimulant into the process? Is it just lost? Gone forever?

I'm going to apply for a grant from the NSF for the further study of my Law of Conservation of Caffeine. Like the Angular Momentum, or Energy, but for coffee. I imagine this will have some far-reaching ramifications.

De-caf, regular, Hi-caf coffees.

How much prize money comes with the Nobel Award?
-t

Last Complaint For A While

2009-01-26T13:22:00.001-05:00

I've been bored out of my mind for six months, at least.

You would think six months of boredom would resolve itself into imaginative blog posts. Lots of them. It's certainly what I would expect.

Unfortunately, for you, readers, this isn't your typical "There's nothing to doooo, I'm booooored" boredom. Instead it is the boredom associated with seemingly endless busy work.

I am responsible for completing activities that require little to no though at all, leaving my mind free to wander, and my typing fingers shackled to the keyboard. Forever.

Even my vaunted efficiency is no help, as there really is no end in sight.

Formerly (you remember hypermanager, and the stupid kid, right?), my days would start with an avalanche of busy work, an hour break near lunchtime, another hour of work, then nothing to do until quitting time. This left ample opportunities to consider, compose, and creatively format entries.

Later, I spent some time doing zero work for eight hours a day and getting paid. That was too much to take.

And now I don't have one minute's peace for eight hours a day, five days a week. Plenty of space in the cerebellum for imagination, wrestling of weighty social issues, hilarious puns; no time for typing.

These ideas, topics, without an outlet, bounce around in my brain, jumble, until they are no longer recognizable. The consequence, for you, is there is never anything new here.

However, I was recently asked what vice I would be giving up for Lent (a Catholic season of spiritual preparation for the celebratin of the Easter holiday), and have just decided to give up: whining.

In addition to giving up something negative, or self-indulgent, for Lent, it is also encouraged, to do more of something positive.

So I'm also going to post more. Maybe even every day.

Here's hoping practice improves my style.

-t

Hakcers! Help!

2009-01-19T13:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Internet,

I would like to leverage your collective intelligence/experience/deviousness to solve a problem:

The kid that sits behind me plays (sucky) pandora music all day through his computer speakers. I would like to disable the speakers without disabling playback through the headphone jack (so disabling the soundcard is out)

Any ideas? Any command line code I can input when he gets up for a glass of water?

Ideally something that won't be a trivial fix for him, (so "mute all" is out)

Thanks, Internet!

-t

PS someday I will learn to speak a language more advanced that html (which, is probably not a language anyway, and almost certainly not rigorous)

Reading

2009-01-17T00:13:00.003-05:00

John's response to an entirely ordinary email:

Driuuuuuuuunbk can't readf thid omg

Sent via BlackBerry from ~~T-Mobile~~ A BAR.

-t

Reading

2009-01-15T11:55:00.001-05:00

For the past seven years, [GEO600] has been looking for gravitational waves - ripples in space-time thrown off by super-dense astronomical objects such as neutron stars and black holes. GEO600 has not detected any gravitational waves so far, but it might inadvertently have made the most important discovery in physics for half a century. [link]

Fascinating article indicating our existence may be a three-dimensional holographic projection of interactions happening on the two-dimensional space that is the edge of the universe.

-t

[This inevitably led to ana fternoon spent perusing the New Scientist archives.]

The Present Dead Are Hilarious

2009-01-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

Emphasis mine:

Researchers from Durham University (queried, we believe) 200 non-smoking participants, taking into account their intake of tea, coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills or coffee consumed on an average day as well as their propensity to see things that were not there, hear voices, and/or sense the presence of the dead.

[via gizmodo]

What they don't tell you is the present dead all sound exactly like Bruce Campbell.

-t

Ariel vs. Bender

2009-01-13T11:45:00.000-05:00

I think we can all agree that the awesomest classes of humanoids are ninjas, pirates, robots, and zombies. Age old questions, of course, follow these groups around the internet like rim shots after a bad joke. You may even be aware of the video game "Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball"

So, I often ponder the very question, who would win in a fight?

But, I always seem to run into problems; One, the classic rock-paper-scissors circle, and, Two, the inclusivity problem.

The Inclusivity Problem can be phrased as a question: What if there is another category of awesome thing that can fight?

The primary example is, of course, aliens. Even restricting ourselves to simply humanoid aliens there are still an uncountable number to choose from (ALF, ET, the worm guys, Zim, Wookies, etc, etc) but each of them may possess some incredible power (Ben 10) useful in an offensive or defensive capacity.

And we could go on all day about aliens, but I am even more concerned with the rest of the categories. Who else are we forgetting?

Mutants? Mermaids? Playwrites? Cryptids? What sort of strange and magical battles could we be speculating on?

Consider, Shakespeare vs. Zombie; Yeti vs. Pirate; Robot vs. Mermaid (on land - in water?)

This is exactly why Celebrity Deathmatch should never have been taken off the air.

-t

(A)Dressing Down

2009-01-06T13:18:00.001-05:00

Christmas - A Summation:

One of the best gifts given or received this past Christmas was a book of puzzles by Frank Lewis (Cryptic Crosswords)

Every clue is a brain-teaser, each puzzle has almost sixty clues, based on wordplay, and the book has fifty puzzles, and, the best part, MOST OF THEM ARE PUNS.

Example: A count of the anit-Sandinista forces jokes, or, how Bach composed? (14)

A fourteen letter word that makes sense. Go. Let me know when you need a hint.

Other fun gifts:

A sampler pack of Tabasco brand pepper sauce. (Original, Mild, Habanero, Sweet & Spicy, Garlic, and Chipotle); Chicken Pox (among other giant microbes); and this kick-ass hooded sweatshirt.

New Year's Eve - A Summation:
Nashville is not all it's cracked up to be; mafia (a game designed to mimic criminal behavior and mob mentality) was ruined, ironically, by rule breaking; there was some delicious food; a painted whore of mythical proportions; and the largest collection of pretentious college kids I've seen since my time at BU.

Also margaritas and chauffeuring and loud, drunken, underage, hotel neighbor arguments at 3AM.

Suck it, 2009.

Resolutions - A Summation:

Party more often in places that start with a "B" (like Boston, Birmingham, and Baltimore)

Plan for retirement by purchasing stock in companies that share my economic, environmental, or philosophical precepts (Ted's Montanna Grille, Chipotle, Tesla Motors, Virtucon)

Take my blogging inspiration from Sister Act II.

Marry (in 2009)

Keep the faith

twitter more, and better

add more T9 typing mishaps to my slang lexicon ("holy bras!" "zur" etc. (post coming soon))

reduce my dependence on int-er-net memes.

and support more things I enjoy online, like pandora, and wikipedia.org

-t

Where To Find The Meaning Of Life

2008-12-23T22:52:00.006-05:00

Wikipedia needs your help. Be honest, you use it ALL THE TIME. I do. And now they're running out of money.

Donate!

Wikipedia is never wrong.

-t

Plus, tax deductible (...probably).

Favorite wikipedia stuff:

Browsing aerodynamics, especially Military and Experimental Aircraft which always leads to the Flying Bathtub

Coconut Crabs, part of the fascinating Christmas Island ecosystem (red crabs, and the Yellow Crazy Ant)

And, obviously, the Random Article feature

All Wrapped Up

2008-12-15T13:23:00.004-05:00

Promote holiday cheer and good gift wrapping techniques!

Those of you who, like me (and Biggie), are excellent wrappers won't need to follow this link - but for those of you who are terrible wrappers (Stephen) it will be well worth the look.

Though, for those of you who are very good wrappers, but only want to seem terrible (Van Winkle) you can go here to find gifts wrapped poorly by design.

Happy holidays!
-t

Form Meets Function

2008-12-12T10:00:00.003-05:00

Perfect!

This will fit very nicely in my headquarters villainous decor. Video conferencing with world leaders as I held their countries hostage from this chair would definitely add the air of menace that's been missing so far.

I've emailed the company to inquire about adding a remote-controlled laser cannon to the canopy. I'll keep you posted.

-t

Reader Participation Week! [Post 1]

2008-12-11T14:49:00.004-05:00

Quotes Game (via Eileen

(a) Post one quote from each of your 15 favorite movies.
(b) When a reader guesses the movie correctly, post their name and strike the quote.
(c) Memory/guesswork only.

01. ~~I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. Hook! Hook! Dunk! Dunk! Baby, I'm all about three points~~ [Good Will Hunting] Eileen

02. ~~Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee!~~ [Ronin] Hetherjw

03. ~~Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!~~ [Elf] Eileen

04. ~~Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex! No capes!~~ [The Incredibles] Laura

05. I believe it our fate to be here. It is our destiny. I believe this night holds for each and every one of us, the very meaning of our lives.

06. Three-two-six three-eight-two-seven!

07. Now when I created the World...

08. ~~So you're telling me there's a chance!~~ [Dumb and Dumber] Eileen

09. 'La ola es mia.' 'the wave is mine'...I spoke Spanish in my dream!

10. With friends like you who needs friends?

11. Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

12. Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead,

13. I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American...

14. We were taxiing out to the runway, right? And we, you know, we kind of hit a moose. No, the moose is fine, but we gotta make sure that the plane's all right, so some of the boys are pushing it back so these guys can take a look at it. Patti, the moose is okay. He ran off. I saw it.

15. Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.

[Bonus quote: same movie as #15: "Those Yankees are real turds."]

-t

A Really Long December

2008-12-10T12:22:00.000-05:00

The kid behind me WILL NOT STOP with the radio playing. GET SOME HEADPHONES.

I have used up all my passive-aggressive plays, and I am sick of using my own headphones solely to block the early ninties soft rock streaming from his computer. Counting Crows haven't been relevant in a decade, and you really have to STOP tapping your desk in time with Ants Marching! Seriously. Pandora is great for listening to music you like. You know what else is great? KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF.

He did just get up from his desk without locking his computer...I'm going to disable his sound card.

-t

PS - welcome back to "I hate work" at blogspot.com

Achievers

2008-11-26T15:30:00.002-05:00

I've noticed decreasing number of references to how much I hate work here, and an increasing number of references to video games. This is due to the fact that I spend most of my time at one or playing the other.

I should probably be (first person) shooting for a different audience.

-t

After Week-Long DGD Hangover

2008-11-24T09:17:00.005-05:00

I needed something to pick me up:
comics.com

Happy Thanksgiving Week, and welcome back. I'm trying to return to a semi-regular posting schedule, so start warming up those RSS readers.

-t

President Elect

2008-11-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

My ideal election day would look like this:

After waking early and lining up for the opening of my local polling place, voting, and getting a sticker I would

Return home, NOT go to work, plunk down in front of my multiple monitor setup:

(1) television hooked up to my xbox for playing Call of Duty 4 and discussing polling results and pundit predictions with others online (while "fragging n00bs")

(1) television set to automatically skip from MSNBC to CNN to CSPAN every five to seven minutes (with the top-of-the-hour check on Fox News)

(1) computer running multiple tabs including but not limited to fivethirtyeight.com, youtube, google reader, and some news aggregate site, let's say Yahoo.

Also, there would be snacks.

Then, near 6 o'clock, when the projections and predictions start rolling in for real, I would tune each monitor to a different network, run them all simultaneously and cheer/boo every result as it is announced.

And, snacks.

-t

DAMMIT

2008-10-23T11:42:00.000-04:00

They've re-blocked gmail. I hate the IT department.

-t

I, For One, Welcome Our New Google Overlords

2008-10-17T15:06:00.001-04:00

Two points to make regarding Google

(1) YouTube is now the second largest search engine in the world, surpassing Yahoo (finally, man, the only thing Yahoo seems to have left is sports (which is still top notch!)).

and
(2) Google just updated their iGoogle hompeage, including the gmail widget so that now I HAVE FULL ACCESS TO GMAIL FROM WITHIN THE GOOGLE HOMEPAGE!

Which is totally wicked.

Previously, google (helpfully) displayed the number of unread messages in the inbox and displayed the senders and subject line of the most recent 10 emails received.

NOW I HAVE FULL ACCESS!

Which is great, since gmail.com itself is still blocked at work.
I am going to enjoy this until the IT department figures out a way to block it.

Way to go Google.

-t

Axel F.

2008-10-13T10:20:00.003-04:00

Suck it, Verizon software!

I've been trying for a while to set custom ringtones on my cell phone. This weekend, I finally got it.

The construction of the custom tone is a piece of cake. Take any mp3 file, upload to an audio editing program, chop it down to the bits you like, add echo, fade in, fade out, whatever you like, save it, transfer it via bluetooth to the phone and then...

Then it gets sticky. Verizon phones ship with crippled software. I can save the bluetooth transfer to my phone under "My Sounds" and play it whenever I want. I cannot, however, set it as a ringtone from the "My Sounds" section of the phone, no, the only way to get a new ringtone is to purchase and download over the air.

Until I figured out the workaround, that is.

Which is, actually, very simple. So simple, in fact, that Verizon really should just let me add the ringtone from My Sounds. All I need to do is select my sound, then send it to myself as an attachment to a text message.

When the txt arrives, it gives me the option to set the sound as a ringtone.

It's this whole other, entirely redundant step, built into the software. I have to send the file to my phone via bluetooth from the computer, then, send it to my phone via txt from my own phone.

Seems a bit ridiculous.

But now I've finally got the Beverly Hills Cop Theme playing for all incoming calls, and I couldn't be happier about it.

-t

PS - Did you know Beverly Hills Cop was the second highest grossing movie in 1984? The first was Ghostbusters. Two SNL alum movies in first and second place at the box office! SNL, how far you've fallen.

Live-Blogging The Financial Crash

2008-10-06T16:47:00.001-04:00

Ok, this is the greatest thing ever. Live-blogging a sporting or television event is one thing (omg! episode two of season three of dancing with the starz, omg!)

But live-blogging the floundering stock market? Awesome.

2:45 p.m. | The Crash of 2008: If the S.&P. 500 closes where it is now, (1009.07, down 8% for the day) it will have lost more than 13% over the past three sessions.

The only other time declines of that magnitude occurred since World War II was in the crash of 1987. Prior to that, the last one was in May 1940, when France fell to Germany.

-Floyd Norris

Inventing an Industry

2008-10-03T13:25:00.000-04:00

Henry Ford basically invented an industry out of nowhere. Before Ford, the auto industry didn't exist.

Now consider this: If you were going to buy a car, and you had the choice of two models, identical in every facet (style, shape, color, features, AWD, brakes, warranty, price, range etc etc) save the motor, which would you choose? The electric, or the gasoline-powered internal combustion engine?

Two Corvettes, one gas, one electric. Same torque, acceleration, top speed, etc etc.

Two H2's, one gas, one electric.

Two Civics, one gas, one electric.

All other things being equal, wouldn't you choose the electric car? Cheaper to charge a battery than fill a gas tank, right? Who wouldn't pick the electric car? Purely an economic decision, and as a bonus, reduces carbon emissions.

If one, just one, auto company had started researching electric power twenty years ago, and today released a full line of totally electric cars, wouldn't they wipe out the competition?

If Chevy unveiled an electric SUV, sports car, sedan, coupe, economy, mid-size, full-size truck, van, minivan, and motorcycle wouldn't they clean up? They would have a virtual monopoly on the electric powered world. Name brand charge stations would pop up all over the place to replace gas stations.

Instead, the car companies have focussed on bringing us bigger, faster, louder, more expensive versions of their gas-powered engines.

It's a missed opportunity to make mountains of money, and it still baffles me. Why didn't they do it?

Seriously, I'm asking. Is there a good explanation?

-t

Everyone In The World Is Perfect

2008-09-23T11:30:00.001-04:00

Artist Mike Mitchell found a box on his doorstep. Inside was a note and an improbable object from Mitchell's past

As one of my photographer friends, Brett Littlehales, pointed out later, it was even amazing that the tape had lasted for 45 years. He also observed in a typically exuberant way, "the chances of this happening are...are...like winning the lottery...no!...no!...more like winning the cosmic lottery!"

via kottke

The Inventor Of Carbon-Copies Should Be Punished

2008-09-19T12:20:00.004-04:00

Here's a snippy email thread that bounced back and forth today between our new settlements group and the international Vienna team. I am, as usual, caught in the crossfire. Instead of pasting in all the email subjects, headers, signatures, etc, I'm going to parse it for you as a bitchy conversation between coworkers:

Matt: Hi, going forward, can you please email myself and Susan anytime the books are opened so we can avoid booking entries to a prior accounting period? Thanks.

Vance (Vienna): I don't really understand your request. Opening the accounting period is Tom's responsibility, we don't open or close. Can you clarify?

Matt: Vance, this was directed at both you and Tom. If you request the books be opened I just wanted to make sure Susan and I were also on the email so we are aware of it.

Vance: In that case isn't it possible to put your email addresses on the master mailing list?

Matt: No, I don't want to get all of the email concerning every fund in the bank. We only need a heads up if these two funds are being opened.

Vance: And what about setting up a rule in that mailbox to forward all the emails to you in which the subject references these funds, or any coming from my Vienna team? I would like to avoid cc-ing one hundred people in every email. It is so easy to forget someone...

Matt: Fine. I will just have the trades team notify us. Tom, can you please make sure to let us know if the books are opened? Thanks.

Vance: Thanks for that.

TXT

2008-09-19T12:20:00.001-04:00

When I flip open my phone and start punching keys a new text message automatically pops up. Instant composition.

My computer does not do the same thing. This has led to a lot of wrong, incorrect, and bad keystrokes.

I just booked a trade for "What are you doing later on tonight?" number of shares.

-t

Books I Love To Hate And The People That Love Them

2008-09-17T12:01:00.001-04:00

GAH. My manager and the new girl are talking about books they love.

"What was it? Five People You Meet In Heaven! Yeah, I love that."

"Yep, that was good."

"But nothing beats Tuesdays With Morrie."

Augh. The left side of brain my just shut down. I'm typing with my left hand now. Induced stroke. Are my ears bleeding?

"And OH! The DaVinci Code! Remember that one! I'll have to bring in some books for you to borrow."

Help help help help...Whew. Ok, I found my headphones. Can't hear them anymore. Wow that was close.

Oh, also, has anyone read Infinite Jest? Opinions?

-t

DeSean Jackson Is A Dope

2008-09-16T09:38:00.002-04:00

I wanted to knock that depressing post off the top of the page. Instead, I'm substituting this post, which should only depress Philadelphia Eagles fans (or anyone who picked Donovan McNabb for their fantasy squad).

Last night McNabb hit Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson for a 40-yard TD, except Jackson started his celebration early, dropping the ball on the one yard line. By rule, the play ended before possession changed, the Eagles ran it in and got the seven points, but McNabb didn't get the credit for the touchdown, and Eagles fans are all smacking their heads in incredulity.

Unfortunately, the video isn't up yet, however, there is "this video showing a similar gaffe he made in the Army All-American bowl.

-t

This Weekend In Review -or- The World Is Falling Apart But It's Cool, Because I Think I've Got Some Duct Tape Around Here Somewhere

2008-09-15T13:07:00.006-04:00

I was away this weekend at a wedding (Congrats, Dave & Penny!) and so missed most of the big news as it was happening. For any of you similarly in the dark, here's a recap, and we'll start with the lighter stuff:

Brewers Bad At Baseball:
The Brew Crew lost both halves of a double-header in Philadelphia, meanwhile, in their home park a displaced Cubs-Astros game was happening (Astros playing "at home" since hurricane Zebulon (what letter are we on now?) forced them out of Texas) and at the game Cubs ace Victorino Zambrano, and Milwaukee nemesis (coming off two weeks rest for a sore shoulder) threw a no hitter. Tough to lose away, and watch the rivals win at your home. Tougher still they haven't yet replaced the giant beer mug in center field.

Palin Fodder:
Tina Fey returned to SNL's season premiere to play Alaskan govenor and VP hopeful Sarah Palin. The sketch, by all accounts, was hilarious (called by one entertainment blogger "The funniest thing ever presented by Lorne Michaels productions"). My worry? Fey's interpretation of Palin will become so beloved by the populace folks will vote the Alaskan in so we can see more sketches. (Don't discount it! People like Will Ferrel's George W. Bush way more than Darrell Hammond's portrayal of Gore - SNL as political bellwether)

Landmark Financial Institutions Fold!:
From the WSJ:
The American financial system was shaken to its core on Sunday. Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. filed for bankruptcy protection, and Merrill Lynch & Co. agreed to be sold to Bank of America Corp.link
It started with the collapse of the mortgage industry, and there are fewer and fewer options left for the big firms. Shares tank, brokers bankrupt, good news, though, I sold short on Simpson News Syndicate and made a killing.

Journalistic Integrity Fouled By Crazy-Ass Photog:
Jill Greenberg, photographer to the stars (manipulator.com) shot a cover of Senator John McCain for Atlantic Monthly but, disregarding protocol (and possibly her contract with Atlantic) she kept the outtakes indecentized them. Really. The controversial photos, and some analysis here.

Some Good News:
The Large Hadron Collider is practically guaranteed not to create a planet-swallowing black hole and end life as we know it in this solar system.